1829. Sex Difference Redux—Part 77: Created to Do Good — II


Theme:  As mate and parent, we often slip, slide, grope, and sometimes fail. Both prevention and recovery are possible.

Part I described conflicting ‘positives’ and ‘negatives’ (e.g., love and criticism). Capable of doing good with the positives, we instead live by ‘ungood’ negatives. Unwanted outcomes flood our lives such as breakups, divorce, and child rebelliousness.

A technique exists to make couples more compatible and families more harmonious. Women are created with the capability of doing both. (Men are not so endowed.) Girlfriends, wives, and mothers need only rely more deliberately on their female nature to proactively strengthen their leadership roles. Borrowed from an old tune, women become stronger leaders when they accentuate the positives, eliminate the negatives, and find all the gratitude in between.

That’s right. Find gratefulness, appreciation, and thankfulness in everyone and everything that happens. Refocus the thoughts of mate and children away from the negatives by figuratively drowning them with your gratefulness. Use gratitude to overwhelm negative thoughts and words, and otherwise lure yourself, mate, and children toward expressing the positives. (Actions follow our words, habits follow our actions, and our heart follows our habits.)

Moreover, happiness flows out of gratitude. Finding gratitude shifts attention from the negatives to the positives and keeps a person on track for a happier life. In the simplest of expressions, gratitude is the keystone to both marital compatibility and family harmony.    

When we don’t focus on the good but let the ungood resound inside our relationships, we stumble as mate and parent. We may live as we expect, but we’re still dissatisfied. We try to live better, but we always keep trying and ending with worse. We do poorly, and self-criticism discourages us from trying anything else. We do nothing, and dissatisfaction finds us more easily than anything else. By not aiming at finding gratefulness in everyone and every happening, we stumble and relationships tumble for lack of the goal that both bonds and seals—gratefulness for both self and others.

The female nature urges women to seek happiness. Many fail for lack of aim. Finding gratefulness works, because it’s the natural root of happiness. Men are not inclined to chase it per se. When they back unconcernedly into a happy life, they credit their mate and the benefits of living with her.

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