1436. Fidelity without His Devotion? Unlikely! — Part III


Sex play a role in the the problems with Option B as Her Highness Denise described two options at #1428.

Option A: “Some women embrace the idea that you are single until married, meaning that even though you might spend time with someone in a romantic context, until a man proposes, you remain free to entertain the interest of whomever you desire should you choose to do so.” (Already described at #1434)

Option B: “Others claim that this is disloyal, unfaithful, etc. and that if you are seriously interested in someone, that interest ought to be expressed through a committed, exclusive dating relationship where both parties are off limits to anyone else so long as you are an ‘official’ couple.”

Option A leaves the door wide open for relationship disappointments but what else is new. Option B is even riskier for women. It too easily fertilizes relationship destructiveness as its many disadvantages come into play.

The numbering continues for easy reference.

7. Option A drags out the chase for their first sex together. Conquest delayed earns more respect of her. A man’s love is founded on respect for women generally and one in particular. So, despite popular beliefs, A more reliably breeds lasting love than B.

8. Option B relationships, at least in modern society, are built upon romantic love for her fueled by sex for him. Option A repeat dating breeds mutual respect to undergird enduring love while romantic love builds. Sex is more promise than fuel and so his respect for her escalates with each date.    

9. Option B presumes that mutuality of intent is accomplished. It’s easy for women. But it goes against the male nature. Why do women persist in trying to get men to act more like women? When men have so much difficulty remaining faithful after marriage, why think it can be done successfully under female terms before marriage? (I’m not saying women shouldn’t try it but they need another strategy than B. Specifically? Okay. Encourage, foster, and patiently await the development of his devotion before seeking commitment and awarding designation of ‘boyfriend’.)

10. Option B is worded in female-talk. ‘Committed’ means much less to men than women. ‘Exclusive’ places unwanted pressure upon a man. ‘Official couple’ rings sourly to the male ear. ‘Seriously interested’ comes to females much sooner and dramatically than to men. Summarized, such terms promoted by women more easily turn men off than buy their relationship loyalty. With this exception, however. He’s devoted to her far beyond just commitment. For such a man, Option B conditions are alright with him before she verbalizes and seeks mutual agreement. In other words, she didn’t even have to mention such an arrangement. He’s devoted and WANTS to be restrained by her presence in his life.

11. If a man will cheat on a woman, he does so because he lacks respect for her, lacks regard for her importance in his life, and lacks self-respect of his own integrity. Men first must learn to treat women respectfully. Option B provides little emphasis for it to happen. However, Option A does. The competitive challenges of serial dating (or appearing to) keep a date alert to treat her respectfully. His acting respectfully generates permanent respect. Thus, A encourages and B may or may not encourage growth of his respect. B at best provides fewer opportunities for her to earn and him to reflect his respect.

The list continues tomorrow in Part IV at #1437.

20 Comments

Filed under How she loses

20 responses to “1436. Fidelity without His Devotion? Unlikely! — Part III

  1. This post reassures me Guy. Our eldest has found (or been found by) a great guy. He is educated, hardworking and a Christian. They spend a lot of time together. They are both available only for each other. He has made it clear that he is marriage minded but he has also been very careful in the physical department. His words toward our daughter are very affirming and positive…in other words, he treats her with respect and honor.

    I have told our daughter to not always be available after work in the evening for this young man just because I think it is very easy for any young man to take a young lady for granted…..and it keeps men on their toes. What do you think?

    Jill Farris
    http://www.generationalwomanhood.wordpress.com

    Your Highness Jill,
    You’re right. Good advice. I think exactly as you think. The better she shapes their mutual agenda before marriage the better after. She doesn’t just earn his respect by abstaining sex, she earns a lot with sound and admirable judgments that please them first, him second, and her third.
    Guy

  2. Anon

    Y’know. Come to think of it, option A sounds a lot like ‘THE RULES’ a book that came out years ago BUT it doesnt sound so mechanical. It means that if your a woman, you need to have your own life and be ‘like a butterfly’,…like dont be too available til after engagement and marriage, or else he’ll take advantage

    • KP

      I agree, a lot of the woman asking how to do Option A should read that book. It is detailed in how to be unavailable.

