2026. Likeability — Part II

Better than love, I like another term that makes both sexes more comfortable in marital problem solving—likeability. Keeping a constant but mostly silent watch on mutual likeability enables women to more easily detect and retune disharmony before major problems erupt. And so, I aim this short series at relationship experts who hope to improve their techniques.

As the gauge of marital compatibility, women usually use ‘love’ with all its variances and connections. They start thinking he doesn’t love me anymore or similar thoughts with accusations often included. It focuses her thinking on blaming him without provoking any self-talk about her involvement, as if she’s either innocent or free of blame. It’s a natural response; she never intended to do anything that would cause his unlikeable behavior, disruptive attitude, lessened interest, or weaker love. However, blame immediately diverts both their attentions away from minor and toward bigger and more blame-worthy issues and accusations.

Each spouse’s likeability determines the extent to which the other wants to be in their presence, enjoy their company, live together permanently. It’s the magnet of friendliness, kindness, and companionship. The enjoyment of just being around the other. Wives have to sacrifice much of it after marriage. Natural motivational forces energize husbands to forego much of the intimate togetherness that wives wish or crave.

Her likeability is built on the foundation of who she was when he waited at the altar. Courtship taught him the meaning of her presence in his life. As she grows (or wilts) out of that persona, her likeability declines. His respect and love of her may go up, but it does not follow that her likeability will also. Respect and love have different roots; her likeability is rooted in their courtship and the promise he perceived in her as his supporter and junior partner for his workaday life.

Her man’s likeability is rooted in her dreams of how she will shape their married life. Her dreams, however, don’t include a full understanding of his nature. His marital responsibility, job obligation, ambition, and primal urge to accomplish things push him to yield the enjoyment of her presence in favor of his many missions in life. When he falls from grace as part of her dreams, his likeability declines.

I propose a new set of thoughts to overcome her natural but unproductive response dealing with it as a love issue. Constantly but quietly weigh their relationship in terms of self, matching, and mutual likeability. Keep tabs on it for him, her, and us. Don’t constantly focus on the big things for which she naturally worries such as love, finances, or sex. Become more aware of the little things that rattle their cage of reciprocal likeability.

For example, she’s teed off at his laziness because her honey-do list grows longer. How does her reaction to that conclusion make her appear likeable or unlikeable to him? Would she have reacted that way during courtship? She can read his reaction to however she expresses her dissatisfaction. In his view, do her words and attitude make her more or less likeable? Given her mood, does he enjoy her presence?

I believe that signs of one liking the other are better indicators both of love and of disturbances in their relationship. Discrepancies are easier to see, harder to defend, and less accusatory when kept at a simpler level than the complexities of understanding mutual love. Moreover, it encourages relationship experts to take advantage of this fundamental principle of life: One is never wrong who takes the blame so that others avoid it.

For example: She turns careless and sloppy about her appearance soon after marriage. Or, her cooking turns from prepared at home to carry-out. Or, she insults him in front of others. Or she fails on her promises. He expects her not to change from whom he married but she does, so he’s not at fault. He takes offense—silently. He has no relationship management skills. Unsure of what to do, he weighs the expected consequences and finds her less likeable. However, she reads the silence in him and is enabled to inquire as if she is to blame, which is the tactic that causes him to open up. She can open discussion by asking questions that harbor no blame. Presuming to take the blame for whatever has happened, she learns what’s bothering him. Out of that, she can figure out what she wants to do about it.

For example: He starts working longer hours when it appears unnecessary from her view. Or, he flirts with other women in front of her. Or, he quit taking care of and keeping her car washed. Before she accuses him of something concocted in her imagination—he doesn’t love her anymore or he’s having an affair—she presumes that she’s less likeable for some reason. And so she inquires. Honey, have I been pleasing you enough lately? Are you displeased with me? Do I provide what you need when you need it? How can I do more for you? Fix meals more closely aligned with your schedule? Greet you after work in my nightie? Fix your breakfast before I go to church? Keep the kids quieter while you study? Let you sleep longer on the weekends? Take aspirin before bedtime?

