1883. MAKE MARRIAGE WORK: Compatibility Starts Here


This is a new summary to amplify the value of ‘MAKE MARRIAGE WORK’.

Quite contrary to modern thought, natural sex differences make men and women compatible enough that they can stretch a relationship for life. Unfortunately, modern thought has long forgotten this ingredient of compatibility: Success depends upon women (aka the relationship experts). You ask, why not men? They don’t need a woman as much as women want a man, they want freedom to play and lay around, and they have little or no talent and lack the sensitivity for fostering and maintaining relationships, whereas women are naturally prepared for it.

The secret to marital compatibility lies with women learning to merge and integrate natural differences. It forms and flows out of the integration and balance of the following when done to the satisfaction of both mates. Details are at the blog posts shown in brackets. She merges and integrates:

  1. Her need for a brighter future with his drive to compete. [#1747]
  2. Her drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones with his need of a place to flop, eat, recover, and prepare for tomorrow’s battles. [#1747]
  3. Her want of a helpful mate with his want of freedom. [1748]
  4. Her focus on the future with his focus on the present. [1749]
  5. Her motivation to earn self-importance by making herself important to others with his motivation to earn self-admiration through accomplishments. [1750 and 1751]
  6. Her fear of abandonment by her man with his fear of insignificance especially in the eyes of his mate. [1749]
  7. Her primal certainty that she’s pretty with his ability to ignore or overcome his physical shortcomings. [1752]
  8. Her modesty with his lack of it. [1753]
  9. Her being less handy with his being naturally handier. [1754]
  10. Her A.D.D. (affection deficit disorder) with his A.D.D. (affection delivery disorder).  [1756]
  11. Her bonding during sexual relations with his lack of bonding. [1757]
  12. Her thriving on guilt (because she learns to be successful carrying lots of it) with his inability to carry or live with even that which he inflicts upon himself (and also holds it against anyone who tries to inflict him with it). [1758]
  13. Her changes for a better relationship after their first sex together with his changes for the worse regarding their post-conquest relationship.[1759]
  14. Her inability to find love at first sight with his ability to find it. [1760]
  15. Her mistaken conviction that pristine virginity outshines what makes men seek it out. In fact, their ambitions energize men in order to beat competitors to  something so unique.

These sex differences play major roles in the process to build compatibility.

A. Before they marry, he’s complex—hard to figure and hard to catch—and she’s simple and easy to stay on track to fulfill her ambition. After marriage, he’s simple and easy to please and she’s complex—hard to figure out and hard to accept her ups and downs. [1761]

B. She seeks emotional fulfillment with a man and goes after it. He seeks sexual fulfillment with a woman but she has to deliver it to him. [1762]

C. Virtual virginity is potentially more influential with a man than actual virginity. [1763]

D. Four natural urges bring sex into play in the woman’s world. They motivate women to take advantage of the male sex drive, so they can bond, generate compatibility, and compete with other women. [1747]

  • Her physiological urge to nurture triggers the urge to procreate.
  • Her psychological need to assuage the needs of others stimulates her to have sex.
  • Her motivational need of self-importance ignites ambitions to outdo and outshine other women as a candidate for mating with a particular man with her understanding that it will be at her discretion to have sex together.
  • Her nature craves intimacy, especially when her spirits are down. The promise of post-coital touching and body closeness fuels her desire for sex.

E. Four natural urges bring sex into play in the man’s world. They combine to make males compete with males for females and compete with females for conquest but for little else afterward. [1747]

  • His innate psychological urge to conquer every attractive woman and thus spread his seed.
  • His physiological urge to copulate.
  • His need for self-admiration by competing brings females onto the playing field as objects of ambition.
  • His intrinsic motivation to outdo and outshine other men by which access to womanly sex is the measuring stick.

So, that’s the layer of rocks—some slicker and some harder than others—upon which  marital compatibility can be found, negotiated, and pledged according to the points in MAKE MARRIAGE WORK.

18 Comments

Filed under sex differences

18 responses to “1883. MAKE MARRIAGE WORK: Compatibility Starts Here

  1. boomer babe

    Today is my 24th anniversary!

    Your Highness Boomer Babe,
    Congratulations! May future ones only get better.
    Guy

  2. Anne

    The sex-interest of a man here seems key. What if the man acts like he could do without sex? I find it difficult to blend us when this element is missing. What keeps him around in a case like this?