  3. Sarah

    This series is right on the money. I think that dates and study sessions now and again with other guys, plus a six-week study abroad trip to France without him, convinced my now husband that he needed to settle things before someone else took me away. He was talking about looking at engagement rings before I could leave for my trip. I put him off another six months, but as you put it, Sir Guy, I “didn’t even have to mention such an arrangement.”

  4. surfercajun

    If a man will cheat on a woman, he does so because he lacks respect for her, lacks regard for her importance in his life, and lacks self-respect of his own integrity.

    Then for her which is worse? The emotional side of him cheating or the physical side? I know some women have bounced back with the physical cheating but emotional cheating seems far worse. Women seem to have an uncanny ability to know when their man is no longer emotionally connected to them. But then I am curious as to what are your thoughts on men acting as though it is “No big deal” on emotional cheating like porn ( would that qualify?) whether it is viewed at work or home?

    Just last night it was shared with me a woman in the office was calling my spouse “Tall dark and handsome” via messenger. He said he became angry but he did not seem that upset in relaying the story. (a test to watch my reactions?) I don’t know if I had the right response because I laughed at it. Perhaps at her boldness or her unfeminine ways? However, it did prompt more questions from me if she did that to other men in the office. …mostly out of curiosity. I did agree it had no place in an office setting. If she was being charming it sounded more like a kiss up to want something which I could see the angry part.

    It does make me wonder if was this relayed to make me upset. Hmmm… upon further examination of this story, no correction was made on his part so I wonder if he enjoyed it. By not correcting this, I am sure it will continue as seen by her as a good thing to get her way if he indeed gave her what was required. (just throwing it out there) 😉

    I am pretty sure, Sir Guy you would have given prompt correction. 🙂

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    You be the judge; you know best. I suggest something like the following. If the kids are beyond first grade, have them present. You may even consider writing it in a letter to him; something he can throw in his desk drawer for frequent review. (Words on paper enter the eyes and men respect what they see better than what they hear.)

    Hey, honey, I hear you’re now called tall, dark, and handsome. Getting popular, huh? Great, let them eat their hearts out.

    You certainly are TD&H or I may never have listened to what you said on our first date. But getting my attention that way had nothing to do with what value I found in you.

    The accident of birth isn’t what made you the tremendous man that you now are. I admire you so deeply for your character, especially your integrity, and the promise you hold for you, me, our children. Your steadiness comforts me and the kids, your hands excite me, your company pleases me, your clumsiness pleasing me tickles me pink. You’re such a delight to live with. All women should be as blessed as I.

    God blesses many people, but I think he promoted me to the top of His list when He sent you to me.

    Guy

    • Meow Meow

      From my recent experience….emotional cheating/porn issues may still be salvageable, esp. if brought into the light without undue disrespect and the man can come to admit or see what it is and what it means to him—think about why he does it and be able to talk w/his wife about it. (I do realize not many men can do that!) Once physical cheating has occurred, far too many boundaries have been crossed and cannot be resurrected without serious trust issues coming into play and there is an “Ick” factor (His body’s been IN another woman’s body) that at least in my perspective would cause too much stress for me to even WANT to be with the “offending” man again. I guess I just don’t understand all these women who say they can deal w/physical cheating…..most marriages I know did not survive a physical affair whether on the male or female end. Emotional affairs I am not sure as most people try to keep it to themselves to deal with until the physical happens…..but I think in your case, just showing awareness of what is going on and not ‘flipping out” about it was most likely the right thing to do…Maybe Sir Guy will have some words of wisdom about whether this is some sort of a “test” on your hubby’s part to see how you react? My husband likes to make sure I am aware that he is a good looking guy and when we go out on a date he says ” well I got some eyeballs too” if he notices other men looking at me. (Meaning I guess, women look at him as much as men look at me, so nyah nyah…)

      Your Highness MeowMeow,
      I responded to Surfercajun at the bottom of her comment.
      Guy

      • Cocoa

        Surfercajun and Meow Meow, what are typical signs that a man is or became emotionally attached to another woman? I am wondering about men in their mid to late forties.

        • Meow Meow

          Mentioning her a lot with respect in his voice…praising her…or if not talking about a specific woman, perhaps emotionally distant from the other females in his life. Maybe like not bothering to solve their problems, or that they are none of his concern. Men seem to be pretty single-focused when it comes to women they are emotionally attached to! My take anyways….hope it helps!

