2003. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 91


  • What is a man’s love? Women see it as inadequate because female love is far more proactive than male love. Love is a man’s satisfaction—which is not a motivator—with his woman’s importance in his life. Perhaps, although not a natural urge, he displays affection or other expressions of his gratefulness.
  • Big breasts and deep cleavage stir the adolescent spirit of men but little else. Neither stirring of adolescence nor focusing men on sex has much to do with promoting romantic or eternal love. Men do not love for sex; they love a fascinating woman and foresee promise that she can make their life mutually satisfying with sex playing a major role.
  • This happens naturally. You pray to God on behalf of someone that you do not like or respect all that much or perhaps not at all. Keep it up. Prayers change your heart and you soon find that you really do respect the person and maybe even like them. More respect improves relationships. Wives, are you listening?
  • Women’s hopes and dreams form in girlhood, remain for life, and adjust to reality. Men’s hopes and dreams originate throughout life amid intentions to change at least the world nearby.
  • She practices virtual virginity and has been invited for a weekend out of town. She accepts and demands to pay for her separate accommodations. Her message cannot be misunderstood.
  • Women feel lonely in the absence of others. Being alone, men are not lonely if they have something they should be doing. A man’s sense of responsibility thus prevents loneliness.
  • Born to seek and find satisfaction, men also find that it placates disappointments. Born to be happy, however, women must earn it. They seek happiness also to assuage the guilt that makes them feel undeserving. But it does not fully happen until they learn how to forgive themselves.
  • Usually justified as convenient and unnecessary to win masculine attention, careless and sloppy habits in females reflect low self-esteem, diminish self-respect, weaken self-worth, shrink self-image, and lower self-interest. IOW, females develop shortcomings in those cornerstones of personality that normally earn the admiration of men. Shortcomings, however, that other women see and duplicate to be fashionable and ‘join the crowd’. Such female leaders and followers ignore and consequently fail to honor this natural law. Women compete with other women for the best men. The lack of female competition within their gender, which normally generates higher standards among men, lowers the character of human behavior all across society—morally, religiously, philosophically, politically, economically. OTOH, extending themselves beyond convenience enables women to dominate the cultural values that tame male aggressiveness and guide both sexes in society.

 

7 Comments

Filed under sex differences

7 responses to “2003. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 91

  1. surfercajun

    Dearest Guy,

    I knew you must have had special credentials in order to not only give advice, but your past lends much wisdom as well as distinction some people never receive. We are indeed very fortunate to have you teach us. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I love it when a handsome man tells us we are beautiful. Because of your articles, I truly believe I am.

    With a full heart and much humble respect,
    ~surfercajun

  2. anon

    Sir Guy,

    In this “random thoughts” post, I pose a “random question” (inspired by reflection on the home-hierarchy of husband/wife/mother/father):

    My husband is about to be offered a huge job promotion. The promotion will reflect a great deal of above-his-paygrade work he’s already been doing, but will also increases the work-demands & travel-demands as well. To present this idea (of more work, travel, and responsibilities) to my husband, the CEO recently invited him to various VIP meetings, dinners, at a resort-getaway where the VIPs of the company were meeting last week. He returned from the resort-meeting yesterday, and I feel something has changed in him. I feel his heart has been wined and dined and charmed away from the simplicity our home-life reflects as he enjoys the gourmet food, expensive wine, and lavishly-flattering praise of these wealthy VIPs in his company.

    On one hand, I am proud of him & pleased that this well-deserved promotion is coming. I know he CAN excel in all that’s being asked of him. But I also fear for our family & the simply lifestyle that we are currently enjoying. At our current income-level we have everything we need, enough to give to our church, and a bit leftover for comforts. But we do not have many of the things our culture considers “normal” (TV, iphone, expensive hobbies, fancy school for the kids – we homeschool them instead). Should he be promoted, we will have too much (in my view). And I hate to tell him I don’t value his ability to provide above-and-beyond for our family… but I really don’t desire to live “above-and-beyond” and at this point I am very close to suggesting we just give ALL of the money above his CURRENT salary straight to charity. We don’t NEED it. How do I honor my husband and his great God-given abilities + great ability at providing FAR beyond our needs… while indicating to him that I don’t want our simple home-life altered by the change?? I also wonder how I can help to keep his heart in the simple lifestyle we’ve established…

    Your Highness Anon,

    Oops! Are you sure you want to do what you want to do? To keep him from growing is to try to change him, is it not?

    He’s been rewarded and primed to grow professionally, which means personally, and which means his roles as husband, father, lover, and friend will be affected. He will be changing before your eyes. Your wifely job is to grow with but not faster than him, which means as you grow financially you retain but don’t overuse your frugality.

