Both the mind and heart work in mysterious ways, and I shall remove some mystery about the heart.
I’ve written a lot about love [posts 1764-1774 and 1842-1864] without describing the process by which a man’s love develops. Romantic love is merely the hook that jumpstarts the real thing.
With both his job and a woman, a man’s love develops in the process described below. Therein lie the principles for taming the beast.
Dreams induce romantic love in most men; for example, join the military to fly jets. The romance of challenges sets the hook. Whenever and whatever job he chooses, in each he encounters responsibilities, which are the building blocks of every man’s love.
Neither she nor his job is the exclusive source of his love. Haven’t heard that before, have you? Well it works like this; responsibilities are the rungs on the ladder that he climbs to program his heart to love both his woman and his job.
He gets a job and quickly learns that he has responsibilities. He daily fulfills them with a consistent sense of accomplishment, which stimulates self-admiration. Persistent reinforcement of his sense of self-admiration grows into significance of either what he does, likes to do for his employer, or both. Those actions program his heart into attachment to his job and loyalty to his employer. That’s what women see as love of job.
Comfortable with a job, he pursues a woman who looks for him to love her. The same process works but with her as the employer. His sense of self-admiration and significance grow according to successfully fulfilling responsibilities, which just happen to be the same things that make the smart woman love a man.
Responsibilities such as showing respect, entertaining her, pleasing her, making dates meaningful, feeding enjoyable words to her, admiring her strengths and talents, protecting her, staying in frequent touch, longing to have sex with her but accepting her denials, praising her appearance, claiming her beauty, warming her heart, making her feel good to be with him, advising her objectively when asked, showing promise to brighten her future, surprising her with attentions and gifts, and the myriad of other responsibilities that when fulfilled both honor her and make him worthy of her.
The longer the time involved and more persistently and successfully that he does those things to her satisfaction and the more habitual and routine his actions become, then the more consistently he earns self-admiration. With it, his sense of significance grows, which makes him desirous of expanding his responsibilities for her well-being and future life. What she perceives of his actions, she interprets as devotion and calls it his love of her. Him? He perceives he’s doing just exactly what he wants to do and wants to continue doing. She holds enough promise to be worth his efforts.
By the time their mutual romantic love fades one or two years beyond their first sex together, he should be in love with himself for fulfilling his responsibilities to her and she in love with herself for his doing it. If two self-loves have not grown from her standards and his efforts to meet them, then enduring love will not have formed in their hearts and separation isn’t far off.
Consequently, the unearned emotions of just loving one another—such as romantic love—are far weaker than the emotional connections developed and tightened by his fulfilling responsibilities and her setting and upholding standards to tame the beast. IOW, love doesn’t just happen; it has to be generated with actions because actions and not words program the heart. Voluntarily meeting her standards program his heart to love his ability to care for her, aka producing/providing/protecting/problem solving.
If not already evident, the enduring love of a man depends on a woman’s personal development of standards and expectations up to which she expects and demands that every man abide and honor. It’s that and that only that programs one man’s heart to favor her over other women and himself. It’s called enduring love. aka the kind that lasts for life.