1964. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 89


  • The ultimate goal of women is to find happiness. Not naturally endowed to know how to get it, they find happiness through learned behavior that stimulates the finding of causes and reasons to be grateful.
  • The endless goal of men is satisfaction, and their nature continually guides them toward it. Each knows quite naturally how to gain it through fulfillment of his many missions. Throughout life, satisfaction compiles into his sense of significance, which is to men what happiness is to women. His woman’s dissatisfaction with his satisfaction attacks his sense of significance, and he translates that as an attack on his worth as person, man, and mate. Enough of her dissatisfaction encourages him to change mates.
  • Men prefer to be admired, respected, appreciated, and loved by women and in that order of importance. Women prefer to love men their way, but female love consists mostly of what pleases her rather than what her man prefers.
  • Chivalry is virtue in men. Women admire chivalrous actions and men love it. Men love being admired by women even more than being loved by a woman. Chivalry is the manly result of unconditional respect of men for the opposite gender, which arises out of the unconditional respect of women for the male gender.
  • Just knowing his woman’s sexual history lowers her value to him. If he conquers after well-respected men, she gets no credit. If he conquers after disrespected or disreputable men, her worth plummets. Of course, it’s not fair. But a man judges a woman first by her physical faithfulness to him exclusively. If she didn’t wait for him to come along, his respect declines because she let those earlier men beat him. Men are in constant competition with one another. Men who have had her before him are men to whom he has already lost in the manly competition of earliest conqueror. It breeds an even deeper sense of loss if they ever meet and know of each other. (Present-day custom may soften the impact but the male ego suffers according to male nature more than custom.)  [121]

13 Comments

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13 responses to “1964. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 89

  1. Cinnamon

    Chivalry is virtue in men. Women admire chivalrous actions and men love it. Men love being admired by women even more than being loved by a woman. Chivalry is the manly result of unconditional respect of men for the opposite gender, which arises out of the unconditional respect of women for the male gender.

    Sir Guy,

    Would you please comment specifically on the situation of how to accept help from a man in a longer-term/advanced dating situation that involves something she would normally have to hire someone for a considerable fee to get done, and that takes a lot of time and effort on his part (such as wanting to landscape her garden/paint her house/install a new furnace).

    How is this type of offer accepted without it appearing that she is trying to take advantage of him (be greedy)?

    Your Highness Cinnamon,

    “How is this type of offer accepted without it appearing that she is trying to take advantage of him (be greedy)?”

    The offer is accepted with charm and graciousness after he volunteers to please her by doing something she wants/needs done. The final result is accepted with gracious admiration of his accomplishments and reinforcement of his sense of satisfaction of job well done.

    The deal is closed with a reward/gift of significance and remembrance that is connected to her warm-hearted feelings for who he is, what he did, and how pleased she is. He’s satisfied with what he did. Let her show absolutely no disappointment. If she has to have the job redone, let her do it only if and after he’s moved on to another life.

    But you know all that. It’s embedded in your female nature. So, trust your intuition.

    Guy

    P.S> Greedy is as it appears in her heart.
    G.

    • Cinnamon

      AFTER HE’S MOVED ON TO ANOTHER LIFE

      OK thanks, but I am a little confused about this sentence means, particularly the “ANOTHER LIFE” part…is this phrase just a metaphor for saying once he has completed the task he will completely forget about having done it (and not be expecting repayment apart from my gratitude)? I don’t want him to move onto “another life” literally, as I am very happy with the life we have together!

      Your Highness Cinnamon,
      I changed the point to read this way: “Let her show absolutely no disappointment. If she has to have the job redone, let her do it only if and after he’s moved on to another life.” Make it clearer?
      Guy

      • Cinnamon

        Sir Guy,
        Yes, that is clear now, and thank you for explaining. I

        will be sure to take this into account whenever I am faced with an offer of help from my handy, generous, and multitalented Mr Goodenough. 🙂

  2. Delia

    What is the definition of “unconditional respect” required for chivalry, please? I am very respectful, a Surrendered Wife, and I can’t imagine what’s missing from me, but my husband only sometimes opens my car door. He does with all other doors but this would be nice.

