1968. Sex Confirms His Significance

Her Highness Magnolia inspired this post. At 1482 she described an Army man prior to deployment who did not marry the woman he loved; he could not trust her. Instead, he married one he did not love but felt he could trust. I describe some reasons behind such manly thinking.

When away from home, suspicion or knowledge of his woman cheating disturbs everything else in a man’s life. Misery follows even discomfort with loss of confidence in her physical fidelity.

A man depends greatly on his woman’s faithfulness to help maintain his sense of significance. His suspicions threaten and one cheating incident destroys his sense of significance with her. If he is not worthy of her fidelity, she is not worthy of his presence. When she cheats he wants to walk.

One instance of unfaithfulness instantly transforms his significance into insignificance. Loss of face—and having fooled himself for trusting her—prevent her recovering his commitment or devotion. He can never trust her again. A man won’t live with a woman who—in the worst possible way—destroys his sense of significance with her.

Hardwired before birth, the foundation of male significance primarily confirms his role in life. It is built and confirmed regularly with thrusting sexually, energetically, and deeply into a woman to prove himself to himself. Use of his hardness and determination-to-satisfy himself rule the event. Nothing else in a couple’s relationship compares much less matches that primal urge. The quality of orgasm proportionally confirms both his magnificent significance and her worth as partner. Yes, even though she may have had little more to do than serve as a receptacle. The determination and energy expressed in thrusting serve as foundation to his whole sense of significance. Undermine or destroy his confidence or faith in himself and he has to couple with another woman to rebuild his sexual significance first and the rest to follow.

Beyond the hard wiring from birth, all else is learned behavior, e.g., other than minimal foreplay, trying to please his partner, pledging exclusive loyalty. In the eyes of what women expect, men are born sexually uneducated. They hunt and conquer, pursue diligently and thrust energetically, display their sexual worth in a woman’s life and thereby prove their significance. That women expect men to be different does not alter the natural and hormonal drive to prove himself to himself first. Men must be taught what women expect. The greater he perceives his significance with a woman, the more willing and able he is to try harder to fulfill her needs both in and out of bed.

Once a man’s determination rises up to ‘do his duty’ in bed, his sex partner’s reactions add to or detract little from his primary effort. Internally proving himself to himself first is the preeminent truth of his significance as a man.

If his sex partner just enjoys or even has orgasm too, his significance is further heightened. However, anything and everything negative about his ‘expertise’ sends loud messages about his insignificance, which of course is his greatest fear especially coming from his mate to whom he has devoted himself.

Now, let us return to the soldier who married out of trust rather than love. Deployment may not be good but it will not be misery either. He may worry about many things of concern to his wife. But, he spends no time imagining other men—his natural competitors—using his wife to confirm their significance at his expense, using his wife to thrust, twist, turn, and otherwise interrupt the imagined scene of his wife’s nakedness as he remembers her. By trusting her, he spends no time speculating if he will be betrayed. Consequently, she is worth what he paid for her—his independence.



Filed under Dear daughter

14 responses to “1968. Sex Confirms His Significance

  1. My Husband's Wife

    Really interesting post. My guess is that this couple’s relationship will work and will hopefully grow into real, self-sacrificing love in time out of their commitment/trust to/in each other.
    In seems in today’s culture, most men and women choose their partner for “romantic love” and how one makes them feel opposed to using a more logical approach as in previous times. OR, do all men still use a logical approach and disregard the “love feelings? Using the “romantic approach” (how he/she makes me feel) is somewhat deceiving as those “feelings” fade and don’t always exist and makes marriage expendable when the feeling start to change.
    In one of your posts, you mentioned that in days prior to feminism, the majority of people were married and girls who weren’t as physically attractive were able to find husbands. It seems that maybe the view of marriage was a more functional one, although love would grow after years of living and working together (cooperating as a unit) compared to today?

    Your Husband’s Wife,

    Your hit every nail dead on and with the center of the hammer’s head. Marrying for the sake of romantic love, which is dominated by temporary and not always mutual feelings, does not work well. It’s better to focus on building enduring love with logic, reason, experience, wisdom, and the advice of seniors while mutual likeability and the man’s devotion develop. Then, after marriage, mutual devotion and enduring love can more easily develop.

