1541. Make Herself Approachable


All women hope they are approached more often. Women long for frequent confirmation of their importance. When approached, a woman senses masculine endorsement of her mating potential, which leaves her the option to choose. Thus, she receives a double measure of her importance, first to someone and then of herself with freedom to choose.

Women make themselves attractive/interesting/appealing in their mind’s eye, but it’s not enough for men. The female opinion/appearance does not match what males seek. Therefore, incompatible opinions prevail.

Even among the very pretty, tall, or exotic, many view themselves as unapproachable by men. Their problem is the same as that of other women, but they have more distracting features to camouflage so that men will focus on who as person instead of what as sex object.

She has all of herself to offer, but too few men recognize how important she can be to them. What happened to the real men she can admire? Her importance as potential mate isn’t conveyed to men, so what to do?

PREPARATION

  • If you were a man, what would you look for in order to approach a woman? Now, if you want to change your ‘track record’, reverse your opinion and work from there. You think more about what motivates men but not how to be more like them. There’s an exception….
  • Women think men are only after one thing. It’s true of course, but if women cater to it, they do all the wrong things. They stoop to what men want instead of ‘forcing’ men to upgrade themselves to womanly expectations.
  • Every manly attention paid to you is a masculine test. Women need in their boodle bag of tricks the appropriate response to deal with every kind of hit or approach. It’s ammo every woman should have readily available.
  • If you dress down to prevent hits, you can expect to be unapproachable. If you dress up to encourage hits, you can expect to be more approachable but also the subject of unwelcome hits.
  • Always, always, always dress and groom as pretty as practicable. Dress and groom slightly better than the women you associate with. Don’t do it for men. Do it for yourself to out compete other women. It helps convince you that you’re the greatest gift God ever gave mankind. (Your attitude is readable during the first encounter. Why would a man approach something less than great?)

FIRST GLANCE

  • Make first eye contact appear accidental but smile in a friendly fashion as you shift away your eyes. If it doesn’t set the hook, he’s not good enough for you.
  • The best first impression comes with a glance known as demure, appearing shyly modest. Such a look invites and indirectly stirs a man’s curiosity. An immodest glance or flirtatious look offers subliminal promises and directly stirs his imagination. It helps you if a man must first satisfy his curiosity about you before stirring his imagination about sex.
  • Recasting that last thought, female effectiveness comes best from indirectness that stirs his curiosity. If you fail to stir his curiosity, then you effectively stir his imagination, and it flashes hopefully to sex. Without intending to, that’s how women get men to focus on sex long before women desire it.

FIRST ENCOUNTER

  • He approaches. It’s not the time for your boldness, independence, and certainty. Let him shine. Gentle smiling friendliness encourages him best.
  • Don’t look around. Look directly into his eyes as he talks and when you respond. Look with smiling interest more than staring boldness.
  • Display yourself as highly attractive for other men—feminine mystique, female modesty, monogamous spirit, morally upright, inexperienced in male/female matters. (Divorced women can do it better than most, because they are broadly experienced at making themselves attractive to men.)
  • He should feel fortunate that he’s captured your attention. If he doesn’t, make a move to disengage and you’ll discover the truth.
  • Deal immediately with any mention or slightest suggestion about sex as discomforting to you. Don’t complain, don’t explain. An ideal response might go like this: “I’m no longer comfortable talking with you.” Don’t depart or send him away if you don’t want. Stay as you are and likely inspire his curiosity to search for ways to recover and add comfort to your life. Teaching a man to honor your feelings starts right there.

The prettier, taller, or exotic you are, the fewer the number of men who think they deserve you. The more you subliminally convince every man that they are admirable (aka you are approachable), the greater the number of men who convince themselves they deserve you and make their approach. More daring and courageous men approach in obvious fashion. The less brave move more cautiously while looking for some tip that they are more special than even they can imagine.

The latter group in particular fears driving you off more than they feel comfortable as they move in. You see their caution as not approaching you. In their heart of hearts, however, they try to gently ease themselves into your web of obvious attractiveness.

Finally, a woman’s attitude reflects what’s in her heart. It becomes evident when she starts talking if not before. Eagerness comes across as desperate. Talkativeness comes across as nervous, selfish, or both. Not looking him in the eye as he speaks comes across as weakness easily exploited. Feminine calmness comes across as glorious female.

51 Comments

Filed under How she wins

51 responses to “1541. Make Herself Approachable

  1. Laura

    Mr Smart & Patient Guy,

    Thanks for this. Lots of questions here but I will keep it to one at the moment: do any of these rules change for women 40+?

    Laura

    Your Highness Laura,
    Not that I can see or imagine. However, I suggest a complete review of the Virtual Virginity series in anticipation of second encounters that follow the first.
    Guy

  2. anonymous

    Excellent and useful article!

  3. Ballee

    Guy what if I am dating a very shy, quiet man and that makes me the one to speak the most , but you are saying it may seem selfish or nervous to do so, however in the first stages of a relationship one must reveal a little bit or else how does he know who is he dating or am I wrong? I believe I already said some little secrets about me, how to recover from this?

    Your Highness Ballee,

    Don’t worry about the past and possible mistakes. The sooner you forget it, the sooner he will too. Unless it’s a deal-breaker, and it’s too late to stop that.

    As to speaking the most, again, don’t worry. Someone has to keep the dialogue going until both are comfortable with silence. You may dominate but you can always bring him in with questions that he has to answer but which don’t delve into deep personal matters. Simple games and fun also help stir the early dialogue pot.

    Guy

    • Laura

      Mr Guy,

      I believe Ballee’s concerns are very relevant to many women today. We have been socialized (brainwashed) into talk about our feelings by the popular culture and via feminist programming to the detriment of all.

      Please consider writing a post about appropriate conversation topics for early dating. I have read articles 717 and 718 and found them helpful but feel that more specific guidance/examples are needed.

      Thanks,

      Laura

      Your Highness Laura,

      I agree wholeheartedly that women have been brainwashed as you describe.

      I’ve written tons on the subject. It’s scattered in many series, such as DATING, Virtual Virginity, Her Mushy Thinking, Female Malpractice, and HardToGet.

      Guy

  4. Sir Guy, I have yet another question. Your last two posts have been incredibly eye opening & I feel I’m on the verge of discovering answers to questions I’ve had for a long time.

