1917. Equality Worsens Women’s Dilemma


I expound upon about a great paragraph, but do it in reverse order from effect to cause to consequence. Her Highness Denise said this:

“I’m finding that more and more, younger men seem to focus on being the good friend and involved father, and perhaps even affectionate husband, rather than provider-protector. The “new normal” emphasizes equality in roles, and I’m not sure whether these new kinds of relationships show that men and women have found a new equilibrium that will ultimately work just as well, or whether there are hidden negative consequences waiting down the line.”

Effect. Denise describes a “new normal” and I agree but not about equilibrium. The female gender as a whole has swung toward praising certain men for satisfying female demands and expectations. Women expect more female-type displays of affection, friendship-love, and fatherly nurturing. Macho men and masculinity are less popular and often disrespected by women. Women upstage their men with higher incomes, status, and ability to provide-protect. In many other ways, men are put down but yet expected to please women. Women compensate by reasoning that they deserve masculine-style sexual freedom.

The political urgings of equality all across society have changed the culture to please the radical feminists who originally aimed to destroy patriarchy. Male behaviors have been ground and sanded into female-defined roles foreign to the male nature. Some men find success relating with women on female terms. But other men find inadequate satisfaction and resent, resist, and retaliate against females who urge for more female-friendly behavior.

The female gender as a spirit continues to endorse some unisex society. But more legal, political, and economic equality produces much more turmoil on the social and domestic scenes. The female gender operates with little male gender input. They have definitions and expectations but no end-game except masculine-style sexual freedom and husbandly household care. Denise wonders if a new equilibrium has been found. It’s a female hope, but equality is not attainable. The losers fight back. My bet is that the masculine pursuit of fairness will carry this century. The consequences below seem to point that way, that women will learn and adjust to get what they are after. That is, more reliable, steadfast, and long-lasting marriage.

Cause. Article 1915 describes this natural phenomenon. Men are born with loads of firmly implanted and permanent self-respect, and they expect respect shown by others to match or exceed it. They become aggressively troublesome when they don’t witness enough respect. OTOH, they are born without self-love, and so they don’t expect to be loved for no reason. They automatically strive to earn it from those who are important to them. But they only know one way, natural way that is. They produce, provide, protect, and problem solve. All else, such as just being affectionate without sex on the mind, is learned behavior.

Denise’s “new normal” is the result of some men setting aside their self-respect long enough to earn self-love first with the self-promise they can recover their self-respect. Does it work for such men and will it work for the remainder of men? Or, will relationships continue to wilt to the dissatisfaction of both sexes? You be the judge, next.

Consequence. How well and how long can women treat men as they do today and live with the masculine nature that urges men to:

  1. Build their ambitions around their need for self-admiration, amidst women who continue to condemn manly ambitions that don’t resonate well with uniquely female values?
  2. Seek to develop their self-love by earning the love of women, but who continually berate manly traits and habits that build male self-respect?
  3. Reinforce their self-respect by charming women into bed and leaving them?
  4. Go into fight or flight mode and leave adrift women who try to change them?
  5. Experience the 2-year glitch, 7-year itch, and 20-year switch?
  6. Learn to love from women who respect them dearly?
  7. Value a female sexually according to how few men had her out of wedlock?
  8. Consider it unforgiveable for their woman to physically cheat on them?
  9. Protect or restore their self-respect first and above all else?
  10. Respect women for their ability to withhold premarital sexual relations?
  11. Love females to the extent that women respect and admire them?
  12. Learn from females to act civilized and domesticate themselves to the expectations of women?
  13. Conquer women for short-term and frequent convenience?
  14. Abhor women who cast doubt on a man’s sexual performance or ability?
  15. Consider masculine-style sexual freedom wrong for women but so compensable for men that they overlook other female wrongdoings?
  16. Focus on ‘me before us’ and ‘you before us’?
  17. Choose a mate based on a woman’s uniqueness, respectable character, and the promise he sees in her for supporting his efforts in life?
  18. Not value what women say as much as what women do?
  19. Resist adamantly their mate’s efforts to change him?
  20. …etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Who knows how long that list could grow? Throughout this blog hundreds of sex differences appear that women choose to ignore or condemn in order to have their way, in order to elevate themselves over men rather than expecting men to put women on pedestals. Women can get what they expect but not what they dictate. Each man’s dominance is conquerable by some woman, but patriarchy has proven indestructible for six millennia but manageable in earlier America.

