1817. Sex Difference Redux—Part 65: Commitment and Devotion II

In the heat of romance, women forget or ignore this principle embedded in the male nature. Sexual abstinence with a woman of interest makes the male heart grow fonder. Thoughts of conquest expand to thoughts of HER and the promise she holds for him. If their mutually committed life proceeds with him focused totally on conquest, he’s not a good candidate for permanent marriage. However, if his focus and imagination shift to her potential as HIS wife, lover, partner, mate, supporter, encourager, friend, mother to his son, and fellow traveler in life, then his actions to please and uncover more about her make his efforts grow into devotion. His prospects as permanent husband increase with the growth.

To invite mutual commitment, modern women rely on premarital sex; it bonds them but not their man. Women also settle for mutual commitment in hopes it will lead to his devotion and the fulfilling of her marital hopes and dreams. A man’s devotion arises out of his actions that please him because she holds such great promise for his future. Promises she makes to convince him of her devotion convince only her and may interfere with his conclusions about her worth to him. Full disclosure damages relationships. Men want to find out—not be told—the worth of a woman.

The clash of giants. Women are the relationship experts, but they are weak at understanding the commitment and devotion components of relationship management. They fail to recognize and compensate for this natural dilemma: Women think commitment is the first step toward devotion. Men demonstrate that commitment and devotion are not connected.

Commitment is a pledge that may or may not be heartfelt. Devotion flows out of emotional conviction. Commitment means only that a man is after a woman. Devotion means that he’s dedicated to her, seeks to cherish her, and takes commitment for granted.

  • Commitment is a function of the mind. If mutually promised, it offers high hopes for working together as partners. Devotion is a heart function with built-in commitment to one person and visible as actions that please them.
  • Commitment comes from the mouth with promises of likeminded and mutually beneficial behaviors. Women more easily and readily buy into what they hear and men to what they see. Consequently, men hear far less in pledges of commitment; in fact, pledges mean little to men until they see women violate them.
  • Women don’t necessarily expect too much, but misinterpretation of their man’s verbal commitment leads easily to faultfinding. Being super sensitive to what she hears, her man’s words hold intentions she may not accurately interpret. When his actions don’t match her expectations, he’s at fault.
  • Devotion takes time to develop. Commitment can be the garage sale shortcut to ultimate unfriendliness. It takes a lengthy courtship to both generate devotion and distinguish it from mere commitment. A woman will be ready to marry before she can confirm the difference in her man, which makes premarital patience a huge female virtue.

That clash of giants grows out of women’s inability to understand the male nature. A man’s devotion grows not out of commitment but out of the same thing that leads men to marry. That is, the promise he sees in a woman for strengthening his ability to accomplish more, supporting his roles in life, respecting who he is, and depending on what he does—all without complaint or unasked for guidance.

Next, I delve deeper into what makes a man devote himself to a woman. Or perhaps more accurately, how does a woman energize a man into becoming devoted to her?


Filed under sex differences

5 responses to “1817. Sex Difference Redux—Part 65: Commitment and Devotion II

  1. Honey

    My elder sis. has been courting for almost 4yrs now(the wedding has been fixed for april)..and never have I seen such a fierce devotion, her fiance has for her. It’s true that a long courtship devoid of sex, does A LOT of good for the woman.. This site is a truth-treasure trove indeed, i’m glad I found it. P.S Sir Guy please can you do something elaborate, sometime.. on ‘Love at first sight’? I would really appreciate that. God bless!

    Your Highness Honey,
    I’ve written on love at first sight several times. Look first in the series starting at #1764. If you don’t find it there, look at the older articles listed under love in the CONTENTS page. Essentially, it goes like this: Men can find love at first sight but the female nature blocks women from it. However, many fool themselves into thinking they have.

    • Kaikou

      Hi Honey,

      Try post: 1760. Sex Difference Redux — Part 14: Love at First Sight

      Lady Kaikou

      Your Highness Kaikou,
      Thanks. I missed that one.

  2. SouthernBelle

    Sir guy will you please elaborate on this or provide some examples.
    “… misinterpretation of their man’s verbal commitment leads easily to faultfinding. Being super sensitive to what she hears, her man’s words hold intentions she may not accurately interpret.”
    I feel like I’m still trying clear out feminist verses feminine thinking and I find myself confused and frustrated.

    Your Highness SouthernBelle,
    Example: He commits to boyfriend/girlfriend connection. Next date she starts talking about marriage and gets disappointed or worse with his withdrawal.

    • Beloved

      Miss SouthernBelle, I am most definitely not Sir Guy and I don’t pretend to have his wisdom, but if you don’t mind I’d like to give it a shot. I think he means we “hear” the things we want to hear in his words that he didn’t even mean to say. So, he says, “I really love spending time with you.” And, depending on how in love we are with him, we just might hear, “I really love you.” Or maybe he means I really love spending time with you “today” because I have nothing better going on. So then we’re confused when he doesn’t seem to want to spend time with us that much after that day, the day he made this statement. I hope that is accurate to what Guy meant and I hope it helps you for now.

      Your Highness Beloved,
      Very accurate. I love it when pretty women help do my work.

      • SouthernBelle

        Ah I see! Thank you Beloved. I do hope Sir Guy will further expound on this as well.

        Your Highness SouthernBelle,
        Beloved did very well and I thank her.

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