1760. Sex Difference Redux — Part 14: Love at First Sight


Women don’t fall in love at first sight. They need time to study and evaluate a man’s potential for fulfilling their hopes and dreams. They infatuate easily, but it’s not the same.

However, men can and a few do. Some men see their dreams fulfilled in one instant. They value the immediate fulfillment so highly that eternal devotion and cherishment spring open for one woman. Men so enraptured dedicate themselves with little thought of the consequences except they are determined to win her for life. They can be so awe-inspiring as to appear almost irrational.

His self-energized actions during pursuit program a man’s heart and mind with stubborn, unquestioned, and highly forgiving allegiance to her for life. If he doesn’t convince himself with actions that she’s the one for life, it’s not really love at first sight. (It takes his one-purpose dedicated actions as opposed to a man’s words uttered to facilitate conquest or his woman’s claims of hope.)

Romance-minded juvenile immaturity brings out the hope of eternal love. A characteristic of teen girls, they fall in love with love and become swamped with conviction when they are in love. They want so hard to believe the frog-to-prince fairy tale holds true in real life. They often learn the hard way that it doesn’t. They usually lack the maturity to adequately screen a boy or man to judge his potential for fulfilling female hopes and dreams.

Playing hopes and dreams against reality, teen girls learn the facts about men. Unfortunately, many carry the same process into adulthood having not learned how to shape manly behavior, tune up boys to respect wives, and build compatibility with a man. However, girlhood has this crowning achievement: They fall in love with love, and it strengthens their future relationships.

Women don’t fall in love at first sight; they easily become infatuated at first sight of a dreamboat. Actually, however, they fall in love with themselves seeming to be in love, and it energizes them to assess the potential of their love target to fulfill their hopes and dreams.

Sometimes adult female infatuation becomes true love. Other times the relationship never becomes serious enough, or it falls apart quite often from the woman trying too hard. Still, at other times, the man turns out to not be Mr. GoodEnough. Thus, love at first sight is reserved for unique men who happen upon the earthly fulfillment of their dreams.

12 Comments

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12 responses to “1760. Sex Difference Redux — Part 14: Love at First Sight

  1. Girl

    Hi Guy,

    So what you’re saying is, the easiest way to avoid this whole “competing” thing (which I still don’t fully understand) is to locate a Mr. GoodEnough who falls in love with you at first sight. Piece of cake! lol

    I have a question about this. Or several….

    First: Is “love at first sight” literally and only *sight*? As in, “our eyes met across a crowded room; the seas parted, the heavens opened” kind of thing? Or is it really sight + interaction?

    Here’s why. I have seen both incredibly gorgeous women and men, who the moment they open their mouth, become instantly un-gorgeous. Conversely, I have met women who, on first sight of them, are attractive (but “average,” not stunning), who when they open their mouth increase instantly in beauty by the quality of their character and spirit.

    Second: If it is entirely just *sight* then in your opinion what makes a man fall in “love at first sight”? Is it always with a “ten.” I would consider myself an 8 with 10 potential. The reason being, any woman I have ever in my life referred to as a “ten” is one who puts her wares on display… not necessarily total trashiness in the way she dresses, but definitely more provocatively than I will ever dress. In that, there seems to be incongruity… for me.

    Your Highness Girl,
    Think of ‘sight’ as a singular event that rocks him back on his heels. She doesn’t have to be ten to you, but to him both she and her voice are nearly at the top of feminine appeal.
    Guy

  2. Girl

    Oops. Also, would you please expand on this: “convince himself with actions”

    Thank you.

    Your Highness Girl,
    He acts devoted to her. Both his actions and words reflect no or very little self-centeredness. He puts her first in all that he thinks and does.
    Guy

  3. Girl

    Correction: any woman I have ever in my life referred to as a “ten”

    Should say: any woman I have ever in my life SEEN referred to as a “ten” [by men]

  4. Kaikou

    Sir Guy,

    What would you make of a man who tells others that you scare him? If a lady is such a scary creature why indicate that one has her eyes set on you (a total lie)? Simply what does scary me when men use it this way?

    Lady Kaikou

    Your Highness Kaikou,
    I can’t figure out what you’re asking. Can you make it more clear?
    Guy

    • Reina

      I cannot speak for Kaikou, but what she says reminds me of when guys say they are intimidated by a woman and afraid to ask her out.

      Your Highness Reina,

      And you remind me of this:

      + Men have been known to claim intimidation to both charm a lady into dropping her guard or easing her strength of character and to alibi for not having been proactive in the past.

      + As one of my favorite psychologists says, never trust what someone tells you motivates them. It doesn’t mean they’re lying but that they don’t reveal all the factors that influence their decisions. Their being untrustworthy makes it disadvantageous to shape your decisions around what they say.

      Guy

      • Reina

        Thank you Guy,
        It’s interesting how you phrase that they use it as an alibi for not having been proactive in the past. Kind of like a straw man argument, its faulty logic that they are using to try to deter you from the real reason….hmmm.

