1435. Fidelity without His Devotion? Unlikely! — Part II

This continues the comparison of two strategic options on which girls dream and women disagree. The strategies are repeated here. (Her Highness Denise authored the options at #1428.)

Option A: “Some women embrace the idea that you are single until married, meaning that even though you might spend time with someone in a romantic context, until a man proposes, you remain free to entertain the interest of whomever you desire should you choose to do so.”  (Already described at #1434)

Option B: “Others claim that this is disloyal, unfaithful, etc. and that if you are seriously interested in someone, that interest ought to be expressed through a committed, exclusive dating relationship where both parties are off limits to anyone else so long as you are an ‘official’ couple.”

Up front, blunt, and candid:

  • Womanhood appears split along these lines. Mature women, both young and old, prefer or at least lean toward Option A (see #1434). Teen girls, desperate females, and adolescent-minded women prefer, lean toward, and through force of their numbers popularize Option B. By learning the subtle weaknesses of B, some women may ease themselves into more mature relationships. I can’t tell them how or what to do though; individuals must figure out what likely works best for them.
  • The characteristics of Option B will be helpful for those readers that keep this in mind: A is the female game made unappealing by man-think. B is the man’s game made popular by man-think. As should be expected, women don’t fare well playing the man’s game.
  • Option A isn’t popular in the social marketplace. It prevents women having their own boyfriend. Women can’t seem to comprehend this belief embedded deep within the male nature: Gals with boyfriends must be providing sex. Gals circulating without boyfriends must not be providing sex, and so they offer the most, the greatest, and the most appealing challenges. Pardon the pun, but men rise to that. So, untied-down women offer what men look for first—unused or lesser used goods. Because men prefer females that appear to not be providing sex, Option A opens the female’s door much wider for solidifying whatever relationships do blossom into courtship and ultimately marriage.

The subtle but complex disadvantages of Option B follow. These seemingly insignificant bits and pieces compound and haunt the best intentions of women that choose to use it.   

  1. Without the legal aspects of marriage and moral strength of vows, why should cheating be turned into a premarital agreement? Courtship either breeds mutual loyalty and fidelity or it doesn’t. Pressure to force it causes multiple pressures that invite men to dodge it. Men too easily perceive B as trying to force them out of their comfort zone.
  2. B keeps a woman from looking and perhaps finding someone better. Only immaturity pushes a woman to give up trying to improve her lot in life just because she develops a special interest in one man. Even worse, once she captures a man that same immaturity pushes her to improve her lot in life by trying to change him—which never works.  
  3. B rules out other pursuers before she finds out for sure whether boyfriend is Mr. GoodEnough, holds the potential to become Mr. Right, and has become comfortable with her arranging their relationship.
  4. B supposes that a woman’s interest in a man is sufficient for her to try harder to corral him into a deeper relationship. Just because she’s seriously interested, it doesn’t follow that her man views her the same way.
  5. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts and B provides it. She dedicates her interests to him and he’s done no more specifically than try to get her into bed. If she’s so eager, how desperate is she? She may not be desperate, but his perception may easily be exactly that.
  6. B appears to be a disingenuous way of holding a man in a committed arrangement. Fidelity is easy for her and difficult for him. She actually sacrifices so little yet expects him to sacrifice his independence. Her reward comes at his expense, and he’s supposed to support such an arrangement?

More follows tomorrow in Part III at #1436.


Filed under How she loses

2 responses to “1435. Fidelity without His Devotion? Unlikely! — Part II

  1. Reina

    Absolutely brilliant….but people think I’m crazy when I say I don’t have and/or am not looking for a boyfriend. When I’ve tried it, I break up quickly because I start seeing signs of trouble already. I see now that my reaction was very natural and correct. I say why tie myself down with no real commitment for exactly the reasons you mention here. No ring…no-thing!

    “Gals with boyfriends must be providing sex. Gals circulating without boyfriends must not be providing sex, and so they offer the most, the greatest, and the most appealing challenges.”
    I wondered why all the guys on my scene looked puzzled but very respectful when they mentioned that they never saw me with a boyfriend, and that everyone knew that. And may of them keep trying to talk to me too. I totally get it now. A guy dancing with me last night was talking to me and acknowledged that it is very hard when people start dating in this group, and that when a girl starts dating a guy everybody backs off, and still feel uncomfortable approaching her even if/when they break up. I see that they of course must have assumed they were having sex, and a knowingly conquered woman is less appealing.

    Thank you!

  2. Mia

    Dear Sir,
    I find devotion very difficult to grasp. I have an interesting story to share with you and the ladies: Almost three years ago my then boyfriend and I separated, because I refused to shack-up and he wasn’t ready/willing to marry. I was very sad about that and after 2 months he informed me that he now had a new girlfriend – a work collegue. It seemed like they were going strong, even though they had very different backgrounds and views of the world (I knew her already) and he was bragging about how great she was. This completely threw me and in general that kind of behavior confuses me to this day. I firmly believe that not everybody is compatible and a match and true companionship is a rare thing to come across. When something like this happens I wonder: is it the same thing? I mean is he as devoted to her as he was to me? Do strong connections occur so often or do men just fool themselves sometimes?
    I should add – and this is intersting: I never spoke to him again after he informed me about the new girl, but I randomly ran into him recently! I was surprised because I hadn’t heard from him or seen him in two years. Having applied the “wwnh-programme”, I guess I must have changed a lot since then, because I noticed him ogling me. He seemed very interested in my life and said that he had been thinking about me a lot and what not. I was polite. He later texted me about how nice it was to see me and if we could meet. I didn’t reply so I received an email a few days later. I politely replied that I was rather busy at the moment, but I wonder. what happened to the new girl? Was he not devoted to her? Why would he want to get in touch after so long?

    Your Highness Mia,

    Q: I politely replied that I was rather busy at the moment, but I wonder. what happened to the new girl?

    A. He got tired of her, she of him, both, or she yielded and became expendable, or she kept refusing without ‘legitimate reasons’ other than NO or I’m holding myself for my husband. In short, she’s no longer a challenge to him and out of his picture if not his life.

    Q. Was he not devoted to her?

    A. Who knows? But very unlikely. If so, she killed it.

    Q. Why would he want to get in touch after so long?

    A. You’re attractive to him. He learned much from the other gal and figures he can enjoy you more another time around or get from you what was previously unavailable. IOW, he has no one and you’re the most acceptable prospect. If you are interested in him, make him work overtime, double time, and all the time that’s needed to earn you and whatever you wish to provide in attention, affection, or whatever. Double up on what he had to do last time just for you to pay attention and listen this time. And even after that he may not be worth it.


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