2017. Female Blessings at Birth — 25-27

It’s the ninth group and I’m grateful for your responses.

I continue taking the (currently 86) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination. (Bear with me and some confusions I may create for awhile. I’m in the process of renaming Default Attitudes as Female Blessings from Birth.)

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or it’s something you learned during life, and so you have no reference point.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me.

25. I grieve at the loss of a loved one with this firm conviction lodged in my heart. They would not have wanted me to have a single bad day of life if they thought their departure was the cause. [Guy adds: Recovery from grief arises out of setting new targets in life and forming new habits to hit those targets. You need to do it two ways: 1) Impose new actions on old behaviors such that you develop new habits—e.g., dress neater than you did before, eat less than previously, or fast one day a week in memory, and do it all as tribute. 2) Persuade yourself that your loved one would not disagree with your new habits and might even be pleased with your initiative to honor them. IOW, work off your grief by making yourself feel better about yourself for doing right things made right by you deciding the departed would be pleased with your tribute.]
26. I intuitively sense that ‘commitment’ is of the mind and mouth and not of the heart. I’ve confirmed in life that people—especially men—don’t truly obligate themselves with words as well as they do with deeds. [Guy explains: Actions that symbolize devotion program the human heart with devotion; words about devotion program the heart for sincerity at best but can disguise insincerity at worst. A person’s attitude reveals what likely resides in their heart but only their actions reflect it more accurately than words. Hidden agendas are much harder to disguise with actions than with words. Consequently, the best way to take the measure of a person is to judge from their attitude and character as made obvious by or easily presumed from their actions.]
27. I don’t really expect to get all the affection I crave, but better too little than too much. (My man may be short of providing all the affection I would like, but he provides enough and I’m glad our roles aren’t reversed such that I would be the one accused of giving too little.) [Guy adds: Too much affection shown by a man generates disrespect within the woman; he appears weak and therefore not good enough. Too much affection shown by a woman causes loss of respect by the man; she appears desperate and therefore weak or vice versa.]

Example for your response: “26-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.



Filed under feminine

4 responses to “2017. Female Blessings at Birth — 25-27

  1. surfercajun

    25- T …this really hits home today… it made me reflect on my father and seeing my mother in so much pain…and yet I could do nothing to take her pain away. But in his passing it caused me to not take myself so seriously and to think more like he did before speaking… I fail at times, many times, but pieces of him reside in me… below is a a tribute to parents. I do not receive any compensation for posting this link.

    26- T

    27- T (in some ways for me) not always affection but confirmation in words go and long, long way.

    Your Highness Surfercajun,
    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.

  2. MLaRowe

    25: “I grieve at the loss of a loved one with this firm conviction lodged in my heart. They would not have wanted me to have a single bad day of life if they thought their departure was the cause.”

    It’s okay to have a bad day. Okay to be sad, to say I miss them and to just be with it, feeling that way.

    Okay to answer if I asked you, “How are you doing today” with an honest, “I’m sad today”.

    All right really to forget what is great and beautiful (like fresh peaches or a beautiful sunset) because sometimes the sadness itself is so overwhelming and what good are those things without the one who is being missed to share it with? ,

    Of course the loved one would never have wanted a single bad day but the reality is we all have bad days and there really isn’t a whole lot to be done about it. I think we need to feel the pain before we can move on.

    “Recovery from grief arises out of setting new targets in life and forming new habits to hit those targets”. Agree, but perhaps moving on is more likely once one has suffered through a significant number of sad moments first.

    26. True.
    27. Generally true but recently there has been a shift in what I have received in this regard and it has been for the best. It makes me wonder if my husband is making his way into the land of Mr. Right instead of Mr. Good Enough.

    Your Highness MLaRowe,

    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.

    Re 25: Yes. It’s normal to be sad or have bad days and it happens routinely in grief. However, it’s part of the female nature to NOT think that the departed wanted it to happen that way or that the departed should be blamed in the mind of the griever. If you agree to that, then True seems the best response. Agree? Or have I misinterpreted you? Another option might be to figure out and rewrite better and clearer phrasing for DA-25.

    Re 27: Or is your way of interacting bringing out the better side of him? More affection appreciated by the wife is one of the ‘conversions’ that morph Mr. Good Enough into Mr. Right after a couple of decades of marriage to a good—and for him—right woman.


    • MLaRowe

      On 25 maybe I’m confused. I agree that if someone loves you they don’t ever want you to experience pain and certainly not because of them. But since pain is part of living and to be fully alive we have to sometimes have darker days I guess my wish for the ones I love is that they are to live fully and that includes the bad days too. The hope being that in the end the good far outweighs the bad.

      It seems to me that often people want to skip ahead in grief, not do the actual tears and sadness work.

      But then again I think women can generally tend to be more okay with sad feelings. Perhaps because we (as a gender on the whole) are more used to feeling powerless and part of grief is powerlessness.

      This really isn’t my area, it’s my mom’s specialty. She is the one who studied this, worked with hospice, in nursing homes etc. Hopefully I’ve picked up a few things from her. We talk about this fairly often. I’ve told her to write a book but she’s too busy helping people in other ways to do that right now. You would like her I think, I should show her this blog.

      On 27 I’m in such a happy place with my husband these days. I am seeing his actions as devoted. I’m trying to be more indirect (although we still have the occasional flare-up they are short-lived).

      I now mention every so often that he is head of the household (I swear there was a sigh of relief when he first heard that).

      Some of this better place has to do with my weight loss. It’s rather novel. I protect my pretty time which for me includes time to work out. He supports this.

      You were also right about this: he is letting me spend money (but I’m not breaking the bank) to look attractive because he likes it also. Which then makes me so grateful to be with someone so caring and generous (I was raised without all that much so I have always been grateful in this regard).

      So was it me who changed first, I don’t exactly know but the results are just fine and I think you were a big help in getting to this place. So thank you.

      Your Highness MLaRowe,
      No, you’re not confused. All is well.

  3. Dove

    26 T
    27 T

    Your Highness Dove,
    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.

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