    Do you know what it’s like to be completely & totally accepted by a complete & total stranger who knows next to nothing about you? I see it happening to my brothers all the time. Girls literally throw themselves at them. It tends to happen to me as well whenever I show the slightest bit of interest. Of course strangers can’t truly accept the real you — they have no idea who the real you is — but hopefully you understand what I’m saying. In any case, I’ve actually built a habit of avoiding eye contact in public, rarely smiling, & remaining disengaged at all times to avoid uncomfortable situations.

    My question is, how does one remain approachable, while slowing the guy down? You see, being the sort of girl you describe works way too well. Nothing is more uncomfortable than talking to a married man who’s lasering in on you with his wife standing right there. A few weeks ago, I let down my guard for a few minutes (no flirtation whatsoever involved), & the man I’d just met got real intense. I can physically feel it when they start getting intense like that. I disengaged immediately & he came to his senses & looked embarrassed. Still I felt awful even though I hadn’t done anything wrong.

    Then, it seems that almost every time I let down my guard & take your advice as far as smiling/eye contact/attention, the man i could come to like starts doing & saying very silly things. Things like talking about a future together, marriage, meeting his family & love… before or on a first date! Truly don’t think all these guys are creepers. But it sends me running as fast as I can go.

    Of course, when I keep my guard up, never smile, make eye contact, or show interest & surround myself with an aura of aloofness, that doesn’t work out so well either. Manage to very successfully ward off all uncomfortable situations, but, of course, there’s a price to pay.

    If you have any thoughts on how to be approachable while getting the guy to back off, slow down & not say any of those things until we’re not total strangers I’m dying to hear them!

    Your Highness Buckaroogirl,

    Your looks turn them on. You only need a system to slow some and stop others. Develop some tactical comments to fit whatever situations arise. Some examples follow in the form of questions that will change the situation to your benefit.

    Such guys act silly in your eyes. Make them see it. Consider these but you doubtless can top them with ones more appropriate to your persona and situations.
    • Are you trying to hurt me? Make me feel bad?
    • Have you ever had any sensitivity/anger management training?
    • Did your mom/dad teach you to do/say that?
    • What would my mom/dad/preacher/God think?
    • Is that really any of your business?
    • Would you say that in front of any kids I might have?
    • What shall I pray for?
    • Was I to consider such a thing, what would I tell my father/mother/preacher/God?
    • Would you consider delaying our marriage if my dad were in prison?
    • You’re the perfect guy for my sister, if I had one. Wanna’ wait?
    • My dream is to have four kids and adopt four more. Don’t you admire me for that?
    • Who has the better skills for treating women respectfully? Male virgins or other guys?

    These two are the most appropriate and versatile for every situation. Always have them handy:
    • Why do you ask that?
    • Why do you want to know?

    Restore your comfort by shifting the burden to the guy. For every answer of his, have another question. If it’s not relevant, he’ll think you’re balmy and steal away.

    Incidentally, have you talked to your brothers about such things? I’m guessing not. Raised on a ranch, I’m betting you’re too proud, too independent, and too shy to talk of personal things to them. That’s very feminine and extremely attractive.

    However, I remind you. Men love to rescue women in distress. You often have discomfort so see what they can offer. I bet they’d become even more protective and interested in you. I mention it for one reason: They probably have another way to help ease your discomfort.

    Guy

    • Lin

      Loved this list!

    • Dear Sir Guy, thank you! These are great ideas for my toolbox. Up to this point, I only knew how to be friendly/interested/nice or spacey/distracted/aloof/cold. It’s nice to have permission to stay “me”, using words to keep guys from getting the wrong idea.

      You are correct that I haven’t spoken about this with my brothers. Actually, this is the first time I’ve said anything about it at all. I’m looking forward to hearing their input, but I’m a little nervous too. Thanks for all the encouragement!

      • Kaikou

        Let us know of any interestin insights. 🙂 We are very alike you and I, I could use the advice.

        Lady Kaikou

    • That Horse Is Dead...

      I find a good conversation about Jesus will do the trick!! “So, do you know Jesus as your Lord and Savior?”

  5. Laura

    it seems that almost every time I let down my guard & take your advice as far as smiling/eye contact/attention, the man i could come to like starts doing & saying very silly things. Things like talking about a future together, marriage, meeting his family & love… before or on a first date!

    Buckaroo Girl,

    I wish I had your problem! Genuine single men (even overeager ones, as you describe) seem to approach me rarely, if at all!

    If you could bottle your secret and sell it you could make a million 😉 (LOL).

    Laura

    • Laura,

      Guy’s original post up there is the secret in the bottle. But, like I said, I’ve built a habit of staying aloof, disinterested & not making eye contact or smiling. So I don’t get approached that often either. 😉

      There is one thing though… My youngest brother & I do have this thing… It’s kind of hard to explain, maybe a high degree of empathy? Basically we naturally focus on the person we’re with & the interaction to the extent that “we’re” out of the picture. Understand what they’re feeling, where they’re coming from, & being present with them without a shred of self consciousness. I think being on the receiving end of that can be addicting.

      Buckaroo Girl

  6. Laura

    ■Make first eye contact appear accidental but smile in a friendly fashion as you shift away your eyes. If it doesn’t set the hook, he’s not good enough for you.

    Mr Guy,
    I appreciate everything you have written but I have a very difficult time with the above bullet point. I have watched friends of mine do this kind of thing (both demurely and more aggressively) since I was a teenager but I have always been too self-conscious to even try. I feel like if I were to catch the eye of a man and smile, even “accidentally” and demurely, it would be perceived as trying to “pick him up”/”too forward.” Trying to learn how to do this in my 40s just feels like a mountain too high to climb. If I follow the other advice but opt out of this particular action, am I doomed? Do you have any suggestions?

    I am really working on the following that you suggested earlier this week (1) smile gently to everyone and (2) look as attractive (pretty) as possible.

    Laura

    Your Highness Laura,
    You can’t produce different results by doing the same thing. Buck up! Fortysomethings have amassed plenty of courage, so I suggest you use it for a new purpose. Marry your courage with a greater sense of adventure. It’s just another way of taking even greater charge of your life. Try it, you’ll like it.
    Guy

    • Laura

      You can’t produce different results by doing the same thing. Buck up! Fortysomethings have amassed plenty of courage, so I suggest you use it for a new purpose. Marry your courage with a greater sense of adventure. It’s just another way of taking even greater charge of your life. Try it, you’ll like it

      Mr Guy,

      The very concrete problem I have with adopting this particular behavior is as follows: if I am in a public setting and my eyes meet the eyes of a man I don’t know, and I smile gently/demurely before looking away, how do I not know if he is another woman’s husband or boyfriend? I feel as though I am potentially trying to become approachable to a man who is spoken for by someone else. I so dislike that thought because I feel it is morally wrong.

