1818. Sex Difference Redux—Part 66: Commitment and Devotion III

A lady speculated that “commitment just doesn’t mean much anymore and is devoid of devotion….” She’s right, but women are in charge.

Nowadays, earnestly and lovingly stated verbal commitment substitutes for devotion and shortens both courtship and marriage. Women sell themselves short. Individuals don’t require men to prove they are worthy in courtship in order to qualify as marriage partner.

Worthy of her means to measure up to her expectations and standards about morality, religion, marriage, child-raising, family, lifestyle, respect, personal responsibility, their future together, and all else that each individual needs to fulfill her hopes and dreams. In short, women don’t base their choice of husband on character favorable—not just adequate—for her hopes and dreams.

For example, prohibiting foul language in her presence magnifies her female sensibilities, adds feminine uniqueness, and suggests higher virtue may be hidden behind what’s visible. Curiosity about her stimulates his imagination from whence her virtue is perceived.

A marriage candidate measures up to her expectations, or his devotion has neither time nor incentive to develop. We all live better lives living up to something or someone bigger than ourselves. She makes herself ‘bigger’ during courtship, so she can make him ‘bigger’ after marriage. She imposes her values and standards on him before marriage, because she can’t after they marry. Also, making himself worthy of her is neither a small nor short time task, because the male nature differs so dramatically from the female. She needs a long courtship.

Her virtue is not immediately evident. Evidence accumulates mostly as perceived by him. For marriage he seeks an extraordinary woman as judged by him, and the blessings and promises she represents for him accumulate as virtue. Sexual virtue is included but not vital, which is why the strategy of virtual virginity can settle a man’s curiosity and nullify his imagination about her sex history.

His devotion starts and intensifies from what he learns about her virtuous character and promising behavior; that is, from his perceptions about her extraordinariness. A man’s heart opens much slower than a female’s. It responds to his actions and self-talk, assesses the promise she holds for him, and weighs both more highly than what she says, does, or promises. That is, he judges her with his heart based on what he sees more than what he hears.

Consequently, the less time and fewer requirements to prove himself worthy of her, the less virtue builds up in his imagination and judgment. Perception is reality, and whatever he perceives as virtue is precisely that. As we all know, virtue sufficient to induce marriage differs greatly from man to man.

Whether fearful of losing him or seeking to speed up her marriage trap, if she lacks or lowers her standards and expectations based on her hopes and dreams then she prevents upgrading of his commitment to devotion. Less devotion weakens commitment and equals less permanence. The more she thinks she needs a particular man, the more she lowers what’s important to her, and the less she accomplishes in marriage.

A woman’s mistakes compound when she seeks marriage above all else, when she doesn’t guarantee to herself that he’s devoted to both her and marriage before the fact. She takes the shortcut and accepts commitment without devotion and temporary rather than permanent marriage usually follows. She sells herself short of what she’s both worth and can accomplish if she but specializes and exploits her female nature.

Thus, women make life easier for men and difficult for women and families. It happens because modern women don’t require men to prove their worth. Men are free to take the easy way out. If no women appear suitable and virtuous enough to be extraordinary to them, that’s just the breaks of the game. With virtually unbounded sex available, men take the easiest rather than the best of what women offer. Thus, men have been enabled to win and dominate both social and domestic arenas. As women go so goes society.


Filed under sex differences

2 responses to “1818. Sex Difference Redux—Part 66: Commitment and Devotion III

  1. Maria

    It can’t be completely hopeless to gain a man’s true devotion after marriage, although I’m sure it’s much harder. How can a married woman fix her mistakes?

    Your Highness Maria,

    You’re right, it’s a tall order. I could never know enough about you and yours to provide an answer. I can’t recall writing anything general about it. Anyway, you have to figure it out yourself by figuring out the causes and applying your natural common sense to your marriage.

    You say, “fix her mistakes?” Be careful. What you may think are your mistakes may not be the true causes. I suggest you explore many of my articles to help identify what you may need to ‘fix’. In the CONTENTS page at blog top, search and read the articles with these terms in the title: matrimony, affection, compatibility, respect, devotion, dumped, husband, marital, wife, respect, submissive. It may take a while, but it could be worth it.


  2. gonemaverick

    Always insightful to revisit old articles.

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