2019. Female Blessings at Birth — 28-30


It’s the tenth group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the (currently 86) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination. (Bear with me awhile. I’m in the process of renaming Default Attitudes as Female Blessings from Birth.)

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it.

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me.

28. It comes so easy. I benefit from appreciating my man’s handiness, which also pleases him. [Guy adds: Male handiness is the birthright equivalent of female prettiness. Confirming each other in those domains is a mainstay of compatibility.]
29. I have my personality and roles wrapped up in the urge to be important to me and others. My self-respect and free will enable me to make the best choices to maximize benefits to all concerned. [Guy adds: Making herself important is a woman’s prime motivator in life. If she feels unimportant to her man, she tries harder. To the contrary, men tend to lose interest when they feel or are treated unimportantly by their woman.]
30. Even though it may be less than enjoyable for me, I enjoy praising husband’s sexual performance and ignoring whatever shortcomings I may detect. I like to fill the most vital role in his admiration of himself ‘in action’. It’s so essential to his sense of significance as compatible mate that I am unable to let my attitude or even discomfort be construed as disdain, that he lacks finesse, or that he doesn’t satisfy me. [Guy adds: Women learn from the opinion of others. Modern women tend to criticize first and deny that they can or even want to accept their man’s horizontal inadequacies. Since he can’t or doesn’t read her reactions and cater to her desires, he’s just not worth it. Yet, it seems that other parts of the female nature inherited at birth lead her to be tolerant, patient, and have hope of smoothing out his techniques and problems. Traits such as these. She’s eager to please. She seeks to be important to others. She appreciates her man’s undivided attention. She naturally bonds through intercourse, can swallow pride to please her man, uses patience and indirectness to influence her man, can accept being taken for granted, can accept being demeaned if her hopes and future aren’t threatened. Now, I’m not claiming that women should behave so favorably for him but at their expense. I’m claiming and ask you to tell me if I’m wrong; deep in a woman’s heart she knows that she should accommodate his sexual shortcomings more with hope and forgiveness than with criticism, corrections, or put downs. After all, sexual relations may seem to be the most obvious to him, but sex isn’t the primary ingredient of compatibility. IOW she quite naturally starts out wanting to please him in bed, even though later she may require something more favorable for her. Oh, and another thing. By praising at least some aspect of his performance in bed, it encourages him to perform even better, which brings about change however minor. With her care, patience, tenderheartedness, and understanding, she can coach in such a fashion as to ultimately bring changes that carry satisfying experiences for her. The self-fulfilling prophecy works when done well, but it takes time, patience, understanding, and indirectness—those things at which women as relationship experts excel quite naturally.]

Example for your response: “30-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

7 Comments

Filed under feminine

7 responses to “2019. Female Blessings at Birth — 28-30

  1. Shanna

    28-T
    29-T
    30-T This is such a complex thing…the battle between what’s inherent and the teachings from modern society. But overall I’d give it a “true”. I think most women, especially women who are in love will be patient with horizontal inadequacies. Can you please explain what you mean by the following: “can accept being demeaned if her hopes and future aren’t threatened”. Thanks.

    Your Highness Shanna,

    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.

    Think of the difference between the male and female ego. To men, being demeaned is to provoke a fight, mentally or physically. It’s a cardinal sticking point in his psyche. To women, however, so many other things have greater importance than her ego. Among them are fear of abandonment, drive to nurture rather than fight, want of a man or someone to help provide and protect, natural focus on the future that makes the present less important, depression that follows loss of hope, ability as relationship expert to recover from relationship threats, and the female’s superior ability to adjust and survive. All of that added together induces women to rank being demeaned much lower than men prioritize their reactions.

    Guy

  2. MLaRowe

    28- True. This reminds me of how, it was only after I had been married to my husband for awhile that I realized he could fix quite a few things about a car by himself. It goes beyond grateful. I’m in awe of this ability.
    29- True
    30- True I especially like the point where you say to find at least something to be positive about and that can lead to more positives. I get more grilled out food (which I enjoy) because I always rave about what a great man on the grill my husband is (which is very true). This leads to him constantly improving on what he already does well.

