1920. Compatibility Axioms #141-150


141. Male conquest is predominately a psychological victory. Later encounters with the same woman are physical. This makes their first sex together monumentally different from a couple’s subsequent sexual events. [91]

142. This works. Females are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Their mother teaches them to balance mind and heart. Their father builds and reinforces their confidence in head and heart with his unconditional approval which daughter translates as love and respect. [89]

143. Feminine mystique, female modesty, religious morality, unconditional sexual fidelity, female-defined manners, and holy matrimony enable women to indirectly dominate interaction and values that shape relationships. Men deeply respect a woman that proudly and defiantly upholds an exceptional persona that men would not develop on their own. [89]

144. Mothers create alpha males. If father is an alpha and mother admires him to a fault, sons will likely duplicate father. If father is alpha but mother doesn’t hold him up as exemplary for sons to envy and copy, boys will likely become less than alpha. If father is non-alpha, the same things happen; boys become the men that mothers expect.

145. If she talks a man into marriage, it won’t last. A man’s devotion to marriage is very different from devotion to a woman. [91]

146. In the game of Desperation, men are the best readers and biggest victors. [91]

147. It’s every man’s nature to want to lay with attractive women. It offends his present woman when he insensitively reminds her of that side of his nature. [91]

148. Lengthy sex-free courtships teach males to do whatever they have to do to conquer a woman. Along the way this includes men changing their habits to match female expectations that—hopefully for women—arise from female-friendly and moral standards. [91]

149. Male freedom from womanly influence promotes greater male dominance. Female independence also promotes it. [91]

150. Males are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Mother softens their heart for dealing with women. Father tempers their hard-headedness for living with a woman. [91]

10 Comments

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10 responses to “1920. Compatibility Axioms #141-150

  1. Sis

    I like the new related links at the bottom of your post! You can take “Passionate Christian Marriage” off of your blogroll if you’d like, I deleted it. Someone 🙂 convinced me it wasn’t in my best interest to discuss sex so publicly on the internet. I still love reading all of your posts, it’s helpful to have a voice of reason among all the other conflicting ones in my life.

  2. Sir Guy,

    How does a man’s own religious beliefs about no sex before marriage change the dynamic described in #148? If he is himself committed to not testing a woman’s boundaries, and is not pressuring her for sex or even inappropriate levels of physicality, does this mean a higher respect for women in general leading potentially to greater devotion to a particular woman; or, does it more likely mean that there’s less opportunity for deep devotion to develop? What I’ve read on WWNH suggests to me that strong religious convictions might shift the emphasis within a man from devotion to a particular woman to commitment to the relationship based on the importance of remaining faithful to his commitments, as he believes himself answerable to God and to his religious community and probably family as well.

    Your Highness Denise,

    If I read you correctly, you’re asking if strong religious convictions can interfere with a man’s devotion to a particular woman. Of course! Religions, ideologies, and similar beyond-man belief systems—including a well-loved job for some men—have more potential influence than does belief in any one human. Those things are easier to believe in and capture a man’s devotion than any one individual. But that is a masculine trait that helps provide/protect women.

    Mr. Right doesn’t show up in a woman’s life until after a couple of decades of marriage to Mr. Good Enough. It happens when she concludes that her man’s devotion to her is either his greatest devotion or close enough that she can forgive any gaps between what he feels for her and something else—other than another female, of course. With a grateful heart, she learns to weigh his worth to her as more than just his devotion.

    Guy

    • Wanted to add that it also seems that religious beliefs, especially contemporary evangelical popular authors and speakers, can make being a “good husband” a part of a man’s sense of duty. So he does things that his wife appreciates because he in concerned about being a good husband. All this seems OK…but the motive is not necessarily her expectations. idk, it’s all a bit confusing, as most Christian women expect and are told that they need to be seeking and only dating devout Christian men. So a man who even wanted to go there would not only be told no, but completely crossed off the list of eligibles as one who is not a faithful Christian. I think this question of growing devotion when sex is unequivocally off limits is something I haven’t been able to quite wrap my mind around when it comes to WWNH.