        I can see how a man may try to come up with an excuse to make it easier on them, less work for them as they try to shift the burden to the woman. I have read that some men do this to manage down a woman’s expectations for how the relationship is going to go and to co-op the woman into being OK with him being emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, and non-committal. They could also then avoid any real responsibility and accuse the woman of wanting the relationship more and then say they were dragged into it. I believe you refer to all of this as when a man tries to make a woman worthy of him instead of the other way around. I rather feel if a man doesn’t rise to the occasion, he isn’t a man worth his salt and I’m not interested. Funny you say that, I have always been innately suspicious of guys when they use that line. As if a grown man is really going to be afraid of going after a woman he really wants…it doesn’t make sense. Who is the name of the psychologist you mention, pray tell?

        Your Highness Reina,
        I regret that I’ve used the same statement and referred to him only as “my favorite psychologist” so many times over the past 42 years that his name has drifted from memory. He was a Harvard professor and author whose work I ran across while studying off-campus under some MIT professors.
        Guy

  5. Lyndeeloo

    I make no claim to speak for other women, but for what it’s worth, here is how this article affected me.

    When I first read that men can fall in love at first sight while women can’t, I bristled. I wanted to say, “What do you mean women don’t fall in love at first sight? Can’t we fall madly in love with a handsome stranger at first glance? Aren’t women as romantic as men?”

    Then I thought about all the times I formed a crush on a man I didn’t know (yet fancied myself to be in love with) and each of those times I “fell out of love” with him as soon as I knew anything real about him. I’d been swept away with the idea of who I thought he was, but not by him as he really was.

    When I really think about it, I don’t even want to fall in love at first sight. It would be much more romantic if HE fell head over heels for me and took the time to convince, win and woo me!

    Your Highness Lyndeeloo,
    Your last paragraph exhibits your feminine nature. You’re wise to live with it foremost.
    Guy

  6. Aidos

    Sir Guy,

    I’ve read your articles on ‘love at first sight’, but I still wanted to ask for your opinion and your input.

    I met someone recently, and on our first date he said that he’d like to take his profile down and only focus on me. He also asked me if I believed in love at first sight, and he told he loved me – to which I replied, ‘you don’t know me’.

    He seems like a good man. He’s very well educated, very accomplished – a former fighter pilot who now does contract work for the Navy.

    After reading what you’ve written, I believe it’s possible, but I want to be wise. I’m not infatuated with this person. I’m afraid compliments and kind words don’t mean much to me in the early days of a relationship.

    When we’re together, he’s very kind and thoughtful, but his level of attention feels a little overwhelming.

    Are there specific articles you can point me toward? Will it simply take time to see if his interest is genuine?

    Any thoughts from you or the ladies would be appreciated.

    Aidos

    Your Highness Aidos,

    You are in a tough game. Ex-fighter pilot? They are notorious as players, so I suggest you prepare for full court press until you yield. They expect women to fall all over them and yield quickly.

    Perhaps he’s not a player. He doesn’t sound like one. Too straight forward; they usually are cool, act vague and unavailable, and expect the gals to move in on them. Tame him for marriage before conquest, and you have a helluva strong and hopefully good man.

    In the meantime, Gonemaverick beat me to the keyboard, when she says, “Withhold sex until he bonds to turn his infatuation into hopefully permanent obligation.” She’s right; it’s the only way to tell.

    Guy

    • gonemaverick

      Aidos hi,

      He “sounds” nice but patience is your only guarantee. Withhold sex until he bonds to turn his infatuation into hopefully permanent obligation.

      Your Highness Gonemaverick,
      Nice comment
      ! By the way, still ranching in feminine style? Just curious; love to see it.
      Guy

      • gonemaverick

        Having the best of times Sir Guy. Thanks to you and your teachings. Men are fun to be around.

    • Aidos

      Sir Guy and gonemaverick,

      Thank you so much for your input!

      I wasn’t worried about him being a player, but a sociopath has gone through my mind more than once.

      During our email interaction, I got the impression (before we met) that he’d already decided we’d be compatible.

      His behavior comes across as ‘love bombing’, and last night, when we were on the phone, he basically prompted me to speak affectionately to him. It was like I was playing a role, and he had a script all mapped out.

      Then, after getting off the phone, he sent me a text telling me he was falling in love with me. And when I didn’t respond immediately, he sent another text saying, ‘no response???’.

      I sent an email early this morning saying I was very uncomfortable, and I created some boundaries that I felt would be helpful. He wrote back saying he wouldn’t be seeing me anymore and not to contact him again.

      So, I’m disappointed in myself in some ways, but I can tell I’ve grown a lot. Five years ago, I would’ve continued in this relationship, bearing the discomfort and not speaking up.

      Since it was his way or no way, I made the right choice.

      Your Highness Aidos,
      Well done. You saw the red flags, spotted his insincerity, and called his bluff.
      Nicely done too.
      Guy

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