    When everyone expects everyone else to marry someone, the pecking order of male quality and female attractiveness somehow works itself out close enough to raise the next generation of adults to be more promising that the previous one. Buried deep inside that model, conditional respect for individuals automatically morphs into unconditional respect for the opposite sex, which grows to exceed respect for one’s own gender.


    • thetruth01

      Sir Guy,

      I do like what you said about not marrying for romantic love, but I need help because I feel disappointed. My guy friend and I planned to celebrate my birthday together this weekend since it falls on Tuesday this year. Two days ago we talked about spending time together this Saturday. Now today he says he can’t he has school work. He has done this more than once, in fact it’s a habit. For example my friends and I went to the movies and he got up at the beginning of the movie and left. It turns out he went to a karate class lol. Is this a red flag? I want someone who is consistent is that too much to ask for? I know you say we love differently, but will I ever find someone with the same type of love as 1 Corinthians 13:4? I am close to it myself, but is it too much to ask for in a partner.

      Your Highness Thetruth01,

      You are on the border of getting it.

      • You correctly see that his behavior raises red flags. Failure to explain his surprises and disappointments signifies that either he respects you too lightly at best or tries to convince himself of his supreme alpha independence at worse. Either deserves the flag and proactive behavior by you. Ditch him without your complaint or explanation. Just walk away and see how he responds. If he seems to have lost nothing, you never had him on your side to begin with. If he talks you into recovering the relationship, you will discover how really sincere he is about continuing with you by matching his subsequent actions with the words he uses to convince you to take him back.

      • You say it is a habit for him to agree to do something and then pull out. Here’s the red flag you should see: He found something better to do—aka more appealing/exciting—than spend time with you. That red flag means you have been fooling yourself about his role in the relationship. Dump him.

      • In any recovery after a woman dumps a man, she should take their relationship back to square one and make him earn every step of progress. Only by earning his way back into her good graces does it register in his heart that she is more vital to him than he anticipated before the dump. IOW, he learns subconsciously that he took her for granted before they married, which is intolerable to a woman but not understood by a man until she subtly enables it to leak into his heart and having bypassed his conscious mind.

      • Re 1 Corinthians 13:4. Yes, it is “too much to ask for in a partner.” Women are born with romance and love in their hearts. If it were also natural to men, the Bible would not be preaching it. An objective throughout the Good Book seems to be coaching men into more female-friendly ways of life. Men have to be taught directly when they don’t heed the Bible. Only women in the classroom of life can teach them—mothers, sisters, girlfriends, fiancés, wives, grannies, aunts, cousins, and friends.

      You may find some help for your thought processes about your guy friend and others if you study the three part series at 1618-1618. Better luck next time.


      • thetruth01

        Thanks Sir Guy,
        I will heed your warning and back off. I have to admit after I wrote to you yesterday when I was still so upset I sent him a text saying how disappointed I was and I would have been less frustrated if he had communicated that with me instead of me contact him to find that out. And all he said was that he will tell me next time or something like that. I wish there was a such thing as a easy relationship, I hate having to teach the guy how to treat me. I feel like he should already know or at least know the basics.

        Your Highness Thetruth01,
        Blame Feminism for your having to teach men how to treat women. Until I was about age 30, men knew full well how to treat women EXACTLY in accordance with what they wanted out of women. In those days it was fun and games screening for a mate as prelude to be soon followed by sincere fulfillment of family responsibility. Today, it is fun, games, and mating for sex. Those few men raised to appreciate and desire marriage are turned off by the cheapness, looseness, or sloppiness of most women. But the latter kind of man is at least still teachable. So, look to his family early to see how he was raised among the values and standards still observable among his parents.

        • My Husband's Wife

          Dear thetruth01,

          You are ahead of the curve being on this site and getting knowledge about men/women relationships here while you are dating, before you marry. The response Guy wrote to you is golden! I can only imagine if EVERY girl adopted the strategy outlined above, most men would HAVE to rise to the occasion of properly treating women in general–and then one in particular–making good men easier to find.

        • thetruth01

          Thanks Guy,
          How are you doing? I know it’s been hard the past few weeks for you.

