1845. Sex Difference Redux—Part 88: Where Love Begins—04


Romantic love begins with his eyes and your ears. Enduring love begins with your knowledge of men generally, your man particularly, and yourself intrinsically. How those factors combine to fit together continues with another ten soundbytes.

31. Love and sex are fine to your man, but they are marital fillers rather than glue. It works as glue for women, but you mistakenly apply it to men. Your man’s integrity about his virtuous character and personal responsibility marinate him with more family substance than love and sex.

32. You want, plan, and seek intimate comfort and companionship for the future and needy times if they arise. Your man seeks and expects to find comfort daily after work and relaxation to prepare him for tomorrow’s battles in his competitive world. (Compatibility starts with how well you harmonize those often conflicting expectations into your nest and his castle.)

33. You crave to associate closely with at least one strong, highly masculine figure. Your man craves freedom that sometimes includes your temporary absence. It’s his hunter conqueror nature coming out. (Yes, the same hunter-conqueror nature that hopefully you and women earlier in his life tamed into faithfulness by devotion and vows to one woman.)

34. For you unmarried ladies, chastity empowers you to dominate your relationships. Your dates and boyfriends make great effort to hide or ignore your dominion. They accept it, however, but return to their dominant persona after your first sex together.

35. You can integrate your strengths with a man’s, compensate for the weaknesses of both, and build success as a couple. He can’t. He lacks both interest and expertise for it.

36. You can tolerate an angry, aggressive man. When you turn that way, your man withdraws mentally if not physically. (Angry and aggressive are the antithesis of what men seek in a woman, they battle it daily with men, and so their interest in her wanes if and when she turns that way.)

37. You continually crave signs of your man’s love. He takes your love for granted. (Because he acts so unlike women, you feel his love must be sustained by you earning it, but he feels he deserves your love by virtue of your dependence on him. You needn’t earn his love, just show your dependence.)

38. Your man was born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Good mothering hopefully softened his heart to prevent mistreatment of you. Good fathering hopefully tempered his hard-headedness to treat all women respectfully and you affectionately.

39. Females are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Good mothering teaches them when to use head and heart. Good fathering builds and strengthens a daughter’s confidence for balancing head and heart in her interests.

40. You expect your man’s faithfulness, which depends on his character and your trust. He expects continual assurance of your faithfulness, which he deduces daily and much more from actions than your words.

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 40 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.

16 Comments

Filed under sex differences, Uncategorized

16 responses to “1845. Sex Difference Redux—Part 88: Where Love Begins—04

  1. Brown_eyes

    Hola Mr. Guy!
    If a lady has gone out with a gentleman for a number of dates, ten dates for example, can she call him to set up a date? Can she ever call him for a date?

    Your Highness Brown Eyes,
    I say no unless you’re engaged with a ring and firm commitment and plan to marry within a year. Don’t try to accelerate relationship happenings except in direct response to his leadership actions. You can’t know where you stand in his heart unless he plucks all the strings and leads with his melody. Ten dates are not enough. Neither are 20 unless he demonstrates through actions that his heart is devoted and not just committed to you, which should bring on the ring. Keep yourself dependent on him for every date, and you keep yourself out of the mistake ditch.
    Guy

    • Some Other Guy

      serious question here Guy. Do people even get married any more? I see today’s court system making a mockery of marriage. Men are treated very poorly today in the court system. Even after 25 years of successful marriage, I just don’t think I would do it again. The old joke about — why don’t we skip the whole marriage BS and I’ll just give you 1/2 my stuff — seems to resonate these days.

      Sir Some Other Guy,

      Many people continue to marry in spite of courts being unabashedly unfriendly to men. Feminist theory, propaganda, and legal adoption of bias against men continues in order to end patriarchy. That’s what radical feminists (feminazis) set out to do four decades ago.

      As women go, so goes society. Women today participate freely in unmarried sex. Until that ends the legal situation will only worsen under the dominating influence of political correctioneers. Reversal isn’t likely because the political class seeks to destroy marriage, family, religion, and private property ownership. (Those goals were established in the 1920s). That destruction has accelerated during this century and now continues virtually unhindered by We the People.

      Guy

  2. Honey

    This got me wondering..does saying ‘I love you’ to a boyfriend or husband, make him feel special or relevant? I’v had a boyfriend complain that I hardly say I love you to him. Based on material on Wwnh, men are more responsive to ACTION rather than words. Kind Sir, when should those words ever come into play? Thank you!

    Your Highness Honey,

    Perhaps your boyfriend was raised with three little words continually ringing his ears. Or, perhaps he needs to hear your affirming thoughts frequently. Nothing wrong with giving him what he expects.

    However, the nature of men is such that ‘I love you’ isn’t a strong motivator or re-assurer. At least not like actions that show you love him, such as preparing his favorite meal with the particular features that he cherishes. And all of it made special just for him. A good taste left in his mouth can stir his motivational forces in your favor (except for work just after the meal).