      For instance I walked into a cafe last week where I often have lunch. I had made a deliberate effort to look very pretty that morning in that I was wearing a very pretty dress and high heels. As soon as I walked in, a gentleman sitting at a table with another man looked up and right at me. He looked in his mid-50s, which I find to be an attractive and appropriate in age for what I am seeking. I caught his eye for a second and looked away. Should I have smiled at him? Does this rule apply to all settings? What if he was married or had a girlfield?

      Sorry if the answer seems obvious but I cannot see it. Advice please.

      Thank you,

      Laura

      Your Highness Laura,

      You write very well and clearly, and I appreciate it. Now let’s see if we can get you to thinking the same way about first encounters.

      Why should you feel guilty or morally wrong about making yourself friendly, about an appealing glance? It’s natural. God gave you the ability and freedom to find, screen, and marry a man.

      To find one, you must generate a first encounter. Then, either then or later, you have to screen out married men and those unsuitable for you. Those that are left you screen as either Mr. GoodEnough or not. The process is straight forward and has no moral imperatives against it. Why invent some?

      When your heart and conscience are clear as to your intentions, you’re not responsible if some man gets the wrong impression. So, stop worrying about it. You can deal with his wrong impressions just as you deal with other people with similar problems relating to you.

      Guy

  7. Laura

    Mr Smart & Patient Guy,

    Thanks for your quick reply. So if I understand you correctly, you are saying that no wife or girlfriend should object to or feel threatened by a woman who smiles in a friendly/demure way at her husband in response to a glance – in other words, that the woman who does the smiling should NOT be demonized as trying to steal another woman’s man, and that in fact the only potentially immoral act here is if the attached man approaches IN RESPONSE to the smile? In other words, the smile per se is always okay, even though it is meant as an invitation to approachability IF the man is unattached?

    Christian morality can be complicated and I want to make sure I get this right. I have to understand it clearly before I can get the courage up to modify my behavior as you have suggested. This will all take some time. Al

    Also, dumb question, but is the gentle smile + shifting away your eyes just for a split second and NOT a holiding of his gaze? Your description of it seems to imply this, but I want to be sure.

    Thanks,

    Laura

    Your Highness Laura,

    I’ve said nothing about a man with another woman. I assume the guy is visibly unattached.

    However, your moral code is quite adequate to steer you away from doing the wrong thing if a guy appears to be with someone else. What if they’re not actually a couple? You’re on your own. You have to make decisions, but making the wrong decision isn’t bad if your intentions are honorable. Right?

    Guy

    • Laura

      Mr Guy,

      Sorry to misrepresent/misinterpret what you wrote – it was not intentional.

      I was thinking of a man who is alone in a premises and appears to be single (not all men wear wedding rings, or they may not be visible at a slight distance). If a man was there with a woman I dont think I would even attempt to smile. I have a hard enough time with one who is alone or with a group of men (for the reasons described above) because I am thinking about a wife/girlfriend at home and feeling like I am giving the appearance of potential “husband stealer” (which I am most definitely not!).

      Thanks for clarifying.

      Laura

  8. Listening

    Hello Sir Guy,

    This is a wonderful post! Thank you for the guidence, I have never had a clue as to go about this.

    I am very shy and reserved (except professionally) and typically avoid eye contact and smiling at people, particularly men, when I am out and about. I am excited to put your tips into practice, thank you!

    It would also be very helpful to know how to discourage, in a ladylike manner, men who respond to these tips once I determine they are not what I am looking for in a man. It’s important to know how to light up interest, AND how to dampen it!

    Thank you Sir Guy for all the guidence you provide for us ladies!

    ~Listening

    Your Highness Listening,
    How to dampen it? Look at the options I gave Buckaroogirl just above. Use them to develop your own set of responses. No rules. Just keep repeating the words to yourself privately until you are comfortable speaking them. You want to be able to flick them out without thought, just an automatic response to whatever offends/scares you. I suggest using the bottom two as foundation and develop some others to fit you and your thought processes. (I just thought of another one: “Hey, I just heard my husband/boyfriend/mother/father/son/daughter call me. See ya’.”)
    Guy

  9. Anne

    What about the married woman who does not wish to be approached? I don’t mean approached in a cordial, decent, human sort of way (like swapping a few friendly words with the mail man or thanking the guy who holds the door for me at the gas station). Instead, I would rather NOT have men whistling or honking when I push the stroller down the street (which, now that I think of it, has happened even when I wear sweats and a pony tail; maybe these guys honk at every female?) My point, though, is that I do not at all wish to be approached as if I were available or single.

    I have been dressing much more prettily, doing my hair daily; and because I feel prettier I have been a more friendly and cheerful person around everyone (stranger-men included). But am I sending improper “available” vibes all over the place? How can I know if I’m carrying it too far? And, lastly, how does the married women send “nice person who is not uptight and rude but is VERY UNAVAILALBLE TO YOU. VERY.” vibes?

    Your Highness Anne,
    All women are sex targets. The more attractive they appear, the more target-seeking eyeballs they attract. Relax and enjoy the compliments that representatives of one whole gender render unto you. If the representatives of all men think highly of you, how do you get more important in the world away from husband? You get to declare your unavailability on each and every personal encounter, but not with the passers by. It’s life in the real world, so I suggest you find ways to enjoy it. Be grateful for yourself first, because gratitude is the road to happiness.
    Guy

    • Anne

      As a soft-spoken and reserved person, I would prefer to show unavailability somehow rather than have to say it, but it sounds as though showing unavailability (beyond the wedding ring) is not exactly possible; one can just present ones self in a way that is feminine (and therefore attractive on some level to men) or feminist (and not so attractive on several levels) and let the chips fall where they may in terms of male responses to the lady or feminist before them.

      Your Highness Anne,

      I think you’ll find after a few encounters that you ‘settle’ with words and actions that you’ll earn a new measure of self-respect, self-confidence, and ego boosting.

      Pondering your problem from a man’s perspective, I’ve long thought this would be a great way to reject an unwanted hit, suggestive compliment, or indelicate approach. With wedding ring flashed in his face, say very seriously, “You’ll never ever look better than this.” Stare him down and don’t flee but saunter away confidently as if the matter is over and forgotten. By rejecting a man that way, you’re saying that you live up to something bigger than yourself, and it earns a man’s respect where just your personal discrimination against him does not.