          Your Highness Thetruth01,
          I am doing fine and I love it when pretty women inquire. Couple of lunches with pretty and youthful women friends lifted my spirits immensely. Amazing therapy. Reinventing the washing of dishes by hand inspires me to learn to operate the dish washer. New habits enable me to change my lifestyle to fit memories rather than miseries. I remain challenged, however, with this. I cannot fold fitted-type sheets flat enough to fit the linen closet. My next linen closet will have room for wads of sheets. Until then, perhaps some pretty neighbor or friend will volunteer to help with show and tell.

          • thetruth01

            Sir Guy,
            Wow! I’m glad that you’re spirits are up and you are still living life to the full. I really appreciate your outlook on life and how you actively seek out support and allow others to be light into your life.

        • Cinnamon

          I hate having to teach the guy how to treat me.

          It is important to remember that you cannot demand this treatment. You can act according to your own expectations in order to influence his thinking but you have to let go of whether or not a particular man rises to the occasion. If he does not meet your expectations (aided by your subtle encouragement) then he is the wrong man and you move on. This is why Sir Guy recommends getting to know a man slowly before you let down your guard, and also long courtships.

          Too many women today get seriously hung up on a particular man and become obsessed with trying to change him so he “will commit.” They have it completely backwards. A particular man cannot be coerced into becoming devoted, rather, he can only become inspired to do so by the unwavering adherence to the highest of standards by an undemanding woman

  2. Some Other Guy

    Sir Guy writes much more elegantly than I. What I would say is that I will never marry a woman who I suspect would cheat on me. A woman that will cheat on me will divorce me and yet I will have to pay alimony to her. Even tho she cheats on me, I will have to support her cheating lifestyle. What man in his right mind would sign up for that?

    What kind of a woman would I suspect would cheat on me? Easy. A woman who has been with many men in the past will be a huge cheating risk. It has been well documented that the more pre-marital partners a woman has had, the higher her chances of divorce are. Clearly this is a woman who does not have the ability to commit to me.

    Now if I were not made to pay alimony or child support, then her premarital “man count” would be irrelevant. But since most men end up paying for the wife’s infidelity, most men will be very careful about marrying up the easy woman. Sure, most men will “date” the easy woman, but will not want to marry her. Why is this? If my wife has an affair that produces a child, I, as her husband, am legally required to support that child. Whether it is my child or not. It doesn’t matter. The courts will confiscate my paycheck to support that innocent bastard child. There is nothing so revolting to a man as that situation. This is why men don’t marry sluts.

    Admittedly this does not happen in every case. But it happens enough to be a factor in men’s thinking. And no man wants it to happen to him.

    • Etu

      Not to parse here but your forced support of any child would flow from your relationship to the child as father. If a paternity test showed you were not father then you wouldn’t have to pay. Just saying.

      Your Highness Etu,
      Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when someone else joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

  3. Magnolia

    Loved this one as well. Glad my comments inspired a post. 🙂

  4. cocoa

    I understand and agree with the post 100%. I also see that he will learn to love her as he trusts her, meaning he respects her too. But how could he love the other woman if he doesn’t trust her?! Must not be love then.

    Your Highness Cocoa,
    You’re right. No trust, then no respect, and then no masculine love. His way of loving is described in 1967 – LOVE: They Love Very Differently.

  5. Lin

    What an extraodinary analysis. So insightful. Thank you Sir Guy. I learnt a lot. Again thanks a million.

    • Cinnamon

      Sir Guy,

      The more I read here the more I am starting to understand the male nature as you describe it i.e. that a man’s devotion depends on his sense of significance.

      Would you consider writing an article about what types of behaviors apart from the obvious infidelity will serve to undermine a man’s sense of significance? Does female anger do this ? (I suspect the answer is yes which is why you tell us to manage conflict using indirect means). I would be interested if you could highlight both marriage and the dating/courtship stage.

  6. Reading up

    Why is it that some men who cheat are devastated and refuse to forgive when the woman cheats.

    Not condoning it just wondering…..

    Your Highness Reading up,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    Why devastated? The male nature. Women are the same except more devastated about emotional than physical unfaithfulness.

    Why they refuse to forgive? Her cheating attacks his sense of significance right to the core. The more manly, masculine, alpha, or testosterone-loaded he is, the more difficult to forgive.

    Now, those reactions flow out of their nature, the way each sex is born differently. Lessons learned in life sometimes ease or stiffen those reactions.


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