1940. Compatibility Axioms #261-270

261. A woman who uses gratitude, indirectness, and endless patience can turn an inadequate husband from frog to prince to king. Dependence on attention and affection are not enough. [114]
262. A man’s discoveries and impressions of a woman’s strengths and attributes fade after their first sex together. He need not look further. It’s his nature more than her. [114]
263. A man’s love is based on respect for an extraordinary woman who outshines most others. She becomes extraordinary in his eyes as he penetrates her pleasant friendliness and works hard to impress her, hold her attention, and otherwise prove himself worthy of her. Her attractiveness just gets the ball rolling. [114]
264. If after they marry she waters down her help, support, gratitude, and encouragement for who and what he is, she may also want to research where the local exes recovery group is meeting. [113]
265. A man’s natural loyalty lies primarily with his job or whatever he must do to earn self-admiration and satisfy his sense of significance. The right and extraordinary woman can make a satisfactory and permanent accommodation. [114]
266. A man’s not truly interested in her if he’s not intrigued by her feminine persona. Or, if he ridicules her female modesty. Or, if he mocks her moral, religious, feminine, or parental standards. Or, if he insists that she do something she knows is not good for her. [114]
267. If she expects her feminist leanings, attitude, and political expectations to override his natural masculine behaviors, her value to him will diminish over time. [113]
268. A man’s respect for women generally and one in particular is not essential for a temporary relationship, but it is for a permanent one. Women are the same regarding men and one man. [114]
269. A female’s denial of unmarried sex spurs a male’s imagination to go beyond words of commitment and show devotion through new and innovative actions. If it doesn’t, she’s unqualified to be his keeper. [114]
270. After a couple’s first sex together, the man assumes control of their sexual agenda as conqueror’s right, or else he moves on. [114]


Filed under Dear daughter

12 responses to “1940. Compatibility Axioms #261-270

  1. Cocoa

    I’ve read it multiple times, but excuse my ignorance. What is “sexual agenda”?

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    The answers to where, when, what, why, and how much amour, foreplay, and consideration for her precede sex together.

  2. these are wise words as from King Solomon. Love coming here to learn!

    Your Highness Surfercajun,
    I love it when pretty women tell me such things.

  3. Krysie869

    “A man’s not truly interested in her if he’s not intrigued by her feminine persona. Or, if he ridicules her female modesty. Or, if he mocks her moral, religious, feminine, or parental standards. Or, if he insists that she do something she knows is not good for her.”

    Could it be possible that a man might also do these things because he likes her and uses these words as a defense mechanism (due to insecurity) when he suspects she might not like him?

    Your Highness Krysie869,

    Possible? Yes! Practical or wise? No!

    Were a guy to act the way you suggest, it would signify several things of negative interest to her.

    1. If he likes her, he’s not wise to the ways of the world or so fearful of being rejected that he’s not a good man and much less a good catch.

    2. He would be effectively putting her down as unworthy of herself and not just him.

    3. He ignores her emotional side to protect his own. So, he can’t very well ever appreciate her feminine persona, female modesty, or female standards and expectations. He’s too into himself to ever put her first.

    4. His insecurity is so severe that he makes himself feel good by making her look and feel badly. If she pays him any attention, then she accepts those demeaning faults. Success breeds more of the same, and so he would never see her as truly attractive as a mate.

    In the end, the possibility that he likes her should carry no weight. Dump him before he dumps her!


    • Julia

      What if he’s insecure in the marriage? What can a wife do and not take the demeaning faults?

      Your Highness Julia,

      Insecurity in marriage comes from mate’s inadequate respect, gratefulness, support, encouragement, and dependence on each other. If one was insecure before marriage, the other didn’t compensate afterward. If both had it, they haven’t yet generated mutuality in those uplifting actions. After all, where does marital comfort come from if not from losing or learning to ignore one’s insecurities?

      What can wife do? Shift her home life toward more indirectness, more charm, more pleasantness, and more comforting attitude. Home is where men recover to fight tomorrow’s battles. Insecurities about work are tough for wife to assuage; she can cause it easily by telling him what he should do. She does best by staying uninvolved, unless he asks for advice.

