1997. Self-Gratitude — Recovery Is Still Everything

Remember the multiplex of misery? Unwanted singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, divorce, depression, childlessness, dreariness, gloom, and prospects of doom. I can’t tell you how, but you can figure out how an inexpensive escape is possible and practical. The mirror is your interstate exit.

To depart the multiplex for a more agreeable life, take this exit ramp. 1) Find or rig a mirror before which you can sit in privacy. 2) Have a copy of the list of default attitudes at hand. 3) Determine to spend a prescribed amount of time every morning at the mirror. For the first three months, sit for at least 30 minutes. 4) Share each default attitude item by item with your reflected best friend. 5) Analyze and compare the upcoming day with the list. Look for attitudes that can improve whatever challenges/problems you expect. Follow that by analyzing and comparing all else in your life—yourself, your nature, and those people and things of importance to you. Weigh those things against each item on the list. 6) Select and commit to strengthening those attitudes that have hope for resolving whatever problems you see ahead. 7) Determine before others start their day exactly what they will encounter in you. Kind, friendly, upbeat, helpful, encouraging, enterprising? Or firm, hardened, obstinate? Competing for dominance or cooperating for harmony? In gentle control of self or demanding that others listen to your gripes? Dependent on self or others to lift your spirits?

How you start the day determines how the day turns out. How you dress for the day determines how you act during the day. How your morning demeanor strikes your family determines how they like or dislike their day. Your finish of the day improves when you start the day by taking control of yourself, and well-programmed time at the mirror enables it best.

Restore vanity and modesty to your life and appreciate the results. Learn to identify the roots and appreciate the effects of newfound gratefulness. Continue it daily until you become a woman totally happy with yourself and thus capable of breathing the same spirit into those around you. That is the intended role of woman.

Like nothing else can, your reflection will reveal who and what you really are. Self-talk with that best friend will reveal how to fix problems, resolve issues, handle disruptive people, maintain relationships, and ultimately morph your reflection into the hopes-and-dreams kind of life you envisioned as a girl. The benefits to self are potentially endless. Here’s how and why it can work for those who can figure and work things out for themselves.

  1. Deep-rooted and natural femininity conquers the masculine spirit. Men yield to the superior and uplifting spirit of females as long as it doesn’t appear that way to the men.
  2. Men are neither born to be happy nor very interested in earning it. If they gain it, fine, but no big deal if they’re not as happy as women crave. However, women are born to be happy, but you have to earn it. You do so by finding gratitude in things and people of importance to you.
  3. You became aware that you’re a female about the third year of life. You also became aware of your girlish gratefulness for yourself, which grew as you developed (although adults may have fed you many discouraging thoughts and the pop culture finished the job as you morphed into an adult).
  4. You’re a person entitled to the best life you can produce. Also, you’re either in or out of a relationship as the result of choices you made. You have free will, made your own choices, and have already paid some cost with more costs to come. Room exists for improvement, which provides better options to choose from, which lowers the emotional cost to you.
  5. You are your own best problem solver! Not any man, not even yours! He’s but a helper. You are naturally endowed to be and do the best for you.
  6. Women have two magnificent abilities that men lack. You can read other people, and you are the best fixer-upper of self. Reading men enables you to maximize both yours and your man’s influence and effectiveness. Self-inspiration and self-talk work better than pressure and frustration to fix up your spirits, confidence, and influences within your relationships. To do it super-well, however, requires huge amounts of self-gratitude, which are findable at the mirror.
  7. Escaping boredom at the mirror pushes you to examine and compare everything in your life. Out of those things and the default attitudes in your female nature, you can discover ways to gain more control and smooth out your life.
  8. The mirror enables two mentally healthful operations. 1) You peer inside yourself to see what no one else is allowed to see and much less understand. 2) You look in with what’s on your mind, and your reflection reveals what’s in your heart. Your mirror-time job is to rectify the differences, and the more you side with your heart, then the easier you find more femininity and more gratefulness for who and what you are in the world around you.
  9. When selfishness enters your mind, your reflection squelches it. Truth conquers because selfishness is not part of the female nature. (It’s a behavior usually learned in childhood.)
  10. Using self-talk brings on the self-fulfilling prophecy. SFP: We are all influenced and tend to live up to the expectations of ourselves plus those of others who play important roles in our lives.

Now, that’s a batch of promises. They don’t come quickly or easily. Out of it, however, a happier life can emerge. At least the multiplex of misery can be lightened or avoided. It starts with mirror time.



