1779. Sex Difference Redux — Part 33: Vanity II

Part I provides reasons to exploit female vanity. It doesn’t address some miscellaneous benefits or after effects among men.

Vanity motivates women to do or not do other things. By elevating their sense of vanity to a much higher level of importance in their lives, women pressure themselves to avoid or prevent other self-pressures—such as overeating. For example, a friend coined this statement, “Vanity prevents blimps.” Its accuracy can be witnessed daily in our society, where vanity is demeaned as shameful.

I know. You want to blame men. They’re also careless and blimp-like. True, but remember this. As women goes so goes society. Women lead and men follow in setting values, such as social beliefs, manners, customs, standards, and expectations. If men are not ideal for individual women, then Womanhood needs to change so as to produce better men—indirectly, of course.

Imagine scales like those of justice. Women favor the lighter side in terms of effort. They weigh ease and convenience (e.g., hair care) against time and self-discipline (e.g., mirror time) and choose the former often to the virtual exclusion of the latter. Putting ease and convenience ahead of time and self-discipline produces unpredictable—and therefore untrustworthy—people.

In the world of men, unpredictable and untrustworthy women are good for sex and little else. Trust is a key component of respect, so untrustworthy character found in a woman is not easily respected, which means she is not easily loved. Yet, women expect to be loved and long for great love. So, in the final analysis, vanity helps women love themselves and also helps men trust, respect, and love them.

Some of you will complain that your man hates to be kept waiting while you primp and dress. Perhaps he lives by this thought: Keeping other people waiting on you is a sign of disrespect. But, it’s preventable. Let him give you a departure time, and you take the time out of your other activities to primp and be ready to depart at the designated time. Don’t do it for him. Do it for yourself. By making your preparations habitual, you make yourself proud for pleasing your man. You also dodge preparation complaints, prevent criticism, and otherwise prepare yourself to face the world as a trustworthy actual or potential spouse.

Long live vanity in Womanhood. It makes better men of us all.


Filed under sex differences

14 responses to “1779. Sex Difference Redux — Part 33: Vanity II

  1. mYstiQue

    Ummhmmm LADIES..(ahem) THIS IS WHY MEN LOOK LIKE IDIOTS and wear ugly shorts with their beer belly! We arent wearing DRESSES that are comfortable and blow the knee! Its high time we leave pants starting in spring. Unless were playing sports or riding horses..i just have t seen dresses as regular since the early 90s.

    • Anne

      There are some really cute and modest sweater dresses out there for winter, too!

      • mYstiQue

        Thanks for telling me…LOL–i have to tell these pretty LADIES ages 14 and up….(oh, I just love that term) the I AM WOMAN-Helen Reddy, is sooo dead, it caused us to compete with them and eventually turn US into sex objects and make man-children anyway

  2. Femmy

    My problem is not when I leave the house, but at home.
    When I leave the house, I put in mirror time. I’m the most feminine one in the room (in public).
    But at home…
    LeSigh. I’m afraid that I have been guilty all my life of putting ease and convenience ahead of time and self-discipline.
    You may consider me well-rebuked.
    I wish I weren’t and see it as a major character fault; perhaps as a result of not enough energy in the mornings.

    Your Highness Femmy,

    Ah, ha! I quote you, “not enough energy in the mornings.” You can’t fly with eagles by day if you hoot with the owls at night. Get in bed earlier. Get the TV out of your bedroom. I say again, get the TV out of your bedroom. (Do you want your man seeing beautiful examples of pulchritude that ain’t you?) Lack of morning energy comes from two things, too little sleep and/or too little water (partial dehydration). A multi-vitamin will also help. Don’t take this as a scolding but as a reminder of what you were taught as a child. You have to work for what you want.

    Now down to real business. View it this way. You look great for others; you let them determine what you do and how you look. Tsk, tsk. You, you, and you are the best judge of what’s good and proper for you. If you study the blog about ‘pretty time’, you’ll find the key to unlock your incompleteness. Start at post 1778 and visit all the posts cited there and within the posts that you visit. If you don’t discover the best solution for you, don’t find fault but find direction and come back with unanswered questions.


    • Femmy

      Thank you, Sir Guy! You’re an angel!

