- Sex difference: Men are prideful about what they do but care little about their appearance doing it; minimally attired is good enough. Women that haven’t lost pride in being female are prideful about how they look. Minimally isn’t enough. They also care much about what they dressed for.
- The greatest respect parents can show a child is to let them live their own lives as independently as the child chooses. Indoctrinate them as toddlers, teach them as tweens, and coach them as teens. Throughout each parental function, turn over as much independence as practicable to ensure children learn from mistakes and grow their own maturity.
- Parents don’t respect a child enough, when they tell him how to play safely or politely. Of course parents must protect kids, but minimum is better, paranoia about accidents stinks, helicopter moms go too far, and kids develop best when they figure things out themselves.
- Women mislead themselves. They focus on anecdotes and what appears to happen, and it makes them ignore the vitals of capturing and holding a man. Everybody has heard these expressions: ‘We’re only attractive on the outside’. ‘Men only have enough blood for one head; unfortunately, it’s the little one’. Even this one is an indirect smack against men: ‘Men won’t buy the cow when the milk is free’. Such expressions blame men, stigmatize females against the male nature, and infuse the female mind with thoughts of female superiority. Not that they aren’t superior, but it harms relationships to let men think that women actually, truly feel and much less think that way.
1726. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 68
Filed under Dear daughter
What Women Never Hear 
I’ve never considered “Men won’t buy the cow when the milk is free” an indictment against men so much as a colorful depiction of the truth that you uphold here and say used to be commonly accepted in our society, which is that women should make the price for sex very high, namely marriage.
I quote from post 25, speaking of male and females as each attempting to “conquer” the other — he for sex, she for marriage: “If he wins, she finds it almost impossible to increase and difficult to sustain his devotion to her and hers. If she conquers him, her chances improve dramatically for extending their relationship as long as she wants.
“She’s almost certain to lose if she plays his game, and there are no guarantees playing her game. After all, men do not need marriage, but most women want it.”
While you phrase it more elegantly above, the phrase simply indicates to me that if a woman “gives sex away for free” (i.e., w/o requiring marriage), she will likely not get married or at least be less likely to get married, because the man sees little benefit in getting married when he already gets sex w/o it. So, if her object is marriage, this is a reminder to her that while it may seem a step in the right direction for her to sleep with him (since many women falsely believe that sex gives men an emotional attachment like it does women), it actually works against her true goal, because it lowers the “price” of sex and actually makes the man less likely to marry her (or anyone).
I suppose it could be turned or thought of in a negative way against men — maybe depending on context; but I only ever took it as a reminder to young women particularly to keep their knees together because of what you have frequently said in this blog, “Men will pay the required price to get access to frequent sex. If that ‘price’ is marriage, they will get married; if women lower the ‘price’ fewer men will feel it necessary to get married; consequently, more women will remain single.”
Your Highness Kathy,
I suspected that someone would call me on the cow and milk idiom, but I see it this way. When women use it to caution a female, the warning fingers the male gender as naturally opportunistic or worse. The finger of blame, gloved though it may be with good intention and without malice, remains pointed at men as distrustful and weakens the respect of females for the opposite gender.
Men use the phrase defensively or braggingly to explain themselves, such as when they dump a woman. It reflects poorly on one woman, to be sure, but not so much against her gender.
Guy
Since 53% of children in the west are being born Out of wedlock, women need to be wiser. And education by schooling doesnt help because PhDs are in the same predicament. I’ve heard men get closer thru sex but the woman has to be his BRIDE~~not his girlfriend or fiance~ i even heard that fiance sometimes mean that SHE asked HIM to marry HER~ instead of the other way around
I may have spoke too soon because college educated women are usually wiser than to live with a guy or move him into her place with the wedding band~but i knew a few PhDS who let a guy move in, etc
Hi Guy! Great post!
I have a question for you, I hope this is yhe right place for it.
When I’m walking with a man, sometimes we have to go single file. Should I walk behind him (letting him lead) or in front of him (because ladies first)?
Thank you!
Your Highness D,
Follow his move. Whenever a man shows gentlemanly politeness, crown his behavior as near-regal with a big smile and this comment: Men are never more handsome than when they treat a woman as a lady. Or, …show favor to a lady. Or, yield the right of way. Or, open the door for a lady. If you start calling yourself a lady, men will treat you as such.
For impressing a man, a huge difference exists between claiming what you deserve and what you say your are. See the diff? You can tell him all day that you deserve to be treated politely, and he will for a short time. Then he forgets, because it’s your idea that he change. Tsk, tsk.
However, claim to be and try to act like a lady and a man will upgrade his treatment of you. It’s his idea, and so he will change little by little with frequent rewards such as “A man is never more handsome than….”
Guy
Dear Sir Guy, this is so true on so many levels. When I met my now husband, he was unaccustomed to women waiting politely for him to hold doors, pull out chairs, etc. My grandfather (WW2 vet), was an unflagging gentleman and taught not only my mother & aunts, but also me to insist (not in a nagging way) on these courtesies. I fully believe that girls MUST be taught to be ladies and be treated as ladies. Men should be allowed to be MEN and by extension, GENTLEmen. Four years later, I am so pleased to be with him – he has no trouble treating me gently and tenderly and I do the same for him. Ladies, do not settle for crumbs when you could have a feast.
Your Highness Tamanig,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
Guy