1820. Sex Difference Redux—Part 68: Earn His Devotion


This principle makes a man’s habits morph into devotion to a woman. His actions that please him for pleasing her change his heart into continuing with new duties (aka habitual responsibilities). A well-raised man feels bad when he fails to do his duty. So, he learns to not fail, which reinforces respect for his woman and her appreciation if not admiration, which reinforces his respect for her, which justifies his manly devotion.

A man will change and develop new habits to get closer to an unconquered woman. His devotion begins with that process and flourishes with her femininity. The broader, deeper, and longer both the process and her endearing femininity, the more respect she earns which intensifies his blossoming devotion. For her part, she hints at her feminine expectations and manages their relationship closeness to grow in sync with his actions that please her. She withholds conquest until what she expects becomes habitual with him.

His actions—almost to the exclusion of her words except hints—generate a man’s devotion. He does little things first to impress her, then to please her, and then to satisfy himself. For example, she encourages his opening doors, washing her car, running her errands, bringing her flowers, helping wash dishes, escorting her to church, joining her in exercise, and above all proclaiming three little words daily if not oftener. Repetition makes those things habitual (aka his duty). Repetition comes from his desire for closeness and sex that is kept alive by the admiration and dependence on him that she reflects.

Much longer than for women, changing masculine habits takes months. A man purposely and repetitively has to place a new set of thoughts and actions on top of old ones. Thus, long sex-free courtships work to the woman’s advantage. Once she has yielded sex, the process becomes much more difficult. Hints, indirectness, and seed planting coupled with endless patience are required.

Becoming devoted is all about his learning who she is, what pleases her, and how dependent she becomes on him for what he considers routine duty. He starts out trying to impress her, grows into pleasing her, and ends up habitually pleasing himself with new duties. She incentivizes him to have thoughts and feelings that he can like her and devote himself to her. Her likeability keeps his wheels spinning. Winning his devotion is her job, whether she holds his attention pre-conquest or tries afterward.

22 Comments

Filed under sex differences

22 responses to “1820. Sex Difference Redux—Part 68: Earn His Devotion

  1. anonymous

    I’ve read every single one of your daily articles at least once, and this explains the process of devotion best yet! Men are never so handsome as when they clearly describe such useful concepts to ladies.

    Your Highness Anonymous,
    Thank you. You’ve been a loyal follower for most of my five years here. For that, I’m also grateful. Graduating this spring?
    Guy

  2. Honey

    Is earning a man’s devotion, (as described here) the same as earning a man’s love or keeping a man in love with you? Thank you, Sir Guy.

    Your Highness Honey,
    No. You’re interested in emotion-laden love that ties one person to another. I described the inclination that men have as the result of being masculine. It’s how God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize them. Their nature is present before emotional ties are made with a woman.
    Guy

  3. truth01

    Hello Guy,
    I have a situation with a guy friend where he show interest in me by his actions (holding hands and cuddling) and words ( sexual overtones) it was obvious what he was getting at. I assured him our relationship is strictly platonic but, of course I know I was sending mixed messages while still letting him know we’re just friends. He told me he didn’t want what we were doing to be meaningless so he wanted to stop. I didn’t want to stop and I kept trying to continue what we were doing. I stopped pushing for more when I saw he was upset. Later on he told me he was disturbed but, I let him know he came on to me first and when I wanted to continue he decided not to when I said we were just friends. The reason I told him I just want to be his friend is because I thought I liked someone else. After this incident I see him differently. I guess I like him, I’m still confused. He is distant now and I don’t know what I should do. HELP!

    Your Highness Truth01,

    You want a romantic platonic friendship but that conflicts with male nature. Harry in the movie, When Harry Met Sally, makes it pretty clear.

    I suggest you find out more about both the male and female natures and start by reading the series that begins at #1747. The female nature endows women with the ability to cultivate friendships without romance, because the male nature is dead set against such things. What you’ve learned in the real world misleads you.

