2053. Her Happiness vs. His Satisfaction


This sex difference brings compatibility to the marital table. Born to be happy, she has to earn happiness. Born to be satisfied, he finds it in daily accomplishments. She primarily is motivated to continually find self-importance and associating with others is critical. Others are not so critical until he invites them into his life. He primarily is motivated to find self-admiration in his daily endeavors. Success brings happiness to her and satisfaction to him. But the process is far more complex for her.

Earning Her Happiness. Energized to be happy doesn’t do it. She has to earn happiness little by little through a distinct process. She strives to make herself important but she can’t do it directly (important as a woman, that is). She depends on confirmation from others. She shows gratitude to them, and their appreciation reflects back to confirm her self-importance. IOW, she trades gratitude for self-importance.

However, she can’t give what she doesn’t have, so self-gratitude limits how self-important she sees herself. Consequently, her happiness depends solely on her. If that confuses, think of it this way. She identifies how grateful she is for herself, finds ways to be grateful for others, receives importance in return, and her many-times compounded sense of self-importance transmutes into happiness. (Gratitude for things provides no feedback of her importance except as she convinces herself and that fades away quickly. A new car, for example, can be analogous to the new picture she hangs but whose importance is taken for granted so quickly that it fades conscious notice after three or four days. The car can’t appreciate her and so it’s self-determined importance fades perhaps after a few months.)

Satisfaction for Him. He strives to do things that bring self-admiration. He doesn’t need admiration by others but it helps according to how well he respects the admirer. He earns satisfaction from his accomplishments, actual and imagined, but mostly from his job. So, he’s easily and almost continually satisfied. Maturity brings both opportunity and willingness to enable others to depend on his ability, the root of his self-admiration. He lets others see his worth as a producer and offers himself as their protector. His heart tells him that he can produce more wealth for himself and worth for others with the proper encouragement and support. And the loop closes for his participation as a mate. He need only find a woman with high promise for supporting and encouraging him in his endeavors, future but mostly the present.

Men are born to be satisfied and they come by it easily. Unless their childhood pushes initiative, ambition, or sense of responsibility out of their minds, they find satisfaction in their work, projects, and accomplishments. Men neither think nor talk much about happiness. It’s bound up almost inseparably in their satisfaction, which comes so easily out of routine habits. They are basically happy when they have something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. [Until I come up with a better one, I borrow the description in the last sentence from Brad Thor’s current best seller novel, the Art of War.]

 

8 Comments

Filed under Dear daughter

8 responses to “2053. Her Happiness vs. His Satisfaction

  1. Well stated.

    I find that work is pleasure, not a ‘necessary evil’ we perform in order to afford to purchase creature comforts – that in turn, will provide pleasure.

    Conversations I have with women suggest that. more often than not, they see this differently than I do.

    Sir Outstanding Bachelor,

    I agree. Women have been propagandized to begrudge men for their nature of ending their workday with R&R, specifically for not helping their mates to do house and child care work. Women are made to appear victims of having to work 16/7/365. In fact, their nature drives women to work longer hours than men and they become unhappy when they don’t, when they abrogate what they know in their heart is their responsibility, their obligation to themselves and not anyone else. As a direct result of the propagandizing, women now weaken or refuse to reward men for husbanding, for yielding their independence and decision freedom to provide/protect.

    I expect that paragraph to land as a bombshell among readers. I’m ready to answer any questions and try to refute any arguments. Pleasantly too. Otherwise, it takes a long and boring treatise to describe all the natural intricacies from scratch.

    Guy

    • Melissa

      I am not able to see the bombshell. It seems that you are describing how modern women are compulsively driven to run themselves into the ground by their belief that working fulltime is essential. Meanwhile being a wife and mother is what she is naturally made or ‘energized’ for and this is a job or role that is always turned on. Neglecting to be “on” would be incompatible with what she knows she should be doing. Is that in line with what you were saying?

      Your Highness Melissa,

      Yes, darling, it is. As a matter of distinction for you, you close a gap that I left open. Thanks.