    Your Highness Delia,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Unconditional respect is shown for no reason except an opportunity to look good or to please someone else and it has grown into habit.

    You might try this. Whenever he makes an effort even close to chivalry or some other way by which he pleases you, pause deliberately, catch his eye, smile big, and wordlessly let him know that you are highly pleased. A good but silent expression of gratitude far outweighs thank you in words. You develop that as a new habit for yourself and then see how he responds but in his own good time.

    Guy

  3. Catherine

    A pretty lady’s random thought: Women seem to occasionally express how difficult it is to leave babies/children in daycare to go to work. Desk areas are covered with baby picture collages. 🙂 Wonder if any women decades ago or nowadays had/have feelings of pain or guilt for leaving their husband to go to work. Could you imagine if they expressed those feelings to coworkers at the office kitchen microwave? “Why do you seem sad today?” “Well, I didn’t have my hair and nails done up the way my husband likes because I was so tired, and I wasn’t there to have his dinner ready for him 3 out of 5 nights last week because I put in overtime at work. I feel like a bad wife.”

    Your Highness Catherine,
    She’s a great wife for being sad about it. She acknowledges her female nature. She lets it overpower the political habits promoted by feminists and popularized by men who would rather have free and easy sex than family responsibility.
    Guy

  4. Ljsrmissy

    Dear Sir Guy,
    First off, I am happy I have found your site. Thanks for your cut and dry wisdom! I have an issue/question. I am in my early thirties. Looking over my dating history, I can truly say that I liked but didn’t respect/admire ANY of the guys I dealt with. To sum it up, I didn’t respect them and they admired (drive/accomplishments) but didn’t like me lol. I was/am significantly more ‘accomplished’ than them. I work hard to develop and hone my pretty, my personality, as well as what it takes for me to take hold of my life/career goals. My issue is that I have trouble meeting men that I truly admire in terms of personality, character, traits, principals, accomplishments, qualities, and characteristics. I find there are guys who are big on trying to make others/women ‘respect’ them or who are quick to put a woman’s respectability on trial, even though they are not respectful or respectable themselves. I would do a lot of lying (you know, in the same way a man lies to a woman about liking her, or her dress not making her look fat) to make it seem they were more admirable, respectable, and manly than what I thought they were. And when I say respectable, I don’t mean that in a I mistreat them and talk to them however I want sort of way. I simply don’t admire/regard these guys much in a way that a woman need to admire and respect a man. I want to truly admire and regard a man like I admire and regard my father. I treat and speak to everyone the way I want to be reciprocated. However, I simply lack that gut/core level regard for the guys I meet. I need your help with this!

    Your Highness Ljsrmissy,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear. I will respond Tuesday am to your questions.
    Guy
    P.S> I’m back. Based solely on what you say, I see two possible causes.

    1) You judge men by your own professional/career/personal achievements. IOW, you have positioned yourself as a competitor, thinking more as a man than a woman. It makes it easy for you to find shortcomings before you ever have a chance to find respect in matters that are disconnected from your own interest. For example, men’s abruptness spoils your sense of politeness, poor ethics ruins your desire for pleasantness, gregariousness plunders your preference for calmness, lack of respect for others breeds your distrust, and other disqualifications build up as you’re exposed to more and more men. You have become successful judging men harshly, and we all continue doing that at which we are successful. You’re creating your own discomfort or misery, as do many of us.

    2) You also measure men against the memory of your father that remains loaded with all the emotional convictions, moral standards, and sense of relationship responsibility born of your childhood. It’s neither unfair for them nor unjustified for you. Your memories are just too deeply embedded to disregard them long enough to cut men some slack.

    I have a suggestion but it’s radical. “Re-feminize yourself.” Reprogram your heart with new information that will slowly and gently reshape your thinking. Teach yourself that you’re a better woman than quickie judge of men. You’re a feminine trophy rather than just a good relationship candidate. You’re not looking for a man with whom to mate; they have to find you and qualify as Mr. Good Enough. Worthy of every man, the best one has to earn you. Willing to let men have their time at the plate, you expect them to swing away. Whether they hit a homer, get a hit, strike out, or walk, you are able to judge their character as match or mismatch for your hope and dreams.