    Your Highness MLaRowe,
    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.
    Guy

  3. surfercajun

    28-T

    29- (in my situation) f. my husband’s family tends to treat you bad when you treat them well, they treat you well when you treat them bad….it is a rather strange family. Sadly, when I treat my husband bad, he treats me better. :o( …I don’t like it! I WANT to be good to him, for him, please him, make him happy! …smile and be joyful as well as grateful!

    30.- T In the past I have *thanked* him for a good time or I had fun with a smile on my face. . (NOT when acts or expresses a sexually deviant 13 year old mind towards me!) I do believe however it is the upbringing that has caused this as all the brothers seem to act in the fashion. Sadly, the cause and affect has had terrible consistences on the family unit themselves. 2 of the 4 brothers are currently divorced. In truth, not to sound like Darth Vader, but I find their lack of faith, disturbing.

    Your Highness Surfercajun,
    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.
    Guy

  4. KitKat

    Pretending to be pleased with something that is unpleasant or demeaning or even painful to cater to someone else’s ego — uh — I think I’ll pass on that one. Not saying being harsh and cruel is the answer, but I’m not going to sacrifice my own self on the alter of a man’s ego. Or is the male ego so fragile they can’t take a little constructive instruction. Or is it all just about him? Obviously, this site thinks so.

    Your Highness KitKat,
    Sorry, but you misunderstand the post as you did last year at post 1919. A closer reading may put you in tune with the theme.
    Guy

    • My Husband's Wife

      Dear KitKat,

      One thing about this blog is that is that it deals with the average, normal issues between husband’s/wives and possible solutions to marital discord today using our natural feminine instincts. When a wife’s situation becomes “demeaning or painful” as you describe or abusive in general, I believe those issues are not handled by this blog and require other recommendations than what’s given here.

      But, in the average situation — if a wife simply doesn’t enjoy her husband’s moves in bed or it doesn’t quite satisfy her, the best approach is to acknowledge and communicate the things she DOES like or reinforce any positives or “suggest” that “you’d be good at doing XYZ…” and gradually work with him to be able to please her more. Think about it: what motivates people in general? Ripping on them telling them they’re no good? Or encouraging what they can do or what you’d like them to do?

      A woman that simply shuts down and rejects or criticizes her husband or tells him she doesn’t like XYZ…is just letting more air out of a balloon, it will discourage him and cause more division between them. He’ll either feel bad about himself because he’s so bummed he can’t please her or get upset at the insult and not want to try anymore.

      Think of it this way, what would motivate YOU to please your husband if he wants you to do something different: “Honey, I hate it when you have your hair in a bun.” or “Honey, I think you look so pretty with your hair down.” Which way will more likely motivate you to please him? Same with how he is motivated to please you.

      And so if he never quite “gets” it? You married him for some many good qualities. Why not focus on those a bit more instead…

      To me, it’s about being respectful towards one another and patience in general.

      Of course, this way doesn’t produce immediate results. That’s why marriage is for a lifetime…you “learn” to love each other over time.

      Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
      Clearly phrased and nicely done. Thank you.
      Guy

  5. KitKat

    I think this is a case of I’m never going to agree with this blog and not that I do not understand what the blog is saying. Actually, I believe I am quite capable of reading comprehension. I’m pretty sure I “get” what is being said. So I will just respectfully agree to disagree and acknowlege there’s probably not anything of any value that I can contribute or learn here and wish those that do benefit from such misogynistic reading material well.

    Your Highness KitKat,
    Yes, ma’am,
    Guy

  6. 28. True
    29. True.
    30. True. My desire for him to feel good — thus making me feel important, loved, appreciated, desired — is stronger than my sexual desire. I can forgo some enjoyment for all the heavy love, attention, appreciation that I receive.

    Your Highness Amyr002,
    I love it when pretty women respond with opinions as I request.
    Guy

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