    Guy

    • Some Other Guy

      You and I differ on this Guy. When my wife and I were dating 28 years ago, she took my breath away by saying I love you. It made me want to be a better man for her. The key was that I was in love w/ her. If she would have used it to try to win me over, it would have backfired. But she used it to cement the love.

      Sir Some Other Guy,
      It’s apples and oranges. You speak of hearing the words initially and, yes, it’s a charge to any man. He’s won but he changes after that. Her Highness Honey and I were addressing the frequent or routine uttering of those three little words. It inspires little motivation, because the male nature strongly prefers visible evidence in contrast to women who prefer audible evidence.
      Guy

      • Some Other Guy

        I see what you mean and agree. Refer to my comment about how sex is a big deal. That screams I love you to me.

        Sir Some Other Guy,
        Of course it screams I love you as it does for most men. Sex is the most magnificent action for men and when denied it takes on even greater consequence. Men favor action and what they see to believe in something. Women, OTOH, believe more in what they hear. So, if they don’t recognize that men are different, they likely have no compunction about depending on words more than sex to please their man.
        Guy

  3. Some Other Guy

    RE #31, Guy, I respect your opinion immensely. But you and I consistently rank sex differently in priority. I see sex as one of the very top priorities for my wife to give me. I can get affection, respect, food, hugs, compliments, hi fives, you name it from any number of other people. Sex is that one special thing only I get from her. My wife continues to misunderstand (even after 28 years of knowing her) how big of a deal it is for me.

    I tell my wife that there is 1 sure fire way to make sure that I stay faithful. and that is to keep me well sexed. I generate plenty of female interest almost effortlessly. I am not handsome. I am not a stud. I just have a way about me that draws the girls. My wife simply must do her job and keep me at home, faithful. I don’t see this as a problem. I just is what it is. Priorities for me are #1, a sweet, respectful, unbitchy attitude, #2, sex.
    Almost every argument we have comes back to sex.

    I am 50 years. Maybe this changes in 10 years. I don’t know, but for now sex is the glue that binds us.

    Sir Some Other Guy,
    We don’t disagree as much as you think. I describe the basic nature of men (#31 et al.). OTOH you describe your situation that includes 28 years of value and emotional loading, especially about sex. It’s apples and oranges again.
    Guy

    • DrLfan

      Some Other Guy,
      How often do you compliment your wife? …tell her she’s beautiful. That you love every part of her body. Especially when you are having sex. Women’s bodies change and we still/or more need to hear that you find us just as or more attractive than when we were young. The brain starts the mind toward having sex when she’s feels beautiful…the words coming from your mouth. Pretty time only does so much if the compliments from her man don’t follow…but only from other women.

      • Some Other Guy

        Hi Dr. This one’s easy. My wife has been going to a boot camp like gym 6 days/week for 4 months. Now that it is summer-ish, she’s wearing shorts all the time. She’s like a new woman now and I’m always asking her to show me her stuff. I’m pretty physical, touching her and holding her, etc.

        We have sex at least every 3 days. The 3 day rule is something I put in place for us several years ago. And she likes this too. My wife’s issue is that her natural tendency is to think that if she’s doing the 3 day rule, that I s/b satisfied. I on the otherhand think that if we have a spare hour and we are not too tired/full or busy, that we should be doing it.

        Perfect example. Yesterday my wife took off from work early. She went to the mall to buy me a new timex. She comes home and gives me the watch. I like the watch and it’s a nice gesture and I thanked her. But I told her, that if she takes off of work to do something nice for me, just come home and fuck me. I was kind of mad. We had just had an argument 4 days ago about sex. IDK how I can make it any clearer to her THat it’s a big deal to me. It’s just that sex is not what she thinks of first.

        In post 1759 GUY writes this, and it sums up my feelings exactly:
        *** Her resistance to post-conquest sexual events flies in his face as direct competition, and men don’t or won’t compete with a conquered woman. Conquerors traditionally ‘own’ what they conquer, so he’s entitled to keep her available for sex and seemingly at his discretion. Whether as girlfriend, booty call, potential dumpee, or one-night stand, his right to call it reaffirms his manliness. If he can’t ‘own’ his trophy, he’s denuded of self-respect and, even worse, the respect of other men, his primary competitors.. ***

        IN my mind, not only have I conquored her. I married her. She is the only place I can get sex from. It’s not like I can go down the street and just pick some up at the store. She is it. Unless of course she wants me to start denying my love for her. I don’t think that is a good idea.

        • DrLfan

          What were you mad about? She was thinking of you and you essentially told her that to be the warm place to put it is her only real usefulness to you? Really? You just got through telling us she pretty much goes the distance for you three days a week. Are you jazzing yourself up on porn all day long?
          Yes, she is your wife, and agreed that she would be your sex partner. But harping on her all the time when you have decided that right now is the time, regardless of her sensibilities/personal plans is not going to get you what you want and it will be denied, except for the agreed three days a week.

  4. Some Other Guy

    sense disrespect in your tone, and will thank you to not use sex shaming tactics on me. I will assume that it was unintentional and answer you anyway.

