1994. Self-gratitude—Guilt and Self-respect


Whether girl or woman, bachelorette or single mom, live in or wife, each lives with an abundance of guilt. Men can and do, but women can’t get rid of it. To some degree women feel too guilty and it languishes for years before fading from their hearts. However, they can ease it and I encourage women to neutralize it at least and overwhelm it at best with self-gratitude.

(Just guessing but I suspect it works something like this. Each woman has a full load that she carries all the time. New guilt displaces the least significant.)

Unfortunately, susceptibility to guilt eats away self-respect, so women need a stronger character foundation. Their nature provides it, dedication to themselves as vital to those around them. But that requires less guilt and some self-respect. Consequently, women need to continually both offset the former and reinforce the latter. The answer lies in habitually using the dresser mirror and the habit of deliberately spending time there. Out of mirror time comes less guilt, more self-respect, and reinforced self-gratitude. All of which enable dedication to themselves as vital to others.

Details about mirror use are coming soon. In the meantime, reviewing these related articles, 1003 and 1291, may fill in some blanks I leave behind.

 

10 Comments

Filed under feminine, Uncategorized

10 responses to “1994. Self-gratitude—Guilt and Self-respect

  1. Shanna

    Mr. Guy,
    I suspect it’s because women somehow expect to be all things to all people. Instead of realizing this is impossible, we feel guilty for falling short of that expectation.
    Yesterday, I was tested in this very thing. I said “no” to a request and immediately felt guilt. Then I thought about WHY it was important for me to say no (recognizing my self-respect and self-gratitude) and I let the guilt go. I’m learning that guilt is only appropriate when there has been actual wrong doing.

    Your Highness Shanna,
    Right on. You can’t be responsible for what other people say.
    Guy

    • “. . .women somehow expect to be all things to all people. Instead of realizing this is impossible, we feel guilty for falling short of that expectation.”

      Reminds me of the female ‘family or career dilemma.’ Both are legitimate choices for ladies – good choices. Unfortunately, many women seem that they are SUPPOSED to do both and that only doing one of these makes them a failure.

      And even if they take on both simultaneously, they feel like they could have managed these better.

      • cocoa

        Exactly how I feel sometimes when I am torn between home and work. But I find a bit of relief as I am able to priorities my roles in life. I feel, actually I know I am a pretty woman, a loved wife, an adorable mother and a successful employee. If I have these in that particular order every morning, then, I feel confident and ready to face the world. Not to mention, I am a faithful daughter of thd King of Kings.

  2. Hello Guy,
    Your blog is accurate. Men seem to be just fine in this area and are quite unapologetic about it. Women, on the other hand, have the greatest difficulty treating themselves with self-respect because of overriding guilt. They waffle between self-respect vs. guilt then eventually crumble to guilt coupled with the fear of losing someone (or their approval) and spend too much time worrying about what other people think rather than what’s best for them and maintaining their dignity. Great post!

    Kim

    Your Highness Kim,
    Thank you, my dear. Also, welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
    Guy

    P.S.Viewing your website, you may find an interest in my post #1985.
    G.

    • Cinnamon

      Sir Guy,

      When I find websites like Kim’s that charge “consultation fees” for information that you provide for free my heart sinks. No disrespect to the information she or “The Rules” authors have provided, but I don’t feel these principles should be “sold.” I am sorry if this sounds cynical.

      I am very sorry that your extraordinary work is not more widely known, for it changed my life significantly (unlike “The Rules,” which I read years before I stumbled onto WWNH and which pales in comparison) and I know it has the power to do the same for millions of other women who unfortunately don’t yet know about this website.

      All this underscores the unlimited respect I have for you as you continue to give freely and generously, and with so much dedication and loving care, so much life-changing information to so many people. In a world where everything is commercialized, it is so inspiring and meaningful to see how you show love for your neighbour not for a material reward but simply in order to serve Him.

      Your example of witness is one from which we can all learn and which I strive to emulate.

      I LOVE YOU, BILL CLARK DEAN. THANK YOU FOR CHANGING MY LIFE.