      Your Highness Denise,

      If I read you correctly, “contemporary evangelical popular authors and speakers” advise you to think that a man who shows more than interest in making love to you can’t be a good Christian. How disrespectful can it be to expect a man to violate his nature in the belief that he will then be good enough for a Christian woman?

      Those advisors are hopelessly ignorant or wrong about another natural gift. The road to a man’s devotion is paved, smoothed, waxed, and shined by a woman’s artful skill of respecting, encouraging, and yet delaying his conquest of her. No better way exists to earn a man’s respect, which is the foundation of every man’s love of a woman.

      Love based on unconditional respect for the opposite sex and the unconquerable woman reflects credit on her gender. Plus, conditional respect earned by who she is and what she means to the man determined to be an irresistible force rubbing up against her as immoveable object.

      Christian men may be more subdued in yearning for sex with her, but their nature doesn’t change to stop it.

      Guy

      • My Husband's Wife

        I’d be really curious to know how many “Christian” men are able to restrain from “putting the moves” on their girlfriend. My “Christian” husband while dating sure kept trying. He knew better. And honestly, I liked the fact that he was trying. I think I would have been freaked out and thought something was wrong with him/us if he DID not try. What a shame if I had sent him back to the pool for wanting to get physical with me after displaying so many amazing qualities.

        Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
        How many Christian “men are able to restrain” is neither known nor important. You can bet, however, those that exist are either phony men or extreme religionists.
        Guy

        • MyHusband's Wife

          Thanks for explaining what that sort of guy would be like ie: phony or extreme religionist. I was having trouble picturing what traits he would possess being that way.

      • Denise

        I think the logic of the teaching goes something like: Christian women should seek to marry Christian men. Christian men and women should seek to obey Christ’s commands. Christ commands us not to engage in extramarital sex. Therefore, a man who is seeking to engage in extramarital sex is not a sincere/mature Christian and therefore not good enough for a Christian woman.

        The rub, though, is that statistics and anecdotes show that religious affiliation and fervor have not led Christians on the whole to more successful marriages–not if the Barna studies can be believed. And use of pornography is also common among Christian men, even seminarians. There are many Christian women waiting to be courted by a man with the spiritual devotion of a biblical saint–literally. But even biblical saints didn’t necessarily have great marriages. In observing all this, I’ve felt that there must be something more. I think WWNH shows what that more is, though it definitely goes against the grain of what most churchgoing Christian women are being told today; which is mostly that the most important thing is how spiritually devoted the man in question is, then what parents/family think, and his being explicit about marriage intentions from the start. I have rarely ever heard anything said that suggests the concept of earning devotion, which is why I asked the first question. I wonder if Christian marriages aren’t statistically more successful because they, like all the others, are often lacking the devotion of the husband and the respect of the wife.

        In attempting to reconcile the two messages, I suppose it can be said that one can preach a message about what a “good Christian” is and does, knowing at the same time that many fail that standard all the time; or one can preach a message enabling women to have greater love for themselves, have more gratitude, and exercise greater self-control, thereby encouraging men to do the same–ultimately resulting in less extramarital sex, less use of pornography, less affairs and divorce, etc. The former upholds an image of righteousness, condemning the failures, but the latter actually effectuates righteousness, enabling people not to fail. Sounds like the Gospel to me. : )

        Your Highness Denise,
        You have a way with words that makes sense of the complex. I envy you. Incidentally, I sent it to my pastor and his wife for their enjoyment.
        Guy

        • Lyndeeloo

          Denise, MHW, and Guy,

          This conversation is very thought-provoking. I come from a strict Christian upbringing and would describe myself as a fairly conservative Christian. One thing that has always bothered me about the “Christian” dating perspective is its incredibly narrow view; a good man would never try to do anything physical on a date. Therefore, if a man tries anything more than holding a woman’s hand or giving her a light kiss on the lips, he must be a wolf and a woman ought never go out with him again because if she does, she’s bound to end up being taken-advantage of. The result in my case (and some other women of my acquaintaince) has been a combination of fear, frustration, and prolonged-singleness. I’ve begun to think there might be a middle ground.