    #1 I don’t do porn.
    #2 We have sex not 3 days a week. It is 1 per 3 days.

    I was mad because we just had this big argument about frequency. She resists leaves work that early for sex. So right after this big argument (it was a multi-day affair that shook me to the core), she still hasn’t got the message that if she wants to do something nice for me, just text me, I will come home and we will have a date. She didn’t remember that. She took off of work early and went shopping. She bought stuff for herself too. I told her that I wouldn’t be mad if she had just shopped for herself. Why? because buying something for me meant she was trying to please me. Which means that she still doesn’t understand or want to understand what pleases me.

    You are a female and will downplay the importance of sex. But understand, I can get friendship, respect, physical contact (work life), socializing, from daily life. Sex is the one thing that she promised to deliver. I can’t get it from anywhere else. I think she enjoys that power. But had better be careful, because like Sir GUy says, a rejected man will find another way to make himself feel good.

    Imagine the flaming I would get if my wife was dying for me to hug her, crying for me to hug her, and I refused. What if I brought home flowers when all she wanted was a hug. She needed the physical closeness but I refused to give. I used my power over her to deny her this. What would you say then? How is sex any different? Can we all agree that sex is a biological imperative?

  5. DrLfan

    Stop arguing. Period.Yes, she knows you and she are different. If you’ve been having this issue for 25 years, she gets it. If you’ve EVER told her and frequently tell her that sex is all it takes to keep you faithful, you have more problems than you realize. When you tell a woman that, you are slapping her in the face and telling her that for truth, Yes, you are my wife and by God, you will service me, because the nice warm place is all that holds me to you.
    If she seems to no longer care that she has orgasm, even when you cannot perform after starting the process, then she has given up. She knows the only reason you’ve attempted is to get what you want, never with intent to please her. Why bother.
    What prompted her to get fit? Has she always worn shorts? If all of this is new to her, then she is potentially looking elsewhere and already getting elsewhere.
    I do hope I am wrong, and this woman, your wife is exception to the woman I am and women I know.

  6. DrLfan

    I find it difficult to believe that your wife is not in tears daily over some slight you’ve perceived from her natural lack of thoughts of sex 24/7. I don’t even read/hear in your posts that the coupling is about feeling loved by her. If that were so, it wouldn’t be consistently brought to her attention that she is failing you. You can touch and hold her frequently, but it doesn’t sound to me as though it is ever for her comfort and well-being.
    To argue for four days over this, be cut to the core…? So what did she say that cut you? What did you accuse her of that prompted her to bring out this harsh defense?
    You need not post the conversation, just think about it. Treat your wife like a beautiful queen, not a concubine.
    Sure, Sir Guy is here informing women (mainly directed to women to up their behavior to Queen status) about the differences between men and women, and you will note he’s posting both….not just for men to benefit, but for women to benefit and be heard and treated fairly as well.

    • Some Other Guy

      DrLFAn:
      Let me boil this down to basics.
      ** I am a man with needs. They are my needs and nobody else’s. I make no apology for them nor should I have to
      ** I will get my needs met 1 way or another.
      ** I have asked my wife to meet my needs
      ** I am rooting for her to rise to the occasion(s)
      ** It’s completely up to her if I am important enough for her to do it. I cannot force her to do anything.

      My wife enjoys being so desired by me. She enjoys being attractive to and for me. You mention feeling coupled and loved. That is your need not mine and is not a high priority for me.. I love my wife dearly and sex is the only thing we ever argue about. When I agreed to give her the children that she begged me for, she promised to keep me as her #1 priority. I am now asking her to uphold her word.

      It really is that simple.

      PS, My wife and I are making good progress. Good sexy fun time for 3 days in a row. With plenty of expression of gratitude from me.

  7. HandsomeDarkKnight

    “32. You want, plan, and seek intimate comfort and companionship for the future and needy times if they arise. Your man seeks and expects to find comfort daily after work and relaxation to prepare him for tomorrow’s battles in his competitive world. (Compatibility starts with how well you harmonize those often conflicting expectations into your nest and his castle.).”

    My dad would come home, not say a word but motion me off his favorite seat and to yield the remote. He wouldn’t say anything until he heard something funny on TV or my little sister told him something that she accomplished at school-it was like Simpsons meets Family Matters. My mom worked too so by the time she came home my dad had already un-winded. They rarely made alone time for each other on a daily basis but those rare moments they did, they were always happy.

    The way I’m going to be different: I’d love it if I received daily comfort in the form of intimacy with a significant other. I’m going to make it a point for my future wife an I to spend bonding time together every day after work, then spend time with the kids before finishing any work and later bed time. I find in my observations of various married couples in my family, the ones who made time for each other every day and express G-Rated affection for each other in front of the kids lead to a more happier household. My parents taught me about how to make tough times work and not giving up. With this perceptive education in family dynamics I look forward to the moment when it becomes my turn to step up to the plate as the man of the house.

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