873. Putting Marriage out of Her Mind — Part II


We know it’s uppermost, but females should disguise marriage in their mind anytime they deal with men not their husbands. Were we blessed with a daughter, her mom and I would have passed these principles (not absolutes) to her.

♫      Encourage boyfriend to talk about his parents, siblings, and friends. Not in the private or sensitive sense, but in the sense of hearing his views and appreciation of others’ characters, interests, and standards. See what he admires and disdains, and how he grew up. You need to know him better, and it all plays a part in your decisions about his worth to you.

♫      Neither take nor allow shortcuts that reflect poorly on his or your character. Expect both of you to live up to something bigger than yourselves, and your relationship to be guided by something bigger. It’s another way for Mr. Good Enough to prove his worth. If he won’t live up to your morality and standards during courtship, he surely won’t in marriage. But you have to have some standards up to which he sees you live.

♫      Invite him regularly and often to attend church. You should be highly modest, feminine, classy, attractive, above average, and admirable-looking to men and women in the congregation, whether he’s with you or not. You’ll find it much easier to convince him church is important in your life, if you dress the part. The less skin you show, the more church means to you, which is a good standard to have and demo.

♫      You compete with other females. If you don’t look great each day, they may look better, men may have less interest in you, and that marital someday may never come. Let men see you in ‘conquer’ mode too. Habitually prettify yourself first thing each morning and wear your best game face. Do it for your self-confidence, self-respect, and intrinsic female worth relative to others rather than for men specifically. See #806 for details.

A few more principles are forthcoming in tomorrow’s post 874.

8 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

8 responses to “873. Putting Marriage out of Her Mind — Part II

  1. srah

    awesome

    Your Highness Srah,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
    Guy

  2. cocoa

    Sir Guy, welcome back!

    I have a question for you. There is a man, pretty mature man, that talks well about his mum, sister and grandparents, however, when asked about his father he bluntly and quickly dismiss the question. So when asked, oh and is dad still around? Yep, he’s somewhere on earth. Later, I haven’t seen the man in a long time…

    How important do you see the role of the father in a boy’s life? Should a young woman be worried if a man displays signs of disrespect to a father? Or if the man grew up without a father? Should she continue asking?

    Your Highness Cocoa,

    “How important do you see the role of the father in a boy’s life?” Very important but irrelevant in your case.

    “Should a young woman be worried if a man displays signs of disrespect to a father?” No, she should worry if she sees disrespect for others.

    “Or if the man grew up without a father? Should she continue asking?” Nope. He avoids it so she should too. Judge his character by everything else. If your relationship lasts for years, he’ll probably divulge details someday.

    Guy

  3. Krysie869

    You mentioned “You compete with other females”. However, most women today look the same and behave the same and think the same and it appears that this attracts men more. I notice that a person who is “different” from the standard is treated with disdain among women and men are very cautious to approach. This phenomenon also makes it very difficult for self-respecting women to find female friends or a life partner. As I am beginning to stand up for myself more, not surprisingly many women have been even more forthright in ignoring me. Men also move much more cautiously around me in comparison to other women if I sense they are physically attracted to me.

    Your Highness Krysie869,

    I think your objective is to be a good wife someday. How does associating with and acting more like most women prepare you for that when they can only capture and not keep a man very long?

    Moreover, by your being different you more likely attract men more different from the run of the mill guys that so eagerly dominate the females in their ‘world’.

    In short, if you’re pleased with yourself you’re doing things right.

    Guy

    • Krysie869

      Thank you for the encouragement!

    • Femme

      “How does associating with and acting more like most women prepare you for that when they can only capture and not keep a man very long?”