    Guy

    • truth01

      Ok thanks guy will do.

      Your Highness Truth01,
      Sorry, but I forgot this: Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
      Guy

  4. Sir Guy, alright so here it is, my beau told me I just don’t know how he feels about me, he couldn’t put it into words, or says something like girl, girl, you just don’t know, so then he says I am his lady. He has called me several times when his son or a friend is with him and introduces me ( right now our biggest problem is proximity). He has even told me not to worry he has my back. However when stuff comes up with him I won’t hear from him until he gets balanced out(?) he says he doesn’t want to call me whining and crying…( ok so you know where my feminine mind goes) so with all of this, does this sound about right? how do I build or build on devotion? he tells me when he visits we will talk, he has a plan….and he wants to visit me first. Really, how does all this relate….?
    I haven’t been in a relationship for almost as long as I was married…rusty much? so any thoughts?

    Your Highness Loretta,
    If you’re having sex, he’s high risk. If you’re not having sex, he may be a poor risk. His self-centeredness seems highly twisted toward selfishness.
    Guy

  5. Thanks for answering. * thud* that’s my jaw dropping! No sex. Seems self centeredness and selfishness are just a few degrees different. I think a cup of tea and some thought is in order.

  6. PeachBlossoms

    Sir Guy,
    Is it likely a man will try hard to impress a woman before he even asks her out formally? Like, if he overheard her remarking favourably about something, and then tries to do that same thing she praised?

    Your Highness PeachBlossoms,
    Of course. It’s called compliment for you and risk avoidance and seed planting for him.
    Guy

  7. Krysie869

    How then, is it possible for men to love a woman if devotion isn’t necessarily a sign of his love?

    Your Highness Krysie869,
    Methinks you’ve misread the article. Devotion is the primary sign of his love and it’s expressed through his actions rather than words.
    Guy

    P.S. Also, Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    P.P.S. Today’s article, 1906, responds to a clarified version of your question.
    G.

  8. I’d like to know the answer to Krysie869’s question. I read some medieval romances in college, and a knight’s devotion to or worship of his lady was pretty heavy-duty; I’d call it being in love (even if the knight gazed upon his lady from afar).

    But you’re saying devotion is not? What’s the difference? You say devotion is “the inclination that men have as the result of being masculine. . . . Their nature is present before emotional ties are made with a woman.”

    If you’re talking about a kind of curiosity, a desire to understand and master the details of something . . . women also have curiosity about things and people and a desire to understand and master the details of something.

    And what would motivate a man to exhibit his curiosity and satisfy his understanding about a woman and what she likes and what makes her tick . . . and then do feats to show her he’s “got it” about her . . . what if not for some kind of emotional pull?

    Your Highness Entwyf,
    I think Krystie869 misread something, and you must have too. I can’t find the things you quote so I can’t figure out the context from which you concluded that devotion is not the expressions of a man’s love.
    Guy

  9. In the second response to post 1820 (above), Honey asks, “Is earning a man’s devotion, (as described here) the same as earning a man’s love or keeping a man in love with you? . . .”

    Your response is, “No. You’re interested in emotion-laden love that ties one person to another. I described the inclination that men have as the result of being masculine. . . . Their nature is present before emotional ties are made with a woman.”

    So, i thought, well, then, could devotion be a sort of general overall male attitude toward anything that has his attention? As I said, ” a kind of curiosity, a desire to understand and master the details of something.”

    My pastor’s two young sons went through a phase where they were passionately *devoted* to bugs. They checked books about bugs out of the library, they watched programs about bugs, they learned all sorts of facts about bugs and were not shy in sharing their knowledge.

    That kind of focus in the name of getting to know and please a woman and capture her heart . . . I would say yes, that is very “male,” very “baked in” and part of who guys are before romance even occurs to them (although women can also be devoted–in their ways). But once romance occurs to them . . . devotion is, I assume, more than just innate eagerness to learn and show off.