When romantic or enduring love starts to fade in the eyes of either spouse, suspicions arise, faultfinding emerges, and mutual appreciation becomes un-mutual. Potholes appear in his road to marital satisfaction. Her road to happiness narrows, needs repairs, and the detours re-route her. On the other hand, likeability is far less volatile as subject of discussion and therefore less disruptive and more easily addressed without blame attached.

Battling over whether one’s love is sufficient for the other induces just blame and excuses. Operating as if likeability is the primary glue reduces problems instead of growing them. Small problems are more easily resolved peaceably. Relationship harmony is more easily maintained.


NOTE: Ladies, this is a new subject that I have been working on for some time. I’m confident about the concept and process but less so about the clarity and completeness of the series. You can help me present more or a better view by questioning/challenging specific points to which I can rebut and elaborate. IOW do what you do best and works best for me. Thanks for the help or even thoughtful consideration. Guy



Filed under Dear daughter

29 responses to “2026. Likeability — Part II

  1. surfercajun

    excellent subject matter. …I know this is mostly about women, but what about men being emotional manipulators? Was thinking on it this morning. Would you say they learned that from their mothers, and sisters? Past girlfriends, first lovers, fathers or their friends?

    Your Highness Surfercajun,

    Emotional manipulation is not natural to males. Testosterone makes them more direct. It’s behavior easily learned in childhood from examples set by any of those people you cite.

    However, you were reminded by my article? Does that mean you relate likeability as I describe it to emotional manipulation? I hope not. The difference is vast. You need not respond unless you find them to be the same.


    • boomer babe

      I actually think, its from too many women trying to raise male children BY THEMSELVES, and the radical feminists having ‘power’ to make real men look weak.
      i tend to not watch much TV because of the commercials that shows men being DUMB =along with dramas that show men and women looking the same and wearing BLACK all the time, except when the women wear skimpy clothing..sigh

    • surfercajun

      Dear Guy,

      No sir. I humbly apologize if it sounds that way. The thought occurred long before the article. I do not relate likeability to emotional manipulation. Was only thinking out loud and desperately wanted a clear answer. Thank you for taking the time and answering.

      Your Highness Surfercajun,
      You’re welcome, darling. You’re a most welcome and enjoyable correspondent.

  2. Shanna

    Mr. Guy,
    This is good, as it focuses more on practical matters rather than the romanticized notion of love that we’re used to. Seems that if you like someone, it’s easier to love them.
    All these matters about the nature of men and women…it’s a wonder anyone gets married at all!!!

    Your Highness Shanna,
    I know you’re just reflecting about “it’s a wonder anyone gets married at all!” But it gives me opportunity to make a few contradictory points. See tomorrow’s article #2027 for a very different view.

  3. Anne

    This article is a breath of fresh air! How MUCH less emotionally-charged marital stress becomes when its seen through the lens of simple “likeableness” needing to be touched up in ones’ self! Beyond trying to “return to who/how one was during courtships,” do you have more-specific recommendations for a likeability tune-up? Are there, for example, habits of likeableness that give a great deal of “bang for your buck”? Or perhaps these depend on each person and what they consider “likeable” behavior. But I’m guessing there are some universals (that go beyond the oft-sited “squeezing the toothpaste from the middle” example or not putting in a new roll of toilet paper, etc.)

    Again, thank you for starting this topic!

    Your Highness Anne,

    Good questions. I wasn’t clear enough.

    A universal list doesn’t apply. You’re as likeable or unlikeable as your husband thinks. He’s as likeable or unlikeable as you think. You can’t fix his opinions of you nor he fix yours of him. Each of you can only rethink your own thoughts, words, and behaviors and amend them to more closely please the other. That’s what makes each more likeable. But you read his silence and responses much better than he reads yours. So, verbalization has to be done carefully, mostly under your initiative and without blame except what you absorb out of your kindhearted nature.

    Let me address “’squeezing the toothpaste from the middle’ example or not putting in a new roll of toilet paper, etc.)” I do not alibi for men but…. As soon as a woman finds fault with her man for those offenses to her nesting sensibility, she puts on her nagging apron, which automatically makes her unlikeable. Forgiveness is a much better offensive move and letting him know pleasantly that his woman has a forgiving heart carries much more weight with him such that he more likely makes himself more likeable to her. It’s a one-two punch; she forgives him in such a way that it please him, and he tries a little harder to please her. (It’s never that cause-and-effect quick nor should you want it that way. It’s more of a I’ll-think-on-that-awhile quick.) Likability doesn’t spring from the changes made but from the pleasantness of influence that works indirectly and generates mutual likeability.


