Women bond as easily as they provide sex after emotional lead up and foreplay. Causing much confusion to modern women, men don’t bond that way and are more complex than women.
The bonding process for both is simple, if one just considers their respective natures. View a man and woman as if they just emerged from the womb as full size adults with distinctively different roles in life. They’ve not yet learned anything about life or dealt with other people. No experiences, no beliefs learned, and no development of personality. Just the male and female natures in the raw, as it were.
The woman’s process starts with touching and completes with their first sex together. She senses that he also bonds and is captured, and she expects that he’s hooked. She does what makes her feel good about herself; her self-love blossoms as she more and more tries to demonstrate that she’s his Ms. Right. It satisfies her need for self-importance. However, such demonstrative actions to prove her value are usually wasted. He bonds from other stimulants.
If her gratitude arises out of their post-coital relationship, her happiness follows. If her gratefulness for him doesn’t follow her efforts, their relationship crumbles. Her bond with him may shatter, but even if she learns to hate him, it seldom completely leaves her heart.
The man’s bonding process begins with her attractiveness that stirs his loins. It concludes with his conviction of her likeability for who he is and what he does. Sex with her is not only unnecessary, it interferes with uncovering her qualities that hold promise for him and thus weakens his conviction about her likeability.
Men bond from this. She’s attractive and likeable. He respects her for her self-respect, self-confidence, and self-control. She amuses, uplifts, and pleases him. She respects who he is and appreciates what he does. His conviction confirms her likeability and he wants to keep her around—provided, that is, if the price to be determined over some lengthy time ahead isn’t too high. (For example, if she speaks too early of marriage or discloses her sexual history, the price jumps too high.)
If their relationship sours, his bond with her follows suit. Sex will only lure him back temporarily. To restore his bond, he needs to start over by seeing a new and reinforced self-respect, self-confidence, and self-control as she denies sex to him. He sees new promise, and such an epiphany opens his eyes to reappraising what else and new she has to offer him for a different kind of life together. (His nature works that way, and it’s why virtual virginity works.)
The sexes are vastly different in the ways they bond as couples. The process becomes infinitely more complex after values, beliefs, and expectations complicate both men and women in real life. But the essence is as described above. Sex with him bonds her; the promise he sees in her as likeable companion or mate bonds him.
Note this for your diary/journal: She’s in charge of whether to provide sex. She’s also in charge of cultivating herself such that he sees that she holds promise for the present and his future as he foresees it. (Her words don’t hold such promise.) In both cases, she acts and he reacts. Got it? Women determine all bonding. Thus, as women go, so go relationships, marriages, society (what we all do), and the culture (why we all do what we do).