      Guy

      • Anne

        “By rejecting a man that way, you’re saying that you live up to something bigger than yourself, and it earns a man’s respect where just your personal discrimination against him does not.” I like that route, then 🙂 And hopefully with experience will come increased self-confidence in this area, too. As an aside, I’ve noticed that just *pretending* to be confident and doing the actions you would do if you were confident (if that makes sense?) can go a long way toward actual achievement of confidence… I will have to remind myself of this in this area as I have very little confidence in my verbal skills when I am feeling afraid!

        Your Highness Anne,
        You’re 100% correct about “pretending” to be confident. It’s another facet of the self-fulfilling prophecy. I have summarized it for years this way, Action cures fear! But it applies to all emotions. Do the opposite repeatedly and the emotions reverse or go away over time.
        Guy

  10. Sir Guy:

    This is an excellent post. Thanks for sharing your insight I especialy like the comment, “Divorced women can do it better than most, because they are broadly experienced at making themselves attractive to men.” As a divorced woman I’ve learned how to accent my best features and can discern what works and what doesn’t,

    Lady Arabella Victoria

  11. raynasybelle

    Reblogged this on The Black Hole Of The Internet and commented:
    This is great advice for the ladies: eat it up and subscribe to this blog.

  12. Brittany

    “More daring and courageous men approach in obvious fashion. The less brave move more cautiously while looking for some tip that they are more special than even they can imagine.

    The latter group in particular fears driving you off more than they feel comfortable as they move in. You see their caution as not approaching you. In their heart of hearts, however, they try to gently ease themselves into your web of obvious attractiveness.”

    I have a question about this, Guy. If a guy doesn’t approach you as stated above, is it simply shyness, or is there something else bigger going on that could possibly be a red flag?

    Your Highness Britany,
    Yes, you don’t present yourself attractively enough. Check out #1440 and those mentioned in it.
    Guy

  13. I have been working for over a year to create and maintain an aura of approachability in relation to one man . . . because he first approached me, doing something for me when I was a relative stranger that helped me through a rough emotional patch.

    In the past few months, after a year of “hi, how are you?” it has seemed that we might start getting closer, spending significant time together, signalled by invitations to lunch at his house and more interactions at church, which is where we see each other the most.

    Well, all that has apparently come to halt, and I pinpoint the moment as the Sunday about a month ago when he gave me a big, pretty demonstrative hug in the hallway at church. I basically said, “Hugs are powerful; they can make a woman weak in the knees and melt her heart. If you didn’t mean to do that, then I don’t want any hugs.”

    So now, though we still interact, I sense a lot of distance. I don’t think I was wrong to say what I did. I really don’t want hugs from a guy who is just messing with me. Maybe I offended this man because I dared to try and confirm his intentions. But now he apparently has stopped approaching me, though I am still, as they say, trying to send the message that I do think he is an admirable and attractive man.

    So, I’m guessing I totally messed something up. What a pain in the butt. Couldn’t relationships be just a little simpler to sort out?

    Your Highness Entwyf,

    Simpler to sort out? Nope, and women as the relationship experts have the burden to do all the sorting.

    In your case, not to worry. He’s very cautious and proceeding slowly as he thinks he offended you and he’s trying to recover without much input from you. Time and your friendliness should make him comfortable again.

    Another thing, he thought the hug was okay. Men and women hug each other all the time for little reason, intro or farewell for example. It’s a pop culture happening. So, your self-defense comment scared him. Women don’t say such things except when they are endowed with strong character, unafraid to take risks, and keenly aware of their self-interest. Your response means he found you unique from other women, which is just great for you. Give him time and add a little more charm to your smiles as if nothing happened. If he hugs again, which I doubt, learn to like it.

    Guy

    • I really do appreciate your comments. Things don’t look quite as bad as they did.

      I was certainly not offended by his breath-taking hug, but I thought it was important to say what I did. I didn’t want to scare him; I just wanted clarity so I did not do him the disservice of misunderstanding his intentions or hiding mine.

      I certainly hope he will hug me again . . . when he’s serious. (I know, what a bummer, a woman talking about being serious.)

      We have, since the hug incident, had some conversation, exchanged some e-mails. Friends keep saying be patient, keep the lines of communication open. I’m trying to keep it light.

      Should I take up tatting or learn calculus or Chinese to pass the time while I’m waiting for him to come out of hiding?

      Thanks again.

      Your Highness Entwyf,
      May I suggest starting a journal into which you daily post at least three of the myriad things in life for which you are grateful. Post no negatives. Also, post no confessions except to your strengths, pleasures, and ambitions. Doing so will help tune up your mind while you wait for him to tune up your heart.
      Guy

      • Yesterday, I made a list of things for which I am grateful. I had fifty-five items.

        Writing positve confessions is going to be more challenging. Just because I perceive, imagine, or want positive things and write them down . . . that does not mean they exist . . . or will exist . . . or will actually be good for my particular circumstances if they come into existence.

        However, at the very least, journaling positive confessions is something that will keep me occupied. If I am journaling, I will not be spending time trying to make sense of a currently stalled developing relationship . . . and failing because of my pretty profound girl-ignorance.

        Your Highness Entwyf,
        We tend to produce or get what we think about. Future positives are dreams. I suggest you also keep uncovering things daily for which you are grateful. I bet 55 isn’t your limit.
        Guy

  14. Magnolia

    Hello Sir Guy,

    I love your blog! I am fairly new to it. I do not have words to express just how educational it has been in my life and how much it has helped me understand men, women, and relationships.

    I have a question. Your post talks about making ourselves approachable. Well, in this day and age sometimes men are too scared to approach women no matter how welcoming we are. For example, to my horror, I have noticed (and read articles online) that indicate that men get to know/ask a woman out by texting so that they won’t lose face if they are turned down. This infuriates me. It just doesn’t dawn on otherwise serious, formal men that this is just not the way that they should approach a lady. The ladies from ‘The Rules’ say ignore his texts until he calls and don’t explain why you don’t text back. You have said that it’s not our job to make his job easier. Sometimes it’s hard. I want to encourage him, but I also want to see him step up to the plate. This has already happened to me in the past. For example, the last man I dated was kind, had integrity, maturity, financially stable, had good intentions, but when we started going out, I had to correct him about that. I don’t want to have to correct them. I wonder if I should just ignore someone who might turn out to be a good man for me or if I should have patience and train him as you suggest women do with men. After all, feminism has changed so many things that men and women don’t know how to act these days. On the other hand, I don’t want to make excuses for weak men. They need to learn to man-up and take a “no”. It’s part of being a man and how they show they are a man…So tired of pansies…

    Your Highness Magnolia,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Women spend their lives being infuriated by what men and their man do. Get used to it now or you’ll never find happiness with one. Why? Infuriation at someone drives out gratitude for them, and happiness flows out of the compiling of your own gratitude, and your man will be expected to play the key role. Right?