  4. Cinnamon

    Wives have to sacrifice much of it after marriage. Natural motivational forces energize husbands to forego much of the physical togetherness that wives wish or crave.

    Sir Guy,

    Would you elaborate on this? It seems to imply that after marriage husband will want more “alone time” than the wife. Is this correct and if so, why is this the case?

    Your Highness Cinnamon,

    No, not “alone time.” Less touching, holding, and cuddling time.

    I caused your confusion. I will change “physical” to “intimate”.


    I am so grateful you have started this series.

    • yellowblue

      sometimes i think my husband and i were better off when we were not married but we lived like we were,it seemed easier and he was much more respectful and loving.we were together 19 years before we got married we have 2 kids who are young adults and we been married 4 years.this comming january we will be together 24 years total.
      i wish i knew all this stuff back in my younger years

  5. Thank you for this information.

  6. Sir Guy,
    did anyone ever tell you that men are never more handsome than when they cite specific examples to ease a lady’s understanding?

    Your Highness Anonymous,
    Yes, and I love it when pretty women exploit their natural spirit of encouragement.

  7. Eleni

    I think the likeability topic (in terms of relationships) will have a strong connection with the personal development (individuals) topics. A woman’s self-importance and a man’s self-admiration will be significant for their own wellbeing as individuals. And yet these individual developments will also feed into the strength of their relationship – if she feels important she is a lot more likely to act in a manner that will benefit him, and vice versa (in terms of his significance).

    I perceive likeability as getting the balance right between being affirmed for your duties outside the relationship and affirmed for your role within the relationship…..being complimented by others for being a good wife and being supported by the husband for being a good wife……..but not taking it to the extent that the wife doesn’t see the husband’s support as being as good as others’ compliments, or overtly demanding high levels of recognition from the husband. But if the wife likes herself, she will not second-guess husband, or require him to constantly validate her!

    I am not sure that I am explaining this as well as I could – I guess you could leave it at the point that likeability-of-self seems like it could strongly impact on how well we interact with our intimate partners, which in turn affects how likeable we are to that partner.

    As an aside, I’d love to see future posts about the topic of male hardtoget, and how women should respond to this. I have read the articles about responding to vulgarity, which make sense in the context of a man being presumptive. But how should a women deal with a man playing hardtoget? You cannot slap him for being vulgar, you want to save your feminine charm for more worthwhile men, and you see it as cruel to contrive to embarrass him and undermine his masculine significance further (presuming that male hardtoget stems from his concerns over his own significance in the first place). This issue confuses me – how do we deal with these modern “betas” when we women are instinctively suited to deal with alphas? The male playing hardtoget seems like the most challenging thing for the hard-headed and soft-hearted female nature? I feel like current feminist dogma supports men using female strategies like hardtoget – and essentially men becoming more like women – so ‘women never hear’ appropriate ways to deal with this kind of man. We’re meant to be grateful to be around such a ‘sensitive guy’, but don’t seem to have any understanding of his nature!

    Your Highness Eleni,

    Yours is a clear and accurate comment. Organizing my response will take time so expect an answer by Wednesday am.

    In the meantime, study articles 82, 369, and 379 with “Vague and Unavailable” as title.


    P.S. I responded nearby to my first paragraph.

    • Cinnamon

      Like Eleni, I am also interested in the topic of Mr Hardtoget (“Vague and unavailable”) as I would like to be able to advise other women on it, but I don’t feel I understand it enough to comment on it. I have come across the concept a few times in the blog but from what I remember, Sir Guy hasn’t covered it that extensively.

      Sir Guy, here is an article that you might use as a starting point:


      I can vouch for the fact that most women have absolutely no idea WHY men do these things. As a long-term student of WWNH, although I know enough to put men who act like this back in the parade, I still don’t understand what drives the behaviour (although I will go back and reread those articles now).