      I do NOT go to sleep early ever! If at all! And only when necessary. (Hangs head in shame). I get on the laptop and search the internet, read, etc.
      And yes. I def have been determining a lot of what I do and how I look based on doing it for others, not myself. You got me on all points…

      May I add, no menz live with me since my Dad died? So I do not feel it necessary to practice self-discipline for the female members of my family (mother and sister), who also do not believe in mirror time. Hmmm. Now that I think about it, I think it stems from not having men in our family anymore. So sad. Now I’m crying, and I don’t know why. Just sad, I guess.

      So I guess my question, to you, is whether I need to make mirror time for “myself” when I’m home alone, when rather, I am most motivated to please a man???

      And when and if I do wake up earlier and do pretty mirror time every morning and don’t go anywhere that day, what will I DO with myself? I’ll want to go show it off, not waste the pretty. I’ll want to go spend money. Go shopping. Go out to eat. All things I do not wish to spend money on. If I stay home and “do nothing” I will feel as if I wasted myself on “nothing.” Thanks, Guy.

      Your Highness Femmy,

      As you presently play life’s game, at home you take the easy and convenient (masculine) way. When you go out, you dress up to attract or impress others. IOW, you don’t do it to make yourself feel good but to make others feel good about you. Consequently, you miss the benefits that can accrue to your self-love, self-image, self-confidence, self-discipline, and ultimately self-importance. Endorsement of yourself before a friendly mirror is far more validating and lasts longer than the views of others.

      Doing things for others is like giving a gift. You expect their approval and gratitude. You do so much and get so little in return. You’re left with an empty feeling far worse than an unappreciated gift. You think you look great, but others don’t confirm it. Your expectations are built on making them feel good about you. Your world and future will brighten when you have no expectations of others because you fulfilled your expectations of yourself by yourself.

      I say all that to say, devote pretty time for yourself. Study my articles on it. You can’t spend 30 minutes before a mirror without learning to improve upon what you see and then improving upon that until you conclude in your heart that your prettiness is and always has been of greater value than anyone else can measure and conclude.

      Prettiness is a woman’s cardinal blessing. If she doesn’t live it by confirming it in her heart with daily pretty time, she loses much of its naturalness, attractiveness, and charm. Her ability to attract and impress others is reduced but not because of her appearance. Her heart isn’t filled with her prettiness programmed before the mirror and done for no one else but her—and God who also watches.

      With that in mind, develop two standards and live up to them. Dress up for home and dress up more extensively to go out. The key is to have standards and live up to them. Vanity for one’s own sake pays off; it teaches self-discipline, which is a cardinal blessing when living as a wife.

      [Here’s another secret you may not have yet encountered in the blog. Find reasons and occasions to wear high heels. Why? The female nature is such that spikes in her mind demand that her heart be lifted. Consequently, high heels work as a trigger and she can’t refuse to keep improving everything above.]


      • Kaikou


        You cited my problem also. I was waiting to comment to see if the answer would come to me. I can co-sign with your “P.S.” As well. I think that Sir Guy might say do pretty time anyway. The feeling/need we have to go out and shine is for validation and the widespread U.S. American belief that dressing up is for special occasions. Let’s see what he says.

        Lady Kaikou

        Your Highness Kaikou,
        In addition to my comments to Femmy, you may also want to crank this into the recesses of your mind for guidance. Dressing up for special occasions is the way we all respect those that present the occasions. Too much shows poor judgment. Too little shows poor respect. Just right is when you feel good about yourself and appearance when you attend. It’s simple, if you just focus on making yourself feel good about yourself in every situation.

        • Femmy

          Thank you, Kaikou.
          I do the pretty every time I leave the house. It’s just when I’m home with the women of the family, I don’t. Thanks.

        • Anne

          I throw in my experience here. Before discovering Sir Guy’s life-changing blog, I only “prettied” myself for church and the occasional outing. Why spend time on myself when my husband would be at work for long hours (at times I was already in my pajamas and ready for bed when he got home) and only the babies would see me? I wore yoga pants and a T-shirt like they were my uniform & right before my husband got home from work, slapped on some lipstick, and called it good. It was not so good.

          Now I dress “for the lunch with friends” every morning. Cute jeans, cute top, curl my hair, and put on ALL my make up. At first it felt unusual. Then it felt fun. I could experiment with new hairstyles, new make up colors, etc. every morning because – hey! – no one was *really* going to see me anyway! I ended up with a whole new hairstyle which I LOVE but would not have found without enough “pretty time” to realize I actually didn’t look my best with the current style.

