1193. Admire Your Bull in the Bedroom!

Each sex has one primal energizing force that overrides others in importance. From very deep within their nature, one main power supply drives people in every aspect of life.

  • Women are motivated by a strong need for self-importance.
  • Men are motivated by a strong need for self-admiration.

Their different needs have particular relevance for marriage. If a marriage is stable, then both spouses are probably satisfied about these primal needs. If a marriage is unstable, examine these motivational forces working in the home.

  • His ability to fulfill his need internally is much stronger than hers. It adds to his sense of independence and her willingness to depend.
  • A wife depends on interaction with and feedback of others to fulfill her need of being important. She particularly needs and highly values husband’s acknowledgement of her importance in his life.
  • A husband has little inclination to think about wife’s importance to him. It’s a done deal that he paid for at the altar. Her sense of importance is a relationship issue, and men don’t do relationship maintenance. It’s her problem. [Not to justify or alibi, just reporting facts about masculine nature.]
  • Unlike wife’s dependency, husband doesn’t depend on others to satisfy his need for self-admiration. His accomplishments fulfill his need. However, he could always use a little more, which motivates him to accomplish more that people recognize and admire him for.
  • One part of a man’s need is seldom ever satisfied, because it depends almost exclusively on outside confirmation. It drives him to keep trying. He craves admiration for his sexual attractiveness, prowess, performance, or any and all parts thereof. The deeper his craving, the more he chases women. Conquest confirms self-admiration. Subsequent encounters with the same woman don’t, except as she admires his bullish accomplishments in the bedroom.  

Wife seldom gets enough of husband’s confirmation of her importance. Husband seldom gets enough of the admiration he yearns for the most. Therein lies hope for disenchanted wives. The more wife admires his bedroom manliness, the more important she shines in husband’s eyes.

The challenge for wife lies here. How does she admire his loving ways if he lacks skill, talent, consideration, or sensitivity to her interests in the bedroom? If she doesn’t, however, how does husband see wife as being of greater importance than she is today?   

I swatted a hornet’s nest with a baseball bat. However, we’re traveling today and tomorrow to see grandson coach his college BB team. So, I leave it with you while out of town. I will respond to comments beginning Wednesday.



Filed under How she wins

9 responses to “1193. Admire Your Bull in the Bedroom!

  1. jen

    wow its like a light bulb just went on over my head…….why hasn’t anyone told us this before??????

  2. elle

    If he’s not good in bed then why hasn’t she taught him better yet. Why is she tolerating that to begin with? I would be less concerned with feeling important to him and more concerned with fixing my lousy sex life. I wouldn’t reccomend “admiring his loving ways” if there’s nothing about them worth admiring. Lying certainly won’t help matters. He needs to earn that admiration. Wife needs to find some other way of feeling important in the mean time. A career, some children, volunteer work or something.

    • jen

      I think her importance as recognized by HIM is the point, tho. I totally get this. I had kids, career,athletics, etc…but I wanted the husband to notice how amazing I was. Everyone else in my life already did.

      • elle

        I’ve never cared much about my husband thinking that I’m amazing. Which is probably one of the reasons that he does. Most men don’t find that desperate need for their approval attractive. I know my worth, I act as if, and he treats me as if. Important people don’t usually go around seeking confirmation of their importance, and if they did, they’d be seen as less important.

        I think that many of women’s relationship issues could be resolved with a little self confidence and self esteem. Most women seem to be worried about their husband leaving them and not being able to get another. It makes them needy, desperate and less attractive. I believe that I’m a great catch, that he’s lucky to have me and that if I got divorced I’d be married to his equal or better within 18 months. Because I believe it, he believes it and he behaves like he believes it. If was sitting around thinking that I’m not important enough to him, he’d probably start thinking it too.

  3. Delicate Petals

    She can find something that he does well and give positive feedback that encourages him to do more of that. Maybe over time, he will seek to do those things habitually?

    • jen

      In my situation, , me believing it did not make him believe it. In the end I did end up marrying his better. I am happy that my husband does think so highly of me, and I of him. He is truly an inspriration, and has been for 14 years.

  4. jen

    “I swatted a hornet’s nest with a baseball bat”

    yes, but in a good way

  5. A.GuyMaligned

    Your Highness Delicate Petals,

    I just discovered that I missed your question above. It is this:

    “She can find something that he does well and give positive feedback that encourages him to do more of that. Maybe over time, he will seek to do those things habitually?”

    The answser is yes, affirmative, right on.


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