1660. Respect is More Important Than Love

Female-friendly values no longer dominate social and domestic scenes. Women ignore how the sexes differ over the concepts of love and respect. Consequently, women act too motherly in their love and unkind in their respect.

Mother-love is unconditional; that is, given without it being earned. It springs up naturally in women that care for their own infants. Thus, God and Nature endow newborns with an edge in childhood.

However, women mistake mother-love as the model for all love, and it poisons expectations about themselves and their men. First, other than mother-love, all love is conditional because strings are attached even if love doesn’t have to be earned. Second, on the receiving end of love, women will never be loved by a man showing anything close to mother-love. Men aren’t capable of anything even close, and women fare better with more pragmatic expectations. Third, as deliverers of love, women drive men away by trying to emulate mother-love. Men call it smother love.

Women can love before they respect someone and even after respect fades. On roughly the same scale, the more intensely a woman’s love fades or is betrayed, the more intensely her respect also fades. Consequently, respect for someone isn’t critical but just another subset of womanly love, much like a man’s earning power or sense of personal responsibility.

Men are opposite. They can’t truly and enduringly love a woman without first respecting her. If respect fades, love inevitably follows. Consequently, respect is critical and must come first. Loss of respect triggers loss of love. Loss of love doesn’t automatically trigger loss of respect, such as when divorcing a great mother of his children.

Because respect for her man is only a subset of her love, a woman easily forgets how important her reflection of it is to him. If he doesn’t see respect for him in her actions, he doesn’t believe words that proclaim her love. If she compensates by loving him as mother loves a child, she smothers him.

What love is to women, respect is to men. Without loving someone, both sexes can show respect for him or her. But neither sex can show love for someone without men basing it on respect and women finding ways to respect a man. Therefore, respecting someone is more important than loving someone.

In the end, respect generates higher quality interpersonal and relationship success than love. When women fail to both earn and show enough respect, mutual love doesn’t develop intensely enough. It produces what we have today, seemingly loveable relationships plagued by social and domestic turmoil exemplified by male dominance.

Women can regain female dominance in both society and relationships by divorcing feminist attitudes. Quit looking for what women want more of and supply to men what they primarily expect more of. In all avenues of life, forget focusing so much on love and loving and elevate respect and respecting as more important. Show unconditional respect to the male gender for who they are and what they do. Out of that, mutual respect will grow and accelerate the sharing of love more easily and comprehensively.


Filed under sex differences

11 responses to “1660. Respect is More Important Than Love

  1. Shermy

    Guy, I’m having trouble finding men worthy of the respect you say they want or deserve. The men I encounter have few of the values you’ve discussed in this blog. I’ve completely changed my views since I began reading this blog several years ago, but I feel like I’m looking for a unicorn that doesn’t exist. Men worthy of respect seem to be few and far between. Women’s bad behavior has spoiled them, what is a virtuous woman to do when she can’t find a man willing to actually BE a man. Everywhere I turn there are little boys who prefer to be around these silly women that keep them in a perpetual state of adolescence. Feeling like my generation has missed it’s chance at having masculine men.

    Your Highness Shermy,
    I’m working on a response. It will probably be Friday’s daily article 1661.

    • Anne

      Where are you looking for men? They guys who cut the grass at my apartment complex turn off their mowers when I walk by with the babies. That, to me, shows they are respectful men! Perhaps you may want to expand your horizons. (And for the record, I am not disagreeing about disrespectful men. I encountered three today when I was at the post office.)

  2. boomer babe

    Im seeing these girls giving their boyfriends ‘mother love’ and its SICKENING! The boys don’t even have natural affection for them. You never see two teens/younadults even hold hands; maybe not where im from in CA–she smothers him

  3. Katarina

    I can see that my husband values respect from his children rather than love. He likes knowing they are OK and safe and happy, but he doesn’t have to be around them all the time or be all huggy smoochy (his kids are all grown). Some of them don’t understand that… they show disrespect and yet are all mushy in words and then don’t understand why they can’t be close to him. It very much plays into who he is. They even mess up really bad by not respecting ME, because I’m his wife and they show respect of him by respecting me. They just don’t get it and probably never will. I don’t think I can be the one to explain it. Our youngest is the closest to understanding it… these seem like such complex issues, but I’m wondering if women in past generations just by instinct understood this stuff.

    Your Highness Katarina,

    Yes, I believe our foremothers understood. They believed that words were not as convincing as actions, I do know that. They more closely followed fatherly teachings and examples of men that actions speak louder than words, so that children didn’t reflect poorly on parents. (The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree in biblical terms.)

    Today, the more that children’s words mismatch their actions, then the more insincere they appear, less influence they have, the less interest they generate with listeners and observers, and the more frustrated and insistent they become to get their own way.

    As you point out, insincerity does not breed family closeness. Also, insincerity turns empathy into sympathy and turns people away.


  4. anonymous

    What are some examples of how one shows unconditional respect for the male gender? What about to boyfriends/husbands?

    Your Highness Anonymous,
    I’m working on it. In the meantime check out Catherine’s tip nearby about post 1600.

    P.S. My response will be posted Saturday as #1662.

  5. Linda

    …Such powerful words of wisdom Sir Guy. Gentlemen are never more handsome as when they share these gems.

  6. Anne

    “Quit looking for what women want more of and supply to men what they primarily expect more of. In all avenues of life, forget focusing so much on love and loving and elevate respect and respecting as more important.” I am going to make this my motto for the next handful of months!

  7. Rana

    Oh Shut up. This is bullshit. My father and stepmother abused me and my family. He demanded more of obedience and respect than he did about love. He had no respect for anyone of us and he verbally and emotionally abused us too much. For that to happen, they lost me for good. I say love comes first before respect. Without love, respect doesn’t come into play for someone you care for. You want respect? You have to have love come first.

    Your Highness Rana,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    As a college student, your manners signify you’re a freshman.

    I regret beating your professors to teaching you this point. Your wishes do not change human nature. If you were right, there would be no peace in the world, because you nor anyone else can love everybody.

    However, respect of everybody as persons of equal worth is very possible. Where mutual respect abides, love forms easily, and peace follows. Then, where mutual love abides, it’s contained within couples and small groups.

    As a woman, I regret having to teach you this point. A man’s love is nowhere near the emotional connection that women use to identify love.

    A man’s love is based on his respect for a woman, and she has to earn that respect. With the foundation of respect, then a man’s love comes in the form of his actions that please him in order to please her. If she expects to hear three little words, she has to condition his thinking to express it frequently and sincere words don’t flow unless he respects her.


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