      Your Highness Cinnamon,
      I responded nearby.

      • My Husband's Wife

        Interesting article, Cinnamon. I wonder if it has anything to do with how these boys have been brought up by their parents (especially moms)? I bring this up because lately I’ve heard at least 5 moms talk about non-motivated young adult sons. I believe this symptom shows up not only in their work ethic, but also in the lack of initiative they put into romantic relationships. I think these are men who had it pretty easy at home or were bossed by mom. I think of “failure to launch.”

        One quote from the article that struck me as interesting, “…see firsthand the giant Grand Canyon-sized gap between what expectations women have and what expectations men are willing to meet.” Could that be a clue as to heart of the issue in getting the problem solved?

        It seems there are two extreme categories of men available for women to choose from: the overly passive or the overly aggressive (I’m not meaning abusive men, just those who aren’t “female-friendly”), with few that fit into the middle category. So the question goes back to, “What’s a woman to do? I think those of us on this site know the answer 🙂

      • A.GuyMaligned

        Your Highness Cinnamon,

        Speaking about men playing hardtoget in response to Eleni, you spotlight another website with this: Sir Guy, here is an article that you might use as a starting point: http://www.tressugar.com/Annoying-Things-About-Dating-Women-34293834.

        Actually, I find that article typical of women talking to women about something they seem to know nothing about, that is, the nature of men. Sorry for the bluntness, ladies, but you ‘gotta know the territory’ if you hope to make yourself sellable in the relationship marketplace.

        The author titles three complaints to which I add more likely masculine views.

        No follow-through. She is sufficiently unlikeable that she’s not worthy of the time required for follow through. Too many other opportunities abound. Or, she doesn’t respond favorably to his hardtoget technique and so she’s not worth his effort. She’s too risky (she doesn’t know how to play his ego against him).

        Infrequent Communication. Again, unlikeable plays a major part. She lacks enough pleasures of companionship and it makes her uncompetitive with her sister females. Or, his techniques are not working as well as he would like. Or, her techniques are a mismatch for his and he’s still trying to find the easy path to conquest.

        Banishing Himself to the Island of Misfit Boys. She yielded sex. Conquest releases a man to move on. If he has no other vested interest in her, he’s out of there. Opportunities abound.

        In conclusion, the author writes on the wrong subject for women to understand the relationship marketplace. She should author, 3 Things About the Modern Dating Game That Drive Single Men Crazy, perhaps with subjects like these.

        • Even single men refuse to live up to what women expect men to be or become.

        • Why do men hide that they search for a virtuous woman to marry?

        • What female qualities do men find virtuous?

        • Why do men react honorably to women playing hardtoget?

        My articles “Hook Up but No Call” may help understand the single woman’s dilemma.


        • Krysie869

          I notice with both men and women, if someone is deemed “unlikeable” it is because they have often assumed or underestimated something about the other person and without any intention of wanting to know that person any better. And oftentimes, even if the person does something that garners respect, it is not enough to change their minds entirely about that individual.

          Your Highness Krysie869,
          Very observant. The key word is respect. The lack of unconditional respect for humans beings leads to easy disrespect for individuals, out of which negative rather than positive biases more easily form.

        • Cinnamon

          Actually, I find that article typical of women talking to women about something they seem to know nothing about, that is, the nature of men.

          Sir Guy,

          I knew that article was hogwash, for, as a long-term student of WWNH I am well-aware that most women give terrible advice to other women about men. I was hoping, however, that you would CORRECT the wrong information in the article and explain these behaviours from the male perspective, which is exactly what you did. Thank you 🙂

    • Eleni

      Thanks to you both. Do not feel rushed to reply, it was just a thought I had after reading back into the WWNH archives!

    • A.GuyMaligned

      Your Highness Eleni,

      I’m back with an answer to men playing hardtoget.

      Men play it as acting vague and unavailable because it works. Women are so intent on having a boyfriend that they chase the guys, which makes bedtime possible with little investment of his time, money, and effort. Vague and unavailable is INDIRECTNESS exploited by men to both facilitate conquest and dominate whatever relationship ensues; they want and let women do all the relationship development work. Men perceive opportunity to be lazy and therefore less risky venturing into her nest of dreams.