    However, you can take steps to help prevent infuriation. I suggest you adopt your own STANDARD response to all text invitations. Don’t sound corrective in any sense, just text one message that conveys your innocent expectations. So, how about this? “I never text NO and I never text YES. But I use those words when face to face or phone to phone.”

    Red flag: You say, “I had to correct him about that.” Corrected him about what? Text invitations for dates? Or for infuriating you? Or are both the same? So, it’s all about your EXPECTATIONS when he doesn’t know your STANDARDS?

    If you “correct” a man about anything, you have wandered into the gooey mud that portends his withdrawal. Especially if he’s not your husband, and even then the mud is only less gooey. Women are born with charm, indirectness, and cleverness that makes correcting a man the worst of all ways to try to generate change within him.

    Set your STANDARDS first and then it can be all about him. Develop a corrective tactic that prevents being infuriated. Go on offense. Find ways to let each man know where you stand before you “need” to correct them. For example:

    Establish this or similar STANDARD and disclose it soon after meeting them. Face-to-face or by phone tell each man this: “It’s not about you but all about me, I don’t use texting to converse. I use it ONLY to make unexpected changes to events scheduled by other means (or other limitations to prevent becoming infuriated). You are too important as a person for me to treat you cheaply. And yes, I think texting short conversation shows the sender’s disrespect for the receiver.”

    Incidentally, your girlfriends are only partially right about guys being afraid of being rejected. I admit the fear exists but it’s not that critical with texting. To men, texting is far, far too efficient to not capitalize on it. It’s a tremendously effective breakthrough. They are motivated more by pride for using the best, easiest, and most convenient way than avoiding a fear.

    Also, you say, “It just doesn’t dawn on otherwise serious, formal men that this is just not the way that they should approach a lady.” Men treat women according to the way they act, but I add a friendly reminder. Ladies don’t correct men. They find and use less direct methods.

    By now you should be infuriated with me. My suggestions for conveying your STANDARDS and EXPECTATIONS are not edible for thinking much less using. You have to figure what works best for you. You can’t make them less infuriating, because women can’t change men with two exceptions: 1) As suitors who change to match their interests with their intended conquest, but who refuses to be conquered without marriage. 2) As wives morph Mr. Good Enough husbands into Mr. Right trophies after a few decades of marriage.

    Guy

  15. Magnolia

    Sir Guy,

    Thank you very much. I appreciate your help and will be acting on it right away. You have helped immensely. Believe me, it has not made me angry at you, but happy.

    As for what I said about men infuriating me, it now seems an overstatement. I understand and agree with what you say as I have been following your blog and others like it for some time now. There shouldn’t be any feelings of being offended when the action wasn’t meant to offend.

    One more thing about correcting the man I used to date: I didn’t do it in a snappy, harsh, or critical way. I said something similar to what you mention above but I was frustrated about it. Again, from now on I will talk to men about the matter without being offended or upset. I realize they mean no harm.

    Anyway, thank you again from the bottom of my heart. 🙂

  16. Hello Guy,
    This a very informative thread, thank you.
    I relate to the problems the 40 something women are having as far as being too open. I have been practising being more open but it can be exceptionally overwhelming. Last weekend I was out with girlfriends at a very popular pub, mixed ages, everywhere from 20’s to 50’s. I am recently divorced so am just now getting used to the singles scene again but am finding it hard not to become defensive with men. I look quite young for my age so I get approached by much younger men and also very aggressive men. Men will slap my behind, make sexual comments, unwanted advances and always get straight to sex talk. I want to be open and have fun but it feels too scary. I don’t dress provocatively, I was wearing a very casual outfit with a high necked top, pants and boots, many of the younger women were dressed highly sexually and acting very aggressive themselves so I don’t understand why I get this kind of reaction when there are so many willing young women around, or how to handle it without becoming jaded.
    Im starting to see men as looking for one thing only and find myself becoming mean when Im approached which I don’t want to be. Then when a man approaches that I am interested in I no longer trust his intentions and put him off because Im already on the defensive and assume he just wants sex. Its a vicious circle. Part of my problem has to do with my face I think, I have a very sexy look and I cant change that, so Im not able to prevent men from putting me in the sex box instantly and being inappropriate right away. I cant seem to inspire that curiosity you talk about. What can I do if I just cant pull off the demure sweet look that I need to inspire the better part of men?
    Im becoming so frustrated.

    Sorry this was such a ramble, I was emotional writing this. Im feeling very lost.
    Thank you for everything you are doing to help us.
    Kristi.

    Your Highness Kristi,

    Separate yourself from other women. Slap the next two or three guys that offend you or your modesty, manners, or innocence. Then, don’t explain or complain. Just stare them down or mind your own business and stroll away. The word will get around, and you’ll see guys approach you with greater respect and other interests on their minds.

    I know, I know, fear of assault charges or something. But until you broadcast your boundaries with actions (men understand those) instead of wishes and words (which they think they can twist to their advantage), your life will continue as before.

    At the opening I said separate yourself from other women. Be different. Men go to bed with women who are like other women out of bed. They marry women that are like others in bed but different face-to-face. Time in bed with a woman earns her NO respect and a man’s love stems from his respect of women in general and one in particular. Women earn a man’s respect outside the bed.

    Guy

  17. Thank you Guy,

    I just received your book in the mail, Im looking forward to reading it, thank you 🙂

    I was out again the other day at a nice place with friends and did as you instructed. A man came up to me and kissed me on the cheek and I was receptive to him because it seemed sweet and I was having a fun time. Problem is he instantly changed his tune and shouted in the pub “that’s a sexy girl!” and slapped me on the behind hard, in front of everyone, as I was walking away. I stopped dead and turned on him, he tried coming toward me but I put my hand out and loudly told him to back off and gave him a withering look. He looked so crushed and demoralised as he slinked away that I actually felt sorry for him afterward. Its hard for me to act like that but I realize its necessary in those situations. This happened in front of a table of very attractive alpha males that saw the whole thing.