——

Historical Note. In the past half-century women have been de-trained from recognizing one simple trait of the female psyche. Women naturally respect other people until events discourage it. Men are opposite. Women put themselves in control, when they unconditionally honor the masculine nature. Then, marital relations become easier and more steadfast because men work harder to maintain the respect of their mates. Men are incapable of improving the female life without the indirect, imperceptible, and unoffending leadership of women.

That principle evolved into an American tradition until the 1960s. Both sexes unconditionally respected the opposite sex more than their own. It grew out of our political freedom and, while certainly not perfect, enabled women to chew away at the disadvantages of patriarchy. After the 1960s and for political reasons, radical feminists overwhelmed the natural trait of female patience in order to justify their attack on men and patriarchy. Women today have to overcome that debilitating legacy.

6 Comments

Filed under Culture & Politics

6 responses to “1917. Equality Worsens Women’s Dilemma

  1. Joan

    I can only say this – that men raised by mothers..and fathers….who only value what they do, but who never feel good enough, make it impossible for a wife to do anything right. If they want to be treated fairly in the workplace and earn equal pay, they are supportive. But if they want to rely on that man to support them if they want to stay home and be with the kids for while, good luck. Because the man believes they are being “feminists” and respecting women for expecting them to carry half the financial weight. These men do not want their women to rely upon them – they don’t have the self confidence they should – and they think that it is patently unfair for their wives to rely on them, especially if they haven’t been successful in their careers. Having people rely on me for a living – such as our children – motivates me to try to earn more money and make sure I keep dinner on the table and a roof over their head. What I have experienced from a husband raised to believe that he had to keep striving to be better because he wasn’t loved unless he “performed” – is that if I wasn’t able to find a better paying job – or I lost a well-paying job – that it did not motivate him the same way. He expected me to keep looking for the better paying job while he would look for jobs that were “interesting” to him. And he would scoff at any idea that I could rely on him to be the breadwinner – that was in the “old days” and it takes two people to work and it is unrealistic for me to rely on him solely. He never has tried to earn enough so that I could do what I wanted to do – and if I did do that I would have also made his life more comfortable at home because nesting and doing things around the house and with the kids, cooking, baking etc – all that was something I had always assumed I would be able to do. Fast forward thirty years and I still have boxes unpacked from 20 years ago when we moved into this house and I have never been able to rely on him for a living. He keeps temp jobs and is laid off and says there is no way he could ever earn what I did – why should I expect him to do that, etc. All because when he expressed concern that he would be able to find a job over 30 years ago when I said I was pregnant with our first child, I said I would go back to work after maternity leave and we would figure it out. Well, he figured it out just fine – he stayed home while I kept on trying and getting new jobs – even involving a move I didn’t want to make.

    I think you are onto something with men wanting to be the “provider”. but some men have looked at women’s lib as an opportunity to NOT have to grow up and provide – that they could relax and rely on their women to take care of the pesky business of running the house and paying the bills so they could think of things that would earn them “respect” by others. When those dreams die then they look for ways to interact with other people to show off what they do know in hopes of getting admiration – because they don’t admire themselves, they know their wives want them to support them but they don’t want to do what is required, and they look for young women who don’t know any better to create a new persona to impress them – someone they wanted to be but aren’t. All based on deceiving themselves and others – and they don’t have any respect for their wives – in fact, they hold them in contempt and blame them (instead of their mothers) for being “too competent”.
    My case is unusual but it is also reflective of how some men use their failures as a way to justify bad behavior and end up blaming on the very person who tried to be supportive and take care of things so they didn’t see their husband despair. If I would have relied on him providing for me, and we lived like paupers, I don’t see how this would have turned out any differently – then he would have resented me for relying on him as well. Resented for success and resented because I had expectations that he knows he didn’t meet. I had no way to win and I wish I would have known this kind of thing years ago. There was no way to know this would happen.

