1862. Sex Difference Redux—Part 100: Where Love Begins—16


When women use their relationship skills and balance these comparisons such that disagreements and disputes don’t arise, they promote and invigorate mutual and enduring love.

151. You seek relationships for emotional comfort. Your man seeks relationships for fun and functionality.

152. You use sex to attract potential mates from which you hope to find Mr. Right. Your man advertises subliminally or poses as each woman’s Mr. Right— until conquest, that is. Then he drops the pose and directly assumes the role.

153. Your man wants to go directly to the heart of a problem . You want to surround an issue with all possible connections so you can evaluate the full impact it will likely have on your life.

154. You associate and cooperate with women as a major part of life. You encourage each other. Your man associates and competes with other men. They encourage themselves.

155. You need encouragement from him and your man needs support, gratitude, and respect from you. That’s a prime but not the sole input for encouraging himself.

156. Your man primarily and naturally focuses on the threats and opportunities in his world. You naturally focus on the threats and opportunities for attachments, security, and shaping human lives, which focuses your interests primarily in the home.

157. When you think and act like men, you over eat. When your man thinks and acts like women, he under eats.

158. Your man infers from your mystery far more than you convince him with words and promises. You don’t trust his mystery.

159. You want your man’s faithfulness and trust him more readily than you suspect him. Your man wants no suspicions of your unfaithfulness, and it enables him to trust more easily than suspect.

160. When split up comes, you feel guiltier than your man. Later, you also feel more responsible than he.

More follow in a day or so.

15 Comments

Filed under sex differences

15 responses to “1862. Sex Difference Redux—Part 100: Where Love Begins—16

  1. Anon

    “157. When you think and act like men, you over eat. When your man thinks and acts like women, he under eats.”
    Dear Sir Guy you so stretch my thinking 🙂 Can you explain this one a little bit more?

    Your Highness Anon,

    When you think and act like men, your natural female concerns for your future and consequent restraints at the table fade away. As a girl, how much or strongly did you dream of a pear shape and cellulite? Of course you didn’t. Of feminine shapeliness? To some extent, yes. However, by trying to outshine men so as to equalize the sexes, you and sister females let your girlhood dreams crumble into taste buds overpowering will power.

    When men think and act like women, they value relationship harmony with women so much that they duplicate women. They seek to keep their masculine attractiveness more than please their taste buds. To women, overweight is a sour note in harmonious relations, especially with finding, capturing, and keeping a man. Slim shape-retaining men know that human taste runs that way, and so they copy the more promising female nature.

    Guy

    • Anon

      Thank you so much. As ever you not only stretch my thinking but give 360 degree answers which clarify, encourage and equip. 🙂

  2. Some Other Guy

    I will go one step further with the eating topic. Men take personal offense at their woman becoming fat. A wife becoming too heavy is a sign of disrespect to the husband. Having an attractive wife is a status symbol and a sign of his standing in society. When the wife becomes heavy it lowers his value as perceived by the community.

    Sir Some Other Guy,
    Clear, concise, and accurate. Well done with simple phrasing.
    Guy

  3. Some Other Guy

    Guy, my wife’s friend is a mess. Her friend’s husband doesn’t work (50 years old) and doesn’t help around the house. The kids are adults but still in school and also do not treat her well. One of the kids might have to quit school. Guy, I do you have any posts that deal with the best way for this woman to kick her men in the butt to get them to do the right things? My wife thinks that the woman’s current method is nagging. Of course this will not work. For the kids my sense is that the problem starts w/ the husband who does not demand that the kids treat the wife w/ the proper respect.

    Anyway, I’d be interested in your take on this.

    Sir Some Other Guy,

    You and your wife have correctly spotted the most likely symptoms. I’ll try to explain how it has caused deterioration of home life.

    Her nagging arose from her frustrations of not getting things her way. However, the nagging destroyed husband’s self-respect and consequent respect of her. He can’t promote to the kids what he doesn’t have. They see his lack of respect, and so they copy him with disrespect.

    Minus his self-respect, husband can’t respect wife, which means that his love of her withers or has died. Her likeability slowly fades or has disappeared. He’s satisfied enough with his living conditions to do nothing to change it. He will likely remain so until dissatisfaction drives him elsewhere or to do something else. Her nagging only confirms that he’s doing all the right things to win the competition with her.

    As you describe it, they have all settled into a downward spiral that has stabilized with everyone disliking everyone else more and more. When their nest empties, things will change and probably for the worse in terms of compatibility.

    Many articles address the root cause, lack of respect. Scroll down the CONTENTS page for ‘respect’ in the title. (Don’t search, as I think every article with ‘respect’ in the text will show up.) Articles with ‘husband’ or ‘wife’ in the title may be helpful.

    Guy

    • Some Other Guy

      You are a good egg Guy. Thank you. The woman in this case confides to my wife, who understandably ends up feeling very helpless to offer much help. My wife seems to attract desparate people like that woman bec my wife has an aura of having everything in her world under control. That aura is like a magnet for people enduring personal strife.

      Sir Some Other Guy,
      You improve my day almost every time you comment. This time it’s because you so clearly but indirectly describe how valuable your wife is to you, which enables keeping her world under control, and which adds value to her with others. Mutual respect evidently floods your marriage. Well done!
      Guy

      • Some Other Guy

        You got that right Guy. I could list 100 reasons why I’m lucky to have my wife in my life. I knew she was something special from the first night I met her. Even back then she had that aura about her.