      How do you handle a man playing hardtoget? You ignore him more and faster than he can possibly ignore you. You take control with polite passiveness until it grates on his nerves that his approach is NOT GOING TO WORK. Regardless of what he does, which means a lot of nothing except gentle put downs of you (inflicting guilt), outdo him at the same game. Make nothing easy for him, even smiles. Harden the shell you normally keep yourself in. With actions and not words, he has to make himself worthy of you. Any help you give him works against you. You’re the teacher who has to convince him that he’s more disposable than important, weak than strong, unappealing than admirable.

      If he gives up, you’ve won; he was only after sex to begin with.

      If he begins to rethink his approach with actions to pursue you sincerely and with willingness to invest himself through initiatives, then you may start paying the slightest bit of attention to him. He will do so cautiously at first for fear of losing you before he even gets started. So don’t be anxious to help him escape his discomfort; give him the freedom to fail so that he will try something more appealing to you. Moreover, success when he overcomes your resistance means much more if he’s done it by himself, without your help.

      Don’t get sympathetic or even empathetic to his situation. Let him dangle in misery at not being able to capture your heart with his newfound and expected-to-be-easy effort. Let time and his greater effort to please you resolve his discomfort.

      We all keep doing what we’re comfortable doing; only discomfort makes us change or even want to. That’s why you should call all his bluffs. For example, you be prepared and if he threatens not to see you again, say goodbye before he finishes. Keep him uncomfortable or he reverts to hardtoget for everything that he wants out of you.

      Unless he makes himself worthy of you to even carry on a decent conversation that leads to proposal to get together or date, you will never earn enough of his attention for it to grow into respect and ultimately love, devotion, and promise that you’d make him a good mate.

      I suggest you also study the article 1985, How Men Decide to Marry. It’s more what the woman doesn’t do that sets the hook.


      • Nice response! But what do you suggest if guys claim you are too quiet but in reality you are trying to get them to work for you? In other words, you acknowledge their existence by saying “Hello” but nothing else?

        Your Highness Krysie869,
        Smile and wait for actions that please you rather than words. Offer smiles but let your lack of conviction about his effort, character, and intention show up as unwillingness for you to be very interested in him. If he’s unwilling to work to HOLD your attention, he’s not after you for yourself.

        • Anne

          Krysie, can you arrange for this guy to see you around others who DO have your interest? For example, can he see you after church engaged in a conversation about the sermon, or something like that? I bring it up because it seems to me like this man might not realize you CAN be a not-quiet person… so maybe he just needs to SEE you talking enthusiastically about something that is big/deep and meaningful to you (something bigger than you, him, or “us” that embodies principles that motivate you). Then maybe he will think, “Wow, she CAN be enthusiastic and talkative, but its about deep and meaningful things! How do I unlock that quality?!” I don’t know. Sir Guy, please correct if this is misguided. I just sympathize with the issue of being indirect and therefore having your personality judged as “quiet” when in reality you are NOT a quiet person. I am very passionate and love conversing, but I still think my husband does not realize that to the fullest extent because I don’t lead with my mouth around him – he is introverted but I wait until he takes the lead, even though I’m more of an extrovert. I wait for him to “pull it out of me” even though my knee-jerk reaction is actually to NOT wait but start talking right away! Anyways, just some thoughts on the topic. I’d love Sir Guy’s feedback if its off-base. I have become SO leary of giving relationship advice since finding this blog! When my girlfriends come to me with their issues, I always just direct them here. 🙂

          Your Highness Anne,
          You’re not off-base at all. It’s good advice. Krysie, don’t be fearful of trying new ideas. You have to figure out by yourself what works best for you.

      • Eleni

        Thank you so much Guy! I know you do so much with this blog, but I am not sure you are able to see how sincerely helpful it is for people of my age to have access to such life wisdom from someone who will eloquently discuss it!

        I think my only query with your comment is one of the last paragraphs where you consider whether he will see a woman as a good mate for him. I have a feeling that the sort of man who uses hardtoget as his main strategy is probably not the man who has a long range plan for a life mate….because he does no have the confidence to get what he wants, he’ll accept what he can get (without expectations for commitment).