    • My Husband's Wife

      Hello Joan! I can tell you are pretty stressed and burned out from everything that has happened in your marriage–and feel as if there is not much hope left. Even though each of us have our own unique story and set of issues with the men in our life (as to why many of us frequent this site), this site IMHO provides the best approach by far in helping to lift a woman’s burden, restore hope and harmonize her home. It’s very empowering I must say!

      The articles I’ve found most helpful are the series: “Wife’s Dependency” and then also “Her Cure For Bad Times” — that is, if you haven’t seen them already 🙂 You can find them all in the Contents section. These are good places to start to help lift your spirit and give yourself some sense of direction.

      Wishing you and your family brighter days ahead…

    • Joanna

      Joan makes a good point.
      Sir Guy, would you mind addressing her specific point? What should Joan have done? Should she have refused to go back to work after her first child was born, or should she have done what she did but remained content nonetheless?

      Are there any other choices available in this case?

      Would refusing to go back to work not constitute refusing to submit to his authority?
      Is it possible that he would have acted differently if she hadn’t gone back to work? Or would they have lived a life of misery and poverty?

      Thank you!

      Your Highness Joanna,

      You ask too much. No way could I figure out what Joan couldn’t figure out better than she did over the years. Too many unknown variables for me get my arms around. And too many societal changes around which only Joan and husband can measure the influence.

      But taking the issue back to human nature, when men become uninterested and de-motivated for accomplishment and responsibility, then lack of respect, appreciation, and admiration by people important to them most likely causes it.

      Guy

  2. Sir Guy, thank you for expounding more. I have seen articles this year about men “opting out” of marriage, as well as plenty of articles about how husbands as caretakers has become more popular, but the arrangement still causes a great amount of strain on the marriages. No one is happier with the new normal, it seems, but nevertheless men and women are told that they should be happy with it, and if they aren’t something is wrong with them. Ironically, one long-lasting poll reports that women self-reported being happier in previous generations, but at the time women were told that they were really unhappy, they just didn’t know it.

    Your Highness Denise,

    Thanks again for the great description of a common marital ailment.

    You say, “…but at the time women were told that they were really unhappy, they just didn’t know it.” Yes, I was around when feminists began and became successful preaching that falsehood. I wish you could have seen it when teen girls kept boys dancing on strings of honest resistance to sexual adventuring. When “stop that” and “No!” were verbalized and obeyed after just a little necking, when female indirectness and the very opposite of full disclosure trained boys for devotion to one girl and domestic responsibility for her as wife.

    I sure hated it when it happened to me, but I learned to respect the female gender unconditionally and individual girls conditionally on their resistance. Of course, many girls caved in before marriage but they often had the boy’s devotion sufficiently won that they married after all.

    Guy

  3. Anon....

    I notice guys get respect if they could fix stuff around the house, or save money on fixing the car. Women used to respect guys who could do that since it’s an expensive chore, and hard in general for many women to do. They would have to get real dirty trying to fix their brakes. Some know how to do ti but rather not. It also helps women if they started wearing skirts or dresses instead of pants. I’ve also noticed whow men changed after they started piercing their ears and wearing the color pink

  4. Reading this again, I am struck with the thought that perhaps the reason women more often file for divorce is that, once married, the husbands have little inclination to change, and not having earned his deep devotion before marriage, she has few tools to create the life together she wants. So it seems easier to just scrap it and start over.

    This might relate to the new normal in that the new normal is more about mutual commitment and enjoyment rather than devotion. So men don’t expect to have to live up to a woman’s standards, nor do women make them, but rather both emphasize mutual fun and enjoyment of life, common goals and interests, etc. And this works it seems, until life isn’t fun, interests shift, circumstances change, etc.

    Your Highness Arid2385,
    You have been struck with a whole flock of right-thinking thoughts. Well done!
    Guy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s