  3. Anon...

    Its weird when men are NOT into sex. I blame the availibility of PORN for this although i could be wrong.

    Your Highness Anon…,
    Nah, you’re not wrong. Guys get into porn and it turns them off. Some turn off from sex with women; they dream of other ways. Others turn off for sex with present mate and anyone else they have conquered; they dream of more porn and new victims of their unnatural lust and endless imagination.
    Guy

    • Honey

      “Virtual virginity is potentially more influential with a man, than actual virginity” Sir Guy wouldn’t the groom be a little disappionted and turned off by a non virgin bride.. I mean after anticipating quite the opposite(especially if the lady kept sealed lips about virginity status). Is it that a man isn’t so much hung up on actual virginity, the way we’ve been made to see it’s ‘almighty’ worth? I do not mean to come off as sacarstic..thanks!

      Your Highness Honey,
      No sarcasm detected. In today’s society why should a man anticipate a virgin bride? I recommend you read the series Virtual Virginity listed in the CONTENTS page at top of blog. I think you’ll find plenty reasons not to worry. Come back if you aren’t satisfied.
      Guy

    • Anne

      So if a man seems turned off from sex, one can assume this is why? 😦

      Your Highness Anne,
      No, other reasons exist such as poor health, poor diet, and poor self-image.
      Guy

      • Anne

        Can a woman know the difference? I suppose I probably shouldn’t *ask*, eh?

        Your Highness Anne,
        Probably not. A nutritionist might spot an inadequate diet that MIGHT cause it. Ditto for a doctor and poor health. If it’s self-image, only the wife can convince him he’s a tremendous lover, and that takes time, patience, and the smoothest of feminine expertise.
        Guy

        • Anne

          *sigh* Okay. I did bring up the topic recently and his reply was basically that shortly after marriage he realized sex wasn’t all it was cracked up to be (he was a virgin when we got married but had looked at porn a good bit during his single years – I do believe he hasn’t looked at it in years, but I’m sure one doesn’t forget those kind of images quickly). I’m guessing that’s what gave him the idea sex was something to look forward to… and then actually marrying me made him realize it was… boring? He really would rather clean the garage these days. Makes me kind-of sad. I suppose I’ll just keep trying to convince him he’s a “tremendous lover” and maybe he’ll decide “us” is exciting again someday. 😦 Meanwhile, if you think of anything else a wife can do in this scenerio, I’m all ears, Sir Guy.

          • Some Other Guy

            Anne, If you will allow my advice. You should have your man checked by his doctor for low testosterone. Testosterone is what drives a man’s sex drive. No T, no drive.

            Porn looked at years ago would not be causing the low drive. In other words, past porn use does not dull a man’s appetite for sex. And most men are not expecting their wives to act like the porn actresses. We know that they are getting paid to act that way. And our wives are our wives, who we would actually prefer not act like the porn actresses
            A healthy male will be crawling the walls within a week if he is not getting sexual release. However you need to make sure that he is not using porn. Porn use is quite easy to hide and it will very much deaden his drive for you. Your husband may be reluctant to admit this use too. So you will have to be diplomatic

            Do not let him off the hook if he does not want to go to the doctor. This is a serious issue for the relationship. He is not meeting your needs and it needs to be fixed. Everyone goes thru brief spells where maybe they do not feel like sex. But extended periods? that’s a problem.

            I hope I am not stepping on Sir Guy’s toes, but I did want to give my 2 cents.

            Sir Some Other Guy,
            Rest easy. Your discernment and wisdom are always welcome.
            Guy

  4. pink peony

    Bullet point A. “After marriage……She’s complex- hard to figure out and hard to accept her ups and downs”. I have a question on this because my husband once said something similar and at the time I didn’t understand what he meant. His words were “Sometimes I can’t understand you, it drives me crazy but I kind of like it”. Now, after paying close attention to myself for a few months I could see my “complexities” lol. My question for you Sir would be why does this create attraction for him or why does he like it?

    Your Highness Pink Peony,

    Thank you. I love it when pretty women respond at my asking.