        Thank you again for the timely answer!

        Your Highness Eleni,

        You figure things out pretty well. Yes, he accepts what he can get without making a commitment in his heart but encouraging her to think that he does. It’s disingenuousness that’s difficult for women to detect. Keeping her legs crossed is the only way to outsmart such men.

        Men playing hardtoget* enables them to dodge commitment by taking advantage of the female nature to want to fill the need of ‘little boys’ in need of womanly help. Women easily fall into the role of rescuer of an attractive-enough man in deep hurt, and so players and others fake it right into conquest.

        *Hardtoget includes vague and unavailable, too interested in life to be interested in her, dedicated to never marry without saying it convincingly, disguising his true feelings to deny her taking advantage of who he really is and his weakness for her.


        • Eleni

          Thanks again for that additional note about “womanly help”. Like you say, you need to compete with a man BEFORE anything else occurs, and then to co-operate AFTER (in order for him not to take advantage of the softheartedness). Although, its certainly easier said than done!

          I will print off your replies when I next have a chance, and put them in a close drawer. They are really valuable!

      • cocoa

        T his is precious! Sir Guy, this is worthy of a standalone post.
        Will share it with family and friends.

        But is there a fine line between these men described above and men who tend to be shy, he is willing and tries but sometimes pull back as he is embarrassed or shy? Can we tell the difference.
        I see it in some close friends’ sons and in family members a different generation to mine. Not sure if my sons are like that, one of them is quite shy. Hmmmm!

        Your Highness Cocoa,

        Boldness and not shyness surrounds masculine hardtoget, vague and unavailable.

        Thanks, I just re-read and agree. It should probably be a standalone post.


  8. MLaRowe

    This is a worthy subject. How to be and stay likable, especially day in and day out within a marriage.

    For myself I read a self help book every day that helps me meditate on working on myself instead of working on others around me. I do try not to nag, it doesn’t get me anywhere anyway so I rarely do it.

    Today I realized that my son (first grader) doesn’t respond well to my “mean mommy” voice when I tell him what to do and that I might get further with him if I try using more feminine methods the way I do with my husband. I’m going to give it a try.

    Your Highness MLaRowe,
    You’ve been nurturing him for years. May I suggest this. Hugs and kisses no longer motivate him to please you, so back off imperceptibly for him. Do more leading by example — calmness, patience, respect, understanding — but without lowering your standards and expectations for behavior and especially his attitude. Focus more on the responsibilities he should be “inheriting” by virtue of his maturation. The same kind of leadership from the father will also help. Don’t think discipline as the answer; think of him as a self-developer in need of parental guidance rather than directions.
    Between now and puberty are the critical years for making of a good adult by treating him as such with adjustments made for immaturity.

  9. Princess Royal

    Sir Guy,
    These posts are right on time…I feel slightly triumphant as I already have been instinctively focusing on my friendship with the young man I told you about by making myself the most pleasant companion possible. We recently went shopping together (he needed clothes, I am into fashion, and it was entirely his idea) and I think I surprised him in a very good way. I went into it knowing he HATES shopping and is picky. He was also convinced I would be irritated by how he goes about shopping and potentially very bored. I was in fact neither and made a point of finding out what he was looking for, asking questions, and then suggesting items that fit his requirements or very nearly did. I guessed it was important not to try to change his style (it helps that I don’t want to anyway) and wanted to quietly demonstrate that I am not out to change him, in general. He walked out with everything he needed, probably a dozen items, after three hours instead of one and a half because his friend was running late! I had suggested half of them AND hunted for his sizes (which he HATES doing). All the while I kept up pleasant conversation, listening, and smiles. I had another bit of luck, had to get a dress for a friend’s wedding and he suggested several dresses that were a bit too strappy or cutout for my taste (he was looking at the color I told him I wanted I think) and I just said ooh that’s the right color but I want something a bit more covered up, I like to feel like I’m wearing clothes. Felt good to express my standards for myself 🙂
    At the end he told me he usually walks out with nothing but this time he had everything he needed and said he was surprised because he had thought “this dynamic” wouldn’t work. 🙂 🙂 🙂 I was not worried at all which is a tribute to your blog Sir Guy as I now know I am the relationship expert and am more confident knowing I was born with the ability to harmonize relationships 🙂
    Another male friend asked if I taught this guy my tips and tricks on how to shop and I said no, he was missing the point. I want this young man to see my presence as the reason the experience was unusually fun and productive! Haha.
    Anyway, just thought I would share. I felt like I passed a test when we walked out. This post confirms I am on the right track in building our friendship.