          Lately, I’ve also noticed that habitual prettying ME makes me want prettier surroundings, so I’m more on-the-ball with a prettier and cleaner house. It puts a spring in my step and I start the day off with more motivation.

          All this said, I do get some mixed feedback about the whole thing. My husband treats me better. 🙂 But more than once my mother has stopped by to visit my kids & remarked about my selfishness in wasting time on myself when I could be playing with the kids. But my own experience is telling me that “pretty time” has done more to enhance my life + spun off more other good habits than any other habit I’ve adopted in the last year or two… so I plan to keep it around & I really promote giving it a try! 🙂

          Your Highness Anne,
          Thank you for the ‘payday’.

          • Lin

            I love pretty time. Agree with all the benefits. However I’ve noticed something and its about what you think of yourself when you pretty up and the response if any you get in the way of compliments, glances form others.
            Say, I do pretty time in the morning. I look at myself and I’m convinced I look pretty or drop dead gorgeous. I feel good. I step up out for the day. No one compliments, glances approvingly. Often I still feel good about myself without the seeming lack of approval or validation. Sometimes I do get a bit of a creeping doubt….

            There are days when I do pretty time in my estimation rather hastily and achieve what I probably feel is not my best look, but pleasing enough. I step out and surprise, surprise, I get compliments, approving glances the whole day. I get really amazed!

            Now one could argue that I have poor style and that is why when I think I look good I am probably dressed in poor taste. However I am generally known to be a well dressed or stylish dresser (but modest).

            The phenomenon I described above really baffles me. Sir Guy, any thoughts?

            Your Highness Lin,
            Live with your bafflement a little longer. You’re still new at it. You’re on the right track and will soon figure it out as only you can. When your doubts fade away and you still get mixed reviews, you’ve probably figured out what’s best for you. It’s a good sign you’re pleasing yourself first.

          • Femmy

            Anne, thank you for your story. I am very happy for you.

      • Femmy

        Thank you so much, Sir Guy!
        You got me!
        All my life I tried to do things to make others feel good about me. Bleh! So self-centered and childish. Thank you for pointing that out and helping me see it more clearly.
        I rarely pretty up for myself. Now I see that my vision and expectations will have to change. I will dress up for me and God. Thank you. I am grateful.
        Your point about heels is interesting. Flats would be “masculine” wouldn’t they. Comfortable, practical and useful. Whereas heels! I immediately walk differently, and rotate my hips differently. I will experiment with that.
        I saw last night, when I went out, that I need more self-discipline in my life when I compared myself with other women in the room. I appreciate the motivation. Thank you. I will re-read your posts on doing the pretty.

        Your Highness Femmy,

        Congratulations on finding out so much about yourself. The must important bonus of high heels is that women can’t upgrade their feet, legs, and hips so easily and stealthily without also seeing great need to improve everything above those body parts. Their nature inspires them to also beautify everything above.

        Flats aren’t masculine when the rest of her is feminine. They facilitate efficient movement and men appreciate efficiency.


        • Femmy

          Oh, okay. Thanks.

        • Lin

          ‘Flats arent masculine when the rest of her is feminine’
          So happy to know. I love high heels. However my love of heels is the cause of some pain now I have in my right foot, so for the past two months I have had to switch over to flats and wear heels only occasionally. I worried that I was losing the ‘feminine’ look, so I am really happy to hear from you, Sir Guy, that flats arent masculine if the rest of the woman is feminine.

          Thank you! (Still hoping to get back to heels)

  3. I have a dilemma. I am very tall so never really felt comfortable wearing high heels. I decided to give it a try and bought a bunch of cute high heels but then realized that since I don’t have a car and travel to school/store etc by bicycle all the time that I could not wear my high heels in public (unless riding with someone else which only happens rarely). I have just worn them in the house for fun and my own enjoyment but I feel awkward about this, like my family thinks it is weird. Any thoughts on this, Guy or you other insightful ladies?

    Your Highness Shuga,

    WADWMUFGAO, it’s natural that we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. When family says “weird,” you say “thank you very much” with a gigantic smile. Leave mystery in your wake. On the bike, put heels in your purse of a bag.

    Remember this: High heels make you supremely attractive because of your overwhelming urge that initiates and the satisfaction your receive from improving everything else above your feet. Heels start an attractiveness revolution in a woman’s heart of hearts. Her smiles that hide mystery stir the hearts of men (and family).


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