    Your Highness Entwyf,
    Today’s article, 1906, responds to your Well Done for clarifying my confusion.
    Guy

  10. Tanisha

    Sir Guy,

    Would you kindly explain how a man not failing at his duties reinforces respect for the woman? Is it because she’s provided the opportunity for him to succeed?

    Also, am I right in understanding that admiration, my dependance on his duties, indirect seed planting, patience, and likeability are what I need to focus on to keep his attention during this journey toward devotion?I find myself wondering what are my duties?

    I’m feeling guilty in this 5 month long, no sex relationship i’m in. He complains on how I hardly ever call or text. He fusses about my strict no sex policy, he nags about me not having a car and having to pick me up all the time. I calm my guilt by texting pretty pictures of myself to him with cute little messages. Or I’ll mail him greeting cards with warm messages. But, I can still feel a lot of tension building up.
    something is going to change soon, and i’m not afraid to lose, U just want to know where does my effort come in? Am I doing enough?

    Thank you!
    Tanisha

    Your Highness Tanisha,

    Sharon provides a brilliant analysis of your situation. Pay attention to her comment. It’s next.

    Incidentally, you’re doing more than enough, or so it would seem from what you wrote. It may well be that you’re not as important to him as him to you, and you know how important it is to be important to your man, right?

    Guy

    • Sharon

      Tanisha, step outside yourself and look at what you wrote: 1. “he fusses about your strict no sex policy” (He does not care about YOU, but only what he might GET from you.) and 2. “he nags about your not having a car and having to pick you up all the time.” (His stating to you the inconvenience to him shows that he lacks courtesy, as well as any desire to go out of his way for you.) Additionally, 3. he complains about your not calling or texting him, although you are sending him photos and cards. (He does not appreciate the things that you ARE doing.) Forget the guilt feelings! This sounds like a self-centered man who does not truly care about you or your well-being. If you overlook these things to stay in a relationship with him, I don’t think you can expect him to change but only to bring you misery.

      Your Highness Sharon,
      Durn, darling, you’re GOOD. Great response.
      Guy

    • A.GuyMaligned

      Your Highness Tanisha,

      I failed to respond to this question. “Would you kindly explain how a man not failing at his duties reinforces respect for the woman? Is it because she’s provided the opportunity for him to succeed?

      Devotion builds this way. He does things that please him to please her; if she’s worth his effort, those things become like a duty to him. (Not much room for selfishness, is there?) As quoted from article 1820, “A well-raised man feels bad when he fails to do his duty. So, he learns to not fail, which reinforces respect for his woman and her appreciation if not admiration, which reinforces his respect for her, which justifies his manly devotion.

      Guy

  11. Tanisha

    Sir Guy, thank you for giving me clarity on my questions.

    Ms. Sharon, thank you for your response. I think you are right. If he carries on with the complaing, i’m going to assume he is self centered and dump his @$$.

    I’m not sure where my thought process goes wrong in situations like this. I break up with Mr. Not Goodenoughs left and right. I feel good about myself and my ability to choose Mr. Goodenough, but it seems I may overlook some red flags that seem so obvious to others. Sir Guy, I believe your advice would be to study Your Blessings At Birth, so that’s what i’ll do.
    🙂
    Thank you!!!!

  12. Cocoa

    Hello sir Guy, I found this on the web while searching for some biblical responses to the feminism theory, so I thought I will share:

    “The principles of the fall are present in this: Eve believed the lie that eating the fruit would bring her wisdom. She lusted, and she took something that was forbidden. This is the basis for the modern feminist movement. Women have bought into the lie that feminism will bring them the power and freedom they think they want and deserve. However, the promise is empty, for the premise is rooted in pride—and pride goes before a fall (Proverbs 16:18).”