    So, how to re-feminize yourself? Change your reading habits. You can change how men appear both on your horizon and in your presence if you become more feminine and less feminist.

    Also, keep this in mind. I write about the nature of men and women as they are born. As God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize them. As if they are born full size adults and before they become loaded with life’s experience. I write about their default traits from which women can figure out how men act and react—not perfectly but a whole lot better.

    Study blog articles that can reshape your heart and mind. I suggest the following in the order of your choosing. They’re all linked in the CONTENTS page at blog top. To get through it all is a daunting task. But it takes months to change habits, and this list is designed to be read over the course of a few months. It will change you and apparently the men around you, if you so choose.

    • Dark Side of Feminism (If you can’t handle this one, you might as well forget the rest.)
    • Virtual Virginity (If you can’t handle this one, you might as well forget the rest.)
    • Attitude of Gratitude
    • Boob Language
    • Boyfriend as King? Never!
    • Chaste Courtship Works
    • Do women know jack about Jack?
    • Ego Warfare—Part II
    • Female Malpractice
    • Fidelity Without His Devotion? Unlikely!
    • Her Sexual History
    • Love vs. Respect
    • Marital Compatibility Starts with Sex Differences
    • Measure of a Man
    • Putting Marriage Out of Her Mind
    • Sex Differences Do Matter
    • Submission or Submissive?
    • The High Cost of Cheap Sex
    And then, if you get through all that, reconfirm your heart and mind with this series:
    • Sex Diff. Redux

    Happy reading and study, Guy

    • Ljsrmissy

      Sir Guy,
      You are spot on. Admittedly, relationship traits and skills so to speak have always been peripheral or secondary to me. I have ALWAYS been focused on my education and career, hobby goals and how I attain that for myself. I winged the dating part as best as I could. I held my first job at 14 (learned how to do a tax return at 15 lol). I have always had an independent spirit. I have also been referred to as a ‘dominatrix’ and ‘black widow’ by a few guys in the past. I am happy to say that I am very traditional when it comes to sex, dating, and courting but in general I am pretty ‘short’ and not ‘long suffering’ in comparison other women. II have taken in quite a few of your articles but I will concentrate on the Dark Side of Feminism series. Femininity in general as well as in courting, marriage, and mother hood is and ARTFORM that I am looking forward to becoming more knowledgeable and skilled in with the help of your articles. With much graciousness, Ljsrmissy.

  5. Emma

    Hi 🙂

    I’ve been reading through the content of this site and it is most definitely refreshing to read some raw, honest, common sense thinking on how relationships between men and women actually work. Well done and thank you!

    It’s no surprise to me that your frank insights are hitting the right mark with so many women. It is a confusing task, digging for truth in this world where illusions, lies, competition and greed have swamped every aspect of human experience, especially attitudes toward relationships. Your perceptions here are not only a nice change from the usual, but are solid in the hope/help they offer to women who want better, healthier, life lasting relationships with their men, because they are based on eternal principles which do not change like shifting human fads or emotions.

    If you have the time and are so inclined, I would like your opinion on a matter I am having difficulty settling in myself – how would you suggest a woman handle a situation in which she believes her man is wrong? I mean wrong in a way that is vitally important to her, where to accept it would change fundamentally (damage?) who she believes herself to be as a person. To be clear, I am not talking about a mere difference in opinions on matters of no real lasting consequence, I am talking about a difference in fundamental beliefs and ideas about personal morality.

    Now obviously, I cannot change him. In fact as you often point out, the harder I tried to force/demand/control him changing, the harder he resisted change, I think even against his own conscience at times. I can attest to the truth you exhort here from my own experience, a mans need to be uncontrolled is that strong that it will trump everything else. My foolishness and fear have pushed him to go to places even he didn’t want to be, and although the experience taught me much about myself and maleness and how to appreciate masculinity (praise the Lord as I have two sons!), none of it helped me get what I wanted from my husband, which was the basis of the war in the first place! So, I grew up, and I now approach my marriage from the realistic viewpoint that I can’t change him, or even (directly) influence a change.