      His insecurities about home life are hers to work on. When his insecurities that come from associating with her fade, his demeaning faults will also fade.


  4. Julia

    What is in directness and how can a woman use it to help a marriage?

    Your Highness Julia,
    Indirectness is patience over impatience, niceness over spitefulness, deferred over immediate gratification, not insisting on getting her way NOW, calm and smooth rather than harsh talk, use of simpering rather than dictates, delay of arguments until they aren’t needed, accepting loss of arguments to fight another day and way, finding gratitude rather than fault, smile when frown is expected, and otherwise ruling the rooster while letting him rule the roost. IOW, exploit her soft-hearted rather than hard-headed nature.

  5. Cinnamon

    I second this sentiment. This is a priceless summary of relationship wisdom distilled into a single paragraph!

    Sir Guy, thank you; you never cease to amaze me.

  6. Emma

    Mr. Guy,

    I believe that in my experience the more I talk, the more we fight. I have adopted a less talkative methods, more private person which my husband completely hates. I have not done a good job at balancing the two; extremely quiet or too mad to speak to him. In my experience, my husband request that I speak to him and let him know how I feel and whats bothering me, but my question to you is… how can I effectively deal with his moodiness and lack of talking when he is upset. Obviously, he takes everything too serious and I am at fault but doesn’t talk.

    This occurs often, two weeks ago he did the usual (I am leaving, see you later). I traditionally call and text to see whats the matter. This time around I did nothing. I took my son to the park, had a late dinner and by the time we got home he was there. I continue on my day, said hello took a shower and went to bed. The next day was very quiet and spent a lot of solo time. On the other hand, he didn’t question me nor asked what was the matter. 3 days passed w/o any communication, so I took the lead and told him that I didn’t like the silence and would like for us to talk… Maybe a bad decision, because he wanted nothing from me – in response he said ” i will talk to you when I am ready to talk to you”. Its been two weeks and nothing. Not sure what is going on or how to respond but its almost as I don’t exist not he cares to make the move. He travels for business, this time around he left his wedding ring home. Should I bring the conversation again? How can one makes a marriage work when one partner makes it almost impossible… Almost feel that he doesn’t want to be married. Obviously this is my fear because of his behavior. I am sure he may have a different opinion, its hard to tell since he doesn’t say – kinda passive-aggressive personality.

    Your Highness Emma,
    As you describe it, he’s lost respect for you. You may be able to win it back. I suggest you study every article in the CONTENTS page with ‘respect’ in the title.

    • Emma

      Thanks Mr. Guy. In the meantime what should I do about his constant absence and not paying attention to the small child we have? I am not sure why he would start acting like this since the issue was not a big deal, but he is refusing to even address me. I honestly have not tried since the first and last time (last week).

      Your Highness Emma,
      I regret I’m unable to advise you. Your situation far exceeds my expertise. Sorry.

      • Emma

        I must add that when “he” is ready he will try to smooch me, especially since I have a birthday coming up. Again when he is ready – by that time it would have been 4 weeks since we last spoke. So when this happens how should I handle that situation. He is not coming back because he needs to but because of my birthday and may not want to seem selfish (he is very concern on how he is viewed during special occasions).

        Your Highness Emma,
        I regret I’m unable to advise you. Your situation far exceeds my expertise. Sorry.

      • Cinnamon

        Sir Guy,

        Would you be kind enough to explain what aspect of Emma’s situation exceeds your expertise? You are the smartest person I know when it comes to marriage issues. I am surprised that you don’t have some thoughts on her situation and it would be helpful and enlightening to me (and perhaps to Emma also) to understand why.

        Your Highness Cinnamon,
        Not one aspect but too many emotion-laden aspects. It’s too complex and one-sided for me to see any way to help.

        • Cinnamon

          Thanks Sir Guy for the explanation.

          Emma, if you are still reading I would suggest you go over to a blog called Peaceful Wife. The author, April, is very similar in her outlook as Sir Guy and gives a lot of very thoughtful and excellent advice about troubled marriages but obviously from a woman’s perspective. I have seen her help many, many people on her discussion threads and I would trust her judgment on any marriage issue.

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