    I also have a question on devotion and the actions men take as habits. The question is a result of a girly debate between me and my 2 younger sisters as we were watching a translated Turkish episodes. A village girl working at the local bakery, very quiet and shy as she’s very poor. This guy at the bakery started noticing her and approaching her, she does not respond. After a while he started waiting for her to take her home as it’s not safe for her to walk alone (well she was walking alone for the past 5-6 episodes) anyway, it became a habit for him to walk her home even though he lives in the opposite side. He doesn’t do that everyday but became a habit only once a week. She got used to that and was thrilled but never showed her excitement nor initiated. Here is the debate, as I have read this post before and another post (I think it was “how yo tame the beast?!”) I learnt about this habit building and I told my sisters that he loves her and is devoted to her. They think I am silly and that if he loves her he would take her everyday and talk and think about her the whole day, which is not the case. They think he’s just having fun. I told them I’ll ask you. Does a devoted man have to or once he builds his duty to please her or to take care of a woman to be more frequent? Does he have to be thinking of her all day long? I believe that the guy is at least committed but maybe wants to focus on managing the bakery. What do you think. I just don’t want to lose to my younger sisters!

    Have a good day.

    Your Highness Cocoa,

    Your sisters think like typical, feminist-indoctrinated females; you understand men.

    His devotion is developing each time he escorts her home. He has other obligations that prevent doing it every day. He wants more of her or he’d quit.

    Females want more togetherness, but men aren’t built to give that. Females have to earn it, which makes wifeing so tough.

    A man’s job/responsibility/duty comes first because that’s where and how he fulfills his primary obligation to himself. He earns self-admiration through accomplishments and does so to his own satisfaction.

    Unfortunately, women can’t fulfill that need in men as well as men do it themselves, which is why husbands seem to rank job above wife. He doesn’t love her less but loves himself and urge to achieve to his satisfaction better, provides she fits in closely alongside.

    It’s a woman’s responsibility to magnify his sense of loyalty to her that outweighs his sense of obligation to himself. That’s a tall order but the female nature is fully prepared at birth to make it happen. Well-raised kids help the bonding.

    English: i before e except after c. Life: She before he after many years of good marriage.

    Guy

    • Cocoa

      Thanks sir Guy. I explained to them the work obligation and men and how their jobs, good or bad, takes the first ranking. They thought I am making things up and if a man loves or even interested in a woman SHE will take precedent, and they started to remember and quote this movie and this story! I think you are right , they have been feminised by the media and romantic stories and songs. Maybe the writer of the episodes is a man from a traditional background and knows well. Also, the black and white movies represents this well, especially before the mobile phones and the desease of texting and calling became so epidemic. Face to face even once a month is so much better than texting everyday…

      We are hooked watching it, maybe because it is old style 😊 I like it and sit there following very well educated. You see the guy so busy running here and there and not thinking of anything else except finishing his task. You see her, while so busy with work, physical work, still thinking of him , trying to peak every now and then to see what he’s doing, worrying, imagining and hoping. However, when and if he sees her as if she didn’t exist before and he’s all smiles and attends to her. Just lovely and only lovely if we understand our natures right. My sisters think he’s a player and that she is stupid trusting him because even though shes so poor she is stunningly beautiful and could do better. I think, if she continued with her shy feminine self she might get him to commit more.

      I so much like and understand this truism now: she before he (and his work) after many years of (likability and loyalty) in marriage.

      Can’t wait to see what happens next, especially with this rich good looking female client that likes this manager ☹

    • curlyblondy

      such a great lesson for me this friday… thanks cocoa! i have been thinking like your sisters.

      • Cocoa

        Dear curlyblondy, I used to think and believe the same. I even used to blame my father and feel sorry for my mother as he was so focused on his work, he was not very expressive of his emotions, that’s if he had any, he would not check on us every now and then. He was a man. I got married and my husband tries to be affectionate and I dislikes it.

        I came to this blog and the crust started falling of my eyes and I learnt and understood. I ask a lot as I have had minimum dealing with men, pretty much dad then hubby. I like interacting with people on solid foundation and that pushes me to ask more.

