1738. Fishing for Mr. GoodEnough

The manly behavior that singles, wives, and exes described here over the past five years leads me to conclude that many modern men remain adolescent in thoughts, values, and behaviors. They fail to mature mentally, mostly because they aren’t taught before puberty to emulate mature adults and then coached to make it habitual in the teens. With such boys, their hearts and minds are empty of mature thinking when they enter adolescence. The existing vacuum sucks up from peers the immature teenage values and beliefs that last for life.

Consequently, women need keys to unlock the female-unfriendly side of a man and uncover what they likely face in a life with him. Adult-adolescent men show themselves to be immature in some or many of these red flag ways.

  • They are fixated on sex. When the subject comes up, they have a difficult time changing the subject either by themselves, or if someone else expects it.
  • They also seem fixated on the sexier parts of the female body. They favor big breasted females, cleavage, shapely backsides, long legs, erogenous zones, the skimpiest and tiniest of coverings, pornography, and anything else that reminds or involves them with sex. One part is the favorite by which they judge women. They have little compunction to talk about it especially to guys.
  • They favor or even seek new sexual adventures at home and elsewhere.
  • They shy away from personal responsibility in matters with which they are unfamiliar. They’re motivated more by fear of failure than prospects of success when dealing with something strange.
  • They prefer fast moving and heavy action movies to little- or no-action stories with character development.
  • They don’t read books routinely.
  • They easily become bored. Chick flicks drive them crazy.
  • They tend toward laziness and are full of reasons not to do the necessaries.
  • They strongly favor entertainment over fulfilling a responsibility.
  • They enjoy playing with children according to adolescent conditions but have little regard for the expectations of the children with whom they play.
  • They dodge, ignore, or try to minimize financial responsibility for both mate and children.
  • They take immense offense, plead ignorance, and reject or ignore suggestions of any need for relationship maintenance.
  • They have a ready and highly defensive answer anytime blame is cast their way.
  • They’re inordinately self-centered and usually very selfish in one or more aspects of life.
  • They favor hanging out with the guys. As it is with women, they don’t want to be alone. If they have to be, they’re more comfortable with a guy.
  • They would much rather take than give. Giving of themselves doesn’t come easily or naturally to them.
  • They are much like women in this regard. They expect recognition or reward for simple things that mature men consider a duty. For example, helping out when wife’s sick, or ‘rescuing’ mother-in-law when she needs groceries.
  • They view themselves extreme in some aspect of life, be it physical strength or agility, mental ability, musical talent, talk ability, charming personality, unflappability, good looks, debate (argumentative) skills, attractiveness to females. They excessively rely on whatever they consider their best.
  • They abhor the pain of deferred gratitude and lack common sense about money. Or, they pinch pennies so tightly it pains those for whom they’re responsible.

Just a personal opinion, but men married to flat- or small-breasted women have mature, female-friendly, and admirable character traits beyond that of men that chase or marry big-breasted women. If I’m right, it means that young women who make themselves sexier to attract men end up attracting the immature adult-adolescents. The young women more modest and less exploitive of their sexiness end up fishing from the pool of more mature men.


Filed under Dear daughter

14 responses to “1738. Fishing for Mr. GoodEnough

  1. This post is very timely for me. I have a guy pursuing me that fits this criteria to a tee. It’s sad but that’s who he is. Seeing this list makes it even clearer to me that we have no future because he is so lost right now and incapable of giving anything in a relationship.

    Your Highness Samantha “No More Crumbs” Gregory,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

  2. Hmmm…….. I have a man that according to this list is pretty mature. I have big boobs, but I am also a bigger woman. Perhaps the “small-boob” thing translates into all sorts of womanly images that don’t support the notion of hypersexual. Smaller-busted, plain-janes, large women etc.

    Perhaps those of us who only qualified oursleves by our looks and came up short realy do have the advantage in finding and keeping a Mr.Good-Enough.

    Interesting post.

  3. Meggrz

    The only downside of modest, but stylish, dress is that people always seem to mistake me for being older than I am. I am frequently taken for being over five years older than I am – and I’m only 24!

    I suppose I act mature, taking personal responsibility for my actions and their outcomes, thinking before I speak, and working diligently towards my goals, but in terms of attracting the right kinds of men is there something to be said for girlishness that should make me consider trying to incorporate more of it into my presentation of myself?