          Over the last few weeks, I’ve been on three dates with a certain man and we’re having dinner tonight. He kissed me after our second date and “really” kissed me during our third. He also said he’s falling for me. Well, I immediately recognized that it would be in my best interest to slow things down.

          As women are prone to do, I shared some details of the date with my sister. She thinks I need to break things off immediately with this man because he’s obviously “falling too hard too fast” and I might break his heart or “he’s only after one thing” and he might break my heart. Here’s the thing: we don’t really know each other at all. Maybe he is only after one thing. Maybe not. Maybe he really is interested in me. Maybe not. He treats me well; I enjoy our time together. So, we’ll see.

          After re-reading Guy’s series on a girl’s guide to kissing, I’ve strengthened my boundaries for kissing. I don’t need to explain or apologize to my date. I will just stick to my boundaries. I will be a pleasant date and enjoy getting to know more about him. That will be intriguing enough for him to ask me out again or it will not. I will want to accept another date or I will not. I don’t have to be in danger of compromising my heart or virtue. He doesn’t have to be a saint or a villian. He’s probably just a man that will respect my boundaries and me or he’ll prove that he doesn’t. As Guy says, “either way she wins.”

          Sometimes I just want to say to the Christian community, “chill out.” And sometimes I want to say to women (myself included), “Men aren’t the enemy and you are not some helpless, put-upon victim. Relax! Be wise, but chill out a little bit.”

          That was a long-winded way of saying that the above conversation was illuminating and helpful to me! 🙂

          Your Highness Lyndeeloo,
          Aha, I perceive feminine maturity in the form of actions that men understand much, much better than a woman’s words.
          Guy

          • My Husband's Wife

            Wow, Lyndeeloo–I enjoyed reading your perspective (great insight you have) and think you have a great point here in which you so beautifully outlined–don’t automatically write a guy off if he tries something or if he really thinks he likes you from the get go…it’s just time to put those boundaries into play like you said. I think too many times women don’t properly set boundaries in dating and then blame the guy for trying to take advantage. If he doesn’t respect the boundaries, then that is a great test as to what type of man he is as you (and guy) have pointed out.

            In regarding Christian women “chilling out,” I also seem to think that women will write off a man who is not of faith or who is of a different denomination. Unfortunately, they might lose out on a great guy–who ends up converting to the faith! My sister while dating converted her unbelieving, unchurched husband to her faith (of his OWN accord–he went without her knowledge to take religious classes) to see what it was all about and then joined the church to her surprise. Then, her daughter dated a boy who was of a different faith, took instruction (also without her request to do so) before they got married. They both DID let the guy know that the religion issue was a deal breaker in getting married in general (laid out expectations). Both men have great character, but initially didn’t share the beliefs. I would think it’s sad if my sister and niece wrote these men off without giving them an adequate chance. Plus, these men have benefited from these women leading them to church and ultimately salvation. Note to women: don’t underestimate how you can positively influence a man you’re dating! Actually, I should say, don’t underestimate the power of the God working through His people to bring about change.

            Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
            I would remind that women need morality and religion to brighten their social and domestic futures. Men need neither, but the right woman can work wonders by exemplifying the good in people, the benefits of morality, and the blessings of living up to someone larger than self.
            Guy

            • Lyndeeloo

              MHW,

              I’m grateful that you shared the story of your sister and niece. I’m making a mental note of something: in both cases, the man decided to pursue religious conversion of his own accord. It’s encouraging to be reminded how God works things out, sometimes in unexpected ways!

  3. sg

    Hmm, not sure about alphas. That is an inborn trait, not the same as learned behavior. Alphas are born not made.

    Sir or Madam,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when someone else joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    I like your thinking. I also used to think that alphas were born and not made. No longer, however. Being strong in personality, self-confidence, will power, and risk taking accompanies some from the womb. But if mom doesn’t confirm the rightness of it, teach right and wrong and self-discipline, and approve models to be followed, the tendencies toward alphaism fade into fear-streaked emotions or are jolted into antisocial behavior that we call something other than alpha-like.

    Guy

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