Two readers write about their competing interests described in 1871 Men in Bed—I. I put them in a face-off. It enables me to compare and clarify the ways men and women act unless they have more highly developed devotion for one another.
Her Highness Katey-Anne concludes this about #1871: “But it did make me think about long term sex in a long term relationship and whether for a woman it becomes something she tolerates for her guy and because she loves him. … If the outcome is simply that the sexual relationship serves to refresh the male sense of self-admiration and the woman goes along for the ride (metaphorically speaking!) and to keep things sweet in the home.”
Sir Some Other Guy claims “…a man can gauge the health of the marriage by how often his sexual needs are being met. … denied sex, then I have a sub-par marriage by definition. … My divorced men friends joke about how marriage destroyed the good sex that they enjoyed as a non-married couple. … a sexless marriage is the very definition of hell for most men.”
While both are normal, only one reflects how God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize us. Men are made just as Some Other Guy describes and they don’t change except when they discover their own reasons. Women aren’t made so hard and unyielding. They thrive by making other choices. Women are capable to prevent at best and overcome at least what Katey-Anne describes, and so I focus on that.
- The prime motivator of women is the need for self-importance. They strive all their lives from morning to night to fulfill that need. Katey-Anne describes an attitude of giving up and it short circuits a woman’s primal need. (Please don’t take offense Katey-Anne. You’re not that way; I understand you’re just speculating and I’m trying to encourage women to fight back, to overcome what they don’t like.)
- A man tolerates a woman competing with him for only one thing, to delay, defer, and prevent sex as she faces his conquering spirit. Other than that, and especially after marriage, her natural propensity to cooperate enables her to win friends, influence men, and suppress, soften, or outwit husband’s dominance. (If she tries to act more like men as feminists advocate and competes on other matters, she turns her man’s interest toward other and more likeable sex objects.)
- Women are naturally endowed with expertise for managing relationships. Men are naturally void of such talent and skill.
- Women are endowed with a magnificent arsenal for dealing with men and coming out the winner. Because male interests focus primarily on accomplishments outside of relationships, the male nature is particularly vulnerable to a woman’s use of the following—feminine mystery, female modesty, monogamous dedication, physical attractiveness, marital harmonizing, tolerance, admiration and respect for the male gender and her man, complete loyalty, signs of sexual faithfulness, softheartedness, hardheadedness, patience, seed planting, indirectness, reading faces, erogenous zones, changeability, flexibility, ability to enhance her importance to others, anger, prettiness, neatness, gratefulness, happiness, smiles, impatience, PLUS an overpowering urge to get her way when convinced she is right. Some women don’t understand the relationship hazards but they aren’t above disingenuousness and even manipulation. Their nature provides those traits to use as they see fit. But women must make choices that generate rather than disturb their marital likeability because it’s the first step to compatibility.
- Women crave affection, intimacy, and endearing words. Men are weak at each. With so many weapons in her arsenal, this man wonders why each woman has not brought her man out of his shell of masculine dignity that prevents or dampens the expression of his feelings to her satisfaction. (It’s by far and away the most important ‘project’ she can have for her side of true compatibility. It’s as meaningful to her as sex is to him.)
Feminists and the pop culture persuade women they deserve to ‘have it all’ by making men pay all the costs. IOW, pass all blame to men and reduce female guilt. Their nature tells them differently, but many wives don’t heed their basic makeup with consequences such as these. When she puts blame or guilt on her man, it bounces off him as her unwillingness to depend, respect, or be grateful for him. It leads to her disadvantage. She automatically becomes less likeable and respected—perhaps only a little at a time but it accumulates. Less likeability makes her less appealing for domestic harmony. Less respected weakens his love of her. Those things can overpower the best of intentions. (Again, I’m not saying it’s fair or unfair but just reporting how human nature works.)
Another way exists by which women trap themselves into devaluing marital sex. It impacts husbands such that compatible happiness bleeds from the marital bed. It comes tomorrow.