1702. If He Talks Sex, She Talks Marriage


I know women are fearful they will drive a man away, and so they avoid what I am about to say. If he can talk about sex, she can talk about marriage. As he explores her views about sex, she explores his about marriage. If he won’t talk about marriage, why should she talk about sex? When they deal with a man, women should start early to tie sex and marriage together. If it scares him off, he’s not a good candidate for marriage, not good enough for her, or both.

When he mentions sex generally, she mentions marriage generally. When he gets specific, she gets specific. When he tries to point them toward bedtime together, she points their thinking toward her marital hopes and dreams. In principle, she’s as worthy of marriage as he is worthy of sex. Not worthy as a matter of equality but of fairness.

Women expect marriage someday, so why should they not seek to talk about it early. What are each man’s views of marriage? Not marriage with her but as subject of his life. Marriage as way of life, as something to shoot for, as vehicle in which to raise kids, as determinant of family values, as foundation for a woman taking care of a man’s castle, as environment to enjoy each other’s company, as him as provider/protector, as obligation to entertain each other, as foundation for his job and hobby, as way to father children, as way to live out one’s latter years. In short, what are his views and philosophy that could affect any woman’s hopes and dreams? Who will he be in the grand scheme of family life some years in the future? What promise does he hold for any woman?

Get his thoughts out in the open, and they make his future endeavors more reliable. His words program his subconscious mind for how he will perform in the husbanding role, e.g., promises to her. Or, he lies and guilt sears his conscience and disqualifies him for good husbanding.

Women think the subject of marriage to single men is like sunlight to Count Dracula, but it’s not entirely so. Male curiosity and imagination are easily fired up by discussion of challenges, so long as threats to a man are impersonal—as long as he perceives the escape hatch remains open. Both dating and courtship provide endless opportunity to match wits, and both subjects can be highlighted by a woman’s competitive effort to change the subject off sex.

Precisely because single men don’t want to talk about marriage, single women should force the issue and do it early and often. The more that women talk about it with a man, the more they acknowledge to themselves that marriage is important. The more easily they stay focused on their hopes and dreams, the more easily they defeat male pressure for premature sex.

Imagine for a moment that she faces a date or boyfriend that repeatedly puts pressure on her to talk about sex. She wants it to stop. She reminds herself of the following and finds a way to convey the spirit of it to him. Her ultimate asset is first time sex with him. Just once and it is gone. His ultimate asset is his sexual independence, which never goes away in his mind and must be tamed for his heart to devote himself to her or someone else. How and when does he envision a mutually compatible swap of ultimate assets? Who should yield first to the other? Better yet, how can both of them win? When he has a good answer, she can return to talking about sex, or so she tells him.

Even with men who don’t highly pressure a woman for sex, sooner or later hard-to-get women will face a man’s wanting to talk about sex. Countering with thoughts about marriage keeps her in charge until he changes the subject away from sex, or he changes her mind about what’s immediately more important.

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14 Comments

Filed under How she wins

14 responses to “1702. If He Talks Sex, She Talks Marriage

  1. ramona

    BRILLIANT, simply brillian! THANK YOU, Sir Guy!

  2. Sir Guy:

    Thank you for this wonderful, straight to the point blog post. You are right. Most women are fearful because we think frank discussions regarding marriage will drive men away. I appreciate you telling us, in clear terms, that we should hold on to our convictions & not shy away from the subject of marriage.

    Lady Arabella Victoria

    • boomer babe

      Years ago, guys werent so brash to talk about sex and would even open the door for a lady etc.: they KNEW they had to get married to get it. when they want you to talk about ‘x’, it’s a good reason to bring up the ‘marriage’ besides its ‘good for them’

  3. mYstiQue

    GUYS WOULD EVEN OPEN THE DOOR FOR A LADY”” shes right: we really have to train girls to be ladies again

  4. I wish I had read this when I was a child…..

  5. faithy

    **APPLAUSE**!!! i love it!! ur so awesome i even clapped when i read this cuz i totally and completely agree!! love is kinda like a game and u cant hate the player u hate the game because nowadays guys are winning!! in a way theyre also losing because fornication can ruin someone’s spirit and usually does, but women lose so much more, we can lose our futures and dreams. there are many women who can never get married because they gave up way too much…we are shooting ourselves in the foot by giving up our sexual power…but girls and even grown women dont realize that it IS our power that we hold, and believe the lie that we can be like men…..i wish every woman can read this blog…

    Your Highness Faithy,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
    Guy

  6. Dear Sir Guy,
    I am trying in my mind to synchronize the ideas in this article with the “Put Marriage Out Of Her Mind”-series. For example, “Ideally, you want him to pressure you for marriage” in 872, and “Precisely because single men don’t want to talk about marriage, single women should force the issue and do it early and often” here.

