Wives often miss the mark praising husbands. They expect too much from hugs and kisses. They think affection transmits admiration, and it doesn’t. (Earlier articles 1136 and 1137 opened the subject of a man’s need for self-admiration, the root of his ambitions.)
Men receive different messages whether he’s liked or loved for who he is, admired for what he does, or both loved and admired. The proof lies with how pretty females treat him.
- Good intentions often fail. She likes or loves him. She shows affection and love for who he is. She feels good. He perceives her interest, but it adds little if any glory to his persona. He feels good, but that’s neither admiration nor respect. He’s lucky and appreciates her, but he’s neither female nor as dependent on affection and love as is she. He interprets her affection and love as complimentary. She doesn’t reinforce and revitalize his self-admiration, however, and it longs for her specific confirmation deep within his motivational soul. Consequently, he turns inward to more independently fulfill his need for self-admiration, and it reduces her worth to him.
- There’s a better way. She tells him or shows admiration for what he does. He pays more attention. His accomplishments generate self-admiration. Her confirmation reinforces his dedication to do more of the same, perhaps better, and perhaps win more admiration from her.
- She switches tactics. She makes herself more important to him if she goes against the female grain: Don’t expect love and affection to confirm his accomplishments. Show admiration by taking interest in what he does, how he does it, and how it’s meaningful in life. Keep hugs and kisses focused on who he is to himself, her, kids, and others.
- Pretty women take an interest. Other females interested in him don’t try to impress with love, affection, and other female-friendly emotions. They intuitively know to focus on what he does rather than who he is. How he’s admired rather than how he’s liked. Those females know to follow the feminine urge and inquire into his work, his accomplishments, his significance. It works too. Pretty and sometimes just interested women have little trouble holding a man’s attention. Right, girls?
Practically, who he is and what he does can’t be easily separated. The same applies for ‘like’ and ‘admire’. But separation explains how men respond to female initiatives. Female hugs, kisses, and exhilaration about a man’s accomplishments are not too meaningful to him. Exploring, acknowledging, and admiring his efforts are much more so.
In the harshest terms, depending on love and affection makes her feel good but not him. Praising his accomplishments makes him feel good but perhaps not her. We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves.
NOTE: Credit Her Highness Simplicity Evermore for this article. She inquired and I confused her in my comments. Efforts to clarify birthed this post.