Men marry and self-generate a unique persona living with their wives. They put themselves on a self-sustaining mixture of independence and freedom that protects their inner feelings. They dodge the peaceful exchange of inner feelings.
To reveal their inner thoughts weakens their carefully crafted role of boss, CEO, and imperturbable husband/father/man/lover/etc. It comes from their nature; men don’t reveal their feelings without a motive. Women like to unload for the purpose of unloading; men don’t. Also, having already won their wives, husbands have no ulterior motive for revealing their inner thoughts.
Then, sometime between about age 30 and through his mid-life crisis, doubts set in. He realizes he wants to talk about them. Doubts arise about his job, personal performance, self-confidence, personal abilities, financial future, sexuality, sexual performance, self-worth, or perhaps his wife. He wants to rationalize himself to himself by interacting with some empathetic and perhaps sympathetic female ears.
He can’t admit to a man what he wants to admit to himself. He wants to share some inner feelings, but wife doesn’t seem to have the complaint-free ears that he seeks. He expects she will find some fault, because of her habit of complaining. He doesn’t recognize or admit that he helped shape their relationship to its present condition.
Wife has been shaped into some other persona than he can talk to about those feelings he’s kept from her for so long. Guilt for not sharing keeps him from doing it now. He would have to change. He knows men don’t respect people that change, and therefore he would lose her respect. Or, so he reasons. Consequently, other ears hold more appeal.
It begs the question. How can women prevent it? The answer lies with each woman’s ability to resolve this paradox. If you try to make people like you, you will fail; a wife’s likeability to husband is her greatest attraction. The bridge over that briar patch is paved with this: You can make one person like you, if you don’t care whether others like you or not.
The best preventers of male wandering are abilities very natural to the mature woman. Wife exploits her strengths by favoring those that make her likeable to her husband. Her physical attractiveness taunts him, personality charms him, tenderness calms him, humor delights him, flexibility amazes him, modesty bewilders him, steadfastness strengthens him, patience beguiles him, happiness infects him, smile pleases him, goodness outshines him, generosity shames him, joy inspires him, stifled complaints reassure him, abundant love disguises him, and respect exalts him.
She doesn’t need to continually uphold her strengths to make her likeable to one person. She had enough to get him to the altar, which means she was very likeable in courtship. Further leveraging of her natural strengths enables her to clear the paradox and make herself likeable enough that her husband doesn’t have to find an empathetic ear outside the home.