    I suggest you determine the values, standards, and expectations you must have that don’t interfere with his job, growth, or new income—such as continuing to home school. Then, set yourself in the mood for adjusting and continuing to provide the great family environment that you have been providing. Newfound harmony can be enjoyable to you too.

    Guy

    • anon

      I will do this. Once again, you point me in the direction to create harmony instead of discord in our marriage. It is not an overstatement to say you’ve saved our marriage in the past… and I believe that taking this route will keep it healthy again! I will prune *myself* (by letting myself be taken out of my “comfort zone” here) instead of asking him to prune our income. Men are never so handsome as when they prompt women to grow themselves, their marriage, and their family. 🙂

      • Anon, I have noticed that God often pairs very different people in a marriage. It sounds like you bring a lot of stability, peace and contentment to yours. Your husband may bring a lot more material blessings that you feel comfortable with but try to accept them as a gift from God through your husband to you! I always jokingly say that I could easily live as nun who has taken a vow of poverty because I am more comfortable with less and with a slower lifestyle. I am also an introvert and enjoy quiet.

        My husband is less “careful”, less detailed, more prone to spend (but also rejoice in the fun and the luxuries) so our eight children have grown up having much more fun than if it had been all my decision. They’ve also grown up in a Christian home. In hindsight, I think my husband’s lack of frugality and simplicity has made “Christian” a happier word. The Lord Himself, generously painted our world with beautiful colors and scents and experiences. We are not gnostics. We believe that the material world is one that is given to us by God. Your husband is enabling you to live better and to bless others. You can thank him and get behind him one hundred percent…and you can live guilt-free, knowing that your husband is a blessing from God to you.

        Jill Farris

        • anon

          Thank you so much for your wise insights! “Fun” is not really a word I would use to describe myself (I am more the serious-type), but my husband does have a fun-side and I appreciate your perspective to see this, and his financial increase, as a blessing! (The funny thing is that I almost DID become a nun.) Anyways, upon further reflection I think my primary concern is that the increase in job-title will mean my husband isn’t home much anymore, and thus far he has been an incredibly involved Dad. The crux of it is that his boss said he should get me a nanny because the family wouldn’t be seeing much of him anymore. So much more than anything financial, this is where my discomfort lies. I try very hard not to feel I am “competing” with his job… but several of the “higher ups” have said they lost their marriages to their jobs (those were their words, not mine) and if they had it to do all over again, they would not have it any other way (because they enjoy the money)! It is not a marriage/family-friendly culture. It scares me and feels ungodly.

          Your Highness Anon,

          You have every right to be concerned and uncomfortable with future prospects. I’m not sure how to improve your situation, but you can figure it out. In the meantime, I’ll give you some thoughts that may help.

          How did you find out that higher ups said they would do the same all over again? Don’t pay any attention unless they told that to your husband. And then, pay attention only to how it impacted him.

          The higher ups were motivated three ways to say such things. 1) To seal the present, they seek total commitment to the job from your husband; the technique signals their adolescent willingness to manipulate. 2) They turn the future into no concern for them. Just telling hubby such things, they can always presume he will put the job above family and so they expect him to always demo loyalty to the job first. Tasking hubby, they won’t have to think about how it will impact his family. They make that totally hubby’s concern. 3) The past justifies the present. It takes them off the hook for losing their marriages; they use money to justify lousy husbanding and so they save professional face by prioritizing family below their job. They imply that new-hire husband should honor their values and standards. It’s how they propagandize hubby’s promotion. 4) They reveal a measure of disrespect for their employees by suggesting their personal values be adopted over an employee’s sense of professional values.

          The question becomes this. How much did hubby buy-in before you and he talked about it? If he duplicates their thinking, your family will suffer just as you expect. If he avoids the adolescence of the higher ups and maintains his mature judgment and sense of family responsibility, you will have a much easier time of it.

          I suggest you and hubby take a weekend out-of-town to ponder your future. He needs to figure out your concerns indirectly without you being anything but cooperative. It will take a weekend. Date night won’t work; it’s not enough time to hint and ponder, consider and dream, renew devotion and retie the marital knot.

          Negotiate some measure of agreement before various unanticipated traumas hit the home life. And above all, remember this. If you expect to get what you want, you will fail. Not because you don’t deserve it, but because you can’t successfully get a man to adopt a woman’s lifestyle. You’re the relationship expert, so negotiate to get the best you can get while keeping his willingness intact. When you return home, rework your nest into a better castle for him and you may forestall losing him to total job-dedication.

          Also, you may be surprised that his character is such that greater job responsibility will be easy for him to merge with his family responsibility. After all, you chose a man capable of becoming Mr. Right, and he may well already be on the road to it. So, don’t be too quick to think that he hasn’t already considered how he will handle what’s forthcoming in job and family.

