1003. Cure for Her Bad Times: Attitude of Gratitude


Her Highness Denise at #999 asked many questions regarding a woman’s negative emotions and her man’s role in ‘fixing’ them. Responding to her comment, I wrote: “Should she rely on her man or herself? Answer: herself!” Which begs the questions: When? and How?

Men to a lesser degree but women are continually faced with anxiety, envy, fear, guilt, and others too numerous to list here. Such negative emotions haunt and stress women and often defy release.

(If you’re unwilling to change your thoughts and ideas about life, you need read no further. Better handling of one’s anxieties, fears, and guilt require developing new habits of thinking, which requires change and more dedication to Self.)

When life’s vicissitudes stress out a woman, she has three options: Let them get her down. Dump her stress on someone else and hope for relief. Or resolve them herself. The latter is the best, and my job is to convince that it’s the easiest. The objective, as mentioned by Denise at post 999 is to enable her to be “winsome and gracious” most of the time.

We have two kinds of women. Born-again Christians have no trouble. They give their troubles to the Lord and are released from emotional baggage and chains (as long as they don’t take them back). But for others, something else works. Furthermore, the secret lies with doing it before it happens. As Ben Franklin claimed, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Negative emotions have one enemy: gratefulness. Also, happiness arises from gratitude. And, as Dennis Prager describes with great backup, we all have a moral obligation to be happy. We owe it to other people.**

The cure for negative emotions lays here: Find gratitude amidst whatever else surrounds the cause of the anxiety, fear, guilt, etc. Start now and develop this habit: Look for how grateful you are for everything else, especially those things that contribute to your negative emotions. For example:

  • You fear hubby’s wandering eye may lead him astray. Focus on and take actions that show how grateful you are for who he is and what he does. Find other reasons for gratefulness in your marriage. Such actions turned into habit will drive your fears away.
  • Without your fears reflecting in your attitude, your change in behavior can slow or stop his wandering eye. Your dependence on what and who he is makes you more valuable. Your need of him makes you less valuable; also it doesn’t show gratitude but feeds your unappealing self-centeredness.

Don’t take what you just read as the way to keep husband faithful, although it should help. It’s an example of how to search, adopt, and use your gratefulness for other things in life that surround whatever causes your anxieties, fears, or guilt.

Make searching and rejoicing habitual in your life. Spend your wakefulness spotlighting things and people for whom you’re grateful. Reinforce the habit every time some negative emotion intrudes on your thoughts.

When you feel down, look to upgrade your gratefulness for who you are and what you have. Gratitude not only generates happiness, it can put negative emotions to flight.

When you don’t harbor negative emotions, your femininity shines with winsomeness, graciousness, and charm aka attractive personality to men.

**If you can get Dennis Prager’s three-hour M-F radio show, he has both a Happiness Hour and a Male-Female Hour each week. (Everyone needs their thinking cleared up, and I admire him more than anyone for his uncanny ability to clearly guide us to better thinking. Don’t think preaching, think clearing up weighty and confusing thoughts.)

 

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13 Comments

Filed under How she wins

13 responses to “1003. Cure for Her Bad Times: Attitude of Gratitude

  1. boomer babe

    Sir Guy, I hope I’m not making a big deal over this BUT if her husband has a ‘wandering eye” she may be right for feeling concerned, he could get someone PREGNANT besides her.

    Your Delightfulness Boomer Babe,
    No big deal. However, I had no intention to imply that she had no right to feel concerned.
    Guy

    • Princess Rita

      Boomer Babe,

      I think the natural tendency for women who are afraid their husband will stray, is to get angry or depressed and do things that push their husband away rather than bring him closer.

      My mom always used to say, “you attract more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”. If a woman wants her husband to stick around, she should be sweet right?

      I didn’t listen to my mother, so I kinda learned this the hard way.

  2. Miss Dawn

    Hi Guy! Didn’t we cover somewhere the difference between “need” and “dependence”? – They seem the same to me 🙂

    Your Ten-ness Miss Dawn,
    View it this way: When she shows dependence on him, he gets the message that he’s successful and dependable. When she acts needful of him, he gets the message that he’s somehow falling short.
    Guy

  3. Listening....

    I have to say that this is one of the most insightful posts (among a host of helpful posts) for me, thank you very much Sir Guy!

    As a person fighting “circumstantial depression” I know I get lost in mazes of negativity and hopelessness, I had an especially terrible episode last week. I have been working on acknowledging, and expressing gratitude for a few months, and it is helping. This post is particularly clear about I can improve my focus.