    So I’m left logically with, accept him, to truly have him will require this. Yet to accept something I absolutely believe is wrong not only seems unwise it seems impossible, It couldn’t be done in truth. I recognise that I am responsible for myself, my own morality, actions, choices and so on, and not for my husbands. But a marriage is a partnership, so it seems its survival must to some degree depend on mutualness, especially in terms of beliefs? So what can a woman do if she truly sees her husband as wrong? I am very curious to hear your outlook on this, and very thankful you have taken the time to read this.

    Thank you Kindly 🙂

    Emma.

    Your Highness Emma,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    From what you say, you are maturing wonderfully well. Perhaps I can help close the gap you face.

    Shape your future around right and wrong and good and evil.

    First, test yourself about this point: “…something I absolutely believe is wrong….” Belief differences do not necessarily prevent successful relationships except for mismatched moral values and, worse, evil practices.

    • Is it evil, really evil, based on your moral value system? If yes, then get rid of him; he’s irredeemable and your sons will likely duplicate him.

    • Is it your opinion based on what you expect in a relationship? If so, you may be overreaching what you should expect of a man.

    • Or is it based on a moral code about which you believe strongly? If whatever husband does morally contradicts your values, draw your line in the sand, explain it once to him, and insist that he toe the line or get out. Don’t weaken and abandon your position as that merely encourages him. The one most fearful of losing the other will be the one to change. If it isn’t him, he’s probably not worth keeping anyway as his offenses will continue in one form or another. If he’s not fearful of losing you, what does that say about the prospects of his pleasing you in the future?

    Second, you have to judge and figure things out for yourself, sons, and husband. I wish you success.

    Guy

  6. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate your insight and straight up approach. As is often the case, the truth of the situation is so simple, yet the corresponding actions so difficult to live out. Blessings to you and all the readers here. Emma 🙂

  7. thetruth01

    Hello Sir Guy,

    You were right! The guy friend I told you about took me out on a date this past weekend. I had a hard time seeing him as more than a friend at first because I thought he was too mean and selfish. He’s the type of guy a girl would have train to be less dominant. He would treat me as an equal and not special like the guys I usually date. He didn’t want to spend money on me like they did. So when he came on to me I had already made-up in my mind our relationship. I even told him this. On our date he was his usual flirty self. I loved that he took the lead even though I tried to have things my way he listened to my opinion then made a final decision. It really felt good being with him and I was flirting with other guys

  8. thetruth01

    He had my attention the entire time
    So now I know I’m not going around flirting, I just haven’t found someone who meets my needs until now. The only sucky part is that he is very independent and can go a long time without seeing and speaking to each other, but when I want to talk or hangout he makes time for me which is nice. If this doesn’t work out. I know what type of guy works best for me.

  9. Tica

    Earlier this year I went out with a guy I had talked to online for a good while. In his personal ad on a conservative Christian site, he said he was a “classic gentleman” who enjoyed opening doors for women/pulling out chairs. He flew out to see me for three days. The only times he held the door open for me was at the first place we went to eat, and then church on the third day. We didn’t work out for several reasons, but it was a gigantic red flag to me that he did not opens doors, not to mention advertising that he did! I never brought up his lack of chivalry…I wanted to but couldn’t think of how to word it. I didn’t want to sound like I was “demanding” he hold the door for me. I wanted him to do it naturally and let the chips fall. We moved from activity the whole 3 days, probably to distract from having to talk to each other!

    Now I am talking to a guy who grew up Catholic in India. He asks me lots of personal questions about my romantic history. I have only every kissed guys but when I told him about kissing 2 guys in the past he asked a series of very probing questions about it. He said he wasn’t judging me but I know he is and I kinda think he doesn’t believe me. It’s like I’ve had sex or something! I didn’t want to lie when he asked about the kissing. He is still wanting to talk to me but I am not pushing it and when I kinda ignored him after that he really started trying to keep up contact!

    Your Highness Tica,
    You know full well what you are doing and you do it correctly. Don’t fold to insincere charm. Trust your intuition; it provides your most reliable counsel.
    Guy

    • Tica

      Thank you Sir Guy! I know you are right though I feel like I need to come here and confirm that I’m going in the right direction.

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