          Guy

          • anon

            So much gratefulness!

            In answer to your first question ~ my husband’s boss did *personally* tell him that he lost his marriage due to how hard he worked for the company and that he had no regrets (his words) about it + another higher up complimented the CEO on “sacrificing even his marriage for the company” and the praise was well-received.

            My husband’s response was to go out of his way to make small-talk with the CEO about our family (including young kids) so the CEO knows he values family + kids. Subsequent to this, I know he’s lost sleep over it, though.

            Unfortunately, I have missed my chance re: the weekend away. We talked late into the night last night. He volunteered (his idea) that he plans to offer to come in earlier (he already gets in 2 hours earlier than everyone else, but he would do earlier still) & do any type of work they are looking for… provided he can be home for family dinner & weekends for family time + church. Anyways, all this was his idea, but I did express my appreciation of it.

            So that is where things currently stand. Maybe it was all talked-through too fast, but I will add that I did not bring up the topic. He could tell I have been distracted and not feeling myself & I said I had things on my mind, but he had to draw it out of me. So maybe that’s a bonus? He’s had to do the “work” in getting the conversation going & coming up with the solutions. I don’t *think* I proposed anything myself… but I will take more care in the future to make SURE that is the case, so its all “his idea.”

            As ALWAYS… thanks for your wise guidance, Sir Guy!! Men are never so handsome as when they assist ladies in maintaining their families against a culture that does not respect home and hearth!

            Your Highness Anon,

            Congratulations. You worked it perfectly. Of course, your expertise first showed itself way back when you screened and picked him as your mate. You are much better than you worry and deserve to be immensely grateful for yourself. I love it when pretty women figure things out for themselves and make it pay off with such a successful relationship.

            Yes, you deserve a bonus that he dragged it out of you.

            Guy

  3. BlueButterfly

    Sir Guy,
    I have been through the archives of your posts looking for an answer, or some clarity, with regard to a situation I (a 19 year old student) find myself in: I recently reconnected with a young man who I met once several years ago, We only used to text, but now we talk for hours (3 or 4) on the phone 2 or 3 nights a week. My intent in reaching out to him again was to invite him to a bible study I attend, and when it did not work out for him to come when I first asked him I focused on being a friend. We mostly talk about deep issues – morality with regards to Christianity, the Bible, etc.. And all the time I have been careful to listen more than I speak and preciously guard information about my personal life. As our relationship has progressed, I realized I really liked many things about him: his sense of humor, honesty, respect of my views, and his genuine curiosity about what I believe (he has never met anyone like me, as he has lived on the ‘other side of the tracks’ his whole life and mostly had to carve out the views he has through his own volition. No great influences or role models there.). He believes in God and has faith in him, but that is all. He knows there is something very different about me and has told me he admires me and wants to understand more about how I think and how I formed my views (Christian). He is a good person and I greatly enjoy our relationship, but at this point in time, his life is far from lining up with how I live mine and my standards for a boyfriend.

    All this said, I had a conversation with him in which I unmistakably detected that he had stronger feelings for me than friendship. After we talked I called him back and said that I greatly valued our friendship but that anything more was something I could not give. I said that because I respected him I wanted to always be honest with him. At first he said he never thought he could be more than a friend to me, then later he said he was smart enough to know that something more than our friendship was not possible. But there was a monotone resignation in his voice. I think he responded how he did because he knows at this time he does not line up with my standards.

    Here is my question: did I make the right decision in putting the notion of something more than friendship at a distance? Was this done in the right way? Did I completely discourage him? That was NOT my intention. If I was originally inspiring him to think, and perhaps eventually live, differently did I put a damper on any further influence by addressing the specifics of our relationship? I just did not want him to be hurt further down the road by not addressing this sooner.
    Your wisdom has helped me over and over again in multiple areas of my life, thank you for reading.

    Your Highness BlueButterfly,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    For a 19-year old student, you show significant maturity. You write well too. Praise yourself for looking up to your ‘guiding stars’ of Christianity.

    Yes, you made the right decision. If something other than friendship is ever to develop, much more time is required for success.

    Is he completely discouraged? Perhaps. If he is, his turn away from you means that it wasn’t you and your teachings that he was really pursuing. Or, at least you are not worth his effort, which is the opposite of devotion. Much more about his character will also be obvious.

    If not discouraged, he shows potential for having the character to become a man of whom you can have hope for more than friendship, should you ever be interested.

    So, either way you win. If he leaves, he isn’t worthy of you. If he doesn’t, he may learn to grow his interest into devotion of you, which is what you need to see before you upgrade your interest beyond friendship.

    Guy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s