1945. Men Marry Virtue But What Is That?

A man marries for the promise he sees in a woman, which arises out his liking or loving her unique, persistent, and steadfast virtues. Women show off their best qualities hoping to find masculine confirmation. But the sexes both define and value female qualities differently. So what are virtues?

A man sees a virtue when he admires some quality in a woman. If he doesn’t admire a particular characteristic, it may be good but it’s not virtuous. It holds little or no promise when he’s thinking about a life together. As a result, the male nature impacts women this way; earning his admiration is more important than what women usually rely on to find, capture, marry, and hold a man.

A man admires her less obvious qualities. Surprise, surprise! Neither her sexual assets nor claims and demonstrations of female love are virtuous, however convincing or even sexual they may be. Appreciated, yes, but not virtuous. Both sexual assets and love are common and available from all females. And anyway, a man knows that many women should easily love him and his sexual performance; how can they not with all of his qualities, potential, and promise?

An exception exists. Rejecting a man for sex is virtuous.* His admiration arises when he’s exposed to a woman who claims moral values and sticks to her standards. Virtue appears as he comes to admire these qualities: her resistance as self-respect, rejection as self-dedication, chasteness as success, hope in men as faith in herself, and endless patience as the means of finding a man worthy of her. Admiring her determination and allegiance to brighten her own future, his perception of her promise as potential mate not only grows; it appeals to his nature and challenges him to try harder to win her.**

Consequently, a man doesn’t marry a woman because she loves him; it’s not even necessary as when a man falls in love at first sight. A man marries for the promise a woman holds for brightening the life he expects to live. Also, another surprise for women, virtuous excludes the promises women like to make to improve their chances.

Men judge on actions more than words. They especially admire these female influences in action. Her physical attractiveness taunts him, personality charms him, tenderness calms him, humor delights him, flexibility amazes him, modesty bewilders him, steadfastness strengthens him, patience beguiles him, happiness infects him, smiles please him,  inabilities challenge him, goodness outshines him, generosity shames him, joy lifts him, stifled complaints reassure him, respect exalts him, soft-heartedness impresses him, hard-headedness surprises him, cooking benefits him, housekeeping supports him, gratitude confirms him, dependency energizes him, manners settle him, mystique intrigues him, monogamy inspires him, and devotion disguises his failings. It’s not her qualities that generate her promise but his judgment that certain ones are admirable. It’s not her love or sexual assets that earn his respect; it’s his admiration of her qualities that  he allows to influence him.

After they marry, unfortunately, she too easily perceives that he takes her for granted. As she fulfills the promise he expects, he finds satisfaction in her virtuous behavior. After the honeymoon, his devotion shifts into another form. It’s time to live the life that he expects, and so he displays his devotion by producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving in return for her fulfilling the promise she brought into his endless but rewarding life of work. Being taken for granted, however, means her virtues continue to be highly valued and promise a good life for them together. If not, his dissatisfaction would be obvious, his devotion would be fading, and their mutual disappointment would be increasing.

When she displays herself in such ways and steadfastness that men admire her qualities, her promise as marital candidate grows in some man’s heart. Their natures work in harmony; she attracts men by earning their admiration and one eventually responds with supreme interest. If she continues her virtuous ways after marriage, he sees little or no reason to look for promise elsewhere. Why go through that again? Perfection is worthy of pursuit in many things but not in finding and keeping a mate.

Mutual admiration works much better to make marriage permanent. The mind and heart can’t disrespect what they admire, and a man’s love is based on respect. Hence, the more virtuous she appears to him, the more she’s respected and loved. It all starts with her virtues as perceived by her man.


*Explanations are provided in the Virtual Virginity series listed in CONTENTS.

** Nonsexual courting ultimately makes him a better man in her eyes. In the same process, his actions convert his heart from interest to devotion, which develops him into being more worthy of her. They both learn to rise above themselves to favor the other, which ultimately puts ‘us’ above her and her above him.


Filed under sex differences

6 responses to “1945. Men Marry Virtue But What Is That?

  1. boomer babe

    I also know for most men:
    a woman is SINGLE until she is MARRIED
    it really hurts me to see young ladies saying they aren’t single when they aren’t married either.. in the old days, they would call that a ‘ho’ and even today, many think that of young ladies.

  2. Lisette

    Thank you, Guy for the encouraging posts. Today’s dating scene can be very depressing for women who practice virtue and self restraint and who watch as their less moral friends get married and start families ahead of them! I have to keep reminding myself that it is better to live life as a single childless woman who has kept the faith than obtain a husband and children through immoral means. A family is certainly a good thing, but there are lengths to which a self respecting woman should not go even to gain a good thing.

    Your Highness Lisette,
    You are blessed far beyond your peers. If you don’t stick to your standards and expectations, you will fall for someone else’s. The question then becomes, can you be grateful for what you get?

    • My Husband's Wife

      “If you don’t stick to your standards and expectations, you will fall for someone else’s. The question then becomes, can you be grateful for what you get?” Wow, that’s thought-provoking and true. I would imagine that the women who fall for someone else’s standards are the women who get married and then are disappointed in their husband and have a more difficult time in the long run. I don’t believe it’s ever worth settling. Lisette really has her priorities straight–even though it’s hard and discouraging right now.

      • Lisette

        Most of the time I have no problem being grateful for what I have: good education, work that interests me, and good relationships with friends and relatives. The only time doubts sometimes creep in is when I’m around my married friends, the vast majority of whom cohabited or slept together or even had children before they got around to getting married. They look like respectable, happy families, and they make the way in which they conducted their lives look OK. And yet I know it’s not OK, and that it is not right that women should be pressured into a kind of “lease with option to buy” arrangement with their boyfriends in order to have a chance at marriage and family. Earlier “unliberated” generations of women would have found that insulting! And yet so many women accept such arrangements and they are the ones who are having families. It seems to be common for married women with children to prefer each others’ company over that of their single childless friends (they have more in common I guess) and I’m starting to think this is a good thing, as I am beginning to find their influence to be subtly corrupting.

        • Maria

          Lisette, I share all of your thoughts and feelings on this subject. I have a small handful of believing friends who believe in abstinence, they are all single. We are in our thirties. To be honest, I don’t care about marriage anymore, I just want to keep working and grow in my career so that I can sustain myself. There was an article recently in “Catholic New York” which explained ome numbers showing that Christians more persecuted now (20th century onward) in all kinds of ways more than it was in the times of the holy martyrs of the early Church.

          Your Highness Maria,

          I figure some or all of your girlfriends revealed intentions of abstinence to guys of interest. If so, each made major mistakes. Such a revelation taken seriously kills the masculine hope of dream fulfillment. They look elsewhere.

          OTOH, men will marry an abstainer provided they have hope right up until a man’s devotion to a woman as potential mate exceeds his expectation of conquest before marriage. Mystery keeps him dreaming. Disclosure ends it. Without dreaming of conquest without paying the price of marriage, hopes dissolve and he loses interest.

          You will find many details and connections in the articles listed in the CONTENTS page with titles that include virgin, virginity, and especially the entire series ‘Virtual Virginity’.


          P.S. I describe the male nature rather than the specific guys you all have encountered.

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