For reasons explained later, please disregard the role of conquest in the following.
A few men love at first sight. But even they reinforce their love by the process that I describe. What and how a man loves a woman leads him to the altar. I summarize it in steps to keep simple in description what in reality is both complex and virtually undetectable. It’s based on how men follow their nature, when women expect mutual love to be the inspiration for marriage.
- Her attractiveness works. It grabs his attention, his serious attention. He admires her appearance. It highlights her as possibly virtuous. And so, he finds ways to get close and associate with her.
- In the process of looking for weaknesses to facilitate getting her into bed, he discovers and admires certain qualities as person, woman, and possible wife and mother. His looking longer exposes more qualities to admire.
- Whatever he admires becomes virtue. He seeks to marry a virtuous woman, and the more qualities he admires the more virtuous she becomes.
- Virtuousness registers in his mind and causes her fascination to reside in his heart.
- As her fascination increases, it eventually morphs into promise he senses in her aptitude and attitude to support and help him find greater success at work and daily recovery at home.
- When he perceives enough promise that he’s willing to swap his independence for it, he doesn’t have much choice. She’s far too fascinating and promising for him to ignore. He can’t imagine doing without her. He can’t afford to lose her. And so, he slips on his mental shoes for the toe-tapping, totally obligated, “yes dear” dance down the altar path where she assumes domination of wedding plans.
All of that flows out of his nature. Before she appears, his prime motivator is to earn self-admiration. It settles in his psyche as a self-endowed virtue, as his version of moral excellence. What else could it be since he earned it by and for himself. The connection with women becomes axiomatic. What he admires makes them virtuous. Increased virtuousness morphs into fascination. Greater fascination morphs into promise. He seeks to marry a virtuous woman and so screens until he finds one with enough promise to yield his independence.
Most women want to be fascinating but the challenge is daunting. How do you carry and present yourself with some unknown quantity of unspecified qualities in ways that make you appear fascinating? How do you even know where to start to convince Mr. Good Enough that you are fascinating? (Answer: Increase your self-gratitude which is coming soon.)
It’s a wonder women get any man to the altar. But women inherit at birth the relationship skills to do it. The way becomes easier the more they rely on their nature rather than unproductive and even contrary things learned in life.
Why is sex not important above? When speaking of virtue, people tend to think in terms of sexual behavior. I ignore it here because—with one exception—it plays a non-vital role in the love-development process that takes place in the male heart and mind.
Sex is a virtue only to the extent that she’s admired for closeness to virginity. Because of her refusals to accept his charm and determination and yield to conquest, he presumes other guys had the same result. His imagination tells him that she must have refused virtually all offers except those inherited with marriage. Anything less isn’t admirable.
Finally, this is the one exception about sex. Conquest that occurs during the love-development process slows and can virtually stop his discovery of admirable qualities aka virtues. He won her so there’s little need to increase her value. After conquest he pays more attention to her weaknesses than strengths. Thus, the growth to fascination and promise slows immensely.