    I have had a hard time with how to set aside the negative, stressful and fearful emotions from major financial hardships and professional set backs I am (and have been) enduring so that my; ” femininity shines with winsomeness, graciousness, and charm aka attractive personality to men” instead of withdrawing because of stress. This post is so helpful!

    I am a naturally optimistic person, and very helpful at listening to others, lifting their spirits and enhancing their motivation, unfortunately less effective towards myself.

    PS, I have visited “Prager University” before and enjoyed the video classes.

    Your Blessedness Listening….
    As to ‘circumstantial depession’, find more things to do differently and beneficially. Accomplishments/actions cure depression. Gratitude brings happiness. So, actions that infuse you with gratitude bring out the best in you and simultaneously brighten your future.
    Guy

    • Listening....

      Thank you for your reply Sir Guy, it’s true when I am focused on work or engaged in tasks (love doing the dishes!) that show results I am happier, though being a workaholic is not living a very good life. “Differently” is the key I must remember.

      Also, I periodically re-read “Victory” which I have also found to be very helpful to relieve stress and re-focus, thank you for that too.

      I am very grateful to you for your time and wisdom!

  4. Linda L

    Wow Sir Guy this post and your answer to Listening have been very helpful to me. We have been in the turmoil of buying and selling a home and have over many months encountered so many complications it’s hard to believe. With a particularly stressful episode yesterday this timely post has helped me focus on all for which I can be grateful. Many, many thanks… (I am a born again Christian and your statement ‘have no trouble’ isn’t correct for me. I must fit into the category ‘as long as they don’t take them back.’ I wonder how I can better, ‘not take back’ the problems I’ve already given to God? Just thinking aloud, I know this answer isn’t in the job description of WWNH.) Thanks for all you do.

    Your Gorgeousness Linda L.,
    Perhaps this may help: Faith is not believing that God can. It’s knowing that He will.
    Guy

  5. stefanie

    I like this post, partly because I had already figured something similar out myself! Ever since I have limited my diary writings to the positive sides of everything, focusing on writing down all the things I am thankful for, I’ve been so much happier 😀 It really has made a difference – I never realized before how incredibly NICE everyone is!
    Have a lovely day 🙂

    Your Dearestness Stefanie,
    You oughta develop some unique way to spread your wisdom. I’ve already copied your experience into my favored quote collection.
    Guy

  6. Tania

    Thanks for the reminder to “In everything give thanks….” Whenever I stop to thank God for what is going on in my life (sometimes by faith, when don’t get it), it never fails to improve my mood and seems to help me keep my temper better. I’m also better able to treat people well, because I see them as part of God’s working in my life instead of pure aggravation. It was a revelation to me a few years ago to realize that I can choose where to focus my thoughts. A book that helped a lot is “Loving God with All Your Mind” by Elizabeth George. One Bible quote she uses is “…taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” Our thoughts are as unruly as unbroken horses, and have to be roped in and restrained over and over again if we are to develop and maintain a realistic, calm mental outlook.

  7. Sis

    Hi Sir G, I like your answers here and they make sense and seem like they would work, but they conflict with some of my prior thinking. I’ve always liked the idea that once we are married, we become one physically, spiritually, and mentally. I think that by hiding some of our emotions with our spouse, they miss out on being one with us. Maybe it is necessary and good for them to know about our troubles so that they can help us through them.

    Your Highness Sis,

    You say my “answers … conflict with some of [your] prior thinking.” Perhaps your prior thinking needs adjustment. For example, I spot two impractical female concepts that offend men.

    • “We become one physically, spiritually, and mentally.” The thought rather sickens a man. It too simplistically implies that he changes to be more like a woman, that he’s not his own man. Beware trying to convince him you seek that kind of a relationship.

    • “I think that by hiding some of our emotions with our spouse, they miss out on being one with us.” A man has no interest in ‘being one’ with someone else, even his spouse. He’s too much the individual.

    You may like your ideas, but they are impractical and might poison a relationship if kept focused as your target. I suggest you spend some time studying post 383 re full disclosure. Then, search the blog for articles containing the term “full disclosure.” You may figure out better ways to relate with your husband. Remember, don’t take what I say as gospel, as I focus on the nature of males and females. Use it to figure out what works for you.

    Guy

    • Sis

      Just wanted you to know, I really appreciate your help.

      Your Highness Sis,
      You’ve a great attitude for figuring out what you need, want, and will hopefully cherish.
      Guy

  8. Iwannahear

    Im a Johnny-come-lately. But, this post is incredibly insightful. Thank u Sir Guy 4 ur wisdom!

  9. Reblogged this on queenlyreign and commented:
    Here are exercises every pretty woman should do. 🙂

  10. Mia

    …and I’m grateful for you, Sir Guy. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us! Wishing you all the best for the New Year!

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