      Incidentally, welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

      Guy

      Guy

    • Some Other Guy

      Bravo Sir Guy. Yes the propaganda artists twist around the things that make the sexes different and try to make them sound as if these things are evil. Easy example: women in combat military roles. The feminists were up in arms about how excluding women from these roles was bad. How many women really wanted to be on the front lines? I am sure there were some, but it couldn’t have been many.

      Or take how men do fewer or different chores around the house than women. This was presented as evidence somehow of the raw deal that women are getting in life and how men oppress women.

  2. Ari

    I completely agree. I find that I am rather depressed when I do not do all that I know is my responsibility at home. It is just in my nature to want a beautiful, clean environment. No bombshell here…or were you referring to a different paragraph?

    Your Highness Ari,
    No, I meant that paragraph. I love it when pretty women follow their nature in spite of pressure to do otherwise.
    Guy

  3. Kris

    The more i have read and thought about what you have written. The more conservative i am becoming. I feel this was the person i was anyway, but to keep the peace while I’m living at home with family i haven’t brought up my views. Its nice to come on here and hear another viewpoint. My family is more liberal and feminist. I just want to thank you for having the strength of conviction to write these articles. Sorry for suggesting it, but I want to leave it hanging how libs and feminists react to being challenged.
    God Bless you

  4. Shanna

    As a single woman I have to work to support myself, however there’s no real satisfaction in it. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t regret my education or career BUT if I were married with children, I’d certainly be a stay at home mom. Workplace politics, the corporate ladder, the red tape…it’s a man’s game. I know plenty would argue with my view, but the most satisfying things to me have nothing to do with a traditional 9-5.

    Your Highness Shanna,
    I love it when pretty women follow their God-given nature rather than fashion or peer pressure.
    Guy

  5. Southernbelle

    Sir Guy,

    I’m a little confused. It sounds like he’s “happy”/satisfied enough just from his work so why not just have an easy woman for sex and hire a housekeeper and cook/eat out. If his children are in college and he’s beyond the years of providing for a family what motivates him to ever remarry?

    Your Highness Southernbelle,

    Q. “I’m a little confused. It sounds like he’s “happy”/satisfied enough just from his work so why not just have an easy woman for sex and hire a housekeeper and cook/eat out.”

    A. Indeed, why not? Because I describe how men are born and you live with men who have learned many lessons about the pleasure of two people living together. A man could choose your model, but unless forced upon them, very few men would. Reasons:

    • Too many little things to shatter a man’s satisfaction with himself; we don’t hire people to satisfy us. We hire them to produce what we want done. Satisfaction plays a part, but it isn’t key to a man’s satisfaction with himself.

    • Female respect paid for comes nowhere near the respect a man earns from a woman who loves him.

    • “an easy woman for sex” gets old after awhile and what’s a middle age or older man to do?

    • Where’s the associative pleasure of living with a satisfying woman full time?

    • Who can eat out all the time and learn to love it?

    • “satisfied enough just from his work” does not fulfill a man. He doesn’t get his way enough to show how responsible and reliable he can be when on his own to prove himself to himself. Having wife and family in parallel with a job and other responsibilities has much greater potential for satisfying fulfillment.

    Q. “If his children are in college and he’s beyond the years of providing for a family what motivates him to ever remarry?”

    A. An attractive woman who holds promise of satisfying who he is to himself and poses no threat to living with her.

    Guy

  6. Southern belle

    Sir

    If he seems out of character “negative” in his disposition for days or even weeks does this mean he’s just not satisfied with something in his life? What is the best way for a lady(courting) to handle this?

    Your Highness Southern Belle,

    Courting? Inquire gently but not deeply curious. Offer to help but then be patient and don’t push. Respect his silence, withdrawal, or lack of immediate interest in you. Don’t try to compensate, more deliberately withdraw a little.

    If it’s you, you’ll find out soon enough. If not you, he can later brag about settling it if it’s discussable to him.

    Guy

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