    Later in the evening one of the men that saw the interaction came up to me, he was extremely attractive and sexy and he knew it. He was very polite but had a very sexy way of interacting with me which was overwhelming. He had a dominant way of looking me straight in the eye with a sly smirk and not wavering which never happens with men, they almost always break eye contact with me first so this was very attractive to me. He would also lean over me and get very close to my neck when talking but never actually touch me, it made me melt. He held polite conversation but I could very much feel his intentions toward sex, at least that’s what it felt like to me. He spent the rest of the night in pursuit, his friends were trying to help him get my attention, there were 5 of them kind of surrounding me but not in an aggressive way. I got too overwhelmed by it all and started to feel angry again, in my mind I was thinking that this guy could pick up any girl anytime and he knew it and that to him I was just his next conquest. I finally said something rude to him and put him off almost as an automatic reaction, a fear based reaction. and he hadn’t actually done anything wrong or inappropriate. I didn’t give him a chance to prove he was different because I didn’t think I would have the power to resist him if he had just wanted sex and I just don’t trust men’s intentions. I don’t know if what I did was right or wrong, if Im sabotaging myself and missing chances at great guys or if Im protecting myself. Maybe I have low self-esteem or maybe Im acting appropriately. This is so confusing, I want to meet men like him but these types of men are also very powerful and hard to resist. Was I right in pushing him away? What would be the best way to deal with men like this? Are very attractive alpha males even trustworthy as they are obviously able to have many women if they so choose? I have only been with one man, my ex-husband, sexually in the last 10 years so all this is so new and scary for me but I do very much want to meet a great man again, it all seems to be about sex these days though.

    Any advice in dealing with these alpha male types? Was my instinct correct in pushing him away? Its hard to decipher what type of man I should be looking for, the nice polite guys are not attractive to me, they are too placating, but the alphas are scary in their own way, I don’t want to have my heart broken..

    Thank you for reading this lengthy email. I really don’t have anyone I can talk to or ask these questions of that I trust to give me good advice. Others just said I should have hooked up with him and that I blew it, that I should have just had fun and seen what happened but that doesn’t seem right for me.

    Thank you so much once again Guy, I am forever grateful to have found you.

    Kristi.

  18. Tempo

    Thanks for the blog, Guy. You are doing us ladies a big favour! My issue is – I have no problem in getting men to approach me. In fact, for the ones that I don’t care very much i.e. those that failed to stir my heart, I behave very cordially and can hold up a decent conversation. The men usually keep going with their interests, and I simply keep in touch with them. The problem is, for the guys that I really like (it happens rarely as in love at first sight), I behave extremely shy and nervous, my face goes red, and I cannot speak very well in front of them. Of course, I don’t like myself that way, but I am so nervous that I can’t seem to control my feelings and be normal. Do you have any suggestions on how I can overcome this? I also have a tendency to hide from the ones I ‘love’ ‘cos I am so scared. It’s silly and stupid I know, and I hate myself that way. In fact, one guy likes me and try to approach me, and I feigned disinterest. Its a protective mechanism so that I don’t screw up. Now he doesn’t approach me anymore and I am sad.

    Your Highness Tempo,

    You say, “The problem is … I behave extremely shy and nervous, my face goes red, and I cannot speak very well in front of them. Of course, I don’t like myself that way, but I am so nervous that I can’t seem to control my feelings and be normal.”

    Methinks you complain about strengths that men admire. Your symptoms signify that you find men interesting and perhaps exciting; they like that. In their eyes you’re very feminine and attractive. (Femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world.) Why give it up? Get used to it. Learn to like it. Just smile more and talk less and depend more on them to initiate and carry conversation. You’ll get used to it and learn to rise above your feelings of the moment.

    In the meantime, consider this. You have self-victimized yourself with fear, but there’s a way out. By following a few principles you can make it simple if not easy.

    When men fall in love at first sight, they ‘explode’ into devotion for their new dream object. Women don’t fall in love at first sight; they self-victimize with infatuation that ‘explodes’ into extreme self-centeredness, a temporary narcissism. So, you need to override your instincts with actions that keep you from internalizing, actions that push you to consider external matters.

    Action cures fear. I say again, action cures fear. And again, action cures fear. You are in charge of your actions and you can make the cure ‘swallowable’ by taking small bites.

    First action. Persistently use your mind to change your heart. Before you go to sleep at night, rehearse how dynamic you can be. Determine in your heart of hearts that you deserve all you can earn, and you’re always on the road to win some man’s devotion. Repeatedly visualize a new level of boldness. Tell yourself repeatedly that you can handle mistakes and overcome disliking yourself on every such encounter. No encounter is more important than another.

    Second action. You are in charge of yourself for every encounter with men, so make yourself bolder and outwardly intense (the opposite of retreat mode). Feign interest in the man. Feign comfort and composure with yourself. Force yourself to do these things a few times in action until you are more comfortable and you like yourself more. Keep it up. Success breeds success.

    Third action. Anytime that discomfort or fear disturbs your feelings, smile big and ask the man a question. Practice doing it until it’s habitual.

    After practicing those actions a few times, you will do just fine.

    Guy

    • Tempo

      Thank you very much for your advice, Guy. I have already started thinking and internalising what you said on my way to the bus stop today. I also reminded myself to be brave when I felt uncomfortable, that me-should-think it is no big deal! :))

      On a different note, I am slight confused about why women cannot fall in love at first sight. You see, for the guy that I am into right now, I took one look at him and I knew I was hooked. That was before I knew anything about him. Not even his name. Later I found out he worked in the same company as me , and when I had the opportunity to get to know him better through work, I was surprised how similar we think and even our tastes are the same. He decorated his office the same way that I would. He dressed the way that I would dress if I am a man. There is this overwhelming sense of familiarity. It is as if my subconscious mind has chosen him even before I knew it. Also you are right about narcissism. Afterall, we tend to like people who are like us. But this happens extremely rarely (2-3 times) in my thirty odds years of life, that I actually fall head over heels like this. There are some very good men out there but to be honest, bur if the feeling is not there, it’s not there. I have never managed to develop that ‘love’ feeling overtime, no matter how many dates I go out with the ones that I have no interest to begin with. Some even lasted years and I kept telling myself, hey I am getting old, just choose one that is not so bad. But still I cannot forced myself to do it like a transaction, feel like selling myself. Perhaps I am a hopeless romantic which is why I care so much about the one I truly ‘love’, but it is precisely the super intensity that kills it – you care too much that you do not allow the relationship to develop properly. I am learning to relax so I can give it a chance.

