2035. Coffee and Tea with Mrs. G. #38


She’s been with the Lord for six months, but this story Grace would have told if we had recalled it. About the turn of the century, she and I visited a favorite chain restaurant. We had recently become acquaintances of the owner/operator. He’s working the day shift as shift manager.

We’re sitting in an end booth, he leans over the end and chats with us, obviously doing so in passing rather than visiting. We subsequently learn he’s professionally charming and loaded with integrity. With those talents he’s also an excellent leader and has gone on to higher position in his company. He just treated me to lunch yesterday, and it reminded me of this story.

Anyway, back to the booth. The three of us are laughing and enjoying something. Suddenly a good looking, ultra well-dressed woman unknown to us appeared at his side. She was already deep into throwing a hissy fit. Her red face spewed these words that reflect her anger better than I remember the accuracy. “You knew I was coming. I’ve been here (??) minutes. You should have been at my table already. You need to tell the servers what to do. You’ve been moving about and purposely ignoring me. You’ve embarrassed me before my friend (lunch partner).” The tirade probably continued for double the time it takes to say what I just wrote. She made no effort to keep her voice down.

So embarrassed his teeth turn red, he remained well composed. With gritted teeth he gently told her to return to her table and he would be there shortly. He waited until she got there and excused himself with our blessing and sympathy. I thought how can he be so calm?

After he departs, Grace turns to me and says, “That marriage won’t last.” And, of course it doesn’t except for a few legal-processing months. I wish I could have witnessed their ‘togetherness’ after he got home from work.

Ladies, don’t visit expecting husband to forsake his duty to cater to your whims. Leave all your whims at home. Pick up your patience umbrella and wear your gratefulness hat. You’re special but your presence magnifies his concerns, whether he acts like it or not. Everything becomes more important except what he can dispense with for the moments he spends with you. His decision and not yours.

The moral: There is no end to the benefits that wife’s patience and understanding bring to hubby’s job site. With it she makes him look good. By showing ultra respect for him and gratefulness for his associates/employees, she makes him look great.

 

8 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

8 responses to “2035. Coffee and Tea with Mrs. G. #38

  1. surfercajun

    If I may say so, please… this reminds me of the time we were limited on vehicles. We were to go grocery shopping after his work. I waited for him in his cube. …time ticked by and it then after hours and he still at work. A problem had arose. I sat there doing much of nothing but waiting. Thankfully, I had my umbrella and hat on. He actually came by and apologized. I smiled and shrugged as these cubes were out in the open and you could easily hear our *togetherness*. I can look back on this and be glad I did not throw a hissy fit. That would have been embarrassing for him, to his co-workers, also adding how that would have made me look to others as his wife.

    Your story makes me want to work even harder at my job. Thank you, Sir Guy!

    Your Highness Surfercajun,
    Thanks for a good story. I’ll forward your thanks in honor of and in prayer to Grace. Today is the 82nd anniversary of her birth.
    Guy

  2. Sharon

    How lovely, to remember your dear Grace with a special post on the anniversary of her birth. Thank you for sharing a good lesson in right living. (The possibility of “waiting” is why I always carry a book with me.)

  3. Your Grace was born just three days after my mother. August 20 was the 82nd anniversary of HER birth. The name, Grace, is scattered throughout her family, so she just missed having the same name as well. It was heartbreaking to read the first sentence. What a good lady I know she must have been and still is in all those she influenced personally. And, I promise that I will be ever-patient with my husband’s work. I think I am, but I’ll watch for slip-ups. Thank you once again, Sir Guy.

  4. missy

    Thank you for sharing a lesson we can all learn from. Grace is still precious and I can’t wait for my hug when I catch up and go up! Hugs to you too my friend, you are a dear, Missy

  5. MLaRowe

    “your presence magnifies his concerns.” Thank you for pointing that out. I rarely go to my husband’s work but I see that you are correct, whenever I have I’m a distraction not really an asset.

    In a social situation is this similar? We were at a party last night but separate the entire evening. I was more comfortable than he was (it was school related). Now I wonder, should I have been more attentive to him?

    Does it make a man look better if a wife appears more in need of him in a social situation? We are being scrutinized and I want people to see us as a team and well bonded.

    Your Highness MLaRowe,

    He was less comfortable than you? How uncomfortable? Because he missed your presence or because you were with others? Women with whom you may talk about him? Or men that may be too interested in you? Or, heaven forbid, men with whom you talked about him. Find the root of his discomfort (indirectly of course) and you will figure out how to better apportion social time together, if you even need to. It could be a needless worry, as it sounds as though you all have a well-functioning relationship. Don’t try to get it perfect or you’ll make matters worse. Certain imperfections add spice to life.

