In the heat of romance, women forget or ignore this principle embedded in the male nature. Sexual abstinence with a woman of interest makes the male heart grow fonder. Thoughts of conquest expand to thoughts of HER and the promise she holds for him. If their mutually committed life proceeds with him focused totally on conquest, he’s not a good candidate for permanent marriage. However, if his focus and imagination shift to her potential as HIS wife, lover, partner, mate, supporter, encourager, friend, mother to his son, and fellow traveler in life, then his actions to please and uncover more about her make his efforts grow into devotion. His prospects as permanent husband increase with the growth.
To invite mutual commitment, modern women rely on premarital sex; it bonds them but not their man. Women also settle for mutual commitment in hopes it will lead to his devotion and the fulfilling of her marital hopes and dreams. A man’s devotion arises out of his actions that please him because she holds such great promise for his future. Promises she makes to convince him of her devotion convince only her and may interfere with his conclusions about her worth to him. Full disclosure damages relationships. Men want to find out—not be told—the worth of a woman.
The clash of giants. Women are the relationship experts, but they are weak at understanding the commitment and devotion components of relationship management. They fail to recognize and compensate for this natural dilemma: Women think commitment is the first step toward devotion. Men demonstrate that commitment and devotion are not connected.
Commitment is a pledge that may or may not be heartfelt. Devotion flows out of emotional conviction. Commitment means only that a man is after a woman. Devotion means that he’s dedicated to her, seeks to cherish her, and takes commitment for granted.
- Commitment is a function of the mind. If mutually promised, it offers high hopes for working together as partners. Devotion is a heart function with built-in commitment to one person and visible as actions that please them.
- Commitment comes from the mouth with promises of likeminded and mutually beneficial behaviors. Women more easily and readily buy into what they hear and men to what they see. Consequently, men hear far less in pledges of commitment; in fact, pledges mean little to men until they see women violate them.
- Women don’t necessarily expect too much, but misinterpretation of their man’s verbal commitment leads easily to faultfinding. Being super sensitive to what she hears, her man’s words hold intentions she may not accurately interpret. When his actions don’t match her expectations, he’s at fault.
- Devotion takes time to develop. Commitment can be the garage sale shortcut to ultimate unfriendliness. It takes a lengthy courtship to both generate devotion and distinguish it from mere commitment. A woman will be ready to marry before she can confirm the difference in her man, which makes premarital patience a huge female virtue.
That clash of giants grows out of women’s inability to understand the male nature. A man’s devotion grows not out of commitment but out of the same thing that leads men to marry. That is, the promise he sees in a woman for strengthening his ability to accomplish more, supporting his roles in life, respecting who he is, and depending on what he does—all without complaint or unasked for guidance.
Next, I delve deeper into what makes a man devote himself to a woman. Or perhaps more accurately, how does a woman energize a man into becoming devoted to her?