    Your Highness Meggrz,

    I can only come up with ‘don’ts’. If you’re smoking, stop. If you’re overeating, cut it in half. If you’re overweight, diet. If you’re living a fast life, slow down. If you don’t do ‘pretty time’, start. If your clothes are out of fashion, replace them. If you don’t exercise, start. If you don’t go to church, start. If you drink, back off. If you’re not grateful, find ways to be so. If you don’t smile a lot, change your demeanor. If you don’t think of others, back off your self-centeredness. If you worry about meeting Mr. GoodEnough, screen all men to see if they would fit you. If you don’t wear high heels, try it. If you haven’t talked recently to God, get started.

    Somewhere in that collection of don’ts, you should find something of help. As with all else in life, we do best when we figure things out for ourselves.


  4. *enchante*

    This list looks like the average balding american male today. It seems like the real men get married around 22 years old ~the ones who are together and either started a business or completed education in trade school. I always wondered if the modern media had something to do with it. I watch the old shows on youtube and see the difference…they sound MANLY…guys like Johnny Depp, et al does NOT

  5. I think your “personal opinion” is somewhat correct, but it is based more on the second sentence, “it means that young women who make themselves sexier to attract men end up attracting the immature adult-adolescents.” This can go for women regardless of chest size, so that a small-chested woman who displays immodesty will be more likely to attract an immature male than a full-busted woman who remains modest.

    Your Highness Kathy,
    You’re right. The subliminal effect of modesty as signifying chasteness is more influential than bust size.

  6. Lin

    Sir Guy. How do you teach girls to control their emotions. In order to follow your teachings I admit I had to painstakingly learn to have mastery over myself ( of course not totally, still learning). In terms of handing the dating game, being mysterious, hard to get and a myriad other wonderful things you teach on your blog.

    Boys are traditionally taught control or suppression of emotion, tough exterior and so on. For females I feel the line is a little blurry. You want to remain feminine, vulnerable at the same time you need to be hard headed as you describe it and have full mastery over one’s emotion to successfully ‘tame’ a man.

    If I wanted to teach my daughter by example, teaching or other how would I do that?
    I often see boys been molded directly or indirectly to be tough/ not display too much emotion/vulnerability and so on. How would you do that with a girl so that she stays feminine.

    Your Highness Lin,

    Coach her to match up her emotions with a man’s awareness. Tell her as best you can what’s likely to happen when those two things collide and merge to find balance as love develops. Then, free her to make her own mistakes.

    It’s not the hiding of female emotion that captures the attention and reveals her promise to a man. It’s the expression of emotions that fit the situation and that he admires her for. Examples: She refuses to order dessert but disciplines herself to perhaps accept ONLY one bite of his. Preventing his too-early advances, she teaches herself to switch soft-heartedness to OFF and hard-headedness to ON. She teaches on small things that her saying NO means exactly that about bigger things too. She convinces herself that when she puts her foot down firmly, she won’t relent and change her mind.

    The process of mentally and actually living through those examples and many other situations provides the experience, mistakes, and refinements that teach a girl to be a successful woman.


  7. MJ

    Good morning, Sir Guy. What advice would you give a woman who is thinking about loaning money to her Christian boyfriend to buy a car? They are in a long distance relationship, and have talked marriage, and him getting citizenship in her country. She is thinking about lending him the money because he is barely making it through each week, and needs a car to get a better job.

    Your Highness MJ,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    The relationship is long distance but you KNOW that “he is barely making it through each week?” He talks marriage, citizenship, poverty, and, of course, that he’s a good credit risk. What action has he ever demonstrated? How much loan experience do you have depending on men to do what they say they will do?

    The most prominent female-unfriendliness in the male nature is the ability to spin women’s dreams into payoffs for the guy. MJ, if you can’t harden your heart enough to listen to and honor your natural female hard headedness, along with your money kiss your boyfriend goodbye. This will be the most painful result: You loan the money and his respect for you falls, because you fell for either his honest or dishonest request. With less respect, whatever his love it will fall too.

    If he’s honest in his pleas and you refuse, he will respect you for it and continue the relationship without mentioning it again. He’ll solve his own problem on his own. OTOH, if he’s not honest, you’ll not hear from him again. Your clear and unequivocal refusal will generate perfect pressures to squeeze his true feelings about you out of him.


    • MJ

      Thank you so much for the quick reply, Sir Guy! 🙂 I actually made the suggestion to him, but thinking about it, I think I may have been subconsciously testing him, and was taken back by his eagerness. On one hand I want to help, but on the other hand it actually disturbs me that a man is willing to accept financial help from me.

      Your Highness MJ,
      And well it should disturb you that he’s willing to accept financial help from you. That’s your deepest female intuition stirring you to do the right thing. God bless you for paying attention to your nature.

  8. MJ

    Yes, my female intuition is quite strong. That is not to say that I have not ignored it in the past, but not anymore! God bless you too.