Filed under feminine

10 responses to “1997. Self-Gratitude — Recovery Is Still Everything

  1. Shanna

    Mr. Guy,
    Ahhh, the “multiplex of misery”. This term made me laugh yesterday because I can identify with it. Glad you saw fit to revisit it.

    Thanks for the list (and how it fits in with yesterday’s list)…once again, I have my work cut out for me. I like that you’ve indicated that this is not a quick fix. Who knew the mirror had so much power, when I’ve been so conditioned to look elsewhere all my life.

    I’m going though a particular issue and it’s been feeding my multiplex of misery. Your recent posts are showing me that God has endowed me with the ability to bring about my own answers, comfort, and support. The work continues… 🙂

  2. thetruth01

    My best friend and I are officially dating. We both want sex. I did tell him I want to get married first he said we would. He’s in college and I have a new business so I’m not making much. I heard of married couples living in the dorms, my close friends actually did so do you think that is a smart decision since we don’t want to wait to have sex.

    Your Highness Thetruth01,

    I’m confused. You say he agreed to wait for marriage before sex. Now you want to move into dorm room(s?) so you don’t have to wait. Which is it?

    I propose your decision hinge on this. The primary purpose of withholding sex until marriage is to allow time for his feelings to escalate from words of commitment to actions of devotion to you alone. Will separate or same dorm room promote that objective?


    • thetruth01

      Sorry when I’m excited I write you late at night when I’m tired instead of the next day when I’m rested. We are going to get married, but I was also thinking financially we don’t have it together. So if anything happens like kids we will be struggling. My question is if I am going about things the right way since sex is our main priority?

      Your Highness Thetruth01,

      For financial reasons, yes, you would be doing the right thing as seen from my detached position.

      However, you continue to call sex your main priority, which means that it goes to the head of the list of accomplishments for your man and probably you too. IOW, your phrasing does not yet match what you previously declared as your intention. Don’t take that as criticism but identification of self-induced pressure that will lead to sex sooner than you allegedly desire.


  3. Magnolia

    My goodness, this was a *great* series! Thank you!

  4. Readingandlearning

    Hello Guy,

    This question has been on my mind…

    If sex is out of the picture and off the table and celibacy is strictly adhered to… why would a man approach and date a woman he finds unattractive, then wait until the relationship has ended to say so?

    He may say you are frumpy and overweight, you need new clothes etc… but carry on with a 3 month relationship. Didn’t he have eyes to see all that before he approached her?

    I think men should go for the absolute best women they can get especially if they want a wife. He should look at his wife and think “wow! I hit the jackpot! I am so excited/enthralled by her” To do otherwise is cruelty to both himself and his intended.

    Your Highness Readingandlearning,
    The guy you mentioned was only after sex. When he failed to conquer, he spit out his bitterness and displayed his true character. The woman is blessed to have uncovered his character before you went too far, which would have enabled him to keep his flawed character undisclosed until he was ready to dump her.

    • My Husband's Wife

      This situation seems like a perfect example of how celibacy helps a woman “qualify” a man and that it really helps protect her in the end. A woman might get hurt sooner rather than later after so much more self, time and emotion is invested, leaving her the opportunity for a better man to come along—and a better future.

  5. Emma

    I can see how manly behaviors does affect women. What type of advice or insight would you give to a wife that husband takes house and car keys? What sort of reaction the wife should ensue. He finds it as Punishment – I Think is selfishness – especially when there are small children in the house.

    Your Highness Emma,
    I suspect something more fundamental. He lacks respect for you, which means he lacks self-respect. He hopes to regain some of it by disclosing his power to confiscate the keys. (Are you sure you don’t prompt his behavior by dealing with him in ways that weaken his self-respect, question his significance, take away his self-admiration???????)

    Your recovery can start if you find a shocking way to capture his attention and earn his respect with your tough-sidedness and determination to change things. Let something new and unexpected flash before his face. Remember this: The one that fears losing the most—whether battle, war, or spouse—will likely lose. Fear causes improper actions for recovery plus it prevents the earning of someone else’s respect.

    For example, and I’m not suggesting you do this. It’s only to make my points. Unannounced and unexpectedly pick up the house and car keys and leave him home with the kids for a few hours while you go entertain yourself shopping or whatever. When you return, do it calmly as if what you did was perfectly normal. Above all, don’t explain and don’t complain. Leave whatever spurred you to do such a selfish thing hanging in mid-air for him to contemplate by himself. You had the power and opportunity to do what you did. Make him figure you out. The more you say, the more he has ammo with which to clobber you and refuse granting you any measure of respect. So, full disclosure about your behavior destroys any recovery that you may have initiated when you left. (If you feel sorry for his being left alone, don’t admit it to yourself or reveal it to him. To do so is to reverse all recovery effort.)