    Princess Royal

    Your Highness Princess Royal,
    I love it when pretty women exploit their natural but generally unrecognized strengths and shine before men.

  10. Krysie869

    I think I understand what you are trying to say in this post. Correct me if I’m wrong. So a man can respect a woman and not like her? How is that possible? Does this mean that a man may respect certain things about a woman, but according to him, her virtues are not enough for him to become devoted to her?

    What are some examples of a man respecting a woman in comparison to him liking her? What are the differences between them?

    Your Highness Krysie869,

    Q: “So a man can respect a woman and not like her? How is that possible?”

    A: Primary respect for a woman flows out of his assessment of how she protects her sexual assets. Secondary flows out his assessment of how well she fulfills her obligations/responsibilities. Yes, he measures her by behaviors that men normally follow. That is, how important and dependable she makes herself to others. Example: On the job, caring for infant, feeding well those for whom he senses she is responsible. Her likeability, OTOH, grows out of her attractiveness, both sexual and emotional, crowned with pleasantness, willingness to listen, and easy tendency to admire him.

    Q: “Does this mean that a man may respect certain things about a woman, but according to him, her virtues are not enough for him to become devoted to her?”

    A: Oh, yes. Devotion arises when she becomes so likeable and comfortable for him to be around her that he does things for her that please him first to do them and second to present them to her, such as a gift, flowers, favors, wash her car, haul her around and wait for her on errands. In his mind he’s doing his duty by earning deferred gratification rewards. Someday, hopefully soon, it will be conquest. Men not appreciate unearned gifts; what they earn they regard highly. So, the longer he’s devoted to earning conquest, the more meaningful she will be as his reward well earned. He can be proud and admire his achievement when it happens.

    Q: “What are some examples of a man respecting a woman in comparison to him liking her? What are the differences between them?”

    A: 1) She started and built a business, while forgoing relationship with a man. But she’s a screech owl of a nag to employees. 2) She won’t go to bed with him, but she will sit up all night bending his ear out of shape with endless chatter. 3) She’s a sexual beauty who dresses modestly never gets out of sweat gear.


  11. Maddy

    Hi Sir Guy

    I think I understand your article and its teachings.

    But could I ask for clarification on a general matter?
    Your advice is that women should be submissive (but not subservient).

    I feel that the following sounds subservient? Or maybe it is in the delivery of such questions?

    “And so she inquires. Honey, have I been pleasing you enough lately? Are you displeased with me? Do I provide what you need when you need it? How can I do more for you? Fix meals more closely aligned with your schedule? Greet you after work in my nightie? Fix your breakfast before I go to church? Keep the kids quieter while you study? Let you sleep longer on the weekends? Take aspirin before bedtime?”

    On a related note – does husband feel more attached to wife if he observes she is well liked by others (women and men), or does he feel less attached/threatened by the other attention?

    Schools should really teach all this given how important a successful relationship is to a harmonious life and raising kids into well rounded adults!
    Far more useful than say Latin! 🙂


    Your Highness Maddy,

    The questions are aimed at reinforcing likeability and simultaneously eliminate any thoughts of blame. You see him act in unusual ways, and so you wish to explore his thoughts. The delivery counts. The questions are examples and subject to your tailoring and delivering them to fit your situation.

    They shouldn’t sound subservient if they are asked in a routine fashion and scattered one at a time. You know, with this innocent attitude: “Just wondering, honey. Just checking to see that what I do to please you actually does the job.”

    About your related note: Your popularity among others earns his respect, which is an essential ingredient of his love. Attention of men may irk him, but your reaction to those men does the most to govern his emotions about it. You may think you’re totally innocent and proper relating to men, but don’t ignore husband’s curiosity and imagination. They can totally upset him and see blame for what you do. It’s always touchy, so be aware of the possibility.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s