        Slowly slowly I started looking at things differently and dealing with men and women differently and I have to say, so far, successfully.

        If you are honest and close to yourself and love yourself, you will find that the teaching in this blog sinks very well with what’s around us. You can always test it.

        I was so excited by these episodes, and I don’t watch tv much, as I saw the two natures as they were supposed to be, before it is toxified by the feminism theories and influenced by non sense. I was also disappointed with they way my sisters analysed the man and thought that because the girl is beautiful that she should use that the gain advantage. But I was the same – (with analysing men wrongly not with the Beauty part) – I was blind and now I see.

        • curlyblondy

          i’m looking very much forward to a deeper study into this blog, and to become wiser.

          i can relate with your last paragraph, old shows and movies are the best 🙂

    • Cinnamon

      Cocoa,

      This is such a great story and I really enjoyed contemplating both Sir Guy’s observations about it and yours. It beautifully illustrates how hard-headedness in the form of patience lays the foundation for devotion.

      There have been several discussions here around how to recognise and screen out Mr Vague & Unavailable, including flashy men who come on strong at first but who then disappear (in effect blowing hot and cold), then perhaps reappear, then disappear again (rinse and repeat). The bakery manager in the story is a perfect counterpoint to this type of Mr Vague & Unavailable (also known as Mr Hot and Cold) because his actions, though not flashy, are consistent over time. As Sir Guy explains, “His devotion is developing each time he escorts her home. He has other obligations that prevent doing it every day. He wants more of her or he’d quit.”

      The key here at this early stage is not volume or degree of attention to her but consistency. I would say as a rule, the most important character trait to look for in the early stage of getting to know a man is a trait that Mr Vague & Unavailable always lacks: consistency. As I read earlier this year, “men vote with their attention.”

      • Cocoa

        Hello Cinnamon! Glad you followed and that you liked it. Am I watching the episodes regularly even though I dislike watching tv in general. But the story is a good example of what we are studying and learning here . Also, the different views of my sisters are more interesting and turn into debates about men abs women natures.

        Funny you mention this now. I missed couple of episodes and my sisters summarised them for me. Apparently he tried to tell the girl that he’s interested in something more deeper but she politely rejected the idea , I think she didn’t respond to his approach and said nothing in return. He was hurt but back again to his weekly home walk and very careful with what he says.

        Now with the consistency you mention above, I totally agree. But I felt for the hardheaded softhearted girl when the manager left couple of times on the same regular day and didn’t say anything to her. Now the director shows that he had a call and had to leave but she doesn’t know that. So, even though she showed that she didn’t care or even notice, you could see the poor girl waiting for him to come to her place where she works and where he picks her up each time , but he doesn’t show up. Poor thing, shaky hand, teary eye and flustered she leaves at the same time and didn’t wait even for 5 minutes to see if he comes. I think she’s getting used/dependant on him. Following week when he come she says absolutely nothing! (here is don’t explain and don’t complain lesson) he tells her what happened and she feels a bit better but says nothing. GOOD girl!

        But guys, as I feel for the girl as she’s getting used to him, and the man is so good to her and respect her wishes, should he at least tell her when he can’t take her home??! Or is that part of his freedom to play or stay, talk or walk. He know she will be there next week so maybe he doesn’t care. He is focused on something else…Don’t know. He’s not obliged as they are not in a serious relationship, but still. He is one of these musculine old fashion eastern guys, not feminized at all. Or maybe cos the village girl is not showing any emotions AT ALL. Does he have to report back to her?

        My sisters think there is another woman. Will wait and see.

        Wish I could share but it’s in a different language and translated to another, both not English.

        Oh, every now and then when she bakes this semolina cake she brings him a piece wrapped in newspaper 😊 again with a smile, but no thanks no nothing after the walk. (I wouldn’t eat the cake after being in the newspaper)…

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