      Your Highness Tempo,

      So, you are different, right? That’s okay too.

      But consider this facet of human nature. When you convince yourself that you’re in love at first sight, you excuse yourself from making a very big investment into the relationship. You love and therefore you deserve, you tend to wait for something better to develop but it doesn’t.

      In parallel with that, if you invest little of yourself in a relationship, your devotion never increases. Commitment may remain the same based on the conviction that you love the guy. But actions that don’t demonstrate devotion to him and simultaneously program your heart with true love enable you to coast in the relationship and depend on him to sustain it. It makes things easier for you, but it also prevents development of maturity, because men aren’t in to improving their devotion. His devotion is what it was at time of conquest and seldom gets better.

      You claim to fall in love at first sight. I claim it’s infatuation that you sustain and base it on this. Were it love, you would continually increase your devotion to the guy and the relationship would mature. OTOH, you wait for the relationship to grow but your infatuation doesn’t generate maturity. Actions and not intensity grow a relationship. Women are the relationship experts; if maturation doesn’t flood their relationship, who is it that should look inward?

      Guy

      • Tempo

        Dear Guy,

        It took me a while to digest what you said, but I concur. There’s another question – do guys have the ability to think and behave more logically than women, when they fall in love? My infatuation has led my heart to rule over my head, and I wonder if men are the same.

        Sincerely,
        Tempo

        Your Highness Tempo,

        Yes, guys think and behave more logically than women when they fall in love. Beware if a man’s heart dominates his behavior. Men aren’t as free with their emotions as women are. To men, admitting out loud to being in love weakens their sense of independence and thus their sense of significance (aka male ego).

        Conclude that a guy’s love exists after perceiving his respect and devotion to her. Also, his words of commitment that come before or without those two things signify pursuit of sex rather than her.

        Guy

        • cocoa

          Sir Guy you say “Beware if a man’s heart dominates his behavior” how can a woman figure that out? How can we tell if his heart dominates his actions? And why beaware if that is the case?

          Your Highness Cocoa,
          Do his decisions register as logical, well-reasoned, and mature? Or, illogical, not reasonable, immature, and more adolescent than adult?
          Guy

    • Krysie869

      Referring to the comment above, what does it mean if a woman’s face goes red, or smiles awkwardly, or gets tongue tied in embarrassment and a guy just stares blankly at her or seems annoyed? You said men find that enjoyable, but I’m guessing that those men don’t find her attractive.

      I sometimes notice some women stare blank-faced too when a particular girl does or says anything to them or someone else including laughing or being happy. Is it a sign of intimidation?

      Your Highness Krysie869,
      He stares blankly means he got surprised. Didn’t expect her reaction.

      With women, it’s much the same. They register surprise because someone is different from them. Don’t worry. Be herself or they won’t like her for sure. It could lead to intimidation if they seek to convince her otherwise to be more like them.

      Guy

      • Krysie869

        What should a girl do in that situation? Oftentimes when she speaks, the individual just stares blankly. How is a relationship to develop? It appears rude.

        Your Highness Krysie869,

        I can’t tell you what’s best. You have to figure it out as you go through life.

        But this makes things turn out better for you. Be yourself. You’re learning what life’s about. You act, others react. Take charge. Be more independent. Walk away if you feel like it. Relationships last when boy chases girl, so do whatever seems appropriate to not chase him. (When girl chases boy it moves sex to the top of his priorities. When boy chases girl he’s forced to focus on her as person, female, and her role in his life.)

        Guy

  19. Cinnamon

    Tempo,

    It’s common wisdom in much relationship advice that there has to be a “spark” of attraction from the beginning ( or as you say, “to be honest, bur if the feeling is not there, it’s not there. I have never managed to develop that ‘love’ feeling overtime, no matter how many dates I go out with the ones that I have no interest to begin with.”). This is true both in both mainstream (Blue Pill) dating advice (which tends to emphasize romance/connection) and in Red Pill advice (where the emphasis is always on “attraction”).

    Sir Guy teaches a different way from both the Blue Pill and Red Pill. He teaches that by becoming self-aware of our own deepest needs as females, AND the deepest needs of males we can, through acts of will, learn to recognize and bring out the best in men with potential to be excellent husbands (not all men are such candidates). Our attraction filters eventually get recalibrated so that a deep spark does develop with a man of character.

    It took me a lot of reading of the articles on this site to understand how this works. I would encourage you to really study Sir Guy’s archives including the comments section (where some of his greatest wisdom resides). It is the best education on happiness in marriage you will ever get, if you are willing to look critically at yourself.

    Your Highness Cinnamon,
    I love it when pretty women can explain complex issues so clearly.
    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      EDITOR’S NOTE: MY RESPONSE IS IN CAPS following your questions in lower case.

      (In reply to Cinnamon) This is a fascinating thread that Tempo has started. If you don’t mind–I have a few questions on the following statement (with which I agree): “Women don’t fall in love at first sight; they self-victimize with infatuation that ‘explodes’ into extreme self-centeredness, a temporary narcissism.”

      1. Why is infatuation of a girl considered self-victimization? Is it because she then can’t think logically about the situation and puts herself at risk of poor judgment? Yes. What purpose does this function serve in the long run as its natural hormones, right? IT’S NOT NATURAL. IT’S THE RESULT OF HER HARD-HEADEDNESS NOT BEING FULLY DEVELOPED BEFORE PUBERTY. IOW, SHE NEVER LEARNED CAUTION ABOUT HER SOFT-HEARTEDNESS AND LOGIC ESCAPES HER.

      2. If a woman isn’t initially infatuated with the man, but feels he’s attractive/pleasant and wants to get to know him better, does this create an advantage for a girl? (I would think yes.) YOU’RE RIGHT OF COURSE. SHE’S WELL DEVELOPED AND MATURE ENOUGH TO LET HIM ASSUME THE SELLER ROLE TO HER BUYER ROLE.

      3. Your mentioning “temporary narcissim” is interesting–as I wonder if today more women stay in that mode and don’t seem to move beyond? IT CERTAINLY SEEMS SO. If the girl stays in the relationship in narcissist mode and never ends up developing the relationship after the initial first couple of years…it would seem that she would end up being disappointed when he doesn’t live up to her expectations, she would then start to devalue and then ultimately discarding their husband/boyfriend when she isn’t happy with him–as it’s all about her (narcissistic). YES, VERY ASTUTE. THAT WOULD BE THE NATURAL PROGRESSION ONE SHOULD EXPECT. Funny thing is, in the cycle of a narcissistic relationship its “Idealize, Devalue, Discard” and then rinse and repeat with same person or someone else. Sounds a lot like being in infatuation mode to me. YOU CONNECTED THE DOTS VERY WELL. THANKS.