    Consider yourself blessed that he’s that way. Look at it this way. You’re an opponent with whom he never competes because of fear of losing. The absence of his competitive spirit gives way to his desire to please you by cooperating. However, your feminine mystery intrigues because he can’t figure out how to please you with success. He tries one thing and it fails. He tries another and it works. You’re unpredictable, he remains challenged, you welcome his effort—often amateurish—and he enjoys the charm of your mystery. Caution: Don’t try to be more mysterious as you’ll ruin the results. Just enjoy your relationship and be your feminine self, the one he married.

    Guy

  5. sheila

    where did MAKE MARRIAGE WORK go? I cant view it

    Your Highness Sheila,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    MAKE MARRIAGE WORK is re-posted at blog top.

    Guy

  6. Onionrings

    Dear Sir Guy

    I urgently seek your advice.

    My boyfriend of 2 years and 3 months has just proposed. He is caring, reliable, successful at work and devoted to his family (parents and 4 brothers and sisters).

    I have treated him like a king for the past 2 years. The only thing that has changed is that 3 months ago I discovered your blog and stopped intercourse with him saying I didn’t want to risk getting pregnant (although sometimes we still have foreplay which results in his ‘relief’ but his sexual appetite for me seems to have waned). I still treat him like a king.

    I believe he’s committed to me but not devoted and that he has proposed because a) he feels it is time for him to get married, b) I will make a good mother and c) I am financially equal to him.

    His proposal was not romantic, although he spent a lot on a diamond ring. He cried when he proposed but did not have a speech prepared.

    His family are estatic we are getting married, although some family members were dismayed at how he proposed. We plan to get married August 2015. Right now things do feel wonderful and he openly shows his affection to me in public when we are out with his friends. My fear is that he has not worked hard enough to ‘earn’ me and that our future does not have a solid enough foundation to last the trials of marriage and children. However, I am also concerned that if I begin to be more demanding now he will think he has made a mistake. I don’t think he will call off the engagement, but I worry that it will chip away at his committment to me.

    I want to get married to him because right now I do love him and right now he does love me and I am already 35 and I know he will make a good father.

    How should I think and act in the next 12 months to increase his devotion to me so that we begin married life with a strong foundation?

    Anxiously awaiting your advice.

    Your Highness Onionrings,

    You’re looking at the right things negatively and wrong things positively.
    Let me give you some things to rethink, reevaluate, and reconsider.

    • He proposed after three chaste months is a whopper of evidence of his devotion.

    • You believe he proposed for three reasons, all of which are legitimate at least and not bad even if you suspect them.

    • If you think his proposal wasn’t romantic, read how I did it at post 1894. (There are some things that men aren’t good at, and those are precisely the things that women expect to follow and fit their dreams. Men don’t usually know about such things. Even if they know what she expects, they feel discombobulated trying to keep from failing at something that means so much to her.)

    • Excuse me lady, but to a man a diamond ring makes a helluva loud speech. No credit for tears?

    • His family loves you? What a great mother-in-law he brings to your home, huh?

    • How did family know enough about his proposal that they should be dismayed? Methinks you talk too much about things that belittle him. Shame on you; your job is to forever build him up and especially to his family. Siblings especially are usually eager to criticize one another; they don’t need you to help them find his faults.

    • Why wait until August 2015?

    • You say, “My fear is that he has not worked hard enough to ‘earn’ me and that our future does not have a solid enough foundation to last the trials of marriage and children. However, I am also concerned that if I begin to be more demanding now he will think he has made a mistake. I don’t think he will call off the engagement, but I worry that it will chip away at his commitment to me.” So, if you follow your initial fear, you cause to happen exactly what you fear. Right? It’s called rationalizing risk avoidance and the self-fulfilling prophecy still works in spite of our wishes to the contrary sometimes.

    • Get married as soon as practicable so that in the next 12 months you can think and act as a wife. He seems ready, why wait around looking for more things wrong or that can go wrong? Are you really ready yourself? For all the better husband you hope him to be, make yourself a better woman.

    You’re a very specially blessed lady for your age. Good luck.

    Guy

    P.S. Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    G.

  7. Onionrings

    I would also like to express my appreciation for this blog and all the time and excellent advice you provide to your followers. My parents are quite reserved about relationship talk and so I feel overwhelmed by all this new found knowledge and fear I do not have the capacity or time to put it into practice now that I am engaged.

    • Anne

      I am curious why you feel being engaged limits your time or capacity? I discovered WWNH when I had been married for three years. It is never too late to start applying the principles Sir Guy teaches us!! Never too late!!!

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