      Dear Sir Guy,
      this sentence resonates with me a lot when it comes to my work environment.
      I am relatively new to the workplace having spent over a decade raising my children.Before they came along, I only worked outside the house for a short while so in the beginning I felt really weird.
      There are people of all ages at my workplace, men and women…And, having been a reader of your blog, I very often don’t know how to relate to them, especially men.
      Let me rephrase that: if I hadn’t started reading your blog some time ago, I would have probably just gone with the flow and tried fitting in after a while like everybody else.
      But now I look and observe.
      The older the men, the more respect they are willing to show women. They say “hello” first, open doors and thank me for emails.
      The younger ones think nothing of walking through the door before a woman and the women very often encourage them to do so, holding the doors for them and even refusing to go first when the guys offer. It’s all very casual, both in appearance and relations. I somehow can’t reconcile the atmosphere with respect…To me, respect implies a certain distance, physical and otherwise.
      I have a huge dilemma.
      On one hand, I would like very much to fit in and to be liked like my co worker, the woman I work next to.
      She is very sociable and outgoing, always chatting to people. I feel really jealous sometimes because it seems she does it effortlessly and people love to come up to her and either ignore me or include me in the conversation because I happen to be sitting next to her. I am also there 2 hours a day, so it gives me much less time to develop friendships.
      What she does though, if somebody is slightly shy, she will speak to them first or just smile at them and they will respond.
      As for me, I will have no problem doing this with women.
      However as for men, I seem to have some sort of a block. Perhaps it’s because I am confused.Some say initiating contact with a man can seem aggressive, and I certainly don’t want to come across as desperate.
      But maybe men at work are a different category than potential romantic interests? Should I try being more outgoing and smile more and greet men first?
      I normally wait for them to approach me and initiate the conversation, even if it is work related. I feel comfortable doing it, BUT, compared to my co worker, I am approached less. I am more reserved, wear make up, and probably come across as less easy going. Perhaps I might appear more mysterious but less attractive… if that makes sense. I feel less attractive because people approach me less.
      So it looks like in being true to my nature, I miss out on more contact with the men at my workplace. Sometimes having certain standards can feel really lonely.
      Should I try to be more like my co worker (who, btw, has just broken up with her boyfriend of 15 years and moved out of the shared flat – just mentioning it because a few days back I posted here saying it baffled me why they never married)?
      I like the feeling of being liked and being part of a group.

      Your Highness Femme,

      You’ve grown special to me. You are growing so well-informed and wise with how the world works. I hope to close another gap for you.

      You say, “I like the feeling of being liked and being part of a group.” Of course, everybody does; it’s universal. However, many have personal tastes used to remain outside a group or even purposely aloof. But not you!

      Most importantly, you’re quick and accurate not to blame others. You accept full responsibility and, thereby, changing your situation should be a piece of cake.

      You know that I abhor rules, but in your case a few may be appropriate.

      Do the following for at least three months. Even then you will not be able to detect a difference, but you will be a different woman at work and a better mother to your kids. Keep it all to yourself, no one else should know.

      1. Everyday write this ten times by hand on paper.” I am such an important and grateful person, lady, mother, and friend.”

      2. At mirror time in the morning (I presume you still do it.) say the following to your reflected best friend at least 10 times slowly and sincerely with no shortcuts or impatience to finish: “You are the most important and grateful friend in my life. My kids and those at work also see me that way.”

      3. Do this at work: Open up, expose who you are. Greet everyone with the greeting comfortable to you, such as hello, good morning, or other. Especially do it to men with a smile and wide open ears; encourage them to react to you with their words. Give yourself an “atta girl” whenever a man responds favorably to your initiatives.

      You are alone in this. You need to have faith that what you are doing is the right thing for you. Expect nothing that you can detect. It produces nothing tangible. But you must believe that you are doing right. You won’t notice improvements as such, because of the way the mind works. But after three months, you should enjoy life more and worry less about your working conditions.

      Guy

      • Femme

        Sir Guy,
        you have no idea how special you and this blog became to me.
        I occasionally struggle with decoding the meaning in your concise style, which is why I ask so many questions 🙂 – sorry.
        When you say I am alone in this, do you mean I won’t have any encouragement anywhere else and not to give up even if nothing visibly changes?
        Thank you for giving me permission to greet guys first :).
        There are a few French guys, very young, whose accent is music to my ears, lol.
        I just want to make sure I understand correctly: I am supposed to take initiative and wait for their response?
        Would it be too much of me to ask why?

        Your Highness Femme,

        “When you say I am alone in this, do you mean I won’t have any encouragement anywhere else and not to give up even if nothing visibly changes?” Partially what you say but mostly I mean they will steal your faith and dream by not understanding why you do it.

        “I just want to make sure I understand correctly: I am supposed to take initiative and wait for their response? Would it be too much of me to ask why?” Men want to talk to women and not listen to them.

        Guy

        • Femme

          Got it.
          Thanks!
          So it seems it would follow that a man who listens intently in the very beginning might be a player or a narcissist (aren’t they the same btw?).

  4. msarianne

    My Dear Sir Guy,
    This and the previous article are worthy of printing and keeping on hand. They are the perfect finish to the courtship series.
    It’s just too easy to forget these principles in the current dating market where men have become emboldened by promiscuous women to become the buyers.
    You are a great encouragement to us ladies!

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