    Use your imagination to find an acceptable tactic that’s similar to what I describe. Then execute it and see what happens. No guarantees. You have to find out what works for you in your situation.


    • My Husband's Wife

      That’s a good question Emma had—and your answer takes a lot of self-control to pull off the solution I would think. It’s hard to not want to explain everything we’re doing and why 🙂 TRUE, IT’S HARD FOR HER. BUT REMEMBER THIS: WHATEVER SHE SAYS GIVES HIM MORE AMMO WITH WHICH TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE’S RIGHT AND SHE’S WRONG IN SOME WAY AND THAT IT JUSTIFIES HIS BEHAVIOR. HE ALREADY DOESN’T CARE WHAT SHE THINKS, PROBABLY BECAUSE HE’S HEARD IT ALL BEFORE.

      I also wonder: when a man does this sort of thing, such as takes the keys or shows some sort of dominance in a negative way, is he looking mostly for it to have an effect on her? NO, HE’S ACTING OUT HIS DOMINANT ROLE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN CALLED INTO QUESTION DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY.

      Almost as if he wants to incite some kind of emotional response in her (anger, yelling back at him, etc. and then knows he’s got her goat, thus a “win?” NO, HE EXPECTS TO WIN HER RESPECT THAT SHE HASN’T BEEN SHOWING ENOUGH OF RECENTLY.

      In addition to becoming a bit more quietly independent as mentioned above, would it then be appropriate when she discovers he took the keys to completely ignore what he did–to not further “excite” him in that manner. Act that what he did was so irrelevant to her (yawn). So that it doesn’t create the desired emotional response he’s hoping for—to get her upset and “teach her a lesson” or whatever the motive may be? SURE, A YAWN REACTION IS A GOOD TACTIC BUT NOT FOR THE REASONS YOU CITE. IT OPENS HIS CURIOSITY IN FRONT OF HIS IMAGINATION, WHICH STIMULATES HIM TO RETHINK WHAT’S GOING ON. IS HE ON TRACK TO GAIN WHAT HE’S AFTER OR DO HIS EFFORTS NEED REVISION?

      Therefore, she still keeps her self-respect in tact by not even acknowledging (rewarding) the poor behavior? YES, IT WORKS THAT WAY. AFTER REGAINING SOME SELF-RESPECT, SHE’S BETTER EQUIPPED TO SHOW MORE RESPECT FOR HIM. WHICH IS, AFTER ALL, WHAT HE’S AFTER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

      • My Husband's Wife

        Dear Sir Guy,

        What an eye-opening clarifying response. Your description enabled me to see it through the male view of what’s needed/missing, rather than the female view of the situation. It takes a lot of reading/practice/patience to learn this, understand the male point of view, and respond appropriately.

        Thank you for taking the time here to clarify all of our questions!

        Your Highness My Husband’s Wife and Emma too,

        Here’s a follow-on revelation. A man can disregard what his wife thinks, but he can’t disregard what she might think. He wants to know at all times just what she thinks; then he knows where he stands and what he has to pay attention to. If she incessantly spews her opinions, he has no reason to listen up. He heard and chose to disregard. It’s conqueror’s right plus small trace of independence he didn’t yield at the altar.

        As with all else in his life, he appreciates what he earns but not what’s freely given. It works double with wife’s opinions. The quieter she is about what she wants, the more he’s baited into figuring her out. The more open she is, the less he has to work to figure her out and the less appreciated she is for what she wants, expects, or deserves.

        Relationship success depends on 1) what he does to and for her and 2) what she says to and about him. If he doesn’t have to listen keenly because she isn’t loud, and she doesn’t look closely because he accomplishes things primarily for himself, then success drips out of their relationship. IOW, if she finds no satisfaction in the satisfaction he earns for himself, her worth as mate declines. If he finds no satisfaction in hearing what she has to say, his worth as mate declines. IOW, if she can’t earn happiness by helping him find satisfaction, he won’t find satisfaction being her mate. Contrary to female wishes and expectations, he can’t make her happy. She has to earn it and by nature she does it by helping him find self-admiration and self-satisfaction.


        • Thank you for this explanation! It makes a lot of sense to me 🙂

          Your Highness Milena,
          Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

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