    • surfercajun

      Hmmmm… Tried the letter theory before… wadded up, thrown in my face. 😦

      Your Highness Surfercajun,
      Interesting. I would like to hear more if it’s reveal-able and relevant.
      Guy

      • surfercajun

        If pertaining to the above advice then no, it is not relevant. But has been tried and violently crushed with lots of sharp words rendering me speechless. …..don’t remember much of it.

  5. surfercajun

    Actually, MM this seem like a two part answer when reading your post.

    First, it does not matter if adultery or fornication. If inside one woman or twenty it is still the same flavor. (meaning sin) One is not better or worse than the other… I know men don’t see it that way… but marriage does not make it different… unless of course they are BOTH devoted to one another with kind and thoughtful actions toward each other that programs their hearts. But like Sir Guy states… sex won’t hold him either in marriage or not. So I figure he has to be more like an honorable gentleman that keeps his word and she a lady that keeps her as well. Or in the great words of Pat Benator : one way or the other…. Or not just one way or another but equally devoted to each other the way it should be. She not changing him, and she not changed after marrying. (just my spin)

    Second… as in the great Eagles song… Every time I try to walk away, something makes me turn around and stay… I can’t tell you why…. But science can. (as for as your ick meaning ) It is the woman that has the ick factor because she keeps the DNA of the man inside her. A species of fruit flies were tested in this manner. Two fruit fly males inseminated a female. The first one which did not result in pregnancy but the second one did. However, the DNA from the first male fruit fly had DNA in the baby insect, not the second that caused the pregnancy. Thus, females vaginas are like a sponge. They absorb what they take in. (is it any wonder God calls her an empty vessel or states that men fill it?) So the insemination from other guys is absorbed inside of her. This over time is carried around even up until a child is born. In fact, the DNA from a child in the womb can infiltrate other children that come along after it is born. How long does it stay? Not sure… but if I had to guess, a long time. Over time it is hinted that all this *casual encounter* might lead up to some mental issues later. What I found sad but true was women with many casual encounters will not bond to a husband even if he is loyal or devoted to her. Mr. Henry Makow muses: Which would you rather? An ugly wrapped gift under the Christmas tree or a brand new one? So it makes me wonder, everyone has had a turn with her. Sure, guys don’t want to think about that, they just want to bed her…but honestly ( I am not a guy so I am sure I am missing something here…like wiring) if they stop and think about it and how easy she is, why in the world would they want to be causally with a person in which has been with everyone else no matter how long the girl makes them wait for their first sex together? (at least outside of marriage) I am not blaming men but the women. Or as one man put it. He is the plow and she the farm. She should take care and be picky about who farms in her land. The choice is up to her. In one article this *loose woman* wrote was honest with the next guy she was with on how long it has been since her last sex. She answered it was the night before and he actually stopped having his encounter with her. She was the ick factor. In conclusion, we all have choices and the circumstance we live with. We don’t get to choose how it ends cause we have to live with the lesson it produces. Hmmm…. kind like Aesop Fables. 😉

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    Durn! That’s a nice exposition. Good editing before posting. Thank you.

    I have trouble with your claims about DNA being passed to offspring of another guy. Doesn’t jibe with my education. You have sources about humans?

    Guy

    • surfercajun

      (in a feminine southern draw)

      Sent to ya from my little ol’ email from my delicate small hands.

    • Cocoa

      In regards to that DNA issue. If they tested the child for parental confirmation. Who’s child is it? I mean if the child kept or absorbed DNA from the man who knew his mum before his dad. Who’s child is it?!!

    • Meow Meow

      Surfercajun,
      First, just wanted to say I hope the communication situation is going well with your husband and you….The female co-worker’s words to him you describe seem more than flirtatious and in bad taste. Bearing that is the main concern right now, sorry if this following comment is ranging far afield/too theoretical at the moment.

