Friendly reminders about human nature when men hit on females:
- Females can dominate and guide a man’s behavior before they yield to his conquest. They only need quick wit and determination to remain chaste in order to overwhelm his bluffs.
- As hunter-conquerors, men hit on females primarily for sex and, in some cases, secondarily for a mate. If she shows signs that she’s easy to conquer, she loses value as potential mate. She adds significant value by successful resistance.
- When a guy hits on them, females are forced to act on what they see more than what they hear. Ears are their major strength. Females gain advantage by ignoring what he looks like until they can hear what turns him into a guy of interest. It’s a momentary judgment call, and his words should reflect his respect.
Even though I express it this way, don’t take what follows literally for you to do what I say. You have to fit it into your personality and ability to succeed at what you plan. I merely offer suggestions but keep in mind the reminders above.
When hit upon, you struggle with uncertainty depending on what the hitter looks like. You shake off whatever emotions hit you, reach for a response that’s proper for you in the situation, and continue as your feelings guide you. Lack of a standard game plan puts you at risk because the guy receives feedback he can exploit to more quickly get you in bed. He gains the advantage whether he’s a dreamboat or a determined nobody, and whether you let him talk you into listening further to his pitch. Even if you turn to something else or send him away, other guys witness or hear of the rejection and learn how to exploit your feedback.
If you have a standard response designed to put all the advantage on your side, you can dominate hit-on situations. I compile a list of options below from which you can adapt one or several or make a mixture to reject guys gently but affirmatively. Make up something comfortable and easy to recall and say habitually.
Your main goal should be to avoid living to be an old maid. You need a Mr. Good Enough to win you with his merit and virtuous character. The following objectives lay the groundwork. Never show anger or dislike of the hitter regardless of his looks. Your credibility soars when other people see that you don’t discriminate—a guy is just a guy until he starts to earn his way into your heart. (Don’t open your heart easily; make each guy earn his way through actions that make you trust him.)
Treat all hitters the same regardless of their looks, appeal, or apparent hunk-of-your-dreams. You enjoy compliments so reject each guy politely, smilingly, and honestly with a retort that rejects him for the present but subliminally encourages him to try again.
All hitters should be encouraged to try again. It enables you to separate the sex-hunters from the mate-hunters. If ‘undesirables’ return, than use the same retort each time so that you don’t have to explain yourself; they’ll eventually get your response as final. For ‘returnees’ you find hopeful for your future, proceed to the next step of determining their worth and ability to earn your heart.
Here are suggestions for possible retorts with you always smiling throughout each encounter. (Anger and other negatives discourage the mate-hunters.) Always smilingly stare the hitter down; it reinforces your dominance of the situation.
- God says I shouldn’t, and I listen to Him first and foremost. (If the guy responds, Do what? You say, Ask God.)
- Guys are never more handsome than when they compliment a lady. But handsome isn’t nearly enough thank you very much. (If he responds What is? You retort with You figure it out.)
- Thanks for the compliment. Come back when I have time to hear you explain your intentions. (NO, not now, later.)
- Thanks for the compliment. If you give me a list of your virtues, I just might read it.
- Thanks for the compliment. Come back when you’re teaching a Sunday school class. (Oh, you are now? Then tell me [sincerely and not sarcastically] where and when and I may join you some Sunday.)
- Thanks for the compliment. I’m proud to have stirred your imagination. (If he asks what you mean, respond with You figure it out.)
- Thanks for the compliment but I’ve had enough for one day.
- Thanks for the compliment. Do you seek a mate for life? No? Then why should we talk?
- Thanks for the compliment. My daddy taught me to ask for the ring first.
- (Finally, if a hitter won’t give up.) We’re both lucky. You know what you want. I know what I don’t want. See you later.
By now, you probably complain that you can’t say those things. Your first step to avoid old-maidhood is to separate those guys only after sex from those dedicated to winning you as a mate. Based on the nature of men, the rejection options above tend to discourage the former and encourage the latter.