1846. Sex Difference Redux—Part 89: Where Love Begins—05

Romantic love begins in his eyes and your ears. Enduring love begins with your knowledge of men generally, your man particularly, and yourself intrinsically. Ingredients that require harmonizing in your relationship continue with another ten soundbytes.

41. You expect frequent gifts and signs of his giving heart to symbolize your man’s affection and, hopefully, unconditional love. He expects frequent appreciation and unconditional respect as signs of your dependence on him.

42. Your man expects the privilege of doing many things that do not necessarily concern you. You expect him to do things almost exclusively for and preferably with you and your children. Your expectations clash easily; he lacks your ability to harmonize those often-conflicting expectations.

43. You envy his freedom from family and you’re jealous when he exploits it. His nature doesn’t inspire him to think much about your lack of freedom from the kids. It’s another example of clashing expectations for which you’re better equipped to harmonize.

44. Your man respects and consequently falls prey to the mysterious, to what he can’t have, can’t earn, and can’t mastersuch as female modesty or a chaste female. You are more pragmatic, which inspires you to take advantage of such masculine uniqueness.

45. You tie love and sex together but consider love more important. Your man perceives it differently. Sex is a necessity but love is unessential. He accepts the combined results, because they have a pleasurable and anxiety-quieting effect on him, which produces a taming effect of him for her.

46. Your hard-headedness captures your man by charming, coaxing, and wheedling him away from his habit of trying to dominate you excessively. Your soft-heartedness keeps him.

47. Your love emanates from emotional connections with your own life and into which some attractive man enters. Your man’s love arises proportional to his unconditional respect for women generally and conditional respect for one woman particularly.

48. Conquest changes your man. He is no longer ‘in the hunt’ for you. Marriage changes you. Your new husband can be made better, and you’re just the one to improve him.

49. Dealing with the opposite sex, your man’s natural strength lies with directness and your best choice, tactic, and strength lies with indirectness.

50. You naturally dominate the future because your greatest need is for it to be brighter. Your man naturally dominates the present because of his interest in efficiency, effectiveness, competition, and results. (Male-dominated religions reject those natural imperatives. Our Judeo-Christian culture frees up and enables women to exploit those sex-unique forces of Nature to the advantage of women and children.)

Hundreds of sex differences determine the outcomes of your interactions with men and your man. This ends the first 50 differences, but many more follow at ten per post.


Filed under sex differences

5 responses to “1846. Sex Difference Redux—Part 89: Where Love Begins—05

  1. Honey

    I want my future husband falling for me… How exactly can a wife exhibit mystery, female modesty and chastity- in husband’s face? Anxious to hear your wisdom Sir.

    Your Highness Honey,
    I think you can find answers in post 1816 through 1819 plus the two series listed in the CONTENTS page at blog top: “Dating…” and “Virtual Virginity.” Also, try the series “Do women know jack about Jack” and “Sex and the Fickle Girl.” Let me know if your questions aren’t more than answered.

    • HandsomeDarkKnight

      Your Highness Honey,

      I hope God sends someone like you my way, because there are gentlemen like myself who long for the day we can fall for that extraordinary girl (as Sir Guy said in an earlier post) who becomes our wife.

      This is how I see mystery, modesty, and chastity made facially apparent to me.

      I Courtship Phase
      1) Mystery-the moment I see her, I’m filled with a sudden rush of excitement in my chest that even though I’ve never heard her speak, her eyes innocently convey to me that I’d be a fool to not get to know her whether or not she smiles initially. I can’t explain why, but her presence instantly puts me at ease.

      2) Modesty-upon first gaze I see she’s very attractive in an elegant way yet girl next door style-not a lot of make up-yet still she looks confident in her appearance. After sizing her up I’m made to instantly re-evaluate my appearance and see if I haven’t dressed like a joker for the occasion (think Adam Sandler from his Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, Big Daddy or Mr. Deeds movies). I also check to see I’ve got nothing embarrassing on my face or shirt. She physically gives me an invitation to ask for her number-subtly holds my hand if I’m standing next to her.

      3) Chastity: Even though she does her best to make it obvious that it’s ok for me to pursue her, she makes it clear about waiting till either marriage or engagement before we have sex, and will not kiss just anyone who isn’t serious and respectful of her intentions.