      Yes EA and PA both are bad news, that is for sure. But people of both sexes are more likely to divorce over a PA. Maybe because is the “last straw”, IDK. but i think that ick factor has something to do with it. Also it is worth noting that men are more likely to pass on an STD to women than the other way around—that is the ick factor i was mainly talking about. Not to blame biology it is just the way it is.The same with the woman body holding DNA it can’t be blamed it is the way we are designed (and who knows there may even be a reason for it!) But knowing about these things means at least you are forewarned. FWIW the recent DNA studies are very inconclusive as it is extremely new information. Some showed the extra DNA floating around might cause more autoimmune disease/cancer, some showed it might protect against it. (That could even depend on the health of the male partner in question!) Generally the more promiscuous one is (male or female) the more one is gambling with one’s health.
      The sweet thing—its not all “negative”—is that the study was mainly showing how deeply connected women are to their children. Most of the extra “chimera” cells in the women’s body belonged to their children. Now, if it was someone who had children by different fathers than certainly some DNA from each father will reside within her as part of the children’s cells. (Many Manosphere types will use this info I’m sure to condemn the women of today as unworthy of marriage. But this information is hardly widely known and even so is unlikely to stop most people acting on their urges regardless. Our value as humans is worth more than just sexual “purity,” however. I know many women who are currently single, have had several sex partners, and regardless of how I may feel about those decisions, they are kind, sweet and positive and give back to the world in other ways. We are worth more than our bodies)

      Anyway, some women simply don’t give a darn, they make choices with their bodies we wouldn’t, she may not want to be picky and that is up to her. She may be too sad or lonely or simply disinterested in an LTR to care. She may be a prostitute, in which case, i do “blame” a man for whatever he gets himself into! But the average girl of today may simply not be hearing or understanding any messages that are supportive of patience before sex in picking a worthy mate. They are simply not out there in the greater culture. As the mother of a young daughter, I am worried for her. Fidelity, modesty, patience, and the whole idea of seeing what a boy is made of and judging his values/making him work for your trust is completely missing in school culture. Most moms and dads are also completely clueless and by now it is a couple of generations down the road away from the female friendly culture Sir Guy is writing about. There was a book written called ‘A Return to Modesty” that affirms the feelings most young girls are born with and speaks well to them. I remember reading it when I was young and it was very positive for me. Surfercajun I realize due to anonymity you may not be able to answer this but am I correct in thinking you have children? Do you have boys or girls? (Or both) If girls this might be a good book for them if they are older.
      Don’t feel you have to respond if there are more important things going on. Just my ramblings.

      • surfercajun

        I know many women who are currently single, have had several sex partners…..are kind, sweet and positive and give back to the world in other ways.

        @ MM

        In the above statement. I have not seen this in old or young women that have had many sex partners. They are usually very harsh trying to pass themselves off as men. As Debbie Pearl states: A woman acting like a man makes a very poor excuse of a man.(It makes me wonder if these women have abandoned their femininity for power.) Sure guys want that, but like Sir Guy states… once she gives up herself, there is nothing left for the guy to want to know… oh sure, that is her choice, but usually I have heard mostly their complaining on what they don’t like about their sexual partners/boyfriend…. and as for them being sweet… (scoffs) yeah… they will abandon you in a heartbeat. (I am thinking mostly of the woman next door who was always complaining about her then boyfriend now husband who did not pay enough for the wedding…. she was preggoed for crying out loud and he purchased a NEW car for her! How ungrateful!!) I could name a few more stories from my own family but it is not worth it.

        Yes, I agree with your positive spin statement and even children in the womb can protect the mother as I had it happen first hand. And as always, it boils down to the hand that rocks the cradle. A woman’s choice of who is plowing in her farmland…..If now more than ever, she should be VERY picky!!!…but then again having this kind of relationship has a ripple affect on all family and friends once the couple *breaks up* …I believe it was refereed to by Gentleman Eric as a mini divorce…I say practicing divorce because it will come to that in the end. She has nothing left to bond with any man. Or a man’s spin: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Indeed. It would seem this might work well with and an older woman perhaps not wanting to marry like Sir Guy Jr’s lady. (I can understand her position being older myself as she caused me to think on allot of things!! 🙂 ) I thank you for your comment back to me though.I appreciate your musings. 🙂 I would never call it ramblings… not here. Bottom line, we all have to answer to choices we make.

        Yes have children but older. I am training the oldest girl and she is seeing the result between a FW book and from Guy’s wise advice first hand.