    “As long as he has to work to prove himself worthy of you, as long as you delay both sex and total acceptance of him as potential groom, he doesn’t fear being trapped” from 872 seems to substantiate that she should talk impersonally about her goal of marriage, but not about marrying him and not like her mind is set. And that is also the general gist I have gotten throughout the blog. Was that the right interpretation?

    Hope you are having a good evening 🙂

    Your Highness Eatacactus,

    Re 1st para: Use these amplifying points.
    • Put marriage out of your mind with each guy. IOW, don’t dream of marrying him. Just let his initiatives drive the bus.
    • When a guy mentions sex, you bring up marriage. It’s always two conquerors face off, and you’ll ultimately lose the negotiations if you let the subject remain on sex. Make shifting the subject automatic but not too obvious. Enable him to figure out that you’re not eager to talk about sex. Men believe what they figure out, while marriage tinkles their curiosity in background mode.
    • Bringing up the marriage subject generally and leaving him out of the picture expresses your values, standards, and expectations. It the framework you want a guy to have, because it helps him decide if he should pursue you or just you for sex.

    Re 2nd para: Yes, your interpretation is correct.

    Re 3rd para: All my evenings and days are fantastically interwoven with my childhood dreams about having fun in life. I spent many years in professional seriousness, and they smothered my narcissistic tendencies. My life shines in my soon-to-be 84 y/o eyes.

    Guy

    • I always treasure your responses! 🙂 I have a computer file with many of your quotes which I read and reread to imprint into my head. Your bright outlook on life really shines through.

      Your Highness Eatacactus,
      I love it when pretty women tell me such things.
      Guy

  7. Amazing Gracee

    Sir Guy,

    I can imagine what I would say in this sort of dialogue without being obvious and direct. Could you or the other ladies provide some examples?

    Your Highness Amazing Gracee,

    He mentions sex and she responds:

    • Why do you bring that up? I’m more interested in mating than coupling.

    • … and your purpose is?

    • Where you headed with the subject? I don’t talk about what’s not earned.

    • Where do you hope to go with that subject? It’s not of my interest at this point in our relationship. Anything further down the line you have to offer?

    • It sounds short range to me. Anything long range in your mind?

    Those are a man’s versions. You will have to convert the thoughts into female wording, but you get the idea. Feminine boldness earns a man’s respect.

    Guy

    • Femme

      Dear Sir Guy,
      I also find it difficult to reconcile what you said above with a previous comment. The lady asked whether we should say we are not feminist inclined but marriàge minded and your response was to talk less and listen more (which I agree with but find it easier said than done 😁) and keep our cards close to our chests. Am I to conclude that we should use the bold statements only in situations when the man wants to talk about sex prematurely? And when is it too soon? Would it be ok in courtship?

      Your Highness Femme,
      The answer is yes to all three questions.
      Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      I wonder how many of the current “sexual harassment” accusations of prominent men made public by “victimized” women could have been nipped in the bud with such responses as the above…or even some of the other clever responses Sir Guy has taught us ladies when dealing with sexual innuendos and invitations from men?

      I’m embarrassed for the women than the men in these media stories. They come across just as desperate and immature as the men they are accusing.

      My husband joked with a friend, “It’s getting so crazy that I’m going to have ask my wife for consent.” 😉

      • Femme

        Completely agree, lady MHW.
        The whole wave of “victimised” adult women coming out recently just seems part of a hunt for white adult males… Those women don’t know how to deal with men and the men are being blamed for it. Which is not to say there aren’t REAL perverts out there who absolutely deserve public condemnation. Paedofiles, for example.

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