    Think on this too. When people see both of you enjoying each other’s presence when close, they can admire the trust that arises from seeing you stay separated and with them. IOW, separation is not for the purpose of getting away from each other but for spending time with them, an indirect compliment.

    Look better if she’s in need of him? No, She risks being seen as hanger-on or doormat, an embarrassment for him. She makes him look best when more independent in her actions but greatly dependable outside of socializing. That’s the general idea before you look at who, what, where, when, why, and how she and he associate with others.

    Guy

    • Cinnamon

      Look better if she’s in need of him? No, She risks being seen as hanger-on or doormat, an embarrassment for him. She makes him look best when more independent in her actions but greatly dependable outside of socializing.

      It sounds as though generally speaking it would please him more if he feels free to circulate/socialise with others knowing that she can look after herself and do the same. Is this correct?

      What about a scenario where the husband is more outgoing and the wife introverted (doesn’t like small talk and socialising in groups)? Would it be okay for her to encourage him to socialise say a few times during the month without her so long as she does it cheerfully i.e. he feels no resentment from her for doing so? Or must she find a way to go to these events and learn to manage the interactions more skilfully and independently, even if she would rather be at home?

      Your Highness Cinnamon,

      Your first para: Yes, unless he suspects her of something he doesn’t like.

      Your second para: She should go for several reasons:

      • Personal development.

      • “he feels no resentment from her for doing so? Not likely unless he just wants to go alone because the nature of the gathering is mostly for man things.

      • He can’t remain very proud of her as his mate if she excuses herself from socializing with his friends/acquaintances/fellow professionals or whomever.

      • Mothers stay at home, wives go with their husbands. She should defer to her wifely role over her mother role. Husband may not need her there, but if she’s missing it’s another thing and tends to accumulate unfriendly thoughts about him, her, and their relationship. Husband competes with other men, and his beautiful wife stamps his appearance as if he’s fully ready and has put the gloves on for combat.

      You know what’s right because you’ve already been doing so much right for such a long time. Your comments and questions attest to your wifely expertise.

      Guy

      • Anne

        Sir Guy, you say that “Mothers stay at home, wives go with their husbands.” Do you have any advice for navigating the uncomfortable tension that arises when their are small babies in the home? My husband just left for the trip-of-a-lifetime on business. We both SO wanted me to accompany him. But we could find no one willing to watch all three of our children (they are all 4-years-old and younger) for an entire week. A couple people offered to do one overnight, but when you include travel-time I would have had 12 hours at the destination-city and then had to hop on a plane and return. So in the end we opted that I stay home, and he invited his dad to accompany him on the trip instead. We are both sad about it. Do you suggest something different in our course-of-action for future situations like this, should they ever arise?

        Your Highness Anne,

        What a good story of family solidarity. First, your solution reflects admirable common sense. Second, father recognizes son’s disappointment at your absence, which endorses father as most important after you and you as son’s primary attachment. It blesses your marriage with your in-laws. Third, you handle the disappointment with the maturity of a good relationship expert plus that of a mom who doesn’t pout at disappointments caused by having children. Fourth, your kids are blessed to not have to do without mom for a week. (IMHO, the children are too young to be left with someone else for more than an overnight and the infant even for an overnight except in an emergency. Think on how this resides in your heart. How do you remain super-important as their mom if others can fulfill your mission? To weaken the childrens’ sense of being possessed by you is to weaken their future attachment to you. As both woman and mother, that doesn’t really fit your instincts and intuition. Therefore, it’s not lodged in your heart that you can leave them with others for more than a few hours. I suspect that was some of the cause of your “uncomfortable tension.”)

        You all experienced uncomfortable tension with small babies in the home and husband wanting you to accompany him. That’s normal in a healthy marriage.
        But you can reduce future tension today. With baby in arms and husband nearby, talk to the baby in ways that endorse the father.’Darling, I hope you find a man as great as mine.’ Or, son, I hope to help you develop into the perfect copy of your father.’ Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. (My examples are a little too much, too direct, but you get the idea. Father won’t resent baby’s keeping you home when you indirectly praise him through the baby. It can also work with the other children. A man doesn’t consider himself much more significant than when someone wants someone else to duplicate him. )

        Anyway, I enjoy your story. It’s a good example of a maturing relationship. You also have a marvelous way of telling it clearly.

        Guy

    • MLaRowe

      Thank you. I will try to figure this out as you say (indirectly). Ha, you are so smart to remind me not to try to be perfect! How do you know so much? You don’t have to answer that, just please keep this great writing coming.

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