        Great book you suggested! Have a great Saturday, MM! 😀

  6. Meow Meow

    Just to clarify—The promiscuous women I know are not trying to act man-like at all and do not act “hardened”…and in fact seem bewildered why they cannot seem to get a man to stick around for the long haul (Those that want an LTR that is, which isn’t all of them) They act extremely feminine and are often sweet and kind. My sister for one, and several of my dear cousins who I know quite well for example, and I know several women who end up sleeping with many men not because they set out to do it but one by one relationships and possibilities fall apart as they believe in offering sex very early on in a relationship w/out getting to know the man in question. And without questioning whether that is something THEY want. If anything, a sort of dismayed depression and cluelessness sets in…and then they start “settling” for one-night stands or FWB. And, most of them do seem to be involved in charitable efforts of one kind or another. It prob. gives them something positive to focus on. (Their exes say, ‘Yeah, she’s a really NICE girl, but….”)

    Interesting, a “nice” guy complains he doesn’t get laid. A “nice” girl can get laid all the time….but not the way she wants.

    However….low self-esteem and loneliness certainly seems to be the main root cause of the behavior I’m seeing here, rather than sexual aggression—- it’s not having strong boundaries/standards. Not having learned them.

    • My Husband'sWife

      Dear Meow, Meow,
      Really good description you wrote. I see the same thing as you—these women are attractive and “nice.” I wonder, with these “nice” girls, is it the woman who ultimately gets frustrated and decides to break it off? From what I’ve seen, they can’t sustain a relationship and it’s usually her that gets unhappy with her choice and decides to move on to the next…and before long an accumulation of partners builds up and she becomes a serial monogamist. This type of woman is different from the partying promiscuous, anything goes type.
      I especially like this quote: “Interesting, a “nice” guy complains he doesn’t get laid. A “nice” girl can get laid all the time….but not the way she wants.”

      • Meow Meow

        My Husband’sWife—-Yes, and because “Women Never Hear” anymore in this culture that sex does NOT necessarily lead to bonding, the “nice” girls try again and again to please a guy by having sex sooner than they want. Its the trying to please or bond a man by offering sex so soon that can have them racking up the partner count. Then they are confused and think something must be wrong with them personally, get low self esteem, try to bring up the self esteem by getting more sexual attention etc. and now is a vicious cycle. . After awhile they may even become a hookup/party girl to numb the rejection that they don’t understand why is happening. After all we live in a modern culture where all men and women alike are supposed to have sex whenever we want it no problem right? They have never known anything different. A very worrisome thing is that all the young girls want “boyfriends” but just want to please them, not really test them.

        Some women who break up their relationships may have a very good reason to, but if they could discern better before having sex they could avoid adding the guy in question to her “number.” Hindsight is 20/20 and none of us are perfect, but my take on many a “frustrated woman” who ends up breaking up sometimes is…..he said he didn’t want kids/to get married/convert/stop watching porn or playing video games/dating other girls/get a higher paying job/move out of moms basement/whatever and he meant it, but she still kept dating him…saying “I can change him” and then one day finally she’s had it and leaves. But it was maybe there to see all along!

        Listening to all the dating horror stories out there is scary…..if God forbid I ever had to date again I would be so jumpy like a cat! I’m sure I’d attract all the wrong people….times are so different now.

        Your Highness MeowMeow,
        You’ve grown a lot since our first encounter. You just made my Favored Quote Collection again. (To be published later.)
        Guy

        • My Husband's Wife

          That’s exactly it, Meow Meow! I sure enjoyed reading and thinking about your explanation. It’s tough to put into words sometimes what you see happening out there and you did. And yes, I see them trying to “please” an unworthy man as well.

    • surfercajun

      Radicalized feminists are very, very good at lying to themselves, and to others, about their true motives and feelings. This results in narcissistic personality disorders. These “charming” women then become very dangerous to the naive or ill-informed as they are soulless, heartless individuals and will eventually be unable to subdue their demons, leaving those in their path, emotionally devastated. ~copied and pasted from It’s the Women not the Men

      – it’s not having strong boundaries/standards. (true!)

      I would add Sir Guy states something like this…men don’t like what they don’t earn. men don’t like easy prey. They would rather a hard loss than an easy win any day. Keep reading, MM keep reading. 🙂

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