1724. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 66

  • The female nature normally keeps a woman focused on the future and enhancing it with today’s decisions. However, guilt-laden women live in and shape today’s decisions out of their past. Massive and diverse guilt compound into misery, which further dims their outlook for today. It often confuses and immobilizes them against female urges to shape their own or family’s future.
  • Wives seek to help with whatever worries their husband. The more he worries about his or their future together—normally wife’s major domain of concern—the more easily she prevents or helps lift herself from the debilitating doldrums of guilt and depression.
  • If you find that everything with which you’re involved holds something for which you are grateful, you generate countless ways to please yourself. Not so much that you’re grateful per se but grateful for the accomplishment of identifying things that provide pleasant consequences. So much pleasing of yourself provides a happy walkway in life.
  • In the matter of achieving things, men and women are alike. However, they differ in the way and things they accomplish. Men go more for producing and favor directness, logic, and reason, such as used in a day’s work, creating wealth, and winning at games and life. They predominantly seek self-admiration and sometimes crave confirmation by others. Women find gratefulness and please themselves more in processing of daily events, interpersonal relations, and inner workings of the heart. They favor indirectness as method, feelings as the currency of exchange, and proving their importance as the mission. This pithy summary also describes it: “[M]ost women feel like ‘I gotta get everything done’. It seems most men feel like ‘I gotta get everything right’.”*

* Thabiti Anyabwile, Senior Pastor of First Baptist Church of Grand Cayman in the Grand Cayman Islands


Filed under Dear daughter

4 responses to “1724. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 66

  1. kaikou

    Sir Guy,

    I’ve been thinking a lot about dating. In a past you encouraged the idea of “circular dating” (You probably laid it out differently, but generally the idea of multidating until serious commitment). I feel aligned with that idea and yet don’t want to date more than one guy. Should I be worried? I know I am limiting myself. Also being so young, I don’t have much experience (went on my first REAL date a couple weeks ago). Is it just my naiveté slipping through? I have read many advice and consensus tends to be don’t put your eggs in one basket. If any of the ladies have advice on their early days of dating, I’m all ears.

    Lady Kaikou

    Your Highness Lady Kaikou,

    Dating of every kind produces the best long-range outcome when you keep this in mind. Men don’t appreciate what they are given without having earned it. A man appreciates what he builds and wins, such as a mutually pledged relationship that adds promise to his ambitions and expectations for future accomplishments. The more difficult and longer is the ‘struggle’ to win her as his exclusive own, the greater is his devotion for her and she the win for him. (Until mutual pledges are made, which he should initiate, dating other guys makes you more elusive and pursuable and stretches out the time for dating to morph into his devotion to you.)

    I didn’t mention sex above, because I describe only the male nature. Separately and distinctively different, men certainly seek sex with dates and maybe others. However, after he conquers a woman, whatever effort he put forth to build and win her as an asset in his life wanes and can stop. He’s won, she belongs to him, and now he’s naturally imbued with the drive to get on with life that includes her only if she’s won his heart with significant or great promise to help him live his life.

    I hope some ladies also respond as you ask. They’re much better capable than I to describe ways to morph the male nature described above into dating behaviors that exploit modern intersex values.


    • kaikou

      Thanks Sir Guy. What do you make of a guy your dating indicating he has competition. For example, I said “I’m heading to coffee shop”. He says “You must drive the guys wild. You must have a lot of guys trying to date you.” I kind of brushed it off saying “hmmm…I don’t know”. Then I told him about a camping trip with friends (male and female) and he indicated I will start dating one of the single males. I said “No”, because the one he indicated is very unattractive to, so my gut reaction beat out a better answer. I asked him is that what he wants? And he said, “No”.

      Is he trying to bow out or size up?

      Lady Kaikou
      I would guess trying to size you up. I suggest more smiles and fewer direct answers. Except to yourself, don’t disqualify any guy. Just smile. Let him go through the process of trying to figure you out among many mysteries. If you don’t mean enough for him to pay that price, you probably don’t mean enough for him to become Mr. GoodEnough.

  2. Lin

    Sir Guy,
    Sorry, rather off topic here but I have a question. How does a man feel when he sees his spouse breast feeding their child? I mean before child, the breast is a source of sexual gratification for him. After the birth of the child, he sees the breast monopolized by the infant. Does seeing wife breast feed make a man feel any less of a man? Does seeing spouse breast feed make wife/mother any less desirable? Should women avoid breastfeeding their children in husband’s presence or not?

    To Lady Kaikou:

    I struggle with the same issue even though I am older. All I knew pre-WWNH was dating one man at a time and pleasing him. Needless to say that didn’t get me very far. You could argue, I guess, that I did receive offers to get married and I was married. However I can directly make the connection between dating/seeing one man exclusively at a time with my poor choice in marriage and other potentially poor choices I may have made. In fact I am now convinced that I would have made a better choice if I had played the game Sir Guy’s way.

    Seeing a number of men opens you up to various characters. This in turn leads to comparisons and analysis, which in turn breeds maturity. Being exposed to other men I feel tempers one’s ‘need’ for a man and constantly makes you aware you have choices and time to think. Oh yes, I wish I had understood this way back. Oh well…

    So now I try not to lay my eggs in one basket, but i admit I really struggle with this one. What I was brainwashed to believe all my life was that a woman who sees several men at a time is nothing short of a sl-t. The community where I live is a rather conservative one. If you see someone, people ( and by people I mean both men and women) automatically presume you having sex with them). Seeing a number of men means you are sleeping with all of them, which in turn in their minds goes to reinforce that you are a sl-t. This is the way it is but i try to live with it.

    Wishing you the best.

    Your Highness Lin,

    Breast feeding is quite acceptable and reminds of his pride in mate and child. However, if he’s unusually self-centered or has been taught to think unlike a man or that its immodest, he may not be comfortable if you do it before others.

    Your comments to Lady Kaikou are immensely well written and on target. Thanks. As to being called a sl-t,” only women do that out of jealousy, envy, and not enough self-respect to mind their own business. Men may see you as ‘easy’, which makes them want to conquer at little cost to them. That’s when the so-called sl-t teaches them better, expects a man’s devotion, and her reputation turns toward what men think more than what women want to broadcast.


    • kaikou

      Thank you Lady Lin,

      Your reply means a lot. I totally see where you’re coming from. I guess I am frustrated because I realize my wanting to have a marriage and family within the next 5 years. Also my body has started the internal “Baby, Baby!” Mantra. Mind you before this I was totally oblivious and on the “career” fast track like many young women. To go from one extreme to the other, has cause confusion and doubt. I like the idea of marrying younger than most these days and building something with your mate. Rather than have a man move in to my condo, sleep in my bed, and watch me put myself through school while working full-time and aging.

      Sir Guy, literally all the couples I know are of this set (role reversal of traditional roles). One guy is moving across country because girlfriend (live-in) got transferred in her job. When he was telling a group of us, I wanted to say “What will you do there?”, but refrained. I have no desire to become them, but I do desire marriage

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