2046. Submission #04 — From Discord to Harmony

Submission is founded on male self-serving biblical interpretations and expectations of male dominance. The harmonized married life starts with this simple cause-and-effect loop. Wife uses her submissive spirit to calm husband’s desire that she always submit, which weakens his need to use dominance to get his way, which makes her indirectly more influential, which further reduces his insistence on her submission, which enables him to let his dominance fade in favor of cooperating more with her, which enables her to continue moving around the loop until their decision-making process is sufficiently harmonized.

The numbered situations and pointers continue below. They provide a keener understanding of how such things work to wife’s advantage and to enhance husband’s ability to work as a team and appreciate her as a more valuable partner.

4. Submission is what men think they expect, which doesn’t mean they know what they want. It is a manly argument that men use to win their point, to act and appear dominant, to defend their seemingly invaluable role as provider-protector. They take the simple and easy approach. Submission is biblical and sounds natural and is therefore used as a male expectation. Women are far more detailed and precise in what they expect out of men, themselves, and a teamed-up couple.

5. Men expect female submission because it prevents challenges to the manly role of provider-protector, the man upon whom others depend. However, he’s the man upon whom also falls shortcomings in effectiveness. When women arbitrarily submit unto their husband—at his insistence rather than their own preference—they forgo their influential position and, incidentally, lose some of their man’s respect.

6. If men do not have to defend or prove themselves, they can be amenable and much less inclined to seek or require submission. Guess, who is most likely to prompt men to want to defend or prove themselves?

7. Women are foolish if they accept submission as men demand and claim it as privilege or natural right. Your best strategy is to ignore the subject in all its shades and even descriptions from the pulpit. Refuse to accept what you hear and don’t talk about it. Don’t get honked at what the pastor says and take it home. First, involving yourself in the subject does not advance your agenda. Second, it has the effect as getting in husband’s face, which puts him in competitive mode to defend his faux or real beliefs. In the final analysis, submission is not relevant to your future life anyway, so why accept it? Your in-born submissive and cooperative spirits, when used wisely, can neutralize husband’s dominance. Calm his insistence on submission, and you can subdue his dominance.

8. Some men are more controlling and domineering and expect more submission than others. They are easy to detect. When dating she watches. During courtship she explores. When engaged she validates. When married she works—very indirectly and patiently—to change it. All the time she dances around and watches for red flags. The greater his support that women submit, the greater her workload will be to convince him otherwise both before and after marriage, but that is another talent she inherits at birth.

Can you use some more wife-promoting situational awareness? Come back tomorrow.


Filed under courtship

7 responses to “2046. Submission #04 — From Discord to Harmony

  1. MLaRowe

    Beautiful. I especially like number 4.

    Nowadays it seems we face a challenge. Two incomes are needed most of the time to simply get by (in the majority of homes) and this puts men in a different position within their own families.

    Do you think that perhaps in these times we need women to act even more feminine, to agree to be cooperative and allow their man to rule the roost because these times are so difficult financially for so many?

    Is being more feminine perhaps a position of hope for the future?

    Could it be that we need to see, as a society, women who openly agree that their man (when married to them) is the one in charge (no matter the employment situation)? It seems so to me.

    • My Husband's Wife

      You bring up such a good point which I’d also like to hear Sir Guy’s comments on this. The crux of my marriage problems years back was the result of me putting work/clients ahead of my husband. So much that he declared we didn’t have a marriage at all.
      The financial landscape is so different now. Many women ARE the main breadwinners in their home, and I believe this does change the dynamic tremendously and successfully handling this issue is closely tied into the submission topic.

  2. Abby

    I loved this Sir Guy! Very freeing, thank you!

  3. My Husband's Wife

    As usual, excellent series, Sir Guy. I’m enjoying it immensely and it gets me thinking as usual. You hit on something that I believe NO ONE speaks about on this topic which is “free will,” which is again highlighted in this sentence: “When women arbitrarily submit unto their husband—at his insistence rather than their own preference—they forgo their influential position and, incidentally, lose some of their man’s respect.” This is an “aha!” moment if a woman can get here.

    The way I see it as this and correct me if I’m wrong here:
    If a woman doesn’t voluntarily submit–that means she does it begrudgingly or feels pressured/forced to do so by her husband’s insistence, she either becomes a doormat or rebels against him (both of which lower his respect towards her). Things will not go favorably for her.
    BUT, if a woman WILLINGLY submits, she is FREE to love/serve (that is, with no strings attached) in her own way and husband will have a tremendous amount of respect that naturally flows back towards her (of course we’re talking she chose a Mr. Good Enough). Additionally, wife will feel better about her giving freely as her gift when it comes without requirements/demands. She will also feel better about HERSELF in general when she gives completely from her own will. So indirectly, this places her in a position of having more “influence” as relationship expert as she takes responsibility for her part in the marriage. In other words, a woman is mostly concerned by her own actions/role opposed to always focusing on what husband does/doesn’t do.

    I can personally attest to the fact that once the switch flipped from “required” (he never demanded, I just was holding back on serving due to lack of confidence–which caused him to not react in the best way) to “FREE TO SERVE” things have never been the same…in a good way). The change has been so dramatic that my husband now says, “Hey I think I’m getting the hang of this marriage stuff after all these years!” 😉

    Your Highness My Husband’s Wife,
    Re second and third paragraphs, you are absolutely correct and you describe both clearly and convincingly. Thank you. I love it when pretty women say what I would like to say better than I ever could, which I can’t.

  4. Shanna

    I love point #7. Some things can be remedied by not even acknowledging them.

  5. gonemaverick

    number 7 resonates with me.

  6. Deborah

    On submission: in New Testament this means voluntarily coming under someone, so if demanded it is not submission. This fits so perfectly because wife naturally wants to help husband but as soon as she is taken for granted or his endeavors are of questionable merit she is free to do something else. Every time she does things his way it’s a win for him. Not so if She were just duty bound.That is hardly even fun!! Even better, submission is a current state in New Testament that means it is a new challenge every day. If hubby is a jerk he gets no help but if he gets help or listened to Its today’s win.

    Your Highness Deborah,

    Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

    You are uncommonly wise for a young woman. Thank you. Good points.


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