A pretty mid-twenties lady claimed she thought and acted like a 17-year old. She made many poor choices that confuse her. My response started at post 1430 and ends with this one.
SITUATION FOUR: She acknowledges that he HAS NOT proven his worth to win her hand, but she sounded like she expected to work hard to make their relationship click and move forward.
- She said little about her three-week boyfriend except that he keeps pressuring her for sex and she enjoys the arousals and “saying sexy things.” The first step to qualify him worthy of her is for him to honor her wishes, which early in their relationship includes remaining chaste until she marries. It seems basic but the adolescent mind easily misses the importance of making him step up to her expectations.
- Has she figured out what she expects will prove his worth? He sounds questionable as a mate but mostly because she doesn’t know what she expects from a man she perhaps hopes to marry and at least wants to keep around until she finds out.
- The adolescent mind doesn’t know much about making decisions on less than complete information. Adultolescents often keep looking for more info, waiting for things to happen and expecting to react. Alternatively, they also jump to conclusions and end up acting prematurely. On top of that, females learn to use logic and reason much later in life than do men.
She hasn’t adopted a mature mindset about his role in her life. Instead, she likely chooses one of these options and the behaviors that produce results not in her interest.
- If she calls him Mr. Right, she acts that way and quits looking for proof that he’s worthy of her. He perceives no challenge but for sex.
- If she calls him Mr. GoodEnough, she acts that way and forgets to test him to prove he’s worthy of her. Or, perhaps she doesn’t want to test him or doesn’t know how to proceed. He perceives no challenge but for sex.
- If she calls him Mr. Maybe, she acts accordingly. After an unknown number of dates over a three-week period she’s already had too many drawn out arousal moments and thus gone much too far with him. She may call him Mr. Maybe but participating in his efforts to arouse her for sex will more likely soon turn him into Mr. HitAndRun. She either yields or he departs or both.
- Instead of taking charge, testing, and deciding what role he fills in her life, she accommodates and pleases him. She joins him for periods of arousal and enlarges his hopes for sex rather than desire for her as his mate. She expects to wait for him to initiate each new step in relationship development, and he keeps returning to the subject of sex.
- Thus she makes herself worthy of him by expecting so little from him and putting forth the total effort. She effectively reverses the process of capturing a man for marriage. Immaturity at work!
- She ignores these vital steps in qualifying a man’s worth for a woman: Does he willingly and without resentment honor her wishes? Does he want to please her above all else? Does he expect to continue without any direct reward? Does he value her over himself? As Marian the Librarian sings in the movie Music Man, “he is more interested in me than in himself and more interested in us than in me”
- He neither has to nor does much to prove himself worthy. By not being pressured to do so, he seeks ways to admire himself. So, he invites her for a weekend trip. She realizes the real purpose is to get her in bed. She declines. Finally, maturity at work!
Thus, immaturity greatly weakens a woman’s ability to stimulate a man to prove his worth of her. The pretty young woman mentioned here has a long way to go as do many other women that carry adolescent values into their adult years.