      II Dating + Engagement
      1) Mystery: When we talk she doesn’t reveal herself to me all at once-it has to come like layers of an onion. The girls I’ve dated previously have all told me wayyy too much about themselves before we went out. Come to think of it, no wonder after 2 dates things never worked out, I didn’t feel like there was anything left to know. She makes it a point to ask me about myself and ask follow up questions from prior conversations-revealing she’s genuinely interested in me. She might not say it right away, but when she sees me, she’s filled with the joy of a little kid with a a warm smile which melts my heart of any insecurity and makes even my happiest day even better.

      2) Modesty: she’s dressed for the occasion but in a way that only says she wants me to gaze at her without trying to invite unwanted advances from other men if I happen to excuse myself for a moment. Oh, I will notice if her hair is different.

      3) Chastity: our level of physical intimacy slowly progresses in stages at a pace that we both feel comfortable with. It might come off like junior high to some observers, but we both know how much we enjoy the other’s presence.

      III Married Life
      1) Mystery: Without expectation she does little things that make me feel special-earned gifts on days that aren’t normally earmarked for gifts. She won’t undercut me in front of others especially the kids.

      2) Modesty: Anytime I go out with her I know regardless of anyone else’s opinion I’ve got the prettiest girl in the whole world right there by my side. Whether it’s the gym, a sporting event, at the beach, at dinner, at a party, or out dancing.

      3) Chastity: our sex life will be healthy active and full of surprises.

      That’s how I’d imagine I’d fall for my future wife during each stage of the relationship.

  2. Some Other Guy

    Guy, it just occurred to me that If I read 1 of your posts per day, starting at the beginning, it would take me 5 years to get from #1 to #1846. That’s a lot of writing my friend.

    Sir Some Other Guy,
    Yes, I’ve been at it since NOV 2007 adding a post a day until AUG 2012, when I slowed to a new post at least every three days. I deleted a few, merged a few, and reorganized, clarified, and reposted many.

  3. Avid Follower in NYC

    Hi Sir Guy, for the past 4 months I have been dating a gentleman and things have been going well. He is a widower of 2 years with two sons in their early twenties. He is a captain in the fire department. I am definitely looking for a man of character and up to this point he has demonstrated many admirable qualities. He is a devout Christian, kind and respectful to others, loves his sons and suffered greatly with his wife in her battle with cancer. Up to this point he has not really brought up sex or asked anything in depth about my sexual history. I have been putting your principles to work with success up to this point. I have been invited to a former colleagues party and my gentlemen agreed to escort me. Since then he has been asking more questions about my career, old boyfriends, etc. I worked in sales, 80% of my colleagues are male and married. I am thinking he is worried about running into somebody I might have been involved with at this event. I have never been involved in any way with any colleagues. Many of them I have known a long time. I believe I have always been treated with respect and kindness by most of them because I always tried to be a lady. I didn’t participate in much of the socializing that went on at sales conferences, such as heavy drinking, strip clubs, cigar bars and hook ups with married men. There were women that did all that. Most of them married also. I have never been married, in my late 40s. Up until the past couple of years I had not really missed being married, but has you have said the loneliness
    does creep up in later years. I don’t have much dating experience because I was focused on my job and the only men I was meeting were those in my business, who also made me fearful of the prospects of finding a faithful man. I know sales is a tough job, it requires a lot of time away from the family, on the road, socializing with clients after business hours, alcohol, so it is easy to fall into infidelity. Sales is a lifestyle more than I job. I apologize for the length of this post, but I really want to handle this the right way because this man really could be a keeper. Since agreeing to go to this event he has been a little distant and not calling as often as he did. I have not pursued him and I feel like this is in Gods hands and if it is meant to work out it will. Any advise or insight Guy would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

    Your Highness Avid Follower in NYC,

    I think you’ve spotted his problem very well. I suggest you rewrite the following to fit your situation and reveal it the next time he calls.

    Honey, I’ll need your help at the party. We’ll be associating with people with different moral values than I have had all my life. You’ll see me avoiding some people, subjects, and language, so please accommodate me perhaps even my being impolite. I’ve had to associate but haven’t participated as they do. I don’t mean to be critical but just express to you that I’m far different from them and many others.

    I trust being close to you, so I ask that you graciously absorb my personally depending and socially leaning on you and away from them. They are great people, but I’ve never gotten to know them very well. Our personal values differ so much while our professional values had to become common.

    Thanks for your special ability to absorb my anxieties.

    Good luck.


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