1976. The Heart and Soul of Family

Both sexes are born to be compatible and to do good. That natural inheritance, using marriage as the rib, enables them to create a living body. Husband is the head. Wife is the neck. Mother is the heart. Father is the soul. The better is the performance by the occupiers of each role; the more successful is the family.

The head of the family is the ultimate authority, responsible for the toughest decisions, and accountable for failures. Husband, however, is ill-equipped to directly manage family relationships; he leads with policy and not hands-on. He contributes indirectly by exploiting his strengths on efforts and achievements that earn self-admiration. (I summarize it as producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving. [139]

The neck of the family keeps the head focused on whatever brightens the family future. The neck points the head at desirable outcomes that please the heart and she hopes will please everyone else—especially the head to whom she owes her life as neck. While the head governs the present, the neck governs the long run in order to shape the family’s internal future and help the head improve their external future. [139]

The heart smooths out the harshness of daily life, energizes everyone else, molds family spirit, shapes character of infants and toddlers, and coaches teens. The heart lathers family members with mutual respect, joy, gratefulness, and hope. The heart morphs it all into mutual love and inspires her to help the neck. With so much balancing of roles the neck has to do, it’s the toughest job of all. The head isn’t born capable of generating that kind of family togetherness. He’s no better than lessons learned growing up and during courtship as a fast learner. After marriage he’s a slow learner about such matters—too busy elsewhere and he hired a wife to handle such things. [139]

If the neck doesn’t crown the head as king, she inherits the head role too. Many women reject the crowning of their former prince as king. They usurp his role, and find themselves without a family neck, which weakens both the family heart and soul. It also opens the exit door for the deposed natural head. [139]

The soul provides the leadership that guides family members to do good. To give rather than take, achieve rather than loaf, help rather than hinder, and otherwise convert ability to do good into the result of being good.

One final role: The kids after toddlerhood and before puberty absorb their values from heroes. Head, neck, heart, and soul should all apply for the job and learn to make heroes of each other. Otherwise, kids find heroes elsewhere, learn to imitate outsiders, and anticipate doing the same with teen peers a few years hence. [139]

The successful family identifies clear-cut roles, uses head-neck-heart-soul as the rank structure, and each member performs their own roles excellently and readily forgives whatever inadequacies appear in others. In that way women can realize their girlhood hopes and dreams.

NOTE: It’s perfect. Thanks to Nia Vardalos for the head-turned-by-neck analogy. It’s from her flick, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. [139]


Filed under Dear daughter

3 responses to “1976. The Heart and Soul of Family

  1. I loved My Big Fat Greek Wedding! The neck/head analogy is well-known among many other cultures that haven’t caved to the feministic view of women. I had to learn about being a “neck” after marriage and to learn how to do it charmingly!

  2. cocoa

    Thanks for writing about family. Teach us more of that. My family is what motivates me each morning to keep going. That’s after the love of Christ of course.

  3. Wonderfully said! Many women today need to learn that the neck is an equally valuable role to the head instead of trying to become what they are not.

    Your Highness Juliemomyer,
    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

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