    • You’re cute, Guy. If your pen is an extension of your personality, then I’d say you have that old-school charm and manliness I am fond of. 😉 Thanks for visiting my blog. Speaking of cruise, my husband and I are going on a 7-day cruise for our 10th anniversary mid-June. Will catch up on reading your posts in transit.

  3. I love that phrase (habitual mirror time) “enables dedication to themselves that they are vital to others.” RIGHT! Thank you for putting this into words.

  4. MLaRowe

    True, guilt (especially for working women with families) is probably one of the bigger burdens women carry around.

    Also, I wouldn’t discount lack of support (we don’t live in a family friendly society).

    I grew up in a neighborhood where women supported each other by watching each other’s children when needed as well as sharing their abundance if they had a productive garden or some other windfall. These days in my middle class realm I don’t see that. All I see is competition and women who have a hard time trusting each other. It’s not like the supportive community where I was raised.

    Your Highness MLaRowe,

    Here’s the macro version of why you see a difference today versus yesteryear.

    Old school: Men dominate the workplace because competition is the main driving force in their nature. Men don’t cooperate as
    well, and so their nature enables them to defer to wives to dominate the home.

    New school: Women joined the workforce. To perform satisfactorily, they had to shift against their nature in favor of competing. Feminism pushed them to compete even harder to hold their own, to keep up with men. After awhile competition became embedded in the female psyche. They took home their competitive spirit and it became an integral part of everyday life.

    With the competitive spirit pervading the home, it invites husbands to get more involved in affairs previously left to their wives. Consequently, confused and confusing leadership breed poor family morale which requires more cooperation to fix but against which there is too much competition between spouses. And the loss of cooperative spirit spreads to children and neighbors.

    Re trust, it’s the same as with respect. In the competitive world of men, trust must be earned. In the workplace, women must copy that. In the cooperative world of women, trust is given until lost. In the home, men have trouble doing that when their employed wives carry the competitive spirit home.

    It boils down to this. By joining the workforce, women are pressured by circumstances to deviate from a critical part of the female nature. Doing so, they find less gratefulness for themselves as individuals. And so, they have a tremendous need of more self-gratitude as now described in my latest blog articles.

    Guy

    • MLaRowe

      Yes, that makes sense although I hadn’t ever thought of it in this way before. It certainly would explain a lot of differences between then and now. How can we get back to a more co-operative way of being? I want to encourage that and I think many things for children and families would be helped by a change in attitude in this regard.

      Your Highness MLaRowe,
      “How can we get back to a cooperative way of being?” Women have to regain dominance of our culture. They must wrest it away from those who control the leftist and man-centered pop culture. Individuals can restore the cooperative spirit to their homes if they morph from living according to pop culture values to living within the guidance so profoundly embedded in their female nature. And that starts with finding and using self-gratitude as the dominant principle of family leadership.
      Guy

  5. That Horse Is Dead

    Sir Guy,
    I wonder if you could expound your views on the very common practice of bachelorette parties. I find this is a common practice even among church going Christian women. While activities may be different between secular and Christians, the premise of “one last farewell” night out is the same. I’ve been invited to a bachelorette party within my Sunday school class and my instinct is not to go. The phrase, “masculine style sexual freedom” comes to mind! The invite is to go to a local bar and sing karaoke and even though the premise
    seems innocent enough, it just doesn’t feel right for me. Thanks for your thoughts, Sir Guy!

    Your Highness That Horse is Dead,

    My view is simple. If women insist on duplicating male practices, men will treat them just like other men. It means the competition never ends, regardless of how cooperative her nature inspires her. Male competition usually takes place with his aggressive button ON, refusing to negotiate sincerely with a woman, ends sometimes with violence, and almost never ends peacefully except after the male has proven to both sides that he is the winner. And that causes the woman to end up where? Leaders can’t and don’t lead when they duplicate their followers.

    Masculine-style sexual freedom should come to your mind. Bachelorette parties are an extension to confirm that women are equal to men and, therefore, are entitled to the same rights and perquisites that men earn through physical strength and that women enlarge by giving away their mental strength trying to be what they are not.

    One last farewell night out tells men that her last night is not dedicated to fiancé and marriage, so what does it suggest about her future loyalty to him when another big event comes up and she gets together with the gals?

    Guy

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