1357. Three Strikes and He’s Out — Batter Up!

I encounter a very impressive person, attractive woman, and happy wife. She complains of the worsening of family life. She claims that men act irresponsibly, abandon wife and kids, and generally pursue all manner of masculine habits except those that provide and protect their families. I agreed until she blamed men. Women have been doing that for decades. It doesn’t make women right, it just keeps them from understanding what actually happens in the battle of the sexes.

I disagreed with the lady about blaming men. We only chatted briefly and I responded inadequately. For over three years I’ve been describing female malpractice that causes such unmanly behavior. I stick by my guns. This is what I should have said.

Family turmoil and separation are more the result of wives driving husbands away than husbands acting unreasonably. Wives put pressures on husbands that make them rebel. Wives become different women than the girlfriends their husbands married. Men figure they can do better with someone else. But then, later with another woman, they find themselves under the same pressures. So, the practice spreads of men abandoning their familes.

For example, a man marries with at least these three expectations: She’ll always be attractive in my eyes. She’ll always be likeable in my eyes. She’ll be great at harmonizing our home and life together. His expectations are based on her girlfriend/fiancé/early bride persona. After romantic love fades in a year or two, if not sooner, she changes into another person, someone he would not have married.

What he expects out of their marriage, she delivers in another form and not necessarily a form that he can accept. Tomorrow’s post 1358 describes him as the batter, her as pitcher, and their marriage summarized in husband’s final at-bat.


Filed under How she loses

11 responses to “1357. Three Strikes and He’s Out — Batter Up!

  1. Abigail

    So true Sir Guy.

    If you think about it, women put on a show to attract a man, then drop the act after marriage. It’s false advertising.

    I know this because I lost a Mr. Good Enough after 11 years of marriage.

  2. anonymous

    With all due respect, men do the same thing. Everyone is on their “best behaviour” in the early stages of courtship. That’s why long courtships are advisable. But doesn’t the man have some responsibility as well? I mean, in a marriage, BOTH partners agreed “for better or worse”. Aren’t they BOTH responsible to keep the marriage functional?

    Your Highness Anonymous,
    Of course men have some responsibility. I don’t go there for several reasons. First, women have heard it all. Second, men don’t pay attention to anyone describing their faults. Third, even if men listened they would not change except when women impose obligations with the delivery of sex.

  3. anonymous

    One part of this these days is the sex. Girls my age (20) bait men by performing raunchy sex acts at their (the man’s) demand. Then when they’re married not only do they not want to do the raunchy stuff anymore, they won’t even have sex when their husband wants. In the TV show Scrubs, when one girl gets married, her friend says, “now you only have to have sex when you feel like it”. It should be the other way around. I’m sure there have been other media encouraging this behavior too, but I don’t pay much attention.

    Random post idea: could you maybe give like a blueprint of how to react when pressured for sex by boyfriends? I know no two situations are alike, so maybe a few models we can extrapolate to our own situations?

    Your Highness Anonymous,
    I believe I did that somewhere in the Virtual Virginity or other virgin series. I don’t have the time to research just where or how scattered it may be. Perhaps a reader may be helpful with pressure-relieving tactics from which a model may become easier to develop.

  4. I remember hearing my minister once say “Women get married in hopes that she can change him,, while men marry in hopes that she’ll never change.”

    Your Highness Zabeth,
    Someone coined phrasing something like this: She marries hoping to change him but he doesn’t. He marries hoping she stays the same but she doesn’t.

    • anonymous

      And yet they marry intending to change (to give up the nice things they did to win her) ~ which doesn’t seem fair somehow! That change that men undergo wasn’t something I had warning of back when I was young – glad the word is getting out now.

    • I think both expectations are unrealistic.

      Your Highness Zabeth,
      Ah, you’re so right. But the closeness to realism makes the issue of critical concern for women who are likely to be wrong on both counts. First, she disappoints husband by changing. Second, she becomes frustrated because she tries to change him without success. Husband sits in neutral mode but loses on both counts to the extent that she tries to succeed. Therefore, if the issue causes any abnormal pressures on their marriage, she must be charged to fix it. Agree or did I miss something?

  5. Anon...

    Anonymous~~~yes… This is the case for LONG COURTSHIPS to see if the guy stops doing the nice things for her and vice versa…..hopefully the guy in ? Isnt having crazy sex and getting an STD in the meantime…LORD WILLING

  6. Anon...

    I also believe that in the best of marriages, the Romance comes and goes..and then comes back in again…like a pair of lungs ‘inhaling and exhaling’ (like a living thing)….just a thought…..

  7. Been there, done that.

    What happens in courtship is not what happens in marriage. Women really don’t want to bitch and nag in the marriage but they wind up doing so anyways out of pure frustration when they feel unappreciated and when the man neglects the marriage. Men might not want to see their women change from the sweet, loving disposition displayed early on in courtship but then why do men become fat inconsiderate slobs as life mates?!?

    In courtship a woman doesn’t mind the little things like serving dinner and cleaning up afterwards. Putting things away to make things nice and neat without asking for a hand at all. Making a great meal and taking care of your man is a gratifying thing. But later on in marriage, when you see that the little things start to add up, the irritation in heart and mind start to take over into complaints and nagging. His late night behavior sitting in front of the TV, eating snacks, leaving his greasy plate on the table, sticky counters, leaving food out, is just a really inconsiderate thing to do to your spouse. She asks the night before “can you please make sure the trash is put out at the curb”. Then awakes the next morning and see’s it wasn’t done. She asks him again in the morning to please get the trash to the curb before it’s too late. He says he will but does not do it! She can nag and bitch about it, he ignores her, tunes her out and starts to see her as a different person than the sweet girl he married. She deny’s him sex when she feels unappreciated in the marriage. He complains she doesn’t love him and is always complaining and never satisfied.

    If men and woman would just try to maintain that model perfect behavior through the marriage, showing respect and consideration, there would be alot less divorce. It takes two to play catch and if one drops the ball, the game is no fun at all.

    Your Highness Been there, done that,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

  8. elle

    I think that women blame men because a good part of the problem is the man’s fault. I’m not sure any good comes from ignoring that fact and acting as if it is all in the hands of the woman.

    Your Highness Elle,
    You’re right but this site is about women and what they can do. What men can and should do I leave to someone they are more likely to listen to, that is, women that are respected sufficiently to hold masculine attention and influence men.

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