Her Highness Cassy inquired about purity rings that friends bought at a “Silver Ring Thing” concert. Her friends want to “wear them so that they will attract Christian guys who will be attracted to the fact that they are saving themselves.” She asked what I thought.
She didn’t ask, but the question stared at me: Does a ring make the girl? Yes, a target! To bring up the subject of abstinence in front of guys is to open the subject of sex FOR them. Girls that abstain need everything else but that.
- Guys interested in an abstaining girl have to know with whom they stand. Curiosity will inflame their imagination to find out if she’s also virginal. They can’t help that. It’s nature.
- Any visible symbol of sex-related matters immediately invites guy talk about personal things that lead to sex and endless inquiry about her status. She loses the advantage whether virgin or not.
- If other guys know that a girl abstains, they won’t seek to be with her to exchange personal interests that could lead to relationships. Abstinence moves her out of their mainstream. She’s not in their ballpark, so she can go somewhere else to play. Thus, girls bypass many opportunities to deal with guys, both wanted and unwanted. They miss learning from experience how to identify Mr. Good Enough candidates with potential to become Mr. Right many years down the marital road.
- A girl too tough to conquer isn’t appreciated except by two kinds of guys. Those that see great challenges in conquering girls too tough to conquer. And, her husband, who won’t join up with her for sometime or many years.
- Anything a girl or woman advertises removes some mystery and it doesn’t help. Males advertise to prove their worth. Females don’t advertise so they can highlight feminine mystique, mystery unique.
- Girls that brag about abstaining appear desperate, a direct invitation for masculine exploitation.
- If teachers of abstinence recommend symbols of commitment, keep it private and out of sight. Better yet, remember that a big difference exists between committing oneself and trying to convince others of it. So, let committed girls brag to their journal, or sleep with it under their pillow, instead of exposing their symbols to other boys and even girls.
- Rings discourage long-lasting relationships. Boyfriends of girls that wear purity rings catch hell from buddies. Few adolescent boys tear themselves away from their friends and continue doing that for which they are ridiculed. I know, Christian boys aren’t supposed to do such things, but teasing and even ridicule can easily arise out of adolescent jealousy and envy. Most Christian boys aren’t mature Christians.
- Boys don’t think about marriage as girls do. Teen rings just convince boys that a girl is aimed at marriage, so she’s not a challenge of beauty but someone to be wary of. She might lay traps.
Whatever men and boys conclude from what they perceive, they believe it much easier and deeper than what they are told by words or rings. Their conclusions embed in their heart. As most girls know, devotion flows from the heart. As with everything else personal, non-disclosure works best for a girl. It adds challenges for boys to decode and figure her out while they make themselves worthy of her.