A friend asked for advice on how a very attractive, well-balanced, and judgmentally rock-solid daughter should handle college men. She’s unique in person but not in the angst she will soon face. Therefore, my response aims at all girls new to campus life.
Dads can only coach daughters with information plus fatherly trust that daughters know best what’s best for them. I recommend they coach daughters from this foundation: Boys and not men, girls and not women enter college. Age 18 doesn’t qualify them as mature, because they haven’t learned many basics of life, such as these. (I know. It sounds like the opposite of trusting them, but it better sets the stage for what daughters will face.)
- Men marry virtuous women, and virtue is whatever men admire. Men admire virginity and virtual virginity the most, because it challenges their natural dominance the most. If they can ‘own’ her, they have outcompeted a virgin, beaten their male competitors, and earned bragging rights. Their self-admiration has new boundaries.
- In addition to virginity and virtual virginity, men also admire females that know how to handle males and discreetly or charmingly dispose of the unruly, undisciplined, and undeserving of the female’s attention. Out of admiration thus earned, manly respect soars for such a female.
- College boys thrill immaturely at the prospects of campus sex. However, neither boys nor men respect people with whom they can too easily have their way. The more extra effort required of males, the more respect earned by the one requiring the extra effort.
- Immature girls yield sex and become popular and the playthings of immature boys. In the process, however, girls lose masculine respect as a person worthy of much other than sex. Winning popularity was great for high school. Trying for it in college earns headache and heartache. Earning respect is a far better model for girls in college.
- In fact, refusing to yield sex in college makes girls unpopular but it earns respect, which is a much better investment for her virtue and marital opportunities. If appreciated as if she earned it, respect helps girls mature in college and colors them valuable as marriage prospects. They mature sooner than college boys do and especially sooner than female peers participating in boys’ games of sexual adventurism.
- For girls that refuse to yield sex, boys and men admire their virtue and respect them as special people. Platonic relationships formed in college and continued afterward enable women to better screen men as good enough for marriage partners.
- Respect earned by refusing sex doesn’t mean boys will act as if she’s respected, because their buddies are watching. Campus and especially frat boys compete with each other, and girls are the chips that boys gamble with. (You’ve probably heard of girls being called ‘chippies’.)
If high school social life offended or scared a girl, college will be much worse. She should prepare for the worst and determine to make the best of it. It’s best done by learning to weaken manly initiatives, especially the hit-on-her kind. What’s the difference? Hits are direct. It’s the subject for tomorrow’s article 1646.