    • Tempo

      Thank you, Cinnamon. I am grateful for your kindness and your suggestions 🙂

  20. Julia

    Awesome!

    Thank you!

    Your Highness Julia,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
    Guy

  21. cocoa

    Sir Guy, if you can explain the following for me please:

    1. Every manly attention paid to you is a masculine test. Testing what? And how long does the testing phase continue for? Seems like I am tested left, right and centre!
    2. They have more distracting features to camouflage. I don’t understand this.
    3. (1st point under first glance)- If it doesn’t set the hook, he’s not good enough for you. Why’s that?

    Many thanks sir Guy.

    Your Highness Cocoa,

    1. Masculine test to see how quickly and far you will go toward the bed. So, prepare and have a response that puts you in control of the situation.

    2. Your question is about an unclear point. It has been changed to: “Even among the very pretty, tall, or exotic, many view themselves as unapproachable by men. Their problem is the same as that of other women, but they have more distracting features to camouflage so that men will focus on whom as person instead of what as sex object.”

    3. He’s not interested enough in you as a person. Had you responded more assertively, he would likely have approached with sex on his mind. Women face no tougher challenge than shifting a man’s interest from sex to her as person first, woman second, and potential mate third.

    Guy

    • cocoa

      Thanks sir Guy, re#1 I am ready with a wide 21 carat gold wedding ring. Would that be enough? I have family pictures around me. I am starting to sense that it doesn’t matter for some people anymore.

      Your Highness Cocoa,
      Methinks your impatience colors your judgment. None of those interest a man the way you would like. May I suggest you re-study posts 1977 and 1979 and the soon-to-be published What and How Men Love a Woman.
      Guy

  22. cocoa

    Hello again, methinks I confused you with my response. Let me try again.

    You say a man test a woman for the reason in #1 above, and that a woman should be prepared. So I was wondering given that I am a married woman, with a bright wedding ring on my finger, should that exclude me from being paid attention to? I don’t mind nice and encouraging compliments (it still embarrasses me, but I am getting better) but sometimes it’s a bit too much and a bit too bold. That’s why I was hoping that men should leave married women alone.

    Don’t get me wrong, I am approachable and I like it but it seems that I have to take the good and the bad!

    Your Highness Cocoa,

    Yes, you have to take the good and the bad. Enjoy the former by smiling to acknowledge the compliment and then change the subject or walk away. It converts the scene into innocence which earns respect from the guy who just demonstrated lack of respect for your marriage. It makes your husband look like he married a genuine winner and keeper.

    For the bad, develop and memorize your own standard response. That is, quick to recall words that essentially mean ‘get lost’. Verbalize your favorite way of dismissing someone from your presence or interest. Then, when bad situations occur, recite your dismissal and accompany it with a silent stare down without complaint or explanation. Always stare down the culprit and preferably until he breaks eye contact. That reinforces your natural courage, grows your self-respect, weakens his cause, and reduces his self-respect for misjudging you.

    Guy

  23. cocoa

    Thank you thank you sir Guy. With the good that is almost exactly what I do. I smile and as I do get embarrassed I walk away. They just keep coming back.

    with the bad, and as I explained before sometimes I don’t understand what they are saying, here is what I said on couple of occasions: I think you should keep on walking as I am not listening. There other time I told the guy, l do not want to talk to you and maybe you should stop talking with me.

    you know they’ve done, they are 2 different males, the first said yeah I will keep walking and left, came back and said, are you still mad with me?! I didn’t respond and continued with my work. The other guy said, but I want to talk with you!!

    I have to say though, what they said before was not repeated again. I have to have to master the dismissing responses because even when I do, I turn red. But by then they disapear.

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    You’re doing great! Keep it up! They are modifying their behavior and, unless you want to cause a ruckus, they will eventually leave you alone or become the kind of friends that measure up to your standards and expectations.
    Guy

    • cocoa

      Sir Guy, I meant to ask. Is the above male reaction is considered a typical male reaction?

      Your Highness Cocoa,
      Sure. Perhaps they are less considerate of female sensibilities, but that’s because women like you have not trained them to pay more attention to female values, standards, and expectations. If they missed that training in childhood, it is more difficult and time consuming later, as it appears to be with you now in the ‘trainer’s seat’.
      Guy

      • cocoa

        Looks like it sir Guy. I can sure see some results with some men. Some don’t care, so I don’t talk to them anymore, just hi and bye. Some have completely changed, and these ones seems more comfortable behaving as good men.

  24. Krysie869

    If a guy appears uncomfortable, awkward, or “lost” when speaking to a woman (or when they lock eyes with each other) — especially one he doesn’t really know — what does that in general mean? I have on a few occasions witnessed this when they speak to certain women which is in contrast to how they behave with others. They just lack confidence (don’t seem excited to be around her) but they don’t ignore her as obvious like the dude playing hard to get. Is that a sign she is not his type physically? I normally assume that he is not interested. Is there a way to change his behavior?

    Your Highness Krysie 869,

    “Is that a sign she is not his type physically?” No! It’s more likely the opposite. Lack of confidence in men comes from fear of losing the encounter. Remember, they are competitors and facing an attractive woman for the first time is a competitive situation in which he first seeks not to fail. So, give them time. They will come out of their shells.

    “Is there a way to change his behavior?” Yes, you become a more feminine woman.

    Guy

  25. Krysie869

    Can a woman being of similar appearance to another women affect a guy approaching her if the two women are always together? For example, in the case of twins who are of similar attractiveness, how would a man approach one he is interested in? Would he prefer one to separate for him to make his move in order to avoid humiliation?

    Also, if a guy speaks more casually to one but more in a “flirty” way, as in smiling and seems happy to be around her over the other but only in private (maybe to avoid humiliation?) is him being more casual to one a sign he is not that interested in her as he is in the other?

    Your Highness Krysie869,
    You’re far too deep into behavioral details for me to respond. Those are questions that you have to figure out for yourself all throughout life. One thought though. You are in competition with your girlfriend to attract manly attention. So, start with that thought as what to do next.
    Guy

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