Husbands primarily find self-appreciation and self-gratitude within themselves for what they do, their accomplishments. However, without a frequent and regular influx from their mates—men perceive appreciation and gratitude as respect—wives appear less vital for husband’s life.
Husband earns wife’s appreciation and gratitude in two ways. For who he is and what he does, but there’s a catch embedded in the male nature. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. If wife’s appreciation of what husband does disagrees with his appraisal, her appreciation is unearned and registers as ignorable.
If her gratitude for who he is disagrees with his self-worth, however, he’s willing to listen, take it under advisement, and perhaps upgrade his opinion about his self-worth. Unlike women, men don’t think much about being happy, but they value their worth more highly when they are coached into being happy with their wives by virtue of wifely happiness.
A catch also exists in the female nature. Typical female expressions of appreciation and gratitude may work well but may not. When expressed as admiration of a man, they work more reliably. The prime motivator of men is their need for self-admiration. Female admiration, perhaps because it’s not needed and only supplements, resounds through the male psyche with both clarity and truthfulness. (We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves, and who doesn’t want to listen to how they’re admired?)
A wife’s admiration triggers several changes in husband’s thinking and attitude. The truthfulness of admiration convinces husband of the soundness of her ability to judge people, which expands her role as his advisor. It also breeds trust for the wife admirer and enhances self-respect within the husband admired. His trust in her convinces husband of wife’s respect, which further embellishes his self-worth as her mate. Thus, conventional female methods of expressing respect have to bow to the multiple ways available by using the simple technique of admiring her husband. In other words, admiration outshines appreciation and gratitude—and even the more standardized womanly methods of expressing love—when dealing with men.
Admiration makes wife more valuable too. Husband sees her as more likely right than wrong, her judgments are sound and more reliable, and both of those benefits morph into his greater respect of her.
Incidentally for mothers, the same process works with raising sons and follows throughout life. They are little men and respond better to admiration than to appreciation, gratitude, and even typical post-nurturing (after they start school) female expressions of love.
That concludes the first three miles on the road to a woman’s happiness. First, she learns to forget the negatives and enhance the positives in her life.* Second, she learns to find appreciation and reinforce gratitude for each of her physical, mental, and spiritual sides. Third, she shifts away from the natural female ways of showing appreciation and gratitude for men and husbands. Instead, she converts appreciative and grateful thoughts into admiration for husband and sons (and even other men precious to her life).
The series concludes tomorrow with #1813 and my favorite technique for women to use to shower males with admiration. It’s untried and you won’t like it much, but my masculine gut says it’s just what men need to hear.
*You can check out the words of a delightful #1 Billboard song in 1945, Accentuate the Positive, at: http://www.lyricsdepot.com/Johnny-mercer/accentuate-the-positive.html or see it sung by comedienne Bette Midler and Bing Crosby at http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=accentuate the positive&fr=mcsaoffblock