  9. thetruth01

    Thanks! This is exactly what I go by, I just hate to have feelings for someone knowing that the relationship won’t last. This certainly helps weed out the guys that aren’t a good fit for me.

  10. lucy

    Sir Guy,

    it seems that those red flags cited above are almost manifested to a degree by men around… how do i differentiate Mr. Good Enough then if i sense the adolescent part? is it the extremeness or shall i focus on the good parts? i know that it is all too can be easily misjudged, and so i am most grateful of your enlightenment…

  11. Cocoa

    wow sir Guy! I came across this post after reading #2129. I am reading and my head is measuring all men around me including my sons. Am glad and proud that they are more on the mature side of the scale 🙂

    Tell me sir Guy, what you see as natural to real, mature men in the following comparison…?

    During and After Christmas and the new year season I have observed that some men are spot-on in wishing, congratulating and in texting, for example “Happy new year Cocoa how was your break…etc…etc” I liked that and always thought that’s nice and courteous. However, some-other-guys, who otherwise are very responsible and have good character (seem tough sometimes actually!) just said nothing!! Not that they saw me and ignored me, no (that would be rude!) but didn’t really bother to come over/text to wish me like the other guys.

    Now if I wasn’t a faithful follower and student of this blog I would have made a decision not to associate with these guys again, really!, me thinking to myself, “how dare they not wishing me a Happy New Year” . But I thought maybe they are just really focused on what they are doing and can’t/won’t be bothered with all these *nice* and sweet talk (maybe they see it as a feminine thing?!). What’s your thoughts sir Guy? What would a mature man do? What comes natural to guys in these situations? Are these learnt behaviors?

    Note: I find that guys find it really hard to talk to or with an upset woman. I think they get confused not knowing what to say or do. I accept that, but with the case above I don’t really know.

    OH! one of my sons when he woke up on the 1st day of the year, came over to my room, kissed me and said happy new year. The other son woke up and said “hey mom what’s for breakfast?!!”

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    Those guys are just acting natural. Some are nicer and more thoughtful because they were raised to be. As to your sons, I’m guessing just for fun. The first one is the baby, the second one is first born.

    • Cocoa

      Oh my word sir Guy! Yes the first one is my second. I don’t treat him as a baby but he acts though as if he is. and yeah the second IS my first born a very responsible man, have excellent work ethics and he respects me immensely but not really into chatty chats and all the nice sweet talk. He is quite blunt, even his father says so.

      2 questions:
      1. How did you know?
      2. see I raised both exactly the same.Father had little or nothing to do with them up until they were about 6 or 7. How could they be so different?

      So one will be like the guys that *seems* nicer, and the other will be like the guys who work work work and will talk to you when they have time or if they remember. Which seems just so natural and as God created him. I admire that in him though and again if it wasn’t for your teachings sir Guy, i wouldn’t associate with these coworkers again and would be really upset with m first born.

      We women might call them inconsiderate, but really it seems that our (or my) expectations are just too high/unreasonable for a rough and a tough man (alpha man).

      Last question, do I need to coach/advise either of the boys? They are teenagers.

      I am still laughing at your accurate guess. 🙂

      Your Highness Cocoa,

      1) If teenagers, you probably already know they need coaching and not the typical pre-puberty kind of parenting.

      2) If you’d like to understand their differences better, read Kevin Leman’s “Birth Order Book.” (That’s how I knew.)


  12. Mia

    Dear Sir,

    I’m always confused when it comes to a potential Mr. Good Enough. Most women – and I too – have a set of parameters in our head that we look for in a man. We like to be able to tick every box before we consider qualifying anyone. I wonder if life works that way. I often find that strict adherence to these criteria makes us miss what is essential. What do you think?

    In the case of my coworker, well, he falls short in a number of these criteria and yet, I much appreciate his gentle and kind attitude towards me. Am still not convinced that he likes me, and if so he may have not consciously realized it. After my last post to wwnh I did open up a bit, to which he responded positively. We exchanged phone numbers, and I feel that he wants me to take more of the initiative, which I find hard to do. All comments he makes can be seen as just friendly remarks. For example he said to me yesterday: It’s so dull outside and you are dressed so brightly. I notice his behavior changes when our other colleagues are not around. He has started coming in search of me, whenever he has a problem. He is leaving for the US in a few days for a few months and has been quite apprehensive due to this. I don’t know how to behave. Do you think I need to initiate conversations to make him feel more comfortable?

    Your Highness Mia,
    Sure, but proceed cautiously. That he’s leaving opens the door for you to initiate more. You know, friendly chatter about missing him, etc. You can continue to initiate as long as sex is not a matter that’s mentioned. Quit initiating if he brings it up.

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