1268. Baby’s Sex Before Birth: The Female Nature

Everybody’s thinking changes when they know the sex of an unborn baby. It accumulates mostly as disadvantage for the mother. Remember, I won’t be talking about clear cut lines of distinctions but of natural, mushy, and morphing differences that occur in life as pressures shift among and between the different roles that people fill in family life.

Who’s the hero after a mom gives birth? Mom deserves it. But is she viewed as such if she presents no surprise? Having delivered the already expected girl or boy, she gets little more credit than for doing a big job. Her sparkling miracle becomes lost with the new person in the world. Why? Other people knew the sex too.

Husband, siblings, and others have already formed emotional connections to either boy or girl. Their involvement and commitment intensified as they pondered and dreamed for weeks before birth. They plan their future to include a boy or a girl. Eagerness to confirm and fulfill those connections draws their interest away from mom’s heroics. The newborn becomes center of attraction. Mom’s heroic efforts diminish in importance. Precisely when she deserves to feel the greatest, her primal need to feel important is diminished.

On the other hand, if sex is unknown, emotional connections of other people form and intensify after the birth. Excitement and appreciation center more on mom than the newborn. In effect, by not knowing the sex, mom elevates the appreciation, status, regard, and importance she receives in the world. Others afterward find the time and energy to absorb the newborn into their own lives.

The mother identifies an unborn baby as herself with all the natural blessings it provides. As long as she doesn’t know the baby’s sex, she serves two people in three roles. That is, husband, wife, and expectant mother. As pregnancy evolves, loyalty to the triumvirate solidifies. The three of them can conquer what’s coming, or so her female nature encourages her. After baby’s delivery, the child’s role is immediately added to family roles with much greater importance simply because it arises from the surprise of the baby’s sex. The family learns together to act and react to new challenges. Teamwork makes it less stressful.

If mother learns the sex, the three roles that she previously dealt with grow to five. With full responsibility to balance the interests of everyone, she spreads her energies to harmonize the interests of husband, father, wife, mother, and child (as if already born). Thus, her pregnancy responsibilities increase.

The added workload plants a bad seed for her marriage. It ferments in her female ego. ‘With a child to care for, husband can care for himself.’ The thought weakens marital relations, not from the reality but from her attitude. The seed more easily grows and erupts later in marriage if women know the sex of their unborn baby. On the other hand, if she doesn’t know the sex, the seed is less likely to plant itself.

Her Highness Kathy sees it this way: “…when parents don’t know [the sex], they dream all sorts of possibilities, and tend to imagine the baby ‘as a baby’ instead of as an older child.” Possibilities rather than plans make all the difference in keeping parental curiosity and imagination stirred up to optimize their future together plus One.

Immediate gratification prompts parents to learn the sex ASAP. Deferred gratification, however, lifts up the mom’s heroic efforts to what she so gloriously deserves.


Filed under sex differences

8 responses to “1268. Baby’s Sex Before Birth: The Female Nature

  1. Brittany

    This is so interesting!!! I have never thought of not finding out the sex of the baby. I’m not pregnant, and I never have been, but I know a bunch of ladies who are. It seems like one of the first questions people ask when they find out someone is pregnant is ‘is it a boy or a girl’? The gender is such a big deal before its even born. A part of me always thought it would be cool not to know what the baby was until it was born.

    I do have two questions for all the ladies who have waited until their baby was born to find out the sex. What did you do when you bought all of the clothes and everything for your baby? Did you just buy gender neutral things before the birth? Also, did you get a lot of pressure from friends and family to find out the sex before you gave birth?

    Thanks in advance for answering my questions 🙂

    • Miss Terri

      There are other colors besides pink and blue! Peach, the greens, yellow, etc. make nice, neutral, basic baby clothing colors! We always received gender appropriate clothing as gifts after the baby was born plus generous donations of preworn items from friends. As far as pressure to find out the sex ahead of time a smiling, enthusiastic “Oh, we want to be surprised” always sufficed!

    • Being naturally frugal (as well as being so out of necessity), I always intended on buying most if not all of my children’s clothes at yard sales. When I was pregnant, I bought both boy and girl clothes (as well as gender-neutral ones) as I came across them at a yard sale for a good price, knowing I could always sell them later for about what I purchased them, so it wouldn’t hurt to buy some of both.

      In some ways, I think it is much better not to find out, so that you will get clothes and other items that can be used for either a boy or a girl. I’ve noticed that a lot of my friends who know the sex will get boyish or girly things, even in diaper bags, car seats, and strollers — things that *could* be used for several babies, except if the next baby is of the opposite sex. It just seems a big waste to me.

      I didn’t really get a lot of pressure to find out. Of course, some people (including my family) wanted to know… and in some ways *I* wanted to know (but it was sort of like finding out your Christmas presents a few weeks early)… but they didn’t bug me about it too much. Neither of my sisters found out prior to the birth of their children (except the youngest, when the doctor let it slip at one of the last ultrasounds), so they totally understood not wanting to find out. It does make it easier on people to buy you gender-specific things, but that’s really a small consideration.

  2. Brittany

    That makes sense. Thank you so much for your answers Miss Terri and Kathy!! 🙂

  3. Denise

    Sir Guy,

    This is very interesting. I would never have thought there might be any significance to waiting to learn the sex of the baby–other than growing in patience.

    On a wholly unrelated note, something that I don’t know has been addressed on WWNH is the question of age differences. Do you have any thoughts about women dating men much older than them–preferable, undesirable, hidden snares? Thanks!

    Your Highness Denise,

    Growing in patience matures and helps a person age gracefully. We all could use more of it. The surprise at birth is the mom’s reward. The rest of us seldom get such great feedback for our patience.

    As to dating older men, women subject themselves to greater and sometimes radical expressions of male dominance. So, lookout for the following:

    + Before marriage their dominance is unpredictable. Some will yield it to keep from losing a trophy. Others will be less willing and try other ways to avoid losing her. Provided that they’re after her instead of just sex, booty, or shack up.

    + Expect much older men to be dramatically more dominant after marriage. Relatively, they have so much more experience that a fathering persona very easily sets up in their hearts but a bullying persona sets up in their minds.

    + Virtual virginity works wonders with an older man, if he’s truly interested in her rather than just a young and pretty sex object. He grows evermore anxious to bed her, and his natural drive to dominate a much younger person slowly weakens as she holds out. He keeps trying to learn more about her and her weaknesses so he can overcome and conquer her, perhaps at a price less than marriage. With patience enforced by her, he learns to respect her more and consequently dominate her less aggressively and maybe even less assertively.


  4. Anonymous

    It’s all in line. I know of a woman who kept the gender secret because she was fearful of it being a girl. She desperately sought her father’s attention knowing he preferred boys. By keeping the gender secret, she unexpectedly discovered the attention gained from doing it this way. She ended up having a girl, and even kept that secret for a while, prompting tons of questions about the gender even after birth.

  5. I am not in favor of finding out the gender pre-birth. With the insistence of Husband knowing our last baby’s gender, I gave in. When he found out that our third baby was a third girl, his treatment toward me changed completely. All hopes of having a son were gone. He does not remember this treatment and denies it, but it was loud and clear to me.

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