        Sir Some Other Guy,
        It sounds like love at first sight, which blesses the few men that find it. The female nature prevents love at first sight for women.
        Guy

  4. Tica

    Sir Guy: I am dating an older man (by almost 20 years) We both grew up eating the same kind of (fried) food. We talk a lot about food and I do cook for him fried things and things that are not ‘healthy’. He is not morbidly obese but not small. I am a size 12 and have struggled with weight my wholie life. I do enjoy exercising and eat what i like but do struggle with the moderation. We try out soul food together as a hobby. My appetite/tastes might be a little masculine. My comment is just that I am a little insecure about this. I always wonder if he really likes that I eat what he likes. He knows if we are eating fried chicken I am banking the calories for that meal and am going to try and eat just one piece and not three like him. I make a point not to complain about feeling fat and he compliments me on my looks. I have had a hard time with ‘diets’ and being told I am not allowed to eat certain things. I think your #157 really brings home for me how ingrained feminism is in our society. I think women are not only told that we can eat like men but that if we are overweight it’s someone or something else’s fault. Sorry if this is rambling I am just intrigued with #157! Thanks!

    Your Highness Tica,
    You state this very well and accurately: “I think your #157 really brings home for me how ingrained feminism is in our society. I think women are not only told that we can eat like men but that if we are overweight it’s someone or something else’s fault.”
    Guy

  5. As a woman who has struggled with obesity since she was 7 years old, while it may be true for some women, I find it unselttling that someone may assume that I am large because I “want to be a man”- it sounds ridiculous even though I cannot prove that this isn’t so for many women. I am happily married and got married at 275 pounds. I am no doubt lucky I suppose, but I have always had a desire to be petite, dainty and all that represents the feminine figure, but due to forces beyond my control, have never been able to achieve it. I have never bashed men for their preference for slim women, so I don’t want to be bashed for sharing my point of view—- All people have the right to their prefernces when it comes to a partner. I just felt the need to weigh in on this one. Pun intended. 🙂

    Your Highness Dawn,
    Welcome back again. Congratulations on your marriage too; I am aware of your past and admire your accomplishments of several fronts.
    Guy
    P.S. I love puns as the greatest of humor.
    G.

    • Thank You Sir Guy! That means a lot coming from you and I do stop by from time to time to get advice when I want to “tune up” myself as relationship expert with my husband….. It is a joy to learn to disagree gracefully, to take what I need and leave the rest—- All while maintaining what’s really important- the relationship with the person behind the blog-behind the words—-

      Your Highness Dawn,
      Your marriage must be a great one. Your graciousness grows beautifully.
      Guy

    • Some Other Guy

      Don’t feel bad Dawn. I’m a relatively lean man. I assure you I am not trying to eat or act like a woman. I think Guy’s point is that eating lesser is generally a feminine trait and vice versa for eating a lot for the man. Women that eat a lot don’t want to be men. But they are likely more comfortable with this male oriented trait.

      Anyway, in my case i am thin on purpose. Diabetes and back injuries are common in my family. Being heavy aggravates both of these conditions. I like being active and do not want to end up like the rest of my family, having lots of health problems.

      Sir Some Other Guy,

      The time has come to clarify and expand #157. The consequence of women acting more like men and less like their female nature is that they overeat; it has little or nothing to do with what they want but is the result of what they habitually do to feel good about themselves away from the table. It’s the reverse for men.

      Again, it’s their natures at work before they face health problems or other pressures of life.

      Guy

      • A.GuyMaligned

        Ladies and Gentlemen,

        Here’s a postscript:

        I add some deeper motivations to the eat-more and eat-less confusion surrounding #157. Different from the male nature, the female nature makes women self-centered about their present and FUTURE appearance. When the self-interest of a man drives him to retain his present weight and appearance over the years, he copies that primal need of females. It requires he enlarge his self-centeredness. In the process he outcompetes other men (avoids fattening up) and enhances his self-image. That in turn captures womanly attention, inflates his self-admiration, and confirms his self-interest. Thus, some men learn that eating less generates self-admiration, which is the male’s prime motivator.

        WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves, and slim-and-trim men get a lot of it without eating a lot. Their primal urge for self-admiration outweighs feeling good by eating much, any nervous urge to restore energy, and poor habits formed earlier in life.

        Guy

        • Anon

          Thanks Sir Guy. When we originally ‘talked’ about this I felt your answer was about lack of long term self esteem, and instant nervous appetite and etiquette mixed with that old habitual choice/hit of WADWMUFGAO. You are wise man enough to appreciate a curvacious feminine woman and encourage us all to see the heart issues behind how we act no matter what our size or age. Be encouraged Dawn Solomon – we’re all learning together – especially me!

  6. Point #153 is excellently and humorously portrayed in this YouTube video: “It’s Not About the Nail“.

    [If it didn’t embed or link properly, here is the plain URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg%5D.

    • Kathy! Excellent find. I posted this to my husbands Facebook page and I hope he wont be drinking anything when he views it because I think the conversation we have had is word for word…….. Replace the